Thanks for struggling with this. You're not alone. I've been having a very Ecclesiastes kind of month, feeling pretty worthless, wondering why I ever thought I was supposed to be a pastor, etc. There's a freedom that I experience sometimes where I'm able to say it really doesn't matter if I never write the amazing game-changer book that turns American Christianity upside down. I wish I could say that I lived in that freedom all the time. Maybe one day I will.