(1645,64,'2011-10-31 15:27:59','2011-10-31 22:27:59','<a href=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/me-and-emma.jpg\"><img class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1597\" src=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/me-and-emma.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"439\" /></a>\r\n\r\nRecently I had coffee with a young, new mom.  She told me that she quit her full-time job to be with her baby.  I listened to her talk glowingly about the bonding they were doing and how “right” this decision felt to her.  She said she would go back to work “one day” but “for now” she was doing exactly what she should.  Then, in the same breath, she admitted that she was not without<em> some</em> doubt, whispering sheepishly that she couldn\'t think of <em>one</em> woman that she admired as a role model, who was a stay-at-home mother.  (Ouch, I tried not to take it personally because this was her story and not about me.)\r\n\r\nAs I listened, I was happy for her because <em>there is nothing like</em> that first year of a parent and child’s life together, spent connecting and bonding.  The yeasty baby smells on your clothes and being present for the first belly laughs.  As they grow a little older, hearing their first word.  Eventually seeing their first steps.\r\n\r\n<strong>I know how meaningful they are because I missed many of those firsts.</strong>\r\n\r\nI was working fifty to sixty hour weeks, through three pregnancies in four years, when my kids were born.  And, other than the six weeks allotted me, I was right back to work again, <em>by choice</em>.  Yes, I electric-pumped in the bathroom at work, between meetings.  I double padded for the crazy moments a baby cries and I might leak or nearly exploded, because a meeting went over and I needed to pump! <em> I did all that and I don’t regret one minute of it, </em>even though I cannot remember my daughter’s first word or whether I saw her first steps.  If I didn’t write it down, I cannot remember much about those years but I don’t mind because I loved working!\r\n\r\nWhen I quit my job I didn’t know an S.A.H.M. from an M.O.P.S. and certainly didn’t understand why <em>any</em><em>one</em> with an interesting career would quit for kids.  In fact I did <em>not</em> quit for <em>any</em> of the reasons many stay-at-home moms do and I never aspired to be one.  I was just fed up with certain aspects of my job and what I perceived as a glass ceiling.  <em>And I was plumb exhausted</em> – so exhausted that I had become irritable and dissatisfied with much of life.  My faith was suffering.  When I walked away from my career I just wanted to take a long, uninterrupted nap!\r\n\r\n<strong>You know what I wanted to say to my young friend at coffee?  Don’t do it!!!!  </strong>\r\n\r\nYes, the secret is out.  I became a reluctant SAHM in order to get away from my job <em>and to rest.</em>  Additionally, as we looked at the idea of one of us being with our kids, or a Nanny, my husband and I did the math and it just made sense.  Though I was making 40K+, by the time we paid our Nanny a living wage, paid the taxes, I purchased a wardrobe of work clothing and dry cleaned those clothes, ate the inevitable lattes and lunches out, and then ordering take out because both of us were too tired to cook, it added up close to zero dollars left over.   The other thing we considered was the fact that my husband’s job was more lucrative long-term than mine was at a non-profit.\r\n\r\nBut when I was thinking and praying about making a change, I should have thought through other career options perhaps even a shared job. I grew up in the organization that I worked for and though I had been quickly promoted up through the organization, I lacked the confidence to go out a find another job.  I thought quitting was my only option at the time.\r\n\r\nAnd now that my kids are older and I’m oh so ready to work outside the home, I’m running into the prejudice of having spent all this time, it’s been more than ten years, at home with kiddos.   Katie Read, a freelancer at Salon.com <a title=\"Regrets\" href=\"http://www.salon.com/2011/01/06/wish_i_hadnt_opted_out/\" target=\"_blank\">said</a> recently:\r\n<div>\r\n<blockquote>\"Research shows that mothers earn <a href=\"http://www.asanet.org/press/motherhood_penalty.cfm\" target=\"_blank\">4 to 15 percent less</a> than non-mothers with comparable jobs and qualifications, that as job candidates, mothers are perceived as <a href=\"http://www.unc.edu/courses/2006spring/geog/203/001/motherhoodpenalty.pdf\" target=\"_blank\">less competent and committed</a> than non-mothers (fathers, in contrast, rate higher than men without kids). Heather Boushey, senior economist at the Center for American Progress, <a href=\"http://www.brainchildmag.com/essays/winter2010_read.asp\" target=\"_blank\">told me last year</a> that the outlook for an at-home mother returning to work in this economy “kind of makes my stomach drop a little bit.” I know the feeling.\"</blockquote>\r\n</div>\r\nI know the feeling too.  Unlike Read, who is a single divorced mother of two, I don’t<em> need</em> to work I just <em>want</em> to work.\r\n\r\nI recently interviewed for an entry level job, very part-time, that I could have done in my sleep.  I was hoping to ease myself into an organization that I liked and would like to work for long term.  But I knew that I was doomed when I was asked to describe <em>one specific project</em> that I had managed beginning to end.  My job had been managing multiple people, programs, ideas, and nearly half a million dollar budget.  When I was told I was \"overqualified\" I suppose I was just shocked that they had the gall to say so.   An insider later told me, “You are a stallion.  What we needed in that job is a pony.” Implication, you don\'t want this job.  Horse metaphors aside, I applied for the job so I\'m fairly sure I wanted it and I was surprised to be rejected.  I had led and managed people, multiple departments, and had tons of responsibility w<em>hy would anyone NOT want me?</em>\r\n\r\nThe fact is that I have joined the ranks of other stay-at-home moms who are marginalize and looked down upon, just as I did when I was working outside of home.  I remember asking my boss who was a woman with incredulity and some derision, “Why would anyone want to be a stay-at-home Mom?”\r\n\r\n<strong>Why indeed?</strong>\r\n\r\nWhat remains true now is the knowledge of what I have learned by quitting my job and being at home.  It actually has little to do with my children and all to do with what God wanted to <em>do inside me</em>.\r\n\r\nMy identity had been too wrapped up in my work and when I left, everything fell apart.  It took more than a year, but eventually I dropped into a deep depression.  (I tell that story in <a title=\"Not Alone\" href=\"http://civitaspress.com/not-alone-stories-of-living-with-depression/\" target=\"_blank\">Not Alone: Stories of Living with Depression</a> and in various places on my blog.)  I needed to go through the experiences that I did.  Why?  Because I never knew how much I was beloved child <em>of</em> God no matter what I do <em>for</em> God, until I fell down into that pit.  (You must read the story to understand.)\r\n\r\n<strong>Being a stay-at-home mom it is an incredibly complicated personal decision. </strong>\r\n\r\nI do respect the difficult place women (so much more than men) are in. No one can make this choice for a woman or explain away her doubts, fears, aspirations, goals, need and desire for “accomplishments” or why, after making a choice to go back to work, a woman may regret her decision.  And I cannot make the decision for my young friend.  She will have to walk that path and sort it out herself.\r\n\r\nAt times I look back over the last decade of my life with huge regret but also with gratitude because I am still learning.  My experiences have opened me up to a new life.  Christ’s broken body for me is meaningful in a way that I never understood until my experience with depression and addiction.  And gratefully I can say, all of this drove me to my knees.\r\n\r\nI went from someone who felt she was competent, powerful, knowledgeable and puffed up with my own importance to a broken reed, hardly knowing up from down.   It is humbling to know that I am loved by my husband and adored by my children whom<a title=\"You Are Beloved\" href=\"https://logicandimagination.wordpress.com/2011/07/27/you-are-beloved/\" target=\"_blank\"> I also adore</a>.  And gratefully, I know what a gift this time at home has been to me.  Yes, I rested (not physically as anyone with babies, small children or middle school kids knows.)  <strong>But I rested in Yahweh and became more human.  </strong>As I consider what the future holds for me, admittedly I still want a productive and vigorous career.  However as I look back at the decade of being at home, I am glad for what I have learned.  And I would not trade it in for a more lucrative career.  (Okay some days I would, I honestly would!)\r\n\r\nYes, I was an accidental (and in some ways very unhappy) SAHM.  In the power of the cross I am being constantly renewed and I continue to hope!  I know that even beyond being the mother of four beautiful children, which is gratifying in and of itself, I have a contribution to make<em> still!</em>\r\n\r\n<strong>My advice, finally to my young friend?  Th<em>ere is no perfect plan.</em> You must trust while serving, not knowing the future.  You must believe that you have a contribution to make in your children\'s lives, in your career and in all the people God brings into your life. </strong>\r\n\r\nI hope and pray that I will <em>continue</em> to be grateful to be a child of God.  That simple truth is enough.\r\n\r\n(Most days.)','The Accidental Stay-at-Home Mom','','inherit','open','open','','1592-revision-7','','','2011-10-31 15:27:59','2011-10-31 22:27:59','',1592,'http://provoketive.com/2011/10/31/1592-revision-7/',0,'revision','',0),(1646,64,'2011-10-31 15:39:22','2011-10-31 22:39:22','<p style=\"text-align: center\"><a href=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/me-and-emma.jpg\"><img class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1597\" src=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/me-and-emma.jpg\" alt=\"Melody Harrison Hanson\" width=\"500\" height=\"439\" /></a></p>\r\nRecently I had coffee with a young, new mom.  She told me that she quit her full-time job to be with her baby.  I listened to her talk glowingly about the bonding they were doing and how “right” this decision felt to her.  She said she would go back to work “one day” but “for now” she was doing exactly what she should.  Then, in the same breath, she admitted that she was not without<em> some</em> doubt, whispering sheepishly that she couldn\'t think of <em>one</em> woman that she admired as a role model, who was a stay-at-home mother.  (Ouch, I tried not to take it personally because this was her story and not about me.)\r\n\r\nAs I listened, I was happy for her because <em>there is nothing like</em> that first year of a parent and child’s life together, spent connecting and bonding.  The yeasty baby smells on your clothes and being present for the first belly laughs.  As they grow a little older, hearing their first word.  Eventually seeing their first steps.\r\n\r\nI know how meaningful they are because I missed many of those firsts.\r\n\r\nI was working fifty to sixty hour weeks, through three pregnancies in four years, when each of my kids were born.  And, other than the six weeks allotted I was right back to work again, <em>by choice</em>.  Yes, I electric-pumped in the bathroom at work, between meetings.  I double padded for the crazy moments a baby cries and I might leak or nearly exploded, because a meeting went over and I needed to pump! <em> I did all that and I don’t regret one minute of it, </em>even though I cannot remember my daughter’s first word or whether I saw her first steps.  If I didn’t write it down, I cannot remember much about those years but I don’t mind because I loved working!\r\n\r\nWhen I quit my job I didn’t know an S.A.H.M. from an M.O.P.S. and certainly didn’t understand why <em>any</em><em>one</em> with an interesting career would quit for kids.  In fact I did <em>not</em> quit for <em>any</em> of the reasons many stay-at-home moms do and I never aspired to be one.  I was just fed up with certain aspects of my job and what I perceived as a glass ceiling.  <em>And I was plumb exhausted</em> – so exhausted that I had become irritable and dissatisfied with much of life.  My faith was suffering.  When I walked away from my career I just wanted to take a long, uninterrupted nap!\r\n\r\n<strong>You know what I wanted to say to my young friend at coffee?  <em>Don’t do it!!!!  </em></strong>\r\n\r\nYes, the secret is out.\r\n\r\nI became a <em>reluctant</em> SAHM in order to get away from my job <em>and to rest.</em>  Additionally, as we looked at the idea of one of us being with our kids, or a Nanny doing it, my husband and I did the math and it just made sense.  Though I was making 40K+, by the time we paid our Nanny a living wage, paid the taxes, I purchased a wardrobe of work clothing and dry cleaned those clothes, ate the inevitable lattes and lunches out, and then ordering take out because both of us were too tired to cook, it added up close to zero dollars left over.   The other thing we considered was the fact that my husband’s job was more lucrative long-term than mine was at a non-profit.\r\n\r\nBut when I was thinking and praying about making a change, I should have thought through<em> other</em> career options perhaps even a shared job. I grew up in the organization that I worked for and though I had been quickly promoted up through the organization I was there my entire thirteen year career.  I lacked the confidence to go out a find another job.  I thought quitting was my only option at the time.\r\n\r\nAnd now that my kids are older and I’m <em>oh so ready</em> to work outside the home, I’m running into the prejudice of having spent all this time, it’s been more than ten years, at home with kids.   Katie Read, a writer at Salon.com, <a title=\"Wish I Hadn\'t Opted Out\" href=\"http://www.salon.com/2011/01/06/wish_i_hadnt_opted_out/\" target=\"_blank\">wrote</a>:\r\n<div>\r\n<blockquote>\"Research shows that mothers earn <a href=\"http://www.asanet.org/press/motherhood_penalty.cfm\" target=\"_blank\">4 to 15 percent less</a> than non-mothers with comparable jobs and qualifications, that as job candidates, mothers are perceived as <a href=\"http://www.unc.edu/courses/2006spring/geog/203/001/motherhoodpenalty.pdf\" target=\"_blank\">less competent and committed</a> than non-mothers (fathers, in contrast, rate higher than men without kids).  Heather Boushey, senior economist at the Center for American Progress, <a href=\"http://www.brainchildmag.com/essays/winter2010_read.asp\" target=\"_blank\">told me last year</a> that the outlook for an at-home mother returning to work in this economy “kind of makes my stomach drop a little bit.” I know the feeling.\"</blockquote>\r\n</div>\r\nI know the feeling too.  Unlike Read, who is a single divorced mother of two, I don’t<em> need</em> to work I just <em>want</em> to work.\r\n\r\nI recently interviewed for an entry level job, very part-time, that honestly I could have done in my sleep.  I was hoping to ease myself into an organization that I liked and would like to work for long term.  But I knew that I was doomed when I was asked to describe <em>one specific project</em> that I had managed beginning to end.  I honestly tried to but my job had been managing multiple people, programs, ideas, and nearly half a million dollar budget.  When I was told I was \"overqualified\" I suppose I was just shocked that they had the gall to say so even thought they said it differently.  \"This job wasn\'t in my sweet spot of gifting.\"  Huh, I started my working life as an entry level office person.\r\n\r\nAn insider later told me, “You are a stallion.  What we needed in that job is a pony.” Implication, you don\'t want this job.  Horse metaphors aside, I applied for the job so I\'m fairly sure I wanted it and I was surprised to be rejected.  I had led and managed people, multiple departments, and had tons of responsibility.  W<em>hy would anyone NOT want me?</em>\r\n\r\nThe fact is that I have joined the ranks of other stay-at-home moms who are marginalize and looked down upon, just as I did when I was working outside of home.  I can remember asking my boss who was a woman with incredulity and some derision, “Why would anyone want to be a stay-at-home Mom?” <em>Why indeed?</em>\r\n\r\n<strong>What God did in me.</strong>\r\n\r\nWhat remains true now is the knowledge of what I have learned by quitting my job and being at home.  It actually has little to do with my children and all to do with what God wanted to <em>do inside me</em>.\r\n\r\nMy identity had been too wrapped up in my work and when I left, everything fell apart.  It took more than a year, but eventually I dropped into a deep depression.  (I tell that story in <a title=\"Not Alone\" href=\"http://civitaspress.com/not-alone-stories-of-living-with-depression/\" target=\"_blank\">Not Alone: Stories of Living with Depression</a> and in various places on my blog.)  I needed to go through the experiences that I did.  Why?  Because I never knew how much I was beloved child <em>of</em> God no matter what I do <em>for</em> God, until I fell down into that pit.  (You must read the story to understand.)\r\n\r\n<strong>Being a stay-at-home mom it is an incredibly complicated personal decision. </strong>\r\n\r\nI do respect the difficult place women (so much more than men) are in. No one can make this choice for a woman or explain away her doubts, fears, aspirations, goals, need and desire for “accomplishments” or why, after making a choice to go back to work, a woman may regret her decision.  And I cannot make the decision for my young friend.  She will have to walk that path and sort it out herself.\r\n\r\nAt times I look back over the last decade of my life with huge regret but also with gratitude because I am still learning.  My experiences have opened me up to a new life.  Christ’s broken body for me is meaningful in a way that I never understood until my experience with depression and addiction.  And gratefully I can say, all of this drove me to my knees.\r\n\r\nI went from someone who felt she was competent, powerful, knowledgeable and puffed up with my own importance to a broken reed, hardly knowing up from down.   It is humbling to know that I am loved by my husband and adored by my children whom<a title=\"You Are Beloved\" href=\"https://logicandimagination.wordpress.com/2011/07/27/you-are-beloved/\" target=\"_blank\"> I also adore</a>.  And gratefully, I know what a gift this time at home has been to me.  Yes, I rested (not physically as anyone with babies, small children or middle school kids knows.)  <strong>But I rested in Yahweh and became more human.  </strong>As I consider what the future holds for me, admittedly I still want a productive and vigorous career.  However as I look back at the decade of being at home, I am glad for what I have learned.  And I would not trade it in for a more lucrative career.  (Okay some days I would, I honestly would!)\r\n\r\nYes, I was an accidental (and in some ways very unhappy) SAHM.  In the power of the cross I am being constantly renewed and I continue to hope!  I know that even beyond being the mother of four beautiful children, which is gratifying in and of itself, I have a contribution to make<em> still!</em>\r\n\r\n<strong>My advice, finally to my young friend?  Th<em>ere is no perfect plan.</em> You must trust while serving, not knowing the future.  You must believe that you have a contribution to make in your children\'s lives, in your career and in all the people God brings into your life. </strong>\r\n\r\nI hope and pray that I will <em>continue</em> to be grateful to be a child of God.  That simple truth is enough.\r\n\r\n(Most days.)','The Accidental Stay-at-Home Mom','','inherit','open','open','','1592-revision-8','','','2011-10-31 15:39:22','2011-10-31 22:39:22','',1592,'http://provoketive.com/2011/10/31/1592-revision-8/',0,'revision','',0),(1647,64,'2011-10-31 15:40:58','2011-10-31 22:40:58','<p style=\"text-align: center\"><a href=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/me-and-emma.jpg\"><img class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1597\" src=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/me-and-emma.jpg\" alt=\"Melody Harrison Hanson\" width=\"500\" height=\"439\" /></a></p>\r\nRecently I had coffee with a young, new mom.  She told me that she quit her full-time job to be with her baby.  I listened to her talk glowingly about the bonding they were doing and how “right” this decision felt to her.  She said she would go back to work “one day” but “for now” she was doing exactly what she should.  Then, in the same breath, she admitted that she was not without<em> some</em> doubt, whispering sheepishly that she couldn\'t think of <em>one</em> woman that she admired as a role model, who was a stay-at-home mother.  (Ouch, I tried not to take it personally because this was her story and not about me.)\r\n\r\nAs I listened, I was happy for her because <em>there is nothing like</em> that first year of a parent and child’s life together, spent connecting and bonding.  The yeasty baby smells on your clothes and being present for the first belly laughs.  As they grow a little older, hearing their first word.  Eventually seeing their first steps.\r\n\r\nI know how meaningful they are because I missed many of those firsts.\r\n\r\nI was working fifty to sixty hour weeks, through three pregnancies in four years, when each of my kids were born.  And, other than the six weeks allotted I was right back to work again, <em>by choice</em>.  Yes, I electric-pumped in the bathroom at work, between meetings.  I double padded for the crazy moments a baby cries and I might leak or nearly exploded, because a meeting went over and I needed to pump! <em> I did all that and I don’t regret one minute of it, </em>even though I cannot remember my daughter’s first word or whether I saw her first steps.  If I didn’t write it down, I cannot remember much about those years but I don’t mind because I loved working!\r\n\r\nWhen I quit my job I didn’t know an S.A.H.M. from an M.O.P.S. and certainly didn’t understand why <em>any</em><em>one</em> with an interesting career would quit for kids.  In fact I did <em>not</em> quit for <em>any</em> of the reasons many stay-at-home moms do and I never aspired to be one.  I was just fed up with certain aspects of my job and what I perceived as a glass ceiling.  <em>And I was plumb exhausted</em> – so exhausted that I had become irritable and dissatisfied with much of life.  My faith was suffering.  When I walked away from my career I just wanted to take a long, uninterrupted nap!\r\n\r\n<strong>You know what I wanted to say to my young friend at coffee?  <em>Don’t do it!!!!  </em></strong>\r\n\r\nYes, the secret is out.\r\n\r\nI became a <em>reluctant</em> SAHM in order to get away from my job <em>and to rest.</em>  Additionally, as we looked at the idea of one of us being with our kids, or a Nanny doing it, my husband and I did the math and it just made sense.  Though I was making 40K+, by the time we paid our Nanny a living wage, paid the taxes, I purchased a wardrobe of work clothing and dry cleaned those clothes, ate the inevitable lattes and lunches out, and then ordering take out because both of us were too tired to cook, it added up close to zero dollars left over.   The other thing we considered was the fact that my husband’s job was more lucrative long-term than mine was at a non-profit.\r\n\r\nBut when I was thinking and praying about making a change, I should have thought through<em> other</em> career options perhaps even a shared job. I grew up in the organization that I worked for and though I had been quickly promoted up through the organization I was there my entire thirteen year career.  I lacked the confidence to go out a find another job.  I thought quitting was my only option at the time.\r\n\r\nAnd now that my kids are older and I’m <em>oh so ready</em> to work outside the home, I’m running into the prejudice of having spent all this time, it’s been more than ten years, at home with kids.   Katie Read, a writer at Salon.com, <a title=\"Wish I Hadn\'t Opted Out\" href=\"http://www.salon.com/2011/01/06/wish_i_hadnt_opted_out/\" target=\"_blank\">wrote</a>:\r\n<div>\r\n<blockquote>\"Research shows that mothers earn <a href=\"http://www.asanet.org/press/motherhood_penalty.cfm\" target=\"_blank\">4 to 15 percent less</a> than non-mothers with comparable jobs and qualifications, that as job candidates, mothers are perceived as <a href=\"http://www.unc.edu/courses/2006spring/geog/203/001/motherhoodpenalty.pdf\" target=\"_blank\">less competent and committed</a> than non-mothers (fathers, in contrast, rate higher than men without kids).  Heather Boushey, senior economist at the Center for American Progress, <a href=\"http://www.brainchildmag.com/essays/winter2010_read.asp\" target=\"_blank\">told me last year</a> that the outlook for an at-home mother returning to work in this economy “kind of makes my stomach drop a little bit.” I know the feeling.\"</blockquote>\r\n</div>\r\nI know the feeling too.  Unlike Read, who is a single divorced mother of two, I don’t<em> need</em> to work I just <em>want</em> to work.\r\n\r\nI recently interviewed for an entry level job, very part-time, that honestly I could have done in my sleep.  I was hoping to ease myself into an organization that I liked and would like to work for long term.  But I knew that I was doomed when I was asked to describe <em>one specific project</em> that I had managed beginning to end.  I honestly tried to but my job had been managing multiple people, programs, ideas, and nearly half a million dollar budget.  When I was told I was \"overqualified\" I suppose I was just shocked that they had the gall to say so even thought they said it differently.  \"This job wasn\'t in my sweet spot of gifting.\"  Huh, I started my working life as an entry level office person.\r\n\r\nAn insider later told me, “You are a stallion.  What we needed in that job is a pony.” Implication, you don\'t want this job.  Horse metaphors aside, I applied for the job so I\'m fairly sure I wanted it and I was surprised to be rejected.  I had led and managed people, multiple departments, and had tons of responsibility.  W<em>hy would anyone NOT want me?</em>\r\n\r\nThe fact is that I have joined the ranks of other stay-at-home moms who are marginalize and looked down upon, just as I did when I was working outside of home.  I can remember asking my boss who was a woman with incredulity and some derision, “Why would anyone want to be a stay-at-home Mom?” <em>Why indeed?</em>\r\n\r\n<strong>What God did in me.</strong>\r\n\r\nWhat remains true now is the knowledge of what I have learned by quitting my job and being at home.  It actually has little to do with my children and all to do with what God wanted to <em>do inside me</em>.\r\n\r\nMy identity had been too wrapped up in my work and when I left, everything fell apart.  It took more than a year, but eventually I dropped into a deep depression.  (I tell that story in <a title=\"Not Alone\" href=\"http://civitaspress.com/not-alone-stories-of-living-with-depression/\" target=\"_blank\">Not Alone: Stories of Living with Depression</a> and in various places on my blog.)  I needed to go through the experiences that I did.  Why?  Because I never knew I was a beloved child <em>of</em> God, no matter what I could do <em>for</em> God, until I fell down into that pit.\r\n\r\n<strong>Being a stay-at-home mom it is an incredibly complicated personal decision. </strong>\r\n\r\nI do respect the difficult place women (so much more than men) are in. No one can make this choice for a woman or explain away her doubts, fears, aspirations, goals, need and desire for “accomplishments” or why, after making a choice to go back to work, a woman may regret her decision.  And I cannot make the decision for my young friend.  She will have to walk that path and sort it out herself.\r\n\r\nAt times I look back over the last decade of my life with huge regret but also with gratitude because I am still learning.  My experiences have opened me up to a new life.  Christ’s broken body for me is meaningful in a way that I never understood until my experience with depression and addiction.  And gratefully I can say, all of this drove me to my knees.\r\n\r\nI went from someone who felt she was competent, powerful, knowledgeable and puffed up with my own importance to a broken reed, hardly knowing up from down.   It is humbling to know that I am loved by my husband and adored by my children whom<a title=\"You Are Beloved\" href=\"https://logicandimagination.wordpress.com/2011/07/27/you-are-beloved/\" target=\"_blank\"> I also adore</a>.  And gratefully, I know what a gift this time at home has been to me.  Yes, I rested (not physically as anyone with babies, small children or middle school kids knows.)  <strong>But I rested in Yahweh and became more human.  </strong>As I consider what the future holds for me, admittedly I still want a productive and vigorous career.  However as I look back at the decade of being at home, I am glad for what I have learned.  And I would not trade it in for a more lucrative career.  (Okay some days I would, I honestly would!)\r\n\r\nYes, I was an accidental (and in some ways very unhappy) SAHM.  In the power of the cross I am being constantly renewed and I continue to hope!  I know that even beyond being the mother of four beautiful children, which is gratifying in and of itself, I have a contribution to make<em> still!</em>\r\n\r\n<strong>My advice, finally to my young friend?  Th<em>ere is no perfect plan.</em> You must trust while serving, not knowing the future.  You must believe that you have a contribution to make in your children\'s lives, in your career and in all the people God brings into your life. </strong>\r\n\r\nI hope and pray that I will <em>continue</em> to be grateful to be a child of God.  That simple truth is enough.\r\n\r\n(Most days.)','The Accidental Stay-at-Home Mom','','inherit','open','open','','1592-revision-9','','','2011-10-31 15:40:58','2011-10-31 22:40:58','',1592,'http://provoketive.com/2011/10/31/1592-revision-9/',0,'revision','',0),(1768,1,'2011-10-31 15:56:54','2011-10-31 22:56:54','<p style=\"text-align: center\"><a href=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/me-and-emma.jpg\"><img class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1597\" src=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/me-and-emma.jpg\" alt=\"Melody Harrison Hanson\" width=\"500\" height=\"439\" /></a></p>\r\nRecently I had coffee with a young, new mom.  She told me that she quit her full-time job to be with her baby.  I listened to her talk glowingly about the bonding they were doing and how “right” this decision felt to her.  She said she would go back to work “one day” but “for now” she was doing exactly what she should.  Then, in the same breath, she admitted that she was not without<em> some</em> doubt, whispering sheepishly that she couldn\'t think of <em>one</em> woman that she admired as a role model, who was a stay-at-home mother.  (Ouch, I tried not to take it personally because this was her story and not about me.)\r\n\r\nAs I listened, I was happy for her because <em>there is nothing like</em> that first year of a parent and child’s life together, spent connecting and bonding.  The yeasty baby smells on your clothes and being present for the first belly laughs.  As they grow a little older, hearing their first word.  Eventually seeing their first steps.\r\n\r\nI know how meaningful they are because I missed many of those firsts.\r\n\r\nI was working fifty to sixty hour weeks, through three pregnancies in four years, when each of my kids were born.  And, other than the six weeks allotted I was right back to work again, <em>by choice</em>.  Yes, I electric-pumped in the bathroom at work, between meetings.  I double padded for the crazy moments a baby cries and I might leak or nearly exploded, because a meeting went over and I needed to pump! <em> I did all that and I don’t regret one minute of it, </em>even though I cannot remember my daughter’s first word or whether I saw her first steps.  If I didn’t write it down, I cannot remember much about those years but I don’t mind because I loved working!\r\n\r\nWhen I quit my job I didn’t know an S.A.H.M. from an M.O.P.S. and certainly didn’t understand why <em>any</em><em>one</em> with an interesting career would quit for kids.  In fact I did <em>not</em> quit for <em>any</em> of the reasons many stay-at-home moms do and I never aspired to be one.  I was just fed up with certain aspects of my job and what I perceived as a glass ceiling.  <em>And I was plumb exhausted</em> – so exhausted that I had become irritable and dissatisfied with much of life.  My faith was suffering.  When I walked away from my career I just wanted to take a long, uninterrupted nap!\r\n\r\n<strong>You know what I wanted to say to my young friend at coffee?  <em>Don’t do it!!!!  </em></strong>\r\n\r\nYes, the secret is out.\r\n\r\nI became a <em>reluctant</em> SAHM to get away from my job <em>and to rest.</em>  Additionally, as we looked at the idea of one of us being with our kids, or a Nanny doing it, my husband and I did the math and it just made sense.  Though I was making 40K+, by the time we paid our Nanny a living wage, paid the taxes, I purchased a wardrobe of work clothing and dry cleaned those clothes, ate the inevitable lattes and lunches out, and then ordering take out because both of us were too tired to cook, it added up close to zero dollars left over.   The other thing we considered was the fact that my husband’s job was more lucrative long-term than mine was at a non-profit.\r\n\r\nBut when I was thinking and praying about making a change, I should have thought through<em> other</em> career options perhaps even a shared job. I grew up in the organization that I worked for and though I had been quickly promoted up through the organization I was there my entire thirteen year career.  I lacked the confidence to go out a find another job.  I thought quitting was my only option at the time.\r\n\r\nAnd now that my kids are older and I’m <em>oh so ready</em> to work outside the home, I’m running into the prejudice of having spent all this time, it’s been more than ten years, at home with kids.   Katie Read, a writer at Salon.com, <a title=\"Wish I Hadn\'t Opted Out\" href=\"http://www.salon.com/2011/01/06/wish_i_hadnt_opted_out/\" target=\"_blank\">wrote</a>:\r\n<div>\r\n<blockquote>\"Research shows that mothers earn <a href=\"http://www.asanet.org/press/motherhood_penalty.cfm\" target=\"_blank\">4 to 15 percent less</a> than non-mothers with comparable jobs and qualifications, that as job candidates, mothers are perceived as <a href=\"http://www.unc.edu/courses/2006spring/geog/203/001/motherhoodpenalty.pdf\" target=\"_blank\">less competent and committed</a> than non-mothers (fathers, in contrast, rate higher than men without kids).  Heather Boushey, senior economist at the Center for American Progress, <a href=\"http://www.brainchildmag.com/essays/winter2010_read.asp\" target=\"_blank\">told me last year</a> that the outlook for an at-home mother returning to work in this economy “kind of makes my stomach drop a little bit.” I know the feeling.\"</blockquote>\r\n</div>\r\nI know the feeling too.  Unlike Read, who is a single divorced mother of two, I don’t<em> need</em> to work I just <em>want</em> to work.\r\n\r\nI recently interviewed for an entry-level job, very part-time, that honestly I could have done in my sleep.  I was hoping to ease myself into an organization that I liked and would like to work for long-term.  But I knew that I was doomed when I was asked to describe <em>one specific project</em> that I had managed beginning to end.  I honestly tried to but my job was managing multiple people, programs, ideas, and nearly half a million dollar budget.  When I was told I was \"overqualified\" I suppose I was just shocked that they had the gall to say so even thought they said it differently.  \"This job wasn\'t in my sweet spot of gifting.\"  Huh, I started my working life as an entry-level office person.\r\n\r\nAn insider later told me, “You are a stallion.  What we needed in that job is a pony.” Implication, you don\'t want this job.  Horse metaphors aside, I applied for the job so I\'m sure I wanted it and I was surprised to be rejected.  I had led and managed people, multiple departments, and had tons of responsibility.  Why<em> would anyone NOT want me?</em>\r\n\r\nThe fact is that I have joined the ranks of other stay-at-home moms who are marginalize and looked down upon, just as I did when I was working outside of home.  I can remember asking my boss who was a woman with incredulity and some derision, “Why would anyone want to be a stay-at-home Mom?” <em>Why indeed?</em>\r\n\r\n<strong>What God did in me.</strong>\r\n\r\nWhat remains true now is the knowledge of what I have learned by quitting my job and being at home.  It actually has little to do with my children and all to do with what God wanted to <em>do inside me</em>.\r\n\r\nMy identity had been too wrapped up in my work and when I left, everything fell apart.  It took more than a year, but eventually I dropped into a deep depression.  (I tell that story in <a title=\"Not Alone\" href=\"http://civitaspress.com/not-alone-stories-of-living-with-depression/\" target=\"_blank\">Not Alone: Stories of Living with Depression</a> and in various places on my blog.)  I needed to go through the experiences that I did.  Why?  Because I never knew I was a beloved child <em>of</em> God, no matter what I could do <em>for</em> God, until I fell down into that pit.\r\n\r\n<strong>Being a stay-at-home mom it is an incredibly complicated personal decision. </strong>\r\n\r\nWe must respect the difficult place women (so much more than men) are in. No one can make this choice for a woman or explain away her doubts and fears, the dreams and aspirations, the personal goals, or our need and desire for “accomplishments.”   And no one can understand, after making a choice to go back to work, why a woman may regret or is torn by her decision.  <em>And I cannot choose for my young friend.  She will have to walk that path and sort it out herself.</em>\r\n\r\nAt times I look back over the last decade of my life with huge regrets, but also with gratitude because <em>I am still learning!</em>  My experiences have opened me up to a new life.  Christ’s broken body for me is meaningful in a way that I never understood until my experience with depression and addiction.  And gratefully I can say, all of this drove me to my knees.\r\n\r\nI went from someone who felt competent, powerful, and knowledgeable -- quite puffed up with my own importance, to a <a title=\"bruised reed\" href=\"http://bible.cc/matthew/12-20.htm\" target=\"_blank\">broken and bruised reed</a>, hardly knowing up from down.   I am humbled by my husband\'s love and the fact that my children adore me and I do them.  And gratefully, I know what a gift this time at home has been to me.  Yes, I rested (not physically as anyone with babies, small children or middle school kids knows.)  <strong>But I rested in Yahweh and became more human.  </strong>As I consider what the future holds for me, admittedly I still want a productive and vigorous career.  However as I look back at the last decade of being at home, I am glad for what I have learned.  And I would not trade it in for a more lucrative career.  (Okay some days I would, I honestly would!)  But the investment in my children is an honorable one and a privilege at this point.\r\n\r\nYes, I was an accidental (and in some ways very unhappy) SAHM.  By the power of the cross I am being constantly renewed and I continue to hope in it!  I know that even beyond being the mother of four beautiful children, which is gratifying in and of itself, I have a contribution to make<em>!</em>\r\n\r\n<strong>My advice, finally, to my young friend?  Th<em>ere is no perfect plan.</em> You must trust while serving, not knowing the future.  Believe that you have a contribution to make in your children\'s lives, in your own career and in all the people God brings into your life. </strong>\r\n\r\nI hope and pray that I will <em>continue</em> to be grateful that I am a child of God.  That this simple truth is enough.\r\n\r\n(Most days.)','The Accidental Stay-at-Home Mom','','inherit','open','open','','1592-revision-10','','','2011-10-31 15:56:54','2011-10-31 22:56:54','',1592,'http://provoketive.com/2011/10/31/1592-revision-10/',0,'revision','',0),(1769,1,'2011-11-03 08:37:16','2011-11-03 15:37:16','Recently I had coffee with a young, new mom.  She told me that she quit her full-time job to be with her baby.  I listened to her talk glowingly about the bonding they were doing and how “right” this decision felt to her.  She said she would go back to work “one day” but “for now” she was doing exactly what she should.  Then, in the same breath, she admitted that she was not without<em> some</em> doubt, whispering sheepishly that she couldn\'t think of <em>one</em> woman that she admired as a role model, who was a stay-at-home mother.  (Ouch, I tried not to take it personally because this was her story and not about me.)\r\n\r\nAs I listened, I was happy for her because <em>there is nothing like</em> that first year of a parent and child’s life together, spent connecting and bonding.  The yeasty baby smells on your clothes and being present for the first belly laughs.  As they grow a little older, hearing their first word.  Eventually seeing their first steps.\r\n\r\nI know how meaningful they are because I missed many of those firsts.\r\n\r\nI was working fifty to sixty hour weeks, through three pregnancies in four years, when each of my kids were born.  And, other than the six weeks allotted I was right back to work again, <em>by choice</em>.  Yes, I electric-pumped in the bathroom at work, between meetings.  I double padded for the crazy moments a baby cries and I might leak or nearly exploded, because a meeting went over and I needed to pump! <em> I did all that and I don’t regret one minute of it, </em>even though I cannot remember my daughter’s first word or whether I saw her first steps.  If I didn’t write it down, I cannot remember much about those years but I don’t mind because I loved working!\r\n\r\nWhen I quit my job I didn’t know an S.A.H.M. from an M.O.P.S. and certainly didn’t understand why <em>any</em><em>one</em> with an interesting career would quit for kids.  In fact I did <em>not</em> quit for <em>any</em> of the reasons many stay-at-home moms do and I never aspired to be one.  I was just fed up with certain aspects of my job and what I perceived as a glass ceiling.  <em>And I was plumb exhausted</em> – so exhausted that I had become irritable and dissatisfied with much of life.  My faith was suffering.  When I walked away from my career I just wanted to take a long, uninterrupted nap!\r\n\r\n<strong>You know what I wanted to say to my young friend at coffee?  <em>Don’t do it!!!!  </em></strong>\r\n\r\nYes, the secret is out.\r\n\r\nI became a <em>reluctant</em> SAHM to get away from my job <em>and to rest.</em>  Additionally, as we looked at the idea of one of us being with our kids, or a Nanny doing it, my husband and I did the math and it just made sense.  Though I was making 40K+, by the time we paid our Nanny a living wage, paid the taxes, I purchased a wardrobe of work clothing and dry cleaned those clothes, ate the inevitable lattes and lunches out, and then ordering take out because both of us were too tired to cook, it added up close to zero dollars left over.   The other thing we considered was the fact that my husband’s job was more lucrative long-term than mine was at a non-profit.\r\n\r\nBut when I was thinking and praying about making a change, I should have thought through<em> other</em> career options perhaps even a shared job. I grew up in the organization that I worked for and though I had been quickly promoted up through the organization I was there my entire thirteen year career.  I lacked the confidence to go out a find another job.  I thought quitting was my only option at the time.\r\n\r\nAnd now that my kids are older and I’m <em>oh so ready</em> to work outside the home, I’m running into the prejudice of having spent all this time, it’s been more than ten years, at home with kids.   Katie Read, a writer at Salon.com, <a title=\"Wish I Hadn\'t Opted Out\" href=\"http://www.salon.com/2011/01/06/wish_i_hadnt_opted_out/\" target=\"_blank\">wrote</a>:\r\n<div>\r\n<blockquote>\"Research shows that mothers earn <a href=\"http://www.asanet.org/press/motherhood_penalty.cfm\" target=\"_blank\">4 to 15 percent less</a> than non-mothers with comparable jobs and qualifications, that as job candidates, mothers are perceived as <a href=\"http://www.unc.edu/courses/2006spring/geog/203/001/motherhoodpenalty.pdf\" target=\"_blank\">less competent and committed</a> than non-mothers (fathers, in contrast, rate higher than men without kids).  Heather Boushey, senior economist at the Center for American Progress, <a href=\"http://www.brainchildmag.com/essays/winter2010_read.asp\" target=\"_blank\">told me last year</a> that the outlook for an at-home mother returning to work in this economy “kind of makes my stomach drop a little bit.” I know the feeling.\"</blockquote>\r\n</div>\r\nI know the feeling too.  Unlike Read, who is a single divorced mother of two, I don’t<em> need</em> to work I just <em>want</em> to work.\r\n\r\nI recently interviewed for an entry-level job, very part-time, that honestly I could have done in my sleep.  I was hoping to ease myself into an organization that I liked and would like to work for long-term.  But I knew that I was doomed when I was asked to describe <em>one specific project</em> that I had managed beginning to end.  I honestly tried to but my job was managing multiple people, programs, ideas, and nearly half a million dollar budget.  When I was told I was \"overqualified\" I suppose I was just shocked that they had the gall to say so even thought they said it differently.  \"This job wasn\'t in my sweet spot of gifting.\"  Huh, I started my working life as an entry-level office person.\r\n\r\nAn insider later told me, “You are a stallion.  What we needed in that job is a pony.” Implication, you don\'t want this job.  Horse metaphors aside, I applied for the job so I\'m sure I wanted it and I was surprised to be rejected.  I had led and managed people, multiple departments, and had tons of responsibility.  Why<em> would anyone NOT want me?</em>\r\n\r\nThe fact is that I have joined the ranks of other stay-at-home moms who are marginalize and looked down upon, just as I did when I was working outside of home.  I can remember asking my boss who was a woman with incredulity and some derision, “Why would anyone want to be a stay-at-home Mom?” <em>Why indeed?</em>\r\n\r\n<strong>What God did in me.</strong>\r\n\r\nWhat remains true now is the knowledge of what I have learned by quitting my job and being at home.  It actually has little to do with my children and all to do with what God wanted to <em>do inside me</em>.\r\n\r\nMy identity had been too wrapped up in my work and when I left, everything fell apart.  It took more than a year, but eventually I dropped into a deep depression.  (I tell that story in <a title=\"Not Alone\" href=\"http://civitaspress.com/not-alone-stories-of-living-with-depression/\" target=\"_blank\">Not Alone: Stories of Living with Depression</a> and in various places on my blog.)  I needed to go through the experiences that I did.  Why?  Because I never knew I was a beloved child <em>of</em> God, no matter what I could do <em>for</em> God, until I fell down into that pit.\r\n\r\n<strong>Being a stay-at-home mom it is an incredibly complicated personal decision. </strong>\r\n\r\nWe must respect the difficult place women (so much more than men) are in. No one can make this choice for a woman or explain away her doubts and fears, the dreams and aspirations, the personal goals, or our need and desire for “accomplishments.”   And no one can understand, after making a choice to go back to work, why a woman may regret or is torn by her decision.  <em>And I cannot choose for my young friend.  She will have to walk that path and sort it out herself.</em>\r\n\r\nAt times I look back over the last decade of my life with huge regrets, but also with gratitude because <em>I am still learning!</em>  My experiences have opened me up to a new life.  Christ’s broken body for me is meaningful in a way that I never understood until my experience with depression and addiction.  And gratefully I can say, all of this drove me to my knees.\r\n\r\nI went from someone who felt competent, powerful, and knowledgeable -- quite puffed up with my own importance, to a <a title=\"bruised reed\" href=\"http://bible.cc/matthew/12-20.htm\" target=\"_blank\">broken and bruised reed</a>, hardly knowing up from down.   I am humbled by my husband\'s love and the fact that my children adore me and I do them.  And gratefully, I know what a gift this time at home has been to me.  Yes, I rested (not physically as anyone with babies, small children or middle school kids knows.)  <strong>But I rested in Yahweh and became more human.  </strong>As I consider what the future holds for me, admittedly I still want a productive and vigorous career.  However as I look back at the last decade of being at home, I am glad for what I have learned.  And I would not trade it in for a more lucrative career.  (Okay some days I would, I honestly would!)  But the investment in my children is an honorable one and a privilege at this point.\r\n\r\nYes, I was an accidental (and in some ways very unhappy) SAHM.  By the power of the cross I am being constantly renewed and I continue to hope in it!  I know that even beyond being the mother of four beautiful children, which is gratifying in and of itself, I have a contribution to make<em>!</em>\r\n\r\n<strong>My advice, finally, to my young friend?  Th<em>ere is no perfect plan.</em> You must trust while serving, not knowing the future.  Believe that you have a contribution to make in your children\'s lives, in your own career and in all the people God brings into your life. </strong>\r\n\r\nI hope and pray that I will <em>continue</em> to be grateful that I am a child of God.  That this simple truth is enough.\r\n\r\n(Most days.)','The Accidental Stay-at-Home Mom','','inherit','open','open','','1592-revision-11','','','2011-11-03 08:37:16','2011-11-03 15:37:16','',1592,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/03/1592-revision-11/',0,'revision','',0),(1648,20,'2011-10-31 15:01:25','2011-10-31 22:01:25','I was just listening to an interview with <a href=\"http://dougpagitt.com/\" target=\"_blank\">Doug Pagitt</a> on the <a href=\"http://homebrewedchristianity.com\" target=\"_blank\">Homebrewed Christianity podcast</a>, and he was talking about how the dominant narrative for Christendom prior to recent decades was one of moving from “being lost” to “being found.”  This is illustrated well by the extensive familiarly you find in the West with songs like “Amazing Grace”… “I once was blind by now I see.”  This idea was, and for many perhaps still is, the dominant thinking about religion in general and Christianity in particular.  What Pagitt suggests is that in today\'s cultural climate, which he calls “the inventive age” (see his latest books with this phrase in the title <a href=\"http://www.amazon.com/Church-Inventive-Age-Christianity-Now/dp/1451400853/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1320097483&amp;sr=1-1\" target=\"_blank\">here</a>), people in North America are more likely to have conversions for “aha” to “uh-oh” than from “I don’t know” to “aha.”  Pagitt is not saying, however, that these people are necessarily saying goodbye to their Christian faith.  He makes a distinction between the current context as a post-Christian era vs. post-Church era, arguing for the latter more so than the former.\r\n\r\nIn many ways, I find this to be true in my own experience.  It’s not a new story; I hear it frequently.  Like Pagitt, my faith background is largely that of conservative evangelicalism.  For those who can relate, what’s funny about the way this story usually goes for people is that we started singing “Amazing Grace” so early, it\'s hard to remember a time when we were ever “lost.”  I didn\'t have time to get lost!  By my baptism at age ten, I don’t even know how many times I had already prayed for Jesus to come into my heart.  During high school and most of college, if I did any reading related to difficult theological questions, it was usually to seek out confirmation for what were already my solidified doctrinal presuppositions.  After college and partly during seminary though, I went through a challenging season of having many of my assumptions questioned . . . in some ways I may have been too open-minded for my own good.  Nonetheless, I experienced what I guess could be called a second-conversion – a conversion to <em>not</em> knowing.  It\'s a conversion to a place of frustration with preconceived boundaries and filters.  I don’t think I would ever have called myself agnostic; nor would I fit into the popular category of “spiritual but not religious.”  But a fundamental paradigm shift definitely took place, and it has deeply affected my worldview.  It wasn\'t just about the creeds of orthodoxy.  My transformation touched the political, economic and cultural.  Nor was it about left and right - while there may have been implication there.  The product is unfinished, and there’s a combined sense of both liberty and estrangement as a result.  In some respects I still confess the faith of my upbringing, but its significance for me has evolved substantially.  I sometimes wonder how this fits into the rubric for discipleship.  Maybe I’m off course a bit? Maybe I’ve learned how to be a little more honest and gracious toward myself and other people.  Most importantly perhaps, the journey doesn’t have to end at this point, and having conversation with others about it might be the doorway to the next chapter.\r\n\r\nDespite my resonance with Pagitt’s thesis, I do have some doubts about its soundness insofar as it’s superimposed on American culture writ large.  To what extent do others really relate to this, and to what extent is it more of a sub-cultural, Bible-belt phenomenon as a result of things like the information revolution, hipster Christian trends, and environmental changes in the bourgeoning stages of young adulthood?  The <a href=\"http://www.emergentvillage.com/\" target=\"_blank\">Emergent Church movement</a> (with which Pagitt is associated) has sometimes been accused of being too ethnically and culturally insular, of being composed primarily of middle-class folks.  Whether this is fair, would it necessarily take away from the legitimacy of this testimony for a portion of North American Christians like myself?\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://peterrollins.net/\" target=\"_blank\">Peter Rollins </a>talks a lot about a <a href=\"http://www.amazon.com/Fidelity-Betrayal-Towards-Church-Beyond/dp/1557255601\" target=\"_blank\">church “beyond belief”</a>.  We have our differences, but what Pete proposes seems to me to be striking a chord with a lot disenchanted would-be Jesus followers.  In order to do or be much of anything, a community certainly needs belief.  Going beyond belief doesn’t mean doing away with it or even changing it – though change might happen.  Moving beyond belief means changing <em>how</em> we believe.  Do we believe primarily with epistemology (knowledge) or ontology (being)? Do we lead with confession or action?  Do our beliefs first comfort or direct us?  Which kind of belief did Jesus embrace?  Maybe it\'s not always either/or.  Dark days require consolation.  But what does belief look like for privileged citizens in the land of plenty and power?','From \"aha\" to \"uh-oh,\" and then what?','','inherit','open','open','','1627-revision-6','','','2011-10-31 15:01:25','2011-10-31 22:01:25','',1627,'http://provoketive.com/2011/10/31/1627-revision-6/',0,'revision','',0),(1649,20,'2011-10-31 18:26:59','2011-11-01 01:26:59','I was just listening to an interview with <a href=\"http://dougpagitt.com/\" target=\"_blank\">Doug Pagitt</a> on the <a href=\"http://homebrewedchristianity.com\" target=\"_blank\">Homebrewed Christianity podcast</a>, and he was talking about how the dominant narrative for Christendom prior to recent decades was one of moving from “being lost” to “being found.”  This is illustrated well by the extensive familiarly you find in the West with songs like “Amazing Grace”… “I once was blind by now I see.”  This idea was, and for many perhaps still is, the dominant thinking about religion in general and Christianity in particular.  What Pagitt suggests is that in today\'s cultural climate, which he calls “the inventive age” (see his latest books with this phrase in the title <a href=\"http://www.amazon.com/Church-Inventive-Age-Christianity-Now/dp/1451400853/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1320097483&amp;sr=1-1\" target=\"_blank\">here</a>), people in North America are more likely to have conversions for “aha” to “uh-oh” than from “I don’t know” to “aha.”  Pagitt is not saying, however, that these people are all saying goodbye to their Christian faith.  He makes a distinction between the current context as a post-Christian era vs. post-Church era, arguing for the latter more so than the former.\n\nIn many ways, I find this to be true in my own experience.  It’s not a new story; I hear it frequently.  Like Pagitt, my faith background is largely that of conservative evangelicalism.  For those who can relate, what’s funny about the way this story usually goes for people is that we started singing “Amazing Grace” so early, it\'s hard to remember a time when we were ever “lost.”  I didn\'t have time to get lost!  By my baptism at age ten, I don’t even know how many times I had already prayed for Jesus to come into my heart.  During high school and most of college, if I did any reading related to difficult theological questions, it was usually to seek out confirmation for what were already my solidified doctrinal presuppositions.  After college and partly during seminary though, I went through a challenging season of having many of my assumptions questioned . . . in some ways I may have been too open-minded for my own good.  Nonetheless, I experienced what I guess could be called a second-conversion – a conversion to <em>not</em> knowing.  It\'s a conversion to a place of frustration with preconceived boundaries and filters.  I don’t think I would ever have called myself agnostic; nor would I fit into the popular category of “spiritual but not religious.”  But a fundamental paradigm shift definitely took place, and it has deeply affected my worldview.  It wasn\'t just about the creeds of orthodoxy.  My transformation touched the political, economic and cultural.  Nor was it about left and right - while there may have been implication there.  The product is unfinished, and there’s a combined sense of both liberty and estrangement as a result.  In some respects I still confess the faith of my upbringing, but its significance for me has evolved substantially.  I sometimes wonder how this fits into the rubric for discipleship.  Maybe I’m off course a bit? Maybe I’ve learned how to be a little more honest and gracious toward myself and other people.  Most importantly perhaps, the journey doesn’t have to end at this point, and having conversation with others about it might be the doorway to the next chapter.\n\nDespite my resonance with Pagitt’s thesis, I do have some doubts about its soundness insofar as it’s superimposed on American culture writ large.  To what extent do others really relate to this, and to what extent is it more of a sub-cultural, Bible-belt phenomenon as a result of things like the information revolution, hipster Christian trends, and environmental changes in the bourgeoning stages of young adulthood?  The <a href=\"http://www.emergentvillage.com/\" target=\"_blank\">Emergent Church movement</a> (with which Pagitt is associated) has sometimes been accused of being too ethnically and culturally insular, of being composed primarily of middle-class folks.  Whether this is fair, would it necessarily take away from the legitimacy of this testimony for a portion of North American Christians like myself?\n\n<a href=\"http://peterrollins.net/\" target=\"_blank\">Peter Rollins </a>talks a lot about a <a href=\"http://www.amazon.com/Fidelity-Betrayal-Towards-Church-Beyond/dp/1557255601\" target=\"_blank\">church “beyond belief”</a>.  We have our differences, but what Pete proposes seems to me to be striking a chord with a lot disenchanted would-be Jesus followers.  In order to do or be much of anything, a community certainly needs belief.  Going beyond belief doesn’t mean doing away with it or even changing it – though change might happen.  Moving beyond belief means changing <em>how</em> we believe.  Do we believe primarily with epistemology (knowledge) or ontology (being)? Do we lead with confession or action?  Do our beliefs first comfort or direct us?  Which kind of belief did Jesus embrace?  Maybe it\'s not always either/or.  Dark days require consolation.  But what does belief look like for privileged citizens in the land of plenty and power?','From \"aha\" to \"uh-oh,\" and then what?','','inherit','open','open','','1627-revision-7','','','2011-10-31 18:26:59','2011-11-01 01:26:59','',1627,'http://provoketive.com/2011/10/31/1627-revision-7/',0,'revision','',0),(1650,17,'2011-10-31 14:05:20','2011-10-31 21:05:20','The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life is an ongoing adventure. It’s having a family.\r\n\r\nOf course the normal issues play into this: the time it takes to coordinate schedules, get my daughter ready to go with me to meetings, to squeeze in a meal and a nap somewhere, and still find some quality time with my wife; the need to plan around appointments, learn the ability to Frankenstein a crazy budget when unexpected car trouble finds us, and so on.\r\n\r\nAll of those are concerns, along with a million other new wrinkles in life when one starts a family of his or her own, that make life a rollercoaster ride indeed. But those are problems that, over time, you can get somewhat deft at handling. Each parent finds a way to manage time (some definitely better than others); schedules somehow get coordinated <em>just</em> enough.\r\n\r\nThere are other concerns, moments really, that cannot be mastered. They can only be weathered as each family attempts to find a way to deal with these moments.\r\n\r\nToday, in the bathroom, my daughter told me about God sending people to hell. We’ve never talked about it—she’s only three years old, you see, and frankly, it isn’t an issue of whether I think <em>she’s</em> ready to handle it or not. It’s that <em>I’m</em> not. I am unsettled, to say the least, on this particular issue. I asked her where she had learned that, and here’s where the wrinkle comes in that makes this a truly landmark family issue: “From mom.”\r\n\r\nI didn’t know what to say. You see, one reason that being a part of a family is so hard is because there are at least two different perspectives on nearly everything. And unlike other relationships, this isn’t one that simply agreeing to disagree is always a viable option. A large percentage of the time, those perspectives converge. But what happens when they don’t?\r\n\r\nWhen I myself was around three years old, my mother was going with another lady from our small community church to visit an elderly lady in our very small farm town in Idaho. As my mother talked with the lady, she told my mother that she was in a ‘mixed marriage.’ My mother was pretty amazed at this, because she thought it was pretty radical for a lady of her age, from her era, and from such a small, behind the times town in Idaho to be married to someone from another race. She made mention of this later to the other lady from the church as they were leaving. “Oh, no, she’s not talking about someone from another ethnicity. She’s married to someone from another religion.” On and off since then, I’ve wondered how families navigate these murky and sometimes tumultuous waters.\r\n\r\nLife on one’s own is already a tough balancing act. There are all of the questions about how to live out your faith in public, or if you even should. Who is safe to be open and honest with about doubts? Will people understand my own views that run counter to the seemingly communal beliefs held by my own religious congregation?\r\n\r\nBut when a family is in the mix, especially with children, things can get a little dicey. What if my theological views do not line up, in some areas, with my spouse? How do we have conversations about these things without making each other feel alienated or inferior/superior? And what do we hand on to our children? Is it okay to present two different views, or even all of the potential views, to our children? Or will this lead to unsettling confusion?\r\n\r\nI don’t have a lot of answers for this. All of this is new ground for me. Over time, my views and my wife’s views have indeed converged in a lot of areas, but as with any relationship, there are areas where we simply do not agree or, at the very least, one or both of us are not sure where we actually stand, because one or both of us might still be processing where we are. And of course, nothing is ever really a settled issue, as we both continue to learn and grow.\r\n\r\nUltimately, this is where I’ve found some hope. I know that I am never going to stand on anything like ‘solid ground,’ because I know that the very ground I stand on incorporates things handed on by others down to me as well as my own flawed reasoning. I can only be humbly open, to correction and adjustment, and always be willing to learn, adapt, and change. This, as a parent, is something of a legacy that I would like to pass on to my daughter and her sister that is on the way. I don’t want to raise parrots, but active-questioning-always-learning adults. This means modeling for my children that I value multiple perspectives and lines of reasoning. It means I have to be willing to have open, honest dialogue with my wife about the views we hold that are different from one another, and not hide from them or ignore them. And it also means I have to show the humility to be changed by my wife’s perspectives when (more often than not) she is right.\r\n\r\nWhat about you? What areas have you had disagreement in your family? If you are single or not in a family relationship such as I am, how do you deal with differences with those you are close to? If you have children, what kind of legacy do you want to pass on? Is it okay to offer many different views to a child, or do children benefit (initially) from more concrete explanations?','\"Mommy Said They\'re Going to Hell\"','','inherit','open','open','','1619-revision-3','','','2011-10-31 14:05:20','2011-10-31 21:05:20','',1619,'http://provoketive.com/2011/10/31/1619-revision-3/',0,'revision','',0),(1651,80,'2011-10-31 14:41:24','2011-10-31 21:41:24','<a href=\"http://www.abc.net.au/religion/articles/2011/10/28/3350576.htm\">http://www.abc.net.au/religion/articles/2011/10/28/3350576.htm</a>\n\n<a href=\"http://www.cnn.com/2011/10/05/opinion/rushkoff-occupy-wall-street/index.html\">http://www.cnn.com/2011/10/05/opinion/rushkoff-occupy-wall-street/index.html</a>\n\n&nbsp;\n\n\"These people down there, they\'re not the counter-culture.\"\n\n\"They\'re the culture.\"\n\n\"They don\'t want free love, they want paid employment.\"\n\n\"They don\'t hate capitalism, they hate what\'s been done to it.\"\n\n\"And they resent the Republican mantra that the market perfectly rewards the hardworking and punishes the lazy.  And the poor are just jealous moochers who want a hand out.\"\n\n\"Yeah, cuz if there\'s one group of people who hate hand outs it\'s Wall Street.\"','There is no \'they\' and \'us\'; there is just \'we\'.\"','','inherit','open','open','','1476-revision-4','','','2011-10-31 14:41:24','2011-10-31 21:41:24','',1476,'http://provoketive.com/2011/10/31/1476-revision-4/',0,'revision','',0),(1652,12,'2011-11-04 08:00:13','2011-11-04 15:00:13','I have conversations with my 12 year old that I\'m sure most dads don\'t have with theirs.\r\n\r\nAbigail, my 12 year old, tells me almost everything. I feel blessed about that, too. I\'m sure one day, she will probably keep certain things to herself, but right now, she tells me every little tidbit - from her homework to her circle of friends and even her girly stuff. I love it all.\r\n\r\nRight now, she\'s a daddy\'s girl and I\'m very happy. It hasn\'t been easy on her, I\'m sure, being a kid in a divorced family, but she\'s amazingly resilient.\r\n\r\nLast night, she opened up to me about one of her friends at school she was having problems with. Her friend \"Talia\" and her had made several \"deals\" over the past few weeks. Abigail and Talia had agreed to swap items on several occasions. Abigail had kept up her end of the bargain, but Talia had not. I walked into Abigail\'s room and she was feverishly texting Talia about keeping up her end of the bargain. She was on the verge of tears.\r\n\r\n\"What\'s going on, sweetheart?\" I asked.\r\n\r\n\"I gave Talia a little ring I had and she was supposed to swap me for a bracelet she owned. She never gave it to me. It\'s been over a week and she keeps putting me off. It\'s not the first time either,\" Abigail explained as she texted.\r\n\r\nI know Talia pretty well. She\'s had some rough life issues over the past couple of years and she and and Abigail have become close. Abigail has been good for her and Talia has been good for Abigail.\r\n\r\n\"Why do you think that is?\" I asked Abigail.\r\n\r\nAbigail sent the text to Talia explaining that she expected Talia to give her the bracelet soon. \"I don\'t know, Daddy. It makes me feel bad. It makes me feel like she\'s using me.\"\r\n\r\nI sat next to Abigail on her bed, struggling for the right words to say, as parents often do. \"That may be the case sweetheart, from the way you see it. She\'s done it more than once, right?\"\r\n\r\nShe started crying some. \"Yes, it\'s so frustrating. She\'s taken things of mine but never held up her end of the bargain. I try to be so nice to her.\"\r\n\r\n\"Abigail, it\'s possible that Talia doesn\'t know that she\'s using you. She may be doing this and not be aware that it\'s a problem for her. She may not know how bad it hurts you.\"\r\n\r\n\"How can she not know? It does hurt!\" Abigail said hugging me.\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/daddau.jpg\"><img class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-1654\" style=\"margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px;\" src=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/daddau-300x205.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"205\" /></a>\"Sweetie, all of us have things we do that we may not know irritate other people. It\'s strange. We all have behaviors that bother people and until we get called out on it, we aren\'t aware.\"\r\n\r\n\"What do you mean?\" she asked.\r\n\r\n\"Well, I\'m really sarcastic sometimes and I\'m not aware of it. Some people think I\'m being mean, but it\'s just my personality. Until someone says something I don\'t even know I\'m doing it,\" I said.\r\n\r\n\"Oh, yeah,\" Abigail said. \"That\'s for sure.\"\r\n\r\n\"You know what though?\" I said. \"Talia is a good friend isn\'t she?\"\r\n\r\n\"Yeah,\" she said.\r\n\r\n\"Jesus loves us despite our problems. He looks at us, despite our faults and loves us completely. Good friends are hard to find. The best thing you can do is to love your friend despite her fault.\"\r\n\r\n\"But Daddy, that\'s hard to do,\" Abigail said. \"I really just want to go to school tomorrow and be mad at her. I want to ignore her and not talk to her. Do you know what that\'s like?\"\r\n\r\n\"Oh boy, do I,\" I said. I thought for a moment. A long moment. \"That bracelet that Talia has, how much is it?\"\r\n\r\n\"Oh, it\'s $15,\" she said.\r\n\r\nMy mind went to my checkbook for a moment. This economy stinks. For everyone. Times are tough for me like they\'re tough for everyone. But just as soon as my mind went to my checkbook, it went to Matthew 5 - \"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.\" I went to my drawer to my emergency cash. And there wasn\'t much there. I took out a $20 bill and gave it to Abigail.\r\n\r\nI said, \"Listen, this is for you to buy one of those bracelets. Talia is a great friend. And part of being a friend is looking past their faults. Maybe being a friend to Talia is that you shouldn\'t make deals with her anymore. Tomorrow, when you go to school, make it a new day. Don\'t worry about the deals you\'ve made in the past. Just be her friend, okay?\"\r\n\r\nThe tears had stopped. Not because she had become $20 richer, but because she didn\'t have to worry about the burden of the bracelet anymore.\r\n\r\n\"Oh, Daddy, thank you,\" she said as she hugged me. \"You\'re right. She is my friend. We all have things we do that we need to look over. I won\'t make deals with her anymore. I\'m not even going to mention anything about it to her again.\"\r\n\r\nI hugged her back, \"That\'s what daddies do. They fix things.\"\r\n\r\nAnd that\'s what Jesus does. He fixes us, looks past our faults, loves us for who we are, removes the barriers and takes away the pain.','Preteens, Peacemaking and Parenting','','publish','open','open','','preteens-peacemaking-and-parenting','','','2011-11-03 08:41:31','2011-11-03 15:41:31','',0,'http://provoketive.com/?p=1652',0,'post','',1),(1653,12,'2011-10-31 21:25:56','2011-11-01 04:25:56','','bracelet','','inherit','open','open','','bracelet','','','2011-10-31 21:25:56','2011-11-01 04:25:56','',1652,'http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/bracelet.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1654,12,'2011-10-31 21:27:38','2011-11-01 04:27:38','','daddau','','inherit','open','open','','daddau','','','2011-10-31 21:27:38','2011-11-01 04:27:38','',1652,'http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/daddau.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1655,12,'2011-10-31 21:27:51','2011-11-01 04:27:51','I have conversations with my 12 year old that I\'m sure most dads don\'t have with theirs.\n\nAbigail, my 12 year old, tells me almost everything. I feel blessed about that, too. I\'m sure one day, she will probably keep certain things to herself, but right now, she tells me every little tidbit - from her homework to her circle of friends and even her girly stuff. I love it all.\n\nRight now, she\'s a daddy\'s girl and I\'m very happy. It hasn\'t been easy on her, I\'m sure, being a kid in a divorced family, but she\'s amazingly resilient.\n\nLast night, she opened up to me about one of her friends at school she was having problems with. Her friend \"Talia\" and her had made several \"deals\" over the past few weeks. Abigail and Talia had agreed to swap items on several occasions. Abigail had kept up her end of the bargain, but Talia had not. I walked into Abigail\'s room and she was feverishly texting Talia about keeping up her end of the bargain. She was on the verge of tears.\n\n\"What\'s going on, sweetheart?\" I asked.\n\n\"I gave Talia a little ring I had and she was supposed to swap me for a bracelet she owned. She never gave it to me. It\'s been over a week and she keeps putting me off. It\'s not the first time either,\" Abigail explained as she texted.\n\nI know Talia pretty well. She\'s had some rough life issues over the past couple of years and she and and Abigail have become close. Abigail has been good for her and Talia has been good for Abigail.\n\n\"Why do you think that is?\" I asked Abigail.\n\nAbigail sent the text to Talia explaining that she expected Talia to give her the bracelet soon. \"I don\'t know, Daddy. It makes me feel bad. It makes me feel like she\'s using me.\"\n\nI sat next to Abigail on her bed, struggling for the right words to say, as parents often do. \"That may be the case sweetheart, from the way you see it. She\'s done it more than once, right?\"\n\nShe started crying some. \"Yes, it\'s so frustrating. She\'s taken things of mine but never held up her end of the bargain. I try to be so nice to her.\"\n\n\"Abigail, it\'s possible that Talia doesn\'t know that she\'s using you. She may be doing this and not be aware that it\'s a problem for her. She may not know how bad it hurts you.\"\n\n\"How can she not know? It does hurt!\" Abigail said hugging me.\n\n<a href=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/daddau.jpg\"><img class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-1654\" src=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/daddau-300x205.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"205\" /></a>\"Sweetie, all of us have things we do that we may not know irritate other people. It\'s strange. We all have behaviors that bother people and until we get called out on it, we aren\'t aware.\"\n\n\"What do you mean?\" she asked.\n\n\"Well, I\'m really sarcastic sometimes and I\'m not aware of it. Some people think I\'m being mean, but it\'s just my personality. Until someone says something I don\'t even know I\'m doing it,\" I said.\n\n\"Oh, yeah,\" Abigail said. \"That\'s for sure.\"\n\n\"You know what though?\" I said. \"Talia is a good friend isn\'t she?\"\n\n\"Yeah,\" she said.\n\n\"Jesus loves us despite our problems. He looks at us, despite our faults and loves us completely. Good friends are hard to find. The best thing you can do is to love your friend despite her fault.\"\n\n\"But Daddy, that\'s hard to do,\" Abigail said. \"I really just want to go to school tomorrow and be mad at her. I want to ignore her and not talk to her. Do you know what that\'s like?\"\n\n\"Oh boy, do I,\" I said. I thought for a moment. A long moment. \"That bracelet that Talia has, how much is it?\"\n\n\"Oh, it\'s $15,\" she said.\n\nMy mind went to my checkbook for a moment. This economy stinks. For everyone. Times are tough for me like they\'re tough for everyone. But just as soon as my mind went to my checkbook, it went to Matthew 5 - \"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.\" I went to my drawer to my emergency cash. And there wasn\'t much there. I took out a $20 bill and gave it to Abigail.\n\nI said, \"Listen, this is for you to buy one of those bracelets. Talia is a great friend. And part of being a friend is looking past their faults. Maybe being a friend to Talia is that you shouldn\'t make deals with her anymore. Tomorrow, when you go to school, make it a new day. Don\'t worry about the deals you\'ve made in the past. Just be her friend, okay?\"\n\nThe tears had stopped. Not because she had become $20 richer, but because she didn\'t have to worry about the burden of the bracelet anymore.\n\n\"Oh, Daddy, thank you,\" she said as she hugged me. \"You\'re right. She is my friend. We all have things we do that we need to look over. I won\'t make deals with her anymore. I\'m not even going to mention anything about it to her again.\"\n\nI hugged her back, \"That\'s what daddies do. They fix things.\"\n\nAnd that\'s what Jesus does. He fixes us, looks past our faults, loves us for who we are, removes the barriers and takes away the pain.','Preteens, Peacemaking and Parenting','','inherit','open','open','','1652-revision','','','2011-10-31 21:27:51','2011-11-01 04:27:51','',1652,'http://provoketive.com/2011/10/31/1652-revision/',0,'revision','',0),(1656,12,'2011-11-03 21:35:24','2011-11-04 04:35:24','I have conversations with my 12 year old that I\'m sure most dads don\'t have with theirs.\r\n\r\nAbigail, my 12 year old, tells me almost everything. I feel blessed about that, too. I\'m sure one day, she will probably keep certain things to herself, but right now, she tells me every little tidbit - from her homework to her circle of friends and even her girly stuff. I love it all.\r\n\r\nRight now, she\'s a daddy\'s girl and I\'m very happy. It hasn\'t been easy on her, I\'m sure, being a kid in a divorced family, but she\'s amazingly resilient.\r\n\r\nLast night, she opened up to me about one of her friends at school she was having problems with. Her friend \"Talia\" and her had made several \"deals\" over the past few weeks. Abigail and Talia had agreed to swap items on several occasions. Abigail had kept up her end of the bargain, but Talia had not. I walked into Abigail\'s room and she was feverishly texting Talia about keeping up her end of the bargain. She was on the verge of tears.\r\n\r\n\"What\'s going on, sweetheart?\" I asked.\r\n\r\n\"I gave Talia a little ring I had and she was supposed to swap me for a bracelet she owned. She never gave it to me. It\'s been over a week and she keeps putting me off. It\'s not the first time either,\" Abigail explained as she texted.\r\n\r\nI know Talia pretty well. She\'s had some rough life issues over the past couple of years and she and and Abigail have become close. Abigail has been good for her and Talia has been good for Abigail.\r\n\r\n\"Why do you think that is?\" I asked Abigail.\r\n\r\nAbigail sent the text to Talia explaining that she expected Talia to give her the bracelet soon. \"I don\'t know, Daddy. It makes me feel bad. It makes me feel like she\'s using me.\"\r\n\r\nI sat next to Abigail on her bed, struggling for the right words to say, as parents often do. \"That may be the case sweetheart, from the way you see it. She\'s done it more than once, right?\"\r\n\r\nShe started crying some. \"Yes, it\'s so frustrating. She\'s taken things of mine but never held up her end of the bargain. I try to be so nice to her.\"\r\n\r\n\"Abigail, it\'s possible that Talia doesn\'t know that she\'s using you. She may be doing this and not be aware that it\'s a problem for her. She may not know how bad it hurts you.\"\r\n\r\n\"How can she not know? It does hurt!\" Abigail said hugging me.\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/daddau.jpg\"><img class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-1654\" style=\"margin-left: 5px;margin-right: 5px\" src=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/daddau-300x205.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"205\" /></a>\"Sweetie, all of us have things we do that we may not know irritate other people. It\'s strange. We all have behaviors that bother people and until we get called out on it, we aren\'t aware.\"\r\n\r\n\"What do you mean?\" she asked.\r\n\r\n\"Well, I\'m really sarcastic sometimes and I\'m not aware of it. Some people think I\'m being mean, but it\'s just my personality. Until someone says something I don\'t even know I\'m doing it,\" I said.\r\n\r\n\"Oh, yeah,\" Abigail said. \"That\'s for sure.\"\r\n\r\n\"You know what though?\" I said. \"Talia is a good friend isn\'t she?\"\r\n\r\n\"Yeah,\" she said.\r\n\r\n\"Jesus loves us despite our problems. He looks at us, despite our faults and loves us completely. Good friends are hard to find. The best thing you can do is to love your friend despite her fault.\"\r\n\r\n\"But Daddy, that\'s hard to do,\" Abigail said. \"I really just want to go to school tomorrow and be mad at her. I want to ignore her and not talk to her. Do you know what that\'s like?\"\r\n\r\n\"Oh boy, do I,\" I said. I thought for a moment. A long moment. \"That bracelet that Talia has, how much is it?\"\r\n\r\n\"Oh, it\'s $15,\" she said.\r\n\r\nMy mind went to my checkbook for a moment. This economy stinks. For everyone. Times are tough for me like they\'re tough for everyone. But just as soon as my mind went to my checkbook, it went to Matthew 5 - \"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.\" I went to my drawer to my emergency cash. And there wasn\'t much there. I took out a $20 bill and gave it to Abigail.\r\n\r\nI said, \"Listen, this is for you to buy one of those bracelets. Talia is a great friend. And part of being a friend is looking past their faults. Maybe being a friend to Talia is that you shouldn\'t make deals with her anymore. Tomorrow, when you go to school, make it a new day. Don\'t worry about the deals you\'ve made in the past. Just be her friend, okay?\"\r\n\r\nThe tears had stopped. Not because she had become $20 richer, but because she didn\'t have to worry about the burden of the bracelet anymore.\r\n\r\n\"Oh, Daddy, thank you,\" she said as she hugged me. \"You\'re right. She is my friend. We all have things we do that we need to look over. I won\'t make deals with her anymore. I\'m not even going to mention anything about it to her again.\"\r\n\r\nI hugged her back, \"That\'s what daddies do. They fix things.\"\r\n\r\nAnd that\'s what Jesus does. He fixes us, looks past our faults, loves us for who we are, removes the barriers and takes away the pain.','Preteens, Peacemaking and Parenting','','inherit','open','open','','1652-autosave','','','2011-11-03 21:35:24','2011-11-04 04:35:24','',1652,'http://provoketive.com/2011/10/31/1652-autosave/',0,'revision','',0),(1770,1,'2011-10-31 21:28:51','2011-11-01 04:28:51','I have conversations with my 12 year old that I\'m sure most dads don\'t have with theirs.\r\n\r\nAbigail, my 12 year old, tells me almost everything. I feel blessed about that, too. I\'m sure one day, she will probably keep certain things to herself, but right now, she tells me every little tidbit - from her homework to her circle of friends and even her girly stuff. I love it all.\r\n\r\nRight now, she\'s a daddy\'s girl and I\'m very happy. It hasn\'t been easy on her, I\'m sure, being a kid in a divorced family, but she\'s amazingly resilient.\r\n\r\nLast night, she opened up to me about one of her friends at school she was having problems with. Her friend \"Talia\" and her had made several \"deals\" over the past few weeks. Abigail and Talia had agreed to swap items on several occasions. Abigail had kept up her end of the bargain, but Talia had not. I walked into Abigail\'s room and she was feverishly texting Talia about keeping up her end of the bargain. She was on the verge of tears.\r\n\r\n\"What\'s going on, sweetheart?\" I asked.\r\n\r\n\"I gave Talia a little ring I had and she was supposed to swap me for a bracelet she owned. She never gave it to me. It\'s been over a week and she keeps putting me off. It\'s not the first time either,\" Abigail explained as she texted.\r\n\r\nI know Talia pretty well. She\'s had some rough life issues over the past couple of years and she and and Abigail have become close. Abigail has been good for her and Talia has been good for Abigail.\r\n\r\n\"Why do you think that is?\" I asked Abigail.\r\n\r\nAbigail sent the text to Talia explaining that she expected Talia to give her the bracelet soon. \"I don\'t know, Daddy. It makes me feel bad. It makes me feel like she\'s using me.\"\r\n\r\nI sat next to Abigail on her bed, struggling for the right words to say, as parents often do. \"That may be the case sweetheart, from the way you see it. She\'s done it more than once, right?\"\r\n\r\nShe started crying some. \"Yes, it\'s so frustrating. She\'s taken things of mine but never held up her end of the bargain. I try to be so nice to her.\"\r\n\r\n\"Abigail, it\'s possible that Talia doesn\'t know that she\'s using you. She may be doing this and not be aware that it\'s a problem for her. She may not know how bad it hurts you.\"\r\n\r\n\"How can she not know? It does hurt!\" Abigail said hugging me.\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/daddau.jpg\"><img class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-1654\" style=\"margin-left: 5px;margin-right: 5px\" src=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/daddau-300x205.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"205\" /></a>\"Sweetie, all of us have things we do that we may not know irritate other people. It\'s strange. We all have behaviors that bother people and until we get called out on it, we aren\'t aware.\"\r\n\r\n\"What do you mean?\" she asked.\r\n\r\n\"Well, I\'m really sarcastic sometimes and I\'m not aware of it. Some people think I\'m being mean, but it\'s just my personality. Until someone says something I don\'t even know I\'m doing it,\" I said.\r\n\r\n\"Oh, yeah,\" Abigail said. \"That\'s for sure.\"\r\n\r\n\"You know what though?\" I said. \"Talia is a good friend isn\'t she?\"\r\n\r\n\"Yeah,\" she said.\r\n\r\n\"Jesus loves us despite our problems. He looks at us, despite our faults and loves us completely. Good friends are hard to find. The best thing you can do is to love your friend despite her fault.\"\r\n\r\n\"But Daddy, that\'s hard to do,\" Abigail said. \"I really just want to go to school tomorrow and be mad at her. I want to ignore her and not talk to her. Do you know what that\'s like?\"\r\n\r\n\"Oh boy, do I,\" I said. I thought for a moment. A long moment. \"That bracelet that Talia has, how much is it?\"\r\n\r\n\"Oh, it\'s $15,\" she said.\r\n\r\nMy mind went to my checkbook for a moment. This economy stinks. For everyone. Times are tough for me like they\'re tough for everyone. But just as soon as my mind went to my checkbook, it went to Matthew 5 - \"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.\" I went to my drawer to my emergency cash. And there wasn\'t much there. I took out a $20 bill and gave it to Abigail.\r\n\r\nI said, \"Listen, this is for you to buy one of those bracelets. Talia is a great friend. And part of being a friend is looking past their faults. Maybe being a friend to Talia is that you shouldn\'t make deals with her anymore. Tomorrow, when you go to school, make it a new day. Don\'t worry about the deals you\'ve made in the past. Just be her friend, okay?\"\r\n\r\nThe tears had stopped. Not because she had become $20 richer, but because she didn\'t have to worry about the burden of the bracelet anymore.\r\n\r\n\"Oh, Daddy, thank you,\" she said as she hugged me. \"You\'re right. She is my friend. We all have things we do that we need to look over. I won\'t make deals with her anymore. I\'m not even going to mention anything about it to her again.\"\r\n\r\nI hugged her back, \"That\'s what daddies do. They fix things.\"\r\n\r\nAnd that\'s what Jesus does. He fixes us, looks past our faults, loves us for who we are, removes the barriers and takes away the pain.','Preteens, Peacemaking and Parenting','','inherit','open','open','','1652-revision-2','','','2011-10-31 21:28:51','2011-11-01 04:28:51','',1652,'http://provoketive.com/2011/10/31/1652-revision-2/',0,'revision','',0);
INSERT INTO `wp_posts` VALUES (1657,63,'2011-10-31 15:09:42','2011-10-31 22:09:42','<div>\r\n<div class=\"mceTemp mceIEcenter\">\r\n<div style=\"text-align: left\"><dl><dt> In my faith journey I find my self again at the cross roads. I\'m beginning to see the reality of religions being stuck, bogged down in one big profound mysterious cross-road. And, what makes navigation difficult is the lack of obvious controlled signals for direction; there is heavy traffic;it is getting increasingly noisier as conflicting voices vie for control. This would be the reality of \"faith\" in the 21st century, the new millennium...the threshold of post-modernity is barely visible as we look back.</dt></dl></div>\r\n</div>\r\nMore, and more traffic is backing up here. It\'s like a clogged artery ready to burst, and in it, trying to push their way to the center are the fundamentalist voices of \"religious\" police man. Each trying to direct their commuters forward, or in new directions.\r\n\r\nWe have culture, technology, religion,the environment, and <strong>go</strong>(<strong>d</strong>)ogle..and humanity jammed into this profound mysterious cross-road. Yet, this is where faith finds it self these days. Even so-called atheists engage the noise of religious bickering suggesting there is no God, that we are more in control than some supreme being with his hand on a joy stick. This is where we\'re all living.\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/jesus-versus-google1.jpeg\"><img class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1633\" src=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/jesus-versus-google1.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"450\" height=\"600\" /></a>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\">(Moray Place, Dunedin, New Zealand – Artist unknown)</p>\r\nI would estimate that most of the church hasn\'t even lifted their head, to look around. It\'s like the dazed driver with tunnel vision. They don\'t even acknowledge the intersection. They know everything has come to a stand still, and are content on inching their way forward. But if they really had a good look around they\'d see many have abandoned the vehicle.\r\n\r\nLook around what ever \"church\" vehicle you\'re in. How many passengers under 20-30 are in your vehicle? Then ask yourself why? I suspect most have got tired of waiting in the intersection. They\'ve opted to exit the vehicle and live \" in \" it.\r\n\r\nIs there a way forward?\r\n\r\nI think back into the gospel story, Jesus and the disciples on their way to Caesarea Philippi. Fascinating, that this too was a cross-road. An intersection of trade and commerce, of religion, of philosophy, and culture. And, mysteriously, it\'s at the cross-road Jesus asks, the provocative question, \" Who do people say I am?\"\r\n\r\nProphet, teacher...Messiah. There not really sure. They continue to follow...the \" way \" is not about religion, it\'s about \" living \" now.\r\n\r\nAgain, the gospel story. A roof top rendezvous with a pharisee, a religious scholar of the day. Nicodemus is profoundly aware of the intersection. And also he is captivated by imagination, and mystery of what, and who Jesus is. He sees Jesus as away forward, or what may be more true...is a way to live in the intersection. To live in the intersection, one needs to be born of the Spirit...reborn from above.\r\n<blockquote>So don\'t be so surprised when I tell you that you have to be \'born from above\'—out of this world, so to speak. You know well enough how the wind blows this way and that. You hear it rustling through the trees, but you have no idea where it comes from or where it\'s headed next. That\'s the way it is with everyone \'born from above\' by the wind of God, the Spirit of God.\" ( Eugene Peterson\'s, The Message: John 3:7-8 ).</blockquote>\r\nThis is not the wind of any one religion. It\'s a wind that blows around, through, in the midst of all humanity...all creation. Humanity as \" one \" must hoist its collective sail and learn how to navigate together. The wind is not about christianity, it\'s about humanity.\r\n\r\nThe following quotes are from <a href=\"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harvey_Cox\">Harvey Cox\'s</a> latest book, \" <a href=\"http://www.amazon.ca/Future-Faith-Harvey-Cox/dp/0061755524/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1263519037&amp;sr=1-1\">The Future of Faith</a>.\" He says...\r\n<blockquote><em>All signs suggest we are poised to enter a new Age of the Spirit and that the future will be a future of faith</em>” (p.224). “<em>Faith is resurgent, while dogma is dying. The spiritual, communal and justice-seeking dimensions of Christianity are now its leading edge as the twenty-first century hurdles forward, and this change is taking place along with similar reformations in other world religions</em>” (p.212).</blockquote>\r\nAgain, the gospel story. Jesus meeting a woman on the extreme fringe of her culture, religion and community. So embedded is her identity in that intersection, she is stuck with no way forward. Interesting the well is central to the story, and the metaphor of religion as being a well. She is convinced her well is the only way forward. There\'s history, family heritage, ritual...and culture. They have always drank from that well. Tradition can be come deep ruts, in the intersection, where we just sit and spin our tires.\r\n\r\nBut Jesus convinces her that there is way to live in the intersection. It comes from drinking from another well, where it doesn\'t matter if you worship God on your mountain, or in your temple. What matters, is that you worship in Spirit, and in truth. That is the living, God is looking for, and...that is how you live in the intersection. It is a well beyond religion, it is a well that sustains all humanity, all creation.\r\n<blockquote>\"It\'s who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That\'s the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship. God is sheer being itself—Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration.\"( Eugene Peterson\'s;The Message:John 4:23-24 )</blockquote>\r\nHumanity must move beyond the exclusivity of \" religions \", and again find the spirit that embraces \" all \" humanity...only here will we find life that is hope-filled, and which will sustain all humanity. What has always caught my attention, and my heretic imagination is the profound mystery of the gospels. How the disciples lived out faith in the midst of the cross-road. No where do I find the disciples making a statement of faith...other than Jesus was somehow the way.  Jesus seemed totally unconcerned about reducing faith to doctrine or dogma. Jesus was outside, beyond their religions, beyond the narrative of the prevailing empire. Faith in Jesus was far more about the Spirit, of living in that profound incredible divine mystery in the context of the cross-road.\r\n\r\nSo if the church is going to live, and survive in the cross-road...it will really need to think seriously about abandoning the vehicle. And I say that more in a sense of structure. To live in that cross-road, will in a sense, be to live, more of a profound simplicity of theological structures. In the intersection there is more of a profound sense of mystery. The church will once again have to learn to engage mystery. It will have to ask the big big question, \" What is it, to live in the age of the Spirit?\"\r\n\r\nI think we will begin to find far more profound mysterious truth in the Jesus story, in the gospels. Especially when we can learn to live out the fullness of its theology and practice. I think with the help of the Spirit , not the Spirit of Christianity, or the spirit any one religion, but the spirit of the origin of all reality and existence, and of \" all \" humanity... we will live and grow in the cross-road. I really think, that is where the future of faith will be found.\r\n\r\n</div>','Finding life beyond religion...is there a way forward.','','inherit','open','open','','1621-revision-4','','','2011-10-31 15:09:42','2011-10-31 22:09:42','',1621,'http://provoketive.com/2011/10/31/1621-revision-4/',0,'revision','',0),(2853,1,'2011-11-30 08:13:06','2011-11-30 16:13:06','<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">To have perseverance is a lot like being a tree. It’s not so much that they are often big and strong.  It’s about something they <em>don’t</em> do.</span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">I live in a part of the country full of deciduous trees, like oak and maple.  Over the last two months, I’ve watched their leaves turn glorious colors and gradually fall off.   One day while taking a walk, a thought occurred to me that changed my perspective about faith:  these trees drop their leaves in the fall, not their branches.  If they had no branches in the spring, there would be no leaves, and the trees would die.  All through the winter they lie dormant, sort of asleep, like bears hibernating.  Weeks and months go by, and then it gets warmer, and here come the new leaves.  Their faith in spring keeps them strong.</span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">To persevere means hanging in there during long tough times or when disasters come in herds. Having faith means not giving up even when everything suggests we should, believing that one day things are going to get better.  But what if partial faith is all you have?  What about when the dark in your heart and life seems endless? </span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">Remember that winter is only a season.  Keep your branches up.  Spring will come.</span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\"> </span>','When All Your Leaves Fall Off','','inherit','open','open','','2793-revision-3','','','2011-11-30 08:13:06','2011-11-30 16:13:06','',2793,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/30/2793-revision-3/',0,'revision','',0),(1661,80,'2011-10-31 20:55:55','2011-11-01 03:55:55','<a href=\"http://www.abc.net.au/religion/articles/2011/10/28/3350576.htm\">http://www.abc.net.au/religion/articles/2011/10/28/3350576.htm</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://www.cnn.com/2011/10/05/opinion/rushkoff-occupy-wall-street/index.html\">http://www.cnn.com/2011/10/05/opinion/rushkoff-occupy-wall-street/index.html</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://new.gbgm-umc.org/umw/work/social-action/economic-justice/\">http://new.gbgm-umc.org/umw/work/social-action/economic-justice/</a>\r\n\r\n\"These people down there, they\'re not the counter-culture.\"\r\n\r\n\"They\'re the culture.\"\r\n\r\n\"They don\'t want free love, they want paid employment.\"\r\n\r\n\"They don\'t hate capitalism, they hate what\'s been done to it.\"\r\n\r\n\"And they resent the Republican mantra that the market perfectly rewards the hardworking and punishes the lazy.  And the poor are just jealous moochers who want a hand out.\"\r\n\r\n\"Yeah, cuz if there\'s one group of people who hate hand outs it\'s Wall Street.\"','There is no \'they\' and \'us\'; there is just \'we\'.\"','','inherit','open','open','','1476-revision-5','','','2011-10-31 20:55:55','2011-11-01 03:55:55','',1476,'http://provoketive.com/2011/10/31/1476-revision-5/',0,'revision','',0),(1662,80,'2011-11-01 07:12:27','2011-11-01 14:12:27','<a href=\"http://www.abc.net.au/religion/articles/2011/10/28/3350576.htm\">http://www.abc.net.au/religion/articles/2011/10/28/3350576.htm</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://www.cnn.com/2011/10/05/opinion/rushkoff-occupy-wall-street/index.html\">http://www.cnn.com/2011/10/05/opinion/rushkoff-occupy-wall-street/index.html</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://new.gbgm-umc.org/umw/work/social-action/economic-justice/\">http://new.gbgm-umc.org/umw/work/social-action/economic-justice/</a>\r\n\r\n\"These people down there, they\'re not the counter-culture.\"\r\n\r\n\"They\'re the culture.\"\r\n\r\n\"They don\'t want free love, they want paid employment.\"\r\n\r\n\"They don\'t hate capitalism, they hate what\'s been done to it.\"\r\n\r\n\"And they resent the Republican mantra that the market perfectly rewards the hardworking and punishes the lazy.  And the poor are just jealous moochers who want a hand out.\"\r\n\r\n\"Yeah, cuz if there\'s one group of people who hate hand outs it\'s Wall Street.\"','You Just Don\'t Understand','','inherit','open','open','','1476-revision-6','','','2011-11-01 07:12:27','2011-11-01 14:12:27','',1476,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1476-revision-6/',0,'revision','',0),(1663,0,'2011-11-01 07:25:12','2011-11-01 14:25:12','Breaking down barriers between Islam and Christianity. Posts like this: http://communicatingacrossboundariesblog.com/2011/06/15/changing-communities-mosques-on-the-prairie/ and this:\r\nhttp://communicatingacrossboundariesblog.com/2011/08/30/eid-mubarak-%D8%B9%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%D9%8F%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B1%DA%A9/\n<!--more-->\nAUTHOR: Marilyn Gardner\nAUTHOR EMAIL: marilyngardner5@gmail.com\nAUTHOR URL: http://communicatingacrossboundariesblog.com/\nSUBJECT: Provoketive Magazine Writing For Provoketive\nIP: 146.243.4.157\nArray\n(\n    [Name] =&gt; Marilyn Gardner\n    [Email] =&gt; marilyngardner5@gmail.com\n    [Existing Blog or Website] =&gt; http://communicatingacrossboundariesblog.com/\n    [List the topic you are interested writing about] =&gt; Breaking down barriers between Islam and Christianity. Posts like this: http://communicatingacrossboundariesblog.com/2011/06/15/changing-communities-mosques-on-the-prairie/ and this:\r\nhttp://communicatingacrossboundariesblog.com/2011/08/30/eid-mubarak-%D8%B9%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%D9%8F%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B1%DA%A9/\n    [Current or New WordPress Login Name (We\'ll send you a password.)] =&gt; marilyngardner\n)\n','Marilyn Gardner - 2011-11-01 07:25:12','','publish','open','open','','693c1dd0638b3d6e2284447e581b456b','','','2011-11-01 07:25:12','2011-11-01 14:25:12','',358,'http://provoketive.com/?post_type=feedback&p=1663',0,'feedback','',0),(1664,1,'2011-11-01 07:44:52','2011-11-01 14:44:52','Heh. Heh heh heh. Heh heh.\n\nThe smartest show about the dumbest people is back.\n\nLast Thursday night I cozied up with a wine cooler, some nachos and turned on MTV for the first time in years to watch the return of Mike Judge\'s Beavis and Butt-head.\n\nThe episode was funny and my husband and I spent those 30 minutes texting our favorite lines back and forth. From the insightful social commentary to the just plain absurd, we laughed our way through the full half-hour. After a fourteen year hiatus, it was good to have these snickering, smart-mouthed idiots back.\n\n<a href=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/2562959725.png\"><img class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-1612\" src=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/2562959725-300x253.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"228\" height=\"192\" /></a>One of my favorite moments in the show was just two minutes in, when the screen turned to flame and Beavis began chanting \"fire!\" Those familiar with Beavis and Butt-head will remember that shortly after the show premiered back in 1993, there was an accident involving fire that was blamed on the show, resulting in the banishment of that phrase from further episodes. The glorification of destructive behavior on a satirical show for adults was held responsible for the actions of a five-year old child. This was around the same time of the infamous <a href=\"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liebeck_v._McDonald\'s_Restaurants\">McDonald\'s coffee lawsuit</a>, and we began to hear a new buzz word emerge.\n\nPersonal responsibility.\n\nA good thing. Especially if we\'re talking about someone else.\n\nIf I\'m talking to my kids about keeping their room neat, personal responsibility is important. If it\'s my desk, I\'m just too busy writing to keep it neat. If I ask my husband to please put his socks in the dirty clothes hamper, I\'m just being a champion of personal responsibility. If I forget to launder said socks, it\'s because I\'m a liberated woman and I shouldn\'t have to be burdened with the task of making sure everyone else has clean socks. If I\'m driving and someone cuts me off, it\'s clearly a case of people needing to take more personal responsibility on the road. If I cut someone off, it\'s totally an accident because I was singing along to the song on my iPod and you can\'t blame me for Lady Gaga\'s ability to make me lose track of the road.\n\nIt can be difficult to apply personal responsibility personally. But that\'s where I need to focus my energy. I need to look at my life and see what things I need to change and make those changes. I need to have grace for the places where I don\'t live up to my own expectations, but I also need to be willing to examine my choices and make appropriate adjustments. To own up to my own mistakes, not point out how others are making mistakes.\n\nWhen I only apply personal responsibility to other people\'s lives, I end up sound like, well, a Butt-head.','Hey Butthead! It\'s about Personal Responsibility!','','inherit','open','open','','1530-autosave','','','2011-11-01 07:44:52','2011-11-01 14:44:52','',1530,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1530-autosave/',0,'revision','',0),(1665,1,'2011-11-01 07:41:51','2011-11-01 14:41:51','','Beavis_Butthead','','inherit','open','open','','beavis_butthead','','','2011-11-01 07:41:51','2011-11-01 14:41:51','',1530,'http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Beavis_Butthead.png',0,'attachment','image/png',0),(1666,1,'2011-10-31 12:11:17','2011-10-31 19:11:17','Heh. Heh heh heh. Heh heh.\r\n\r\nThe smartest show about the dumbest people is back.\r\n\r\nLast Thursday night I cozied up with a wine cooler, some nachos and turned on MTV for the first time in years to watch the return of Mike Judge\'s Beavis and Butt-head.\r\n\r\nThe episode was funny and my husband and I spent those 30 minutes texting our favorite lines back and forth. From the insightful social commentary to the just plain absurd, we laughed our way through the full half-hour. After a fourteen year hiatus, it was good to have these snickering, smart-mouthed idiots back.\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/2562959725.png\"><img class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-1612\" src=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/2562959725-300x253.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"253\" /></a>One of my favorite moments in the show was just two minutes in, when the screen turned to flame and Beavis began chanting \"fire!\" Those familiar with Beavis and Butt-head will remember that shortly after the show premiered back in 1993, there was an accident involving fire that was blamed on the show, resulting in the banishment of that phrase from further episodes. The glorification of destructive behavior on a satirical show for adults was held responsible for the actions of a five-year old child. This was around the same time of the infamous <a href=\"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liebeck_v._McDonald\'s_Restaurants\">McDonald\'s coffee lawsuit</a>, and we began to hear a new buzz word emerge.\r\n\r\nPersonal responsibility.\r\n\r\nA good thing. Especially if we\'re talking about someone else.\r\n\r\nIf I\'m talking to my kids about keeping their room neat, personal responsibility is important. If it\'s my desk, I\'m just too busy writing to keep it neat. If I ask my husband to please put his socks in the dirty clothes hamper, I\'m just being a champion of personal responsibility. If I forget to launder said socks, it\'s because I\'m a liberated woman and I shouldn\'t have to be burdened with the task of making sure everyone else has clean socks. If I\'m driving and someone cuts me off, it\'s clearly a case of people needing to take more personal responsibility on the road. If I cut someone off, it\'s totally an accident because I was singing along to the song on my iPod and you can\'t blame me for Lady Gaga\'s ability to make me lose track of the road.\r\n\r\nIt can be difficult to apply personal responsibility personally. But that\'s where I need to focus my energy. I need to look at my life and see what things I need to change and make those changes. I need to have grace for the places where I don\'t live up to my own expectations, but I also need to be willing to examine my choices and make appropriate adjustments. To own up to my own mistakes, not point out how others are making mistakes.\r\n\r\nWhen I only apply personal responsibility to other people\'s lives, I end up sound like, well, a Butt-head.','Hey Butthead! It\'s about Personal Responsibility!','','inherit','open','open','','1530-revision-9','','','2011-10-31 12:11:17','2011-10-31 19:11:17','',1530,'http://provoketive.com/2011/10/31/1530-revision-9/',0,'revision','',0),(1667,1,'2011-10-31 11:24:08','2011-10-31 18:24:08','Recently I had a conversation with a friend about questions of leadership in the church.  It was a great conversation.  We were both really exploring together some key ideas about our faith and how they worked out in the organizations we take part in.  And in the midst of our conversation, I expressed my sincere concern for the loss of women\'s voice in the church conversation.  I just didn\'t understand why men had such an issue with women at the leadership table.  I get Paul\'s directive, but I think it\'s entirely contextual, given Paul\'s other directive that \"all things are lawful.\"\r\n\r\n<strong>My friend said, \"You know Eve was deceived, don\'t you?\"</strong>\r\n\r\nThe obviousness of his statement required a yes.  I\'ve heard that very statement used as a foundation for an entire argument against women in leadership conversations.  Women are the weaker sex because Eve was deceived. And because of this foundational moment, women just can\'t be trusted to sit at the table of important decisions.\r\n\r\nBut something popped into my head at that moment that required a second response.  \"But wait,\" I said.  \"Adam was deceived too!\"  My friend stopped dead cold and didn\'t say a word for about six seconds.  He popped his chin back as if subtly being hit with a two by four.  The idea had never hit him.\r\n\r\n\"Oh yeah,\" he responded.\r\n\r\nMy initial knee jerk response was that Adam was following a long because he wanted to sacrifice himself for Eve. If he didn\'t, he would be separated from her.  Or, Adam didn\'t know what he was doing.  Or, Eve was responsible because she engaged the question.  My mind blindly searched for a reason to support the prevailing notion.\r\n\r\nBut the reality of the story is that Adam didn\'t even think about taking a bite. The story paints no thought process what so ever in his decision.  He just followed blindly a long.\r\n\r\nAs my friend and I continued talking, I was left with a new conversation to ponder. <strong>Why do we blame Eve for being deceived when Adam was too?</strong>\r\n\r\nWhat do you think?','The Deception Of Adam','','inherit','open','open','','1553-revision-5','','','2011-10-31 11:24:08','2011-10-31 18:24:08','',1553,'http://provoketive.com/2011/10/31/1553-revision-5/',0,'revision','',0),(1668,24,'2011-11-16 10:12:15','2011-11-16 18:12:15','<a href=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Rick2.jpg\"><img class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-1249\" src=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Rick2-275x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"275\" height=\"300\" /></a>\n<div>Pain invited my ear, \"Listen to me, for I have knowledge of Truth hidden in what you fear.\"Fear roared, \"Do not listen to pain, it will only lead you to more discomfort!\"Shame whimpered, \"Remember everything that has happened to you, everyone despises you. This will not work.\"Courage invoked, \"All fear is an illusion, walk straight ahead!\"Pride demanded, \"You have everything you need already, this is a waste of time.\"\n\nLove whispered, \"Go into this pain, it is safe. You will only discover more to love.\"\n\nEver notice how throughout a day your feelings  interpret? As you become aware of these feelings they usually lead you to thoughts. It appears that these thoughts are constructed as demands for answers to arise; such as why is this happening to me? Why did I not get noticed? These thoughts are ideas about yourself, others and how life is either giving or taking from you. Few question these thoughts, or face the idea\'s of being separate, alone and unwanted.\n\n<strong>What would life be like if we embraced all of it? What would we be like if we stopped avoiding pain and ran into what we have been taught to fear.</strong>\n\nWhy do we stop going to the gym? Because we no longer engage with the benefits the pain brings us. This benefit is strength.\nWhy do we fear the dentist? His cleaning, shots and drilling give our teeth longevity.\nWhy do we fear conflict or confrontation with people? Will it not expose the lies and assumptions we hide behind.\n\n<a href=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/pain1.jpg\"><img class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-1171\" src=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/pain1-300x226.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"226\" /></a><strong>SEARCHING IN THE WRONG PLACE</strong>\nA neighbour found Jon on his  hands and knees.\n“What are you searching for Jon?” “My key.”\nBoth men got on their knees to search.\nAfter a while the neighbor says, “Where did you lose it?”\n“At home.”\n“Good Lord! Then why are you searching here?”\n“Because it’s brighter here.”\n\n<strong>The key to discovering Love is searching where you left it</strong>.\nUntil you have the courage and the an environment which allows you to fall apart, breakdown and let go, you will not experience the Life/Truth/Experience Jesus spoke from. Jesus was not a command but an invitation to give up the meaning we have given our lives. To lose it all for the Truth. The Truth that you have never been alone, you have never been unloved, rejected and hated. People always gave you their best, since they could only give you what they had.\n\nSearch for Love where you lost it. Where did you learn to stop loving yourself? Where did you learn that what you did was not good enough? Who told you that you were worthless, meaningless and annoying? Let anger come up, let grief stay for a while, let all the desires pushed down and forgotten come up and cry aloud.\n\nWe have worked hard seeking love in the places we were told it was hidden. Our careers, education, titles, accomplishments and activities were supposed to be the givers of meaning to our lives.\n\nAs an exercise slow down for a minute and look at these phrases below. Honestly observe which one seems to resonate with your heart:\n<ul>\n	<li>I work to have value vs. my value determines my work.</li>\n	<li>I seek love/acceptance from others vs. I love and accept everything as it is now.</li>\n	<li>I am only noticeable when what I do matters vs. I notice the effort and meaning the people around me are contributing.</li>\n	<li>My body/beauty are determined by comparing myself to others vs. I view the world from this body, not for it.</li>\n	<li>I will get what I want my way vs. I will be kind to everyone and everything no matter what.</li>\n</ul>\nThe next time you find yourself in a painful situation, instead of looking for a way out, face it, welcome it and allow yourself to feel it deeply. Give pains cry for attention your full focus. You might be surprised at the amazing discoveries that await you on this journey inward.\n\n</div>\n<strong>WHY BAD STUFF HAPPENS\n</strong><em>by Elsa Joy Bailey</em>\n\nIf it weren\'t for my beautiful sad mother\ndrinking a beaker of cold cyanide when I was three,\nI wouldn\'t have learned\nshe could both love and abandon me\nin one hot severe breath.\nNor would I have grown flowers in my heart\nfor people who urgently want to die.\n\nIf I had not broken my leg in a wild fall,\nI wouldn\'t have learned that stark physical pain\nis, to my great surprise, not permanent.\n\nIf I hadn\'t fallen in love with someone\nwho didn\'t love me,\nI would never have realized that unrequited love\nis still an ecstatic dance of the heart.\n\nIf I hadn\'t encountered praise and blame,\nsuccess and failure, heat and cold, darkness and light,\nblows and kisses, pain and bliss,\nnever would I have found out that through it all\nthere is a Spirit within me\nwhich remains unceasingly alive and loving.\n\nIf I hadn\'t received the gift of knowing you,\nI would not have come to realise\nthat our stories are different in details,\nbut never in essence.\n\nIf I hadn\'t lived through an era of hurting\nI would never have met the miracle\nof being fed with kindness by a friend.\n\nIf I hadn\'t discovered that you and I\nare two threads in the same vast cloth,\nI would have remained forever lost and imprisoned\nin my separate universe.\n\nIf I hadn\'t seen both good and evil\noccupying space in the same event,\nI would never have met the hand of humour\npainting over these polarities\nwith new clarity and light.\n\nIf I hadn\'t wept a thousand tears\nover the loss of a beloved,\nI would never have been driven inward\nto find the eternal companion,\nmy Soul.\n\nIf I had not witnessed cruelty\nand man\'s inhumanity to man,\nI would not have been forced to look\nbeneath the ugliness of fear,\nand encounter the common Heart\nthat lies beneath it.\n\nIf I hadn\'t encountered our myriad differences,\nI would never have discovered that you and I\nare not two,\nbut infinite sparks of love ever arising\nfrom one indestructible Flame.\n\nAnd if I hadn\'t felt abandoned and heartsick,\nI would never have heard the wordless whisper\nof an abiding, unseeable Friend,\nwho translated the feeling of alone\ninto All One.','Pain Demands an Answer','','inherit','open','open','','843-autosave','','','2011-11-16 10:12:15','2011-11-16 18:12:15','',843,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/843-autosave/',0,'revision','',0),(2318,24,'2012-01-03 08:00:34','2012-01-03 16:00:34','[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5j2F4VcBmeo[/youtube]\r\n\r\nWhat does Truth need?\r\nDoes it need your agreement?\r\nDoes it need acceptance?\r\nIf you to not like the Truth does it reject you and cast you out?\r\nIs Truth relative or at least subjective?\r\n\r\nWhat is it within one that can perceive Truth or recognize it?\r\n\r\nNietzsche said, \"There are no eternal facts, as there are no absolute truths.\"\r\nIs he not stating an absolute?\r\n\r\nPeople who claim to have the Truth tend to use persuasion to gain followers and force to belittle those who disagree with said Truth.\r\n\r\nIs Truth insecure? Does it need to be followed?\r\n\r\nI pose these question to invite a contemplative posture towards Truth. In my experience the Truth stands revealed when the obstacles to its Presence are removed. Like the Sun shinning is revealed when the clouds dissolve.\r\n\r\nThe scene from the movie above is a brilliant display of someone using their truth to defend and rationalize their behavior. It appears the Truth is perceived by many as a means of protection. A way fending off that which is not wanted.\r\n\r\nIt seems that the Truth of Divinity  is simple, complete and accepting. When spoken from Love, it reveals the source of Joy and the source of its absence.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;','Truth, You Can\'t Handle the Truth!','','publish','open','open','','truth-you-cant-handle-the-truth','','','2011-12-31 13:22:32','2011-12-31 21:22:32','',0,'http://provoketive.com/?p=2318',0,'post','',6),(1669,1,'2011-10-31 12:39:10','2011-10-31 19:39:10','<a href=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Rick2.jpg\"><img class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-1249\" src=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Rick2-275x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"275\" height=\"300\" /></a>\r\n<div>Pain invited my ear, \"Listen to me, for I have knowledge of Truth hidden in what you fear.\"Fear roared, \"Do not listen to pain, it will only lead you to more discomfort!\"\r\n\r\nShame whimpered, \"Remember everything that has happened to you, everyone despises you. This will not work.\"\r\n\r\nCourage invoked, \"All fear is an illusion, walk straight ahead!\"\r\n\r\nPride demanded, \"You have everything you need already, this is a waste of time.\"\r\n\r\nLove whispered, \"Go into this pain, it is safe. You will only discover more to love.\"\r\n\r\nEver notice how throughout a day your feelings  interpret? As you become aware of these feelings they usually lead you to thoughts. It appears that these thoughts are constructed as demands for answers to arise; such as why is this happening to me? Why did I not get noticed? These thoughts are ideas about yourself, others and how life is either giving or taking from you. Few question these thoughts, or face the idea\'s of being separate, alone and unwanted.\r\n\r\n<strong>What would life be like if we embraced all of it? What would we be like if we stopped avoiding pain and ran into what we have been taught to fear.</strong>\r\n\r\nWhy do we stop going to the gym? Because we no longer engage with the benefits the pain brings us. This benefit is strength.\r\nWhy do we fear the dentist? His cleaning, shots and drilling give our teeth longevity.\r\nWhy do we fear conflict or confrontation with people? Will it not expose the lies and assumptions we hide behind.\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/pain1.jpg\"><img class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-1171\" src=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/pain1-300x226.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"226\" /></a><strong>SEARCHING IN THE WRONG PLACE</strong>\r\nA neighbour found Jon on his  hands and knees.\r\n“What are you searching for Jon?” “My key.”\r\nBoth men got on their knees to search.\r\nAfter a while the neighbor says, “Where did you lose it?”\r\n“At home.”\r\n“Good Lord! Then why are you searching here?”\r\n“Because it’s brighter here.”\r\n\r\n<strong>The key to discovering Love is searching where you left it</strong>.\r\nUntil you have the courage and the an environment which allows you to fall apart, breakdown and let go, you will not experience the Life/Truth/Experience Jesus spoke from. Jesus was not a command but an invitation to give up the meaning we have given our lives. To loose it all for the Truth. The Truth that you have never been alone, you have never been unloved, rejected and hated. People always gave you their best, since they could only give you what they had.\r\n\r\nSearch for Love where you lost it. Where did you learn to stop loving yourself? Where did you learn that what you did was not good enough? Who told you that you were worthless, meaningless and annoying? Let anger come up, let grief stay for a while, let all the desires pushed down and forgotten come up and cry aloud.\r\n\r\nWe have worked hard seeking love in the places we were told it was hidden. Our careers, education, titles, accomplishments and activities were supposed to be the givers of meaning to our lives.\r\n\r\nAs an exercise slow down for a minute and look at these phrases below. Honestly observe which one seems to resonate with your heart:\r\n<ul>\r\n	<li>I work to have value vs. my value determines my work.</li>\r\n	<li>I seek love/acceptance from others vs. I love and accept everything as it is now.</li>\r\n	<li>I am only noticeable when what I do matters vs. I notice the effort and meaning the people around me are contributing.</li>\r\n	<li>My body/beauty are determined by comparing myself to others vs. I view the world from this body, not for it.</li>\r\n	<li>I will get what I want my way vs. I will be kind to everyone and everything no matter what.</li>\r\n</ul>\r\nThe next time you find yourself in a painful situation, instead of looking for a way out, face it, welcome it and allow yourself to feel it deeply. Give pains cry for attention your full focus. You might be surprised at the amazing discoveries that await you on this journey inward.\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<strong>WHY BADSTUFF HAPPENS\r\n</strong><em>by Elsa Joy Bailey</em>\r\n\r\nIf it weren\'t for my beautiful sad mother\r\ndrinking a beaker of cold cyanide when I was three,\r\nI wouldn\'t have learned\r\nshe could both love and abandon me\r\nin one hot severe breath.\r\nNor would I have grown flowers in my heart\r\nfor people who urgently want to die.\r\n\r\nIf I had not broken my leg in a wild fall,\r\nI wouldn\'t have learned that stark physical pain\r\nis, to my great surprise, not permanent.\r\n\r\nIf I hadn\'t fallen in love with someone\r\nwho didn\'t love me,\r\nI would never have realized that unrequited love\r\nis still an ecstatic dance of the heart.\r\n\r\nIf I hadn\'t encountered praise and blame,\r\nsuccess and failure, heat and cold, darkness and light,\r\nblows and kisses, pain and bliss,\r\nnever would I have found out that through it all\r\nthere is a Spirit within me\r\nwhich remains unceasingly alive and loving.\r\n\r\nIf I hadn\'t received the gift of knowing you,\r\nI would not have come to realise\r\nthat our stories are different in details,\r\nbut never in essence.\r\n\r\nIf I hadn\'t lived through an era of hurting\r\nI would never have met the miracle\r\nof being fed with kindness by a friend.\r\n\r\nIf I hadn\'t discovered that you and I\r\nare two threads in the same vast cloth,\r\nI would have remained forever lost and imprisoned\r\nin my separate universe.\r\n\r\nIf I hadn\'t seen both good and evil\r\noccupying space in the same event,\r\nI would never have met the hand of humour\r\npainting over these polarities\r\nwith new clarity and light.\r\n\r\nIf I hadn\'t wept a thousand tears\r\nover the loss of a beloved,\r\nI would never have been driven inward\r\nto find the eternal companion,\r\nmy Soul.\r\n\r\nIf I had not witnessed cruelty\r\nand man\'s inhumanity to man,\r\nI would not have been forced to look\r\nbeneath the ugliness of fear,\r\nand encounter the common Heart\r\nthat lies beneath it.\r\n\r\nIf I hadn\'t encountered our myriad differences,\r\nI would never have discovered that you and I\r\nare not two,\r\nbut infinite sparks of love ever arising\r\nfrom one indestructible Flame.\r\n\r\nAnd if I hadn\'t felt abandoned and heartsick,\r\nI would never have heard the wordless whisper\r\nof an abiding, unseeable Friend,\r\nwho translated the feeling of alone\r\ninto All One.','Pain Demands an Answer','','inherit','open','open','','843-revision-18','','','2011-10-31 12:39:10','2011-10-31 19:39:10','',843,'http://provoketive.com/2011/10/31/843-revision-18/',0,'revision','',0),(1670,1,'2011-11-01 09:07:05','2011-11-01 16:07:05','<a href=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Rick2.jpg\"><img class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-1249\" src=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Rick2-275x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"275\" height=\"300\" /></a>\r\n<div>Pain invited my ear, \"Listen to me, for I have knowledge of Truth hidden in what you fear.\"Fear roared, \"Do not listen to pain, it will only lead you to more discomfort!\"Shame whimpered, \"Remember everything that has happened to you, everyone despises you. This will not work.\"\r\n\r\nCourage invoked, \"All fear is an illusion, walk straight ahead!\"\r\n\r\nPride demanded, \"You have everything you need already, this is a waste of time.\"\r\n\r\nLove whispered, \"Go into this pain, it is safe. You will only discover more to love.\"\r\n\r\nEver notice how throughout a day your feelings  interpret? As you become aware of these feelings they usually lead you to thoughts. It appears that these thoughts are constructed as demands for answers to arise; such as why is this happening to me? Why did I not get noticed? These thoughts are ideas about yourself, others and how life is either giving or taking from you. Few question these thoughts, or face the idea\'s of being separate, alone and unwanted.\r\n\r\n<strong>What would life be like if we embraced all of it? What would we be like if we stopped avoiding pain and ran into what we have been taught to fear.</strong>\r\n\r\nWhy do we stop going to the gym? Because we no longer engage with the benefits the pain brings us. This benefit is strength.\r\nWhy do we fear the dentist? His cleaning, shots and drilling give our teeth longevity.\r\nWhy do we fear conflict or confrontation with people? Will it not expose the lies and assumptions we hide behind.\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/pain1.jpg\"><img class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-1171\" src=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/pain1-300x226.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"226\" /></a><strong>SEARCHING IN THE WRONG PLACE</strong>\r\nA neighbour found Jon on his  hands and knees.\r\n“What are you searching for Jon?” “My key.”\r\nBoth men got on their knees to search.\r\nAfter a while the neighbor says, “Where did you lose it?”\r\n“At home.”\r\n“Good Lord! Then why are you searching here?”\r\n“Because it’s brighter here.”\r\n\r\n<strong>The key to discovering Love is searching where you left it</strong>.\r\nUntil you have the courage and the an environment which allows you to fall apart, breakdown and let go, you will not experience the Life/Truth/Experience Jesus spoke from. Jesus was not a command but an invitation to give up the meaning we have given our lives. To loose it all for the Truth. The Truth that you have never been alone, you have never been unloved, rejected and hated. People always gave you their best, since they could only give you what they had.\r\n\r\nSearch for Love where you lost it. Where did you learn to stop loving yourself? Where did you learn that what you did was not good enough? Who told you that you were worthless, meaningless and annoying? Let anger come up, let grief stay for a while, let all the desires pushed down and forgotten come up and cry aloud.\r\n\r\nWe have worked hard seeking love in the places we were told it was hidden. Our careers, education, titles, accomplishments and activities were supposed to be the givers of meaning to our lives.\r\n\r\nAs an exercise slow down for a minute and look at these phrases below. Honestly observe which one seems to resonate with your heart:\r\n<ul>\r\n	<li>I work to have value vs. my value determines my work.</li>\r\n	<li>I seek love/acceptance from others vs. I love and accept everything as it is now.</li>\r\n	<li>I am only noticeable when what I do matters vs. I notice the effort and meaning the people around me are contributing.</li>\r\n	<li>My body/beauty are determined by comparing myself to others vs. I view the world from this body, not for it.</li>\r\n	<li>I will get what I want my way vs. I will be kind to everyone and everything no matter what.</li>\r\n</ul>\r\nThe next time you find yourself in a painful situation, instead of looking for a way out, face it, welcome it and allow yourself to feel it deeply. Give pains cry for attention your full focus. You might be surprised at the amazing discoveries that await you on this journey inward.\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<strong>WHY BADSTUFF HAPPENS\r\n</strong><em>by Elsa Joy Bailey</em>\r\n\r\nIf it weren\'t for my beautiful sad mother\r\ndrinking a beaker of cold cyanide when I was three,\r\nI wouldn\'t have learned\r\nshe could both love and abandon me\r\nin one hot severe breath.\r\nNor would I have grown flowers in my heart\r\nfor people who urgently want to die.\r\n\r\nIf I had not broken my leg in a wild fall,\r\nI wouldn\'t have learned that stark physical pain\r\nis, to my great surprise, not permanent.\r\n\r\nIf I hadn\'t fallen in love with someone\r\nwho didn\'t love me,\r\nI would never have realized that unrequited love\r\nis still an ecstatic dance of the heart.\r\n\r\nIf I hadn\'t encountered praise and blame,\r\nsuccess and failure, heat and cold, darkness and light,\r\nblows and kisses, pain and bliss,\r\nnever would I have found out that through it all\r\nthere is a Spirit within me\r\nwhich remains unceasingly alive and loving.\r\n\r\nIf I hadn\'t received the gift of knowing you,\r\nI would not have come to realise\r\nthat our stories are different in details,\r\nbut never in essence.\r\n\r\nIf I hadn\'t lived through an era of hurting\r\nI would never have met the miracle\r\nof being fed with kindness by a friend.\r\n\r\nIf I hadn\'t discovered that you and I\r\nare two threads in the same vast cloth,\r\nI would have remained forever lost and imprisoned\r\nin my separate universe.\r\n\r\nIf I hadn\'t seen both good and evil\r\noccupying space in the same event,\r\nI would never have met the hand of humour\r\npainting over these polarities\r\nwith new clarity and light.\r\n\r\nIf I hadn\'t wept a thousand tears\r\nover the loss of a beloved,\r\nI would never have been driven inward\r\nto find the eternal companion,\r\nmy Soul.\r\n\r\nIf I had not witnessed cruelty\r\nand man\'s inhumanity to man,\r\nI would not have been forced to look\r\nbeneath the ugliness of fear,\r\nand encounter the common Heart\r\nthat lies beneath it.\r\n\r\nIf I hadn\'t encountered our myriad differences,\r\nI would never have discovered that you and I\r\nare not two,\r\nbut infinite sparks of love ever arising\r\nfrom one indestructible Flame.\r\n\r\nAnd if I hadn\'t felt abandoned and heartsick,\r\nI would never have heard the wordless whisper\r\nof an abiding, unseeable Friend,\r\nwho translated the feeling of alone\r\ninto All One.','Pain Demands an Answer','','inherit','open','open','','843-revision-19','','','2011-11-01 09:07:05','2011-11-01 16:07:05','',843,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/843-revision-19/',0,'revision','',0),(1674,80,'2011-11-01 07:12:46','2011-11-01 14:12:46','<a href=\"http://www.abc.net.au/religion/articles/2011/10/28/3350576.htm\">http://www.abc.net.au/religion/articles/2011/10/28/3350576.htm</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://www.cnn.com/2011/10/05/opinion/rushkoff-occupy-wall-street/index.html\">http://www.cnn.com/2011/10/05/opinion/rushkoff-occupy-wall-street/index.html</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://new.gbgm-umc.org/umw/work/social-action/economic-justice/\">http://new.gbgm-umc.org/umw/work/social-action/economic-justice/</a>\r\n\r\n\"These people down there, they\'re not the counter-culture.\"\r\n\r\n\"They\'re the culture.\"\r\n\r\n\"They don\'t want free love, they want paid employment.\"\r\n\r\n\"They don\'t hate capitalism, they hate what\'s been done to it.\"\r\n\r\n\"And they resent the Republican mantra that the market perfectly rewards the hardworking and punishes the lazy.  And the poor are just jealous moochers who want a hand out.\"\r\n\r\n\"Yeah, cuz if there\'s one group of people who hate hand outs it\'s Wall Street.\"','You Just Don\'t Understand','','inherit','open','open','','1476-revision-7','','','2011-11-01 07:12:46','2011-11-01 14:12:46','',1476,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1476-revision-7/',0,'revision','',0),(1675,80,'2011-11-01 12:24:13','2011-11-01 19:24:13','In one way or another, we\'ve all been on one side or another of that phrase.  Chances are better than average that you\'ve said it to your parents at some point in your life.  And, if you\'re a parent, chances are even better that it\'s been said to you.  Most of the time, it constitutes a blow-off of someone you\'re tired of dealing with, a nice way of saying \"I\'m tired of wasting my time trying to convince someone as out of touch as you are, so I\'m done\".  Trust me, I\'m not blowing anyone off by using that as the title of this piece.  In the case of the Occupy prostests, it fits.  Who exactly is it that doesn\'t understand the protests ?  That depends on who you are.  If you\'re a young adult burdened with excessive college debt, a former home owner who got burned in the collapse of the housing bubble, an unemployed (or under-employed) individual who\'s struggling to make ends meet, or any other person who\'s situation has been adversely affected by the current economy, I\'m not talking about you. You most certainly <em>get it.</em>  If you\'re younger, say under 30, and make extensive use of social media, I\'m probably not talking about you, either.  If, however, you\'re an older person, especially my generation (I\'m 50), still own your own home, have a little money in the bank, a retirement account, maybe even have enough extra to invest, I am talking about you.  All too many people my age don\'t get what\'s going on around the country with the Occupy protests.  Even though most of us are at least old enough to remember the counterculture movement of the 60\'s, this new thing is different.   It freaks us out and we just want it to go away.\r\n\r\nFrom the beginning, most of peer group has had less than good things to say about the phenemenon occurring on Wall Street and across the country.  Most seem to think the protesters are socialists, communists or anarchists.  I\'ve heard many people comment about how they\'re prostesting capitalism on their iPhones and computers; things produced by that very capitalist system they\'re against.  In a recent Sunday school class, someone said the protesters weren\'t poor because they didn\'t have jobs, yet they were equipped with all sorts of electronics and such.  Someone else suggested if they really wanted to help the poor, they should go volunteer in a shelter or something.  They just didn\'t get it.  The fact is these protests aren\'t about hand outs for poor people; which, let\'s face it, are band aids at best.  They\'re about fixing a broken economic system so hand outs won\'t be necessary.  Evidently, that\'s a hard concept to grasp when your job is relatively secure, your bills are caught up and you\'re not on the ragged edge of foreclosure.\r\n\r\nFor some reason, whether it\'s fear, loathing or apathy, too many Americans don\'t understand what\'s happening all over America.  Because the media tends to focus on the sensational, people seem to think the protesters are a collection of wannabe hippies, commies, anarchists and general nutjobs.  Reality begs to differ.  As Bill Maher said on his show, <em>Real Time</em>\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"These people down there, they\'re not the counter-culture.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"They\'re the culture.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"They don\'t want free love, they want paid employment.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"They don\'t hate capitalism, they hate what\'s been done to it.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"And they resent the Republican mantra that the market perfectly rewards the hardworking and punishes the lazy.  And the poor are just jealous moochers who want a hand out.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"Yeah, cuz if there\'s one group of people who hate hand outs it\'s Wall Street.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left\"> Now, there\'s someone who <em>gets it</em>.</p>','You Just Don\'t Understand','','inherit','open','open','','1476-revision-8','','','2011-11-01 12:24:13','2011-11-01 19:24:13','',1476,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1476-revision-8/',0,'revision','',0),(1676,80,'2011-11-01 12:35:59','2011-11-01 19:35:59','In one way or another, we\'ve all been on one side or another of that phrase.  Chances are better than average that you\'ve said it to your parents at some point in your life.  And, if you\'re a parent, chances are even better that it\'s been said to you.  Most of the time, it constitutes a blow-off of someone you\'re tired of dealing with, a nice way of saying \"I\'m tired of wasting my time trying to convince someone as out of touch as you are, so I\'m done\".  Trust me, I\'m not blowing anyone off by using that as the title of this piece.  In the case of the Occupy protests, it fits.  Who exactly is it that doesn\'t understand the protests ?  That depends on who you are.  If you\'re a young adult burdened with excessive college debt, a former home owner who got burned in the collapse of the housing bubble, an unemployed (or under-employed) individual who\'s struggling to make ends meet, or any other person whose situation has been adversely affected by the current economy, I\'m not talking about you. You most certainly <em>get it.</em>  If you\'re younger, say under 30, and make extensive use of social media, I\'m probably not talking about you, either.  If, however, you\'re an older person, especially my generation (I\'m 50), still own your own home, have a little money in the bank, a retirement account, maybe even have enough extra to invest, I am talking about you.  All too many people my age don\'t get what\'s going on around the country with the Occupy protests.  Even though most of us are at least old enough to remember the counterculture movement of the 60\'s, this new thing is different.   It freaks us out and we just want it to go away.\r\n\r\nFrom the beginning, most of peer group has had less than good things to say about the phenomenon occurring on Wall Street and across the country.  Most seem to think the protesters are socialists, communists or anarchists.  I\'ve heard many people comment about how they\'re protesting capitalism on their iPhones and computers; things produced by that very capitalist system they\'re against.  In a recent Sunday school class, someone said the protesters weren\'t poor because they didn\'t have jobs, yet they were equipped with all sorts of electronics and such.  Someone else suggested if they really wanted to help the poor, they should go volunteer in a shelter or something.  They just didn\'t get it.  The fact is these protests aren\'t about hand outs for poor people; which, let\'s face it, are band aids at best.  They\'re about fixing a broken economic system so hand outs won\'t be necessary.  Evidently, that\'s a hard concept to grasp when your job is relatively secure, your bills are caught up and you\'re not on the ragged edge of foreclosure.\r\n\r\nFor some reason, whether it\'s fear, loathing or apathy, too many Americans don\'t understand what\'s happening all over America.  Fear because, if this catches on, we might not be able to keep all our stuff.  Apathy because it\'s fixing something as big and broken as the economy is hard and it\'s so much easier to ignore it.  Loathing because people seem to think the protesters are a collection of wannabe hippies, commies, anarchists and general nut jobs and we\'re convinced they want our stuff.  They\'re right the first two; it is going to be hard to fix this broken, corrupt system and, yes, it\'s going to require some sacrifice on our part.  As for who\'s doing the protesting, listen to what Bill Maher said on his show, <em>Real Time</em>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"These people down there, they\'re not the counter-culture.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"They\'re the culture.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"They don\'t want free love, they want paid employment.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"They don\'t hate capitalism, they hate what\'s been done to it.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"And they resent the Republican mantra that the market perfectly rewards the hardworking and punishes the lazy.  And the poor are just jealous moochers who want a hand out.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"Yeah, cuz if there\'s one group of people who hate hand outs it\'s Wall Street.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left\"> Now, there\'s someone who <em>gets it</em>.</p>','You Just Don\'t Understand','','inherit','open','open','','1476-revision-9','','','2011-11-01 12:35:59','2011-11-01 19:35:59','',1476,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1476-revision-9/',0,'revision','',0),(1679,80,'2011-11-01 12:58:37','2011-11-01 19:58:37','In some way, we\'ve all been on one side or another of that phrase.  Chances are good that you\'ve said it to your parents at some point in your life.  And, if you\'re a parent, chances are even better that it\'s been said to you.  Most of the time, we use it to blow-off someone we\'re tired of dealing with, a nice way of saying \"I\'m tired of wasting my time trying to convince someone as thick as you, so I\'m done\".  Trust me, I\'m not trying to blow anyone off, here.  I said it because, in the case of the Occupy protests, it fits.  I\'m sure you\'re wondering, \"Is he talking about me?\"  Maybe, it depends on who you are.  If you\'re a young adult burdened with excessive college debt, a former home owner who got burned in the collapse of the housing bubble, an unemployed (or under-employed) individual who\'s struggling to make ends meet, or any other person whose situation has been adversely affected by the current economy, no, I\'m not talking about you. You most certainly <em>get it.</em>  If you\'re younger, say under 30, and make extensive use of social media, I\'m probably not talking about you, either.  If, however, you\'re an older person, especially my generation (I\'m 50), still own your own home, have a little money in the bank, a retirement account, maybe even have enough extra to invest, I <em>am</em> talking about you.  All too many people my age don\'t get what\'s going on with the Occupy protests.  Even though most of us are at least old enough to remember the counterculture movement of the 60\'s, this new thing is different.  It freaks us out and we just want it to go away.\r\n\r\nIt\'s different because it hits in that most vulnerable spot: the pocketbook.  In 1968, we had nothing invested in the system, so changing it didn\'t really bother us.  That\'s not that the case anymore.  Like our parents and grandparents forty-three years ago, we\'re the ones benefitting from the status quo.  Because of that, most of my peer group has had less than good things to say about the phenomenon occurring on Wall Street and across the country.  Most seem to think the protesters are clueless rich kids sitting about bitching about capitalism on their iPhones and computers; things produced by that very capitalist system they\'re against.  In a recent Sunday school class, someone said the protesters weren\'t poor because they didn\'t have jobs, yet they were equipped with all sorts of electronics and such.  Someone else suggested if they really wanted to help the poor, they should go volunteer in a shelter or something.  They just didn\'t get it.  The fact is these protests aren\'t about hand outs for poor people; which, let\'s face it, are band aids at best.  They\'re about fixing a broken economic system so hand outs won\'t be necessary.  Evidently, that\'s a hard concept to grasp when your job is relatively secure, your bills are caught up and you\'re not on the ragged edge of foreclosure.\r\n\r\nFor some reason, whether it\'s fear, loathing or apathy, too many Americans don\'t understand what\'s happening all over America.  Fear because, if this catches on, we might not be able to keep all our stuff.  Apathy because it\'s fixing something as big and broken as the economy is hard and it\'s so much easier to ignore it.  Loathing because people seem to think the protesters are a collection of wannabe hippies, commies, anarchists and general nut jobs and we\'re convinced they want our stuff.  They\'re right the first two; it is going to be hard to fix this broken, corrupt system and, yes, it\'s going to require some sacrifice on our part.  As for who\'s doing the protesting, listen to what Bill Maher said on his show, <em>Real Time</em>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"These people down there, they\'re not the counter-culture.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"They\'re the culture.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"They don\'t want free love, they want paid employment.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"They don\'t hate capitalism, they hate what\'s been done to it.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"And they resent the Republican mantra that the market perfectly rewards the hardworking and punishes the lazy.  And the poor are just jealous moochers who want a hand out.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"Yeah, cuz if there\'s one group of people who hate hand outs it\'s Wall Street.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left\"> Now, there\'s someone who <em>gets it</em>.</p>','You Just Don\'t Understand','','inherit','open','open','','1476-revision-12','','','2011-11-01 12:58:37','2011-11-01 19:58:37','',1476,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1476-revision-12/',0,'revision','',0),(1677,80,'2011-11-01 12:46:00','2011-11-01 19:46:00','In some way, we\'ve all been on one side or another of that phrase.  Chances are better than average that you\'ve said it to your parents at some point in your life.  And, if you\'re a parent, chances are even better that it\'s been said to you.  Most of the time, it constitutes a blow-off of someone you\'re tired of dealing with, a nice way of saying \"I\'m tired of wasting my time trying to convince someone as out of touch as you are, so I\'m done\".  Trust me, I\'m not trying to blow anyone off, here.  I say ti because, in the case of the Occupy protests, it fits.  Who exactly is it that doesn\'t understand the protests ?  That depends on who you are.  If you\'re a young adult burdened with excessive college debt, a former home owner who got burned in the collapse of the housing bubble, an unemployed (or under-employed) individual who\'s struggling to make ends meet, or any other person whose situation has been adversely affected by the current economy, I\'m not talking about you. You most certainly <em>get it.</em>  If you\'re younger, say under 30, and make extensive use of social media, I\'m probably not talking about you, either.  If, however, you\'re an older person, especially my generation (I\'m 50), still own your own home, have a little money in the bank, a retirement account, maybe even have enough extra to invest, I <em>am</em> talking about you.  All too many people my age don\'t get what\'s going on with the Occupy protests.  Even though most of us are at least old enough to remember the counterculture movement of the 60\'s, this new thing is different.  It freaks us out and we just want it to go away.\r\n\r\nIt\'s different because it hits in that most vulnerable spot: the pocketbook.  In 1968, we had nothing invested in the system, so changing it didn\'t really bother us.  That\'s not that the case anymore.  Like our parents and grandparents forty-three years, we\'re the ones benefitting from the status quo.  Because of that, most of my peer group has had less than good things to say about the phenomenon occurring on Wall Street and across the country.  Most seem to think the protesters are socialists, communists or anarchists.  I\'ve heard many people comment about how they\'re protesting capitalism on their iPhones and computers; things produced by that very capitalist system they\'re against.  In a recent Sunday school class, someone said the protesters weren\'t poor because they didn\'t have jobs, yet they were equipped with all sorts of electronics and such.  Someone else suggested if they really wanted to help the poor, they should go volunteer in a shelter or something.  They just didn\'t get it.  The fact is these protests aren\'t about hand outs for poor people; which, let\'s face it, are band aids at best.  They\'re about fixing a broken economic system so hand outs won\'t be necessary.  Evidently, that\'s a hard concept to grasp when your job is relatively secure, your bills are caught up and you\'re not on the ragged edge of foreclosure.\r\n\r\nFor some reason, whether it\'s fear, loathing or apathy, too many Americans don\'t understand what\'s happening all over America.  Fear because, if this catches on, we might not be able to keep all our stuff.  Apathy because it\'s fixing something as big and broken as the economy is hard and it\'s so much easier to ignore it.  Loathing because people seem to think the protesters are a collection of wannabe hippies, commies, anarchists and general nut jobs and we\'re convinced they want our stuff.  They\'re right the first two; it is going to be hard to fix this broken, corrupt system and, yes, it\'s going to require some sacrifice on our part.  As for who\'s doing the protesting, listen to what Bill Maher said on his show, <em>Real Time</em>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"These people down there, they\'re not the counter-culture.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"They\'re the culture.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"They don\'t want free love, they want paid employment.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"They don\'t hate capitalism, they hate what\'s been done to it.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"And they resent the Republican mantra that the market perfectly rewards the hardworking and punishes the lazy.  And the poor are just jealous moochers who want a hand out.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"Yeah, cuz if there\'s one group of people who hate hand outs it\'s Wall Street.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left\"> Now, there\'s someone who <em>gets it</em>.</p>','You Just Don\'t Understand','','inherit','open','open','','1476-revision-10','','','2011-11-01 12:46:00','2011-11-01 19:46:00','',1476,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1476-revision-10/',0,'revision','',0),(1678,80,'2011-11-01 12:52:12','2011-11-01 19:52:12','In some way, we\'ve all been on one side or another of that phrase.  Chances are good that you\'ve said it to your parents at some point in your life.  And, if you\'re a parent, chances are even better that it\'s been said to you.  Most of the time, we use it to blow-off someone we\'re tired of dealing with, a nice way of saying \"I\'m tired of wasting my time trying to convince someone as thick as you, so I\'m done\".  Trust me, I\'m not trying to blow anyone off, here.  I said it because, in the case of the Occupy protests, it fits.  I\'m sure you\'re wondering, \"Is he talking about me?\"  Maybe, it depends on who you are.  If you\'re a young adult burdened with excessive college debt, a former home owner who got burned in the collapse of the housing bubble, an unemployed (or under-employed) individual who\'s struggling to make ends meet, or any other person whose situation has been adversely affected by the current economy, I\'m not talking about you. You most certainly <em>get it.</em>  If you\'re younger, say under 30, and make extensive use of social media, I\'m probably not talking about you, either.  If, however, you\'re an older person, especially my generation (I\'m 50), still own your own home, have a little money in the bank, a retirement account, maybe even have enough extra to invest, I <em>am</em> talking about you.  All too many people my age don\'t get what\'s going on with the Occupy protests.  Even though most of us are at least old enough to remember the counterculture movement of the 60\'s, this new thing is different.  It freaks us out and we just want it to go away.\r\n\r\nIt\'s different because it hits in that most vulnerable spot: the pocketbook.  In 1968, we had nothing invested in the system, so changing it didn\'t really bother us.  That\'s not that the case anymore.  Like our parents and grandparents forty-three years, we\'re the ones benefitting from the status quo.  Because of that, most of my peer group has had less than good things to say about the phenomenon occurring on Wall Street and across the country.  Most seem to think the protesters are socialists, communists or anarchists.  I\'ve heard many people comment about how they\'re protesting capitalism on their iPhones and computers; things produced by that very capitalist system they\'re against.  In a recent Sunday school class, someone said the protesters weren\'t poor because they didn\'t have jobs, yet they were equipped with all sorts of electronics and such.  Someone else suggested if they really wanted to help the poor, they should go volunteer in a shelter or something.  They just didn\'t get it.  The fact is these protests aren\'t about hand outs for poor people; which, let\'s face it, are band aids at best.  They\'re about fixing a broken economic system so hand outs won\'t be necessary.  Evidently, that\'s a hard concept to grasp when your job is relatively secure, your bills are caught up and you\'re not on the ragged edge of foreclosure.\r\n\r\nFor some reason, whether it\'s fear, loathing or apathy, too many Americans don\'t understand what\'s happening all over America.  Fear because, if this catches on, we might not be able to keep all our stuff.  Apathy because it\'s fixing something as big and broken as the economy is hard and it\'s so much easier to ignore it.  Loathing because people seem to think the protesters are a collection of wannabe hippies, commies, anarchists and general nut jobs and we\'re convinced they want our stuff.  They\'re right the first two; it is going to be hard to fix this broken, corrupt system and, yes, it\'s going to require some sacrifice on our part.  As for who\'s doing the protesting, listen to what Bill Maher said on his show, <em>Real Time</em>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"These people down there, they\'re not the counter-culture.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"They\'re the culture.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"They don\'t want free love, they want paid employment.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"They don\'t hate capitalism, they hate what\'s been done to it.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"And they resent the Republican mantra that the market perfectly rewards the hardworking and punishes the lazy.  And the poor are just jealous moochers who want a hand out.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"Yeah, cuz if there\'s one group of people who hate hand outs it\'s Wall Street.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left\"> Now, there\'s someone who <em>gets it</em>.</p>','You Just Don\'t Understand','','inherit','open','open','','1476-revision-11','','','2011-11-01 12:52:12','2011-11-01 19:52:12','',1476,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1476-revision-11/',0,'revision','',0),(1680,80,'2011-11-01 13:04:40','2011-11-01 20:04:40','In some way, we\'ve all been on one side or another of that phrase.  Chances are good that you\'ve said it to your parents at some point in your life.  And, if you\'re a parent, chances are even better that it\'s been said to you.  Most of the time, we use it to blow-off someone we\'re tired of dealing with, a nice way of saying \"I\'m tired of wasting my time trying to convince someone as thick as you, so I\'m done\".  Trust me, I\'m not trying to blow anyone off, here.  I said it because, in the case of the Occupy protests, it fits.  I\'m sure you\'re wondering, \"Is he talking about me?\"  Maybe, it depends on who you are.  If you\'re a young adult burdened with excessive college debt, a former home owner who got burned in the collapse of the housing bubble, an unemployed (or under-employed) individual who\'s struggling to make ends meet, or any other person whose situation has been adversely affected by the current economy, no, I\'m not talking about you. You most certainly <em>get it.</em>  If you\'re younger, say under 30, and make extensive use of social media, I\'m probably not talking about you, either.  If, however, you\'re an older person, especially my generation (I\'m 50), still own your own home, have a little money in the bank, a retirement account, maybe even have enough extra to invest, I <em>am</em> talking about you.  All too many people my age don\'t get what\'s going on with the Occupy protests.  Even though most of us are at least old enough to remember the counterculture movement of the 60\'s, this new thing is different.  It freaks us out and we just want it to go away.\r\n\r\nIt\'s different because it hits in that most vulnerable spot: the pocketbook.  In 1968, we had nothing invested in the system, so changing it didn\'t really bother us.  That\'s not that the case anymore.  Like our parents and grandparents forty-three years ago, we\'re the ones benefitting from the status quo.  Because of that, most of my peer group has had less than good things to say about the phenomenon occurring on Wall Street and across the country.  Most seem to think the protesters are clueless rich kids sitting around bitching about capitalism on their iPhones and computers; things produced by the very thing they\'re against.  Just a few days ago, in my Sunday school class, someone said the protesters weren\'t poor because they didn\'t have jobs, yet they were equipped with all sorts of electronics and such.  Someone else suggested if they really wanted to help the poor, they should go volunteer in a shelter or something.  They just didn\'t get it.  The fact is these protests aren\'t about hand outs for poor people; which, let\'s face it, are band aids at best.  They\'re about fixing a broken economic system so hand outs won\'t be necessary.  Evidently, that\'s a hard concept to grasp when your job is relatively secure, your bills are caught up and you\'re not on the ragged edge of foreclosure.\r\n\r\nFor some reason, whether it\'s fear, loathing or apathy, too many Americans don\'t understand what\'s happening all over America.  Fear because, if this catches on, we might not be able to keep all our stuff.  Apathy because fixing something as big and broken as the economy is hard and it\'s so much easier to ignore it.  Loathing because people seem to think the protesters are a collection of wannabe hippies, commies, anarchists and general nut jobs that want our stuff.  They\'re right about the first two; it is going to be hard to fix this broken, corrupt system and, yes, it\'s going to require some sacrifice on our part.  As for who\'s doing the protesting, listen to what Bill Maher said on his show, <em>Real Time</em>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"These people down there, they\'re not the counter-culture.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"They\'re the culture.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"They don\'t want free love, they want paid employment.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"They don\'t hate capitalism, they hate what\'s been done to it.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"And they resent the Republican mantra that the market perfectly rewards the hardworking and punishes the lazy.  And the poor are just jealous moochers who want a hand out.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"Yeah, cuz if there\'s one group of people who hate hand outs it\'s Wall Street.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left\"> Now, there\'s someone who <em>gets it</em>.</p>','You Just Don\'t Understand','','inherit','open','open','','1476-revision-13','','','2011-11-01 13:04:40','2011-11-01 20:04:40','',1476,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1476-revision-13/',0,'revision','',0),(1681,80,'2011-11-01 13:06:19','2011-11-01 20:06:19','In some way, we\'ve all been on one side or another of that phrase.  Chances are good that you\'ve said it to your parents at some point in your life.  And, if you\'re a parent, chances are even better that it\'s been said to you.  Most of the time, we use it to blow-off someone we\'re tired of dealing with, a nice way of saying \"I\'m tired of wasting my time trying to convince someone as thick as you, so I\'m done\".  Trust me, I\'m not trying to blow anyone off, here.  I said it because, in the case of the Occupy protests, it fits.  I\'m sure you\'re wondering, \"Is he talking about me?\"  Maybe, it depends on who you are.  If you\'re a young adult burdened with excessive college debt, a former home owner who got burned in the collapse of the housing bubble, an unemployed (or under-employed) individual who\'s struggling to make ends meet, or any other person whose situation has been adversely affected by the current economy, no, I\'m not talking about you. You most certainly <em>get it.</em>  If you\'re younger, say under 30, and make extensive use of social media, I\'m probably not talking about you, either.  If, however, you\'re an older person, especially my generation (I\'m 50), still own your own home, have a little money in the bank, a retirement account, maybe even have enough extra to invest, I <em>am</em> talking about you.  All too many people my age don\'t get what\'s going on with the Occupy protests.  Even though most of us are at least old enough to remember the counterculture movement of the 60\'s, this new thing is different.  It freaks us out and we just want it to go away.\r\n\r\nIt\'s different because it hits in that most vulnerable spot: the pocketbook.  In 1968, we had nothing invested in the system, so changing it didn\'t really bother us.  That\'s not that the case anymore.  Like our parents and grandparents forty-three years ago, we\'re the ones benefitting from the status quo.  Because of that, most of my peer group has had less than good things to say about the phenomenon occurring on Wall Street and across the country.  Most seem to think the protesters are clueless rich kids sitting around bitching about capitalism on their iPhones and computers; things produced by the very thing they\'re against.  Just a few days ago, in my Sunday school class, someone said the protesters weren\'t poor because they didn\'t have jobs, yet they were equipped with all sorts of electronics and such.  Someone else suggested if they really wanted to help the poor, they should go volunteer in a shelter or something.  They just didn\'t get it.  The fact is these protests aren\'t about hand outs for poor people; which, let\'s face it, are band aids at best.  They\'re about fixing a broken economic system so hand outs won\'t be necessary.  Evidently, that\'s a hard concept to grasp when your job is relatively secure, your bills are caught up and you\'re not on the ragged edge of foreclosure.\r\n\r\nFor some reason, whether it\'s fear, loathing or apathy, too many Americans don\'t understand what\'s happening all over America.  Fear because, if this catches on, we might not be able to keep all our money.  Apathy because fixing something as big and broken as the economy is hard and it\'s so much easier to ignore it.  Loathing because people seem to think the protesters are a collection of wannabe hippies, commies, anarchists and general nut jobs that want our stuff.  They\'re right about the first two; it is going to be hard to fix this broken, corrupt system and, yes, it\'s going to require some sacrifice on our part.  As for who\'s doing the protesting, listen to what Bill Maher said on his show, <em>Real Time</em>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"These people down there, they\'re not the counter-culture.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"They\'re the culture.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"They don\'t want free love, they want paid employment.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"They don\'t hate capitalism, they hate what\'s been done to it.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"And they resent the Republican mantra that the market perfectly rewards the hardworking and punishes the lazy.  And the poor are just jealous moochers who want a hand out.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"Yeah, cuz if there\'s one group of people who hate hand outs it\'s Wall Street.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left\"> Now, there\'s someone who <em>gets it</em>.</p>','You Just Don\'t Understand','','inherit','open','open','','1476-revision-14','','','2011-11-01 13:06:19','2011-11-01 20:06:19','',1476,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1476-revision-14/',0,'revision','',0),(1682,80,'2011-11-01 13:24:26','2011-11-01 20:24:26','','Occupy','','inherit','open','open','','occupy','','','2011-11-01 13:24:26','2011-11-01 20:24:26','',1476,'http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Occupy.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1683,1,'2011-11-03 08:23:35','2011-11-03 15:23:35','\"You just don\'t understand.\"\n\nIn some way, we\'ve all been on one side or another of that phrase.  Chances are good that you\'ve said it to your parents at some point in your life.  And, if you\'re a parent, chances are even better that it\'s been said to you.  Most of the time, we use it to blow-off someone we\'re tired of dealing with, a nice way of saying \"I\'m tired of wasting my time trying to convince someone as thick as you, so I\'m done\".\n\nTrust me, I\'m not trying to blow anyone off, here.  I said it because, in the case of the Occupy protests, it fits.  I\'m sure you\'re wondering, \"Is he talking about me?\"  Maybe, it depends on who you are.  If you\'re a young adult burdened with excessive college debt, a former home owner who got burned in the collapse of the housing bubble, an unemployed (or under-employed) individual who\'s struggling to make ends meet, or any other person whose situation has been adversely affected by the current economy, no, I\'m not talking about you. You most certainly <em>get it.</em>  If you\'re younger, say under 30, and make extensive use of social media, I\'m probably not talking about you, either.  If, however, you\'re an older person, especially my generation (I\'m 50), still own your own home, have a little money in the bank, a retirement account, maybe even have enough extra to invest, I <em>am</em> talking about you.\n\nAll too many people my age don\'t get what\'s going on with the Occupy protests.  Even though most of us are at least old enough to remember the counterculture movement of the 60\'s, this new thing is different.  It freaks us out and we just want it to go away.\n\nIt\'s different because it hits in that most vulnerable spot: the pocketbook.  In 1968, we had nothing invested in the system, so changing it didn\'t really bother us.  That\'s not that the case anymore.  Like our parents and grandparents forty-three years ago, we\'re the ones benefiting from the status quo.  Because of that, most of my peer group has had less than good things to say about the phenomenon occurring on Wall Street and across the country.  Most seem to think the protesters are clueless rich kids sitting around bitching about capitalism on their iPhones and computers; things produced by the very thing they\'re against.\n\nJust a few days ago, in my Sunday school class, someone said the protesters weren\'t poor because they didn\'t have jobs, yet they were equipped with all sorts of electronics and such.  Someone else suggested if they really wanted to help the poor, they should go volunteer in a shelter or something.  They just didn\'t get it.\n\nThe fact is these protests aren\'t about hand outs for poor people; which, let\'s face it, are band aids at best.  They\'re about fixing a broken economic system so hand outs won\'t be necessary.  Evidently, that\'s a hard concept to grasp when your job is relatively secure, your bills are caught up and you\'re not on the ragged edge of foreclosure.\n\nFor some reason, whether it\'s fear, loathing or apathy, too many Americans don\'t understand what\'s happening all over America.  Fear because, if this catches on, we might not be able to keep all our money.  Apathy because fixing something as big and broken as the economy is hard and it\'s so much easier to ignore it.  Loathing because people seem to think the protesters are a collection of wannabe hippies, commies, anarchists and general nut jobs that want our stuff.  They\'re right about the first two; it is going to be hard to fix this broken, corrupt system and, yes, it\'s going to require some sacrifice on our part.  As for who\'s doing the protesting, listen to what Bill Maher said on his show, <em>Real Time</em>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em>\"These people down there, they\'re not the counter-culture.\"</em></p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em>\"They\'re the culture.\"</em></p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em>\"They don\'t want free love, they want paid employment.\"</em></p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em>\"They don\'t hate capitalism, they hate what\'s been done to it.\"</em></p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em>\"And they resent the Republican mantra that the market perfectly rewards the hardworking and punishes the lazy.  And the poor are just jealous moochers who want a hand out.\"</em></p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em>\"Yeah, cuz if there\'s one group of people who hate hand outs it\'s Wall Street.\"</em></p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\"> Now, there\'s someone who <em>gets it</em>.</p>','You Just Don\'t Understand','','inherit','open','open','','1476-autosave','','','2011-11-03 08:23:35','2011-11-03 15:23:35','',1476,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1476-autosave/',0,'revision','',0),(1684,80,'2011-11-01 13:06:50','2011-11-01 20:06:50','In some way, we\'ve all been on one side or another of that phrase.  Chances are good that you\'ve said it to your parents at some point in your life.  And, if you\'re a parent, chances are even better that it\'s been said to you.  Most of the time, we use it to blow-off someone we\'re tired of dealing with, a nice way of saying \"I\'m tired of wasting my time trying to convince someone as thick as you, so I\'m done\".  Trust me, I\'m not trying to blow anyone off, here.  I said it because, in the case of the Occupy protests, it fits.  I\'m sure you\'re wondering, \"Is he talking about me?\"  Maybe, it depends on who you are.  If you\'re a young adult burdened with excessive college debt, a former home owner who got burned in the collapse of the housing bubble, an unemployed (or under-employed) individual who\'s struggling to make ends meet, or any other person whose situation has been adversely affected by the current economy, no, I\'m not talking about you. You most certainly <em>get it.</em>  If you\'re younger, say under 30, and make extensive use of social media, I\'m probably not talking about you, either.  If, however, you\'re an older person, especially my generation (I\'m 50), still own your own home, have a little money in the bank, a retirement account, maybe even have enough extra to invest, I <em>am</em> talking about you.  All too many people my age don\'t get what\'s going on with the Occupy protests.  Even though most of us are at least old enough to remember the counterculture movement of the 60\'s, this new thing is different.  It freaks us out and we just want it to go away.\r\n\r\nIt\'s different because it hits in that most vulnerable spot: the pocketbook.  In 1968, we had nothing invested in the system, so changing it didn\'t really bother us.  That\'s not that the case anymore.  Like our parents and grandparents forty-three years ago, we\'re the ones benefitting from the status quo.  Because of that, most of my peer group has had less than good things to say about the phenomenon occurring on Wall Street and across the country.  Most seem to think the protesters are clueless rich kids sitting around bitching about capitalism on their iPhones and computers; things produced by the very thing they\'re against.  Just a few days ago, in my Sunday school class, someone said the protesters weren\'t poor because they didn\'t have jobs, yet they were equipped with all sorts of electronics and such.  Someone else suggested if they really wanted to help the poor, they should go volunteer in a shelter or something.  They just didn\'t get it.  The fact is these protests aren\'t about hand outs for poor people; which, let\'s face it, are band aids at best.  They\'re about fixing a broken economic system so hand outs won\'t be necessary.  Evidently, that\'s a hard concept to grasp when your job is relatively secure, your bills are caught up and you\'re not on the ragged edge of foreclosure.\r\n\r\nFor some reason, whether it\'s fear, loathing or apathy, too many Americans don\'t understand what\'s happening all over America.  Fear because, if this catches on, we might not be able to keep all our money.  Apathy because fixing something as big and broken as the economy is hard and it\'s so much easier to ignore it.  Loathing because people seem to think the protesters are a collection of wannabe hippies, commies, anarchists and general nut jobs that want our stuff.  They\'re right about the first two; it is going to be hard to fix this broken, corrupt system and, yes, it\'s going to require some sacrifice on our part.  As for who\'s doing the protesting, listen to what Bill Maher said on his show, <em>Real Time</em>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"These people down there, they\'re not the counter-culture.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"They\'re the culture.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"They don\'t want free love, they want paid employment.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"They don\'t hate capitalism, they hate what\'s been done to it.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"And they resent the Republican mantra that the market perfectly rewards the hardworking and punishes the lazy.  And the poor are just jealous moochers who want a hand out.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"Yeah, cuz if there\'s one group of people who hate hand outs it\'s Wall Street.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left\"> Now, there\'s someone who <em>gets it</em>.</p>','You Just Don\'t Understand','','inherit','open','open','','1476-revision-15','','','2011-11-01 13:06:50','2011-11-01 20:06:50','',1476,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1476-revision-15/',0,'revision','',0),(1689,4,'2011-10-21 12:28:30','2011-10-21 19:28:30','Now the Passover and the Feast of Unleavened Bread were just two days away, and the Pharisees — the chief priests and teachers of the law were trying to figure out how to arrest Jesus and kill him.  They decided to wait until after the celebrations for fear that others would riot against the established church.\r\n\r\nSo they sent spies to watch the heretic in action in order to gather some hard evidence to justify the death penalty.  Flash forward a few days to Bethany.  Jesus is reclining in the main living area of a house owned by a man named Simon who happens to be a leper.  His disciples are with him and so are the spies.\r\n\r\nSuddenly a beautiful and distraught woman came into the room holding an alabaster jar in her arms.  As her eyes wildly searched each face, Jesus realized who she was.  <strong>The jar contained perfume made of pure nard and cost the woman a year’s wages.</strong>\r\n\r\nLocking eyes onto him she smiled, bent down low and broke the jar, and began to move towards Jesus so that she might anoint him with the contents.  However, knowing her intentions, Jesus quickly moved to the side avoiding the woman with her expensive perfume as he motioned to his disciple Peter with a single glance.\r\n\r\nThe perfume spilled recklessly on the floor near him and began to expand rapidly into a pool of aromatic liquid onto the surface of the floor as the woman fell to one knee <strong>astonished that Jesus would seem so repulsed by her doting gesture.  </strong>Disgusted with the woman’s sin Jesus turned to his Disciples and the Pharisees in attendance and said “She should not have wasted that expensive perfume. It could have been sold and used to help the poor, the widows and orphans. What is <em>she</em> doing with it anyway?”\r\n\r\nIn the alleyway Peter held the woman roughly by the arm and without looking at her said “what did you think you were doing?  You know that your <strong>chosen lifestyle is not the kind that the Master agrees with.  Why, He can not even look at or be in the same room with you.  </strong>Once you turn from your evil ways and choose to live either a life of celibacy as an unworthy woman, or just marry a man like the rest of the women here, you can come back and the Rabbi will accept your gifts.  Until then, stay away. The Master will have nothing more to do with you.”\r\n\r\nThrough heaving sobs the woman looked up at Peter and managed to say, \"B-but Simon is a Leper...\"\r\n\r\n\"...At least he\'s a man.  But you...   What are you anyway?\" Peter said as he shoved the young woman towards the street harshly causing her to trip and fall sharply onto the ground, broken, and even more distraught then before.  Peter smiled smugly, then went back inside.\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/woman_9.jpg\"><img class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-571\" src=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/woman_9-300x248.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"248\" /></a>\r\n\r\nWith this last round of rejection in mind, the young girl lay silently on her side in the dirt, her knees drawn to her chest, both hands clasped tightly over her ears, tears streaming down the side of her face while sounds of guffawing laughter echoed loudly into the alleyway from Simon’s house.  Jesus had finally obtained acceptance by his peers -- the Pharisees, for making clear his stance against at least one of the established religious rejects of the day. <strong>There would no longer be a need for his death. </strong>\r\n[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAHq9byLyyI&w=500&h=339]','The Alabaster Jar - A Parable','','inherit','open','open','','55-revision-35','','','2011-10-21 12:28:30','2011-10-21 19:28:30','',55,'http://provoketive.com/2011/10/21/55-revision-35/',0,'revision','',0),(1688,47,'2011-11-01 14:29:49','2011-11-01 21:29:49','<p style=\"text-align: justify\">My wife and I were married in March 2007.  In the months and years leading up to the wedding, one subject was discussed more frequently than money, personality quirks, or food preferences.  Parenting.  We knew that if we weren’t on the same page when it came to parenting a blended family, our relationship both as parents and spouses would suffer.</p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">At the time we were married, my daughters were 11 and 8, and her son was 5.  During the time we were dating, our relationship with the kids was, outside of normal parenting issues, relatively stress free.  However, once we were married, my daughters turned on Charlotte.  All of a sudden she and Jake were permanent members of the family and the girls realized that they would not have Dad all to themselves anymore.</p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">This change in their behavior caught us completely off-guard.  We thought we had prepared them well for this change and included all three children as part of the wedding service to emphasize that this wedding wasn’t just about us, but them as well.</p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">Fortunately, Charlotte and I had spent many months talking about parenting styles, expectations, and even discipline standards, which lessened the chaos that ensued following the wedding.  Over the last 4+ years people have asked us for advice about parenting stepchildren and we’ve managed to distill it down into a few simple rules:</p>\r\n1. Get On The Same Page\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">Nothing will create stress in a marriage than two parents who are not on the same page.  Disagreements over parenting styles, discipline standards, etc., will eventually become full-blown arguments when mixed with the stress of parenting.  Be sure the two of you work out any differences before you decide to get married and become a family.</p>\r\n2. Stay United\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">Children love to play one parent off the other.  This is often taken to a whole other level when either the parents are divorced or in blended families.  It is vitally important to stay united in the face of the inevitable cries of “You’re not my <em>real</em> Mom/Dad”.</p>\r\n3. Respect Is Non-Negotiable\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">When parents remarry, children will automatically assume that the new adult is attempting to take the place of the other parent.  This generates a natural level of animosity between stepparent and stepchild(ren).  In our house, I’ve explained this to my girls, telling them that they don’t have to love Charlotte, they don’t even have to like her, but as the other adult in the house, they do have to respect her.</p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"> 4. Avoid Even The Appearance Of Favoritism</p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"> It is only natural that, at times, the stepparent will favor their natural child, even unintentionally.  When these situations arise, be sure to communicate your observations in a non‑confrontational manner.  Whatever you do, <strong>do not discuss this in front of the other child(ren).</strong>  Find a time to discuss the issue later or, if this is impractical, ask the other parent to speak to you behind closed doors.  Just the appearance of favoritism can lead to resentment, not only between the stepchild(ren) and the stepparent, but between husband and wife as well.</p>\r\n5. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">Above all else, keep the lines of communication open.  Give the stepchild(ren) a safe place to come and talk, respectfully, about their feelings about the stepparent.  Talk with your spouse often and ask if there’s anything that you need to discuss with your natural children.  But most of all, keep talking to each other and to the children.</p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">Parenting in a blended family presents its own unique set of challenges.  These five simple rules are not intended to be all-inclusive, and each blended family is unique.  They are simply intended to provide a simple, stable, consistent foundation for developing healthy parent-child and parent-parent relationships.</p>','5 Simple Rules For Parenting Blended Families','','inherit','open','open','','1685-revision-2','','','2011-11-01 14:29:49','2011-11-01 21:29:49','',1685,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1685-revision-2/',0,'revision','',0),(1686,47,'2011-11-01 14:27:34','2011-11-01 21:27:34','','Dad_and_family','','inherit','open','open','','dad_and_family','','','2011-11-01 14:27:34','2011-11-01 21:27:34','',1685,'http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Dad_and_family.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1687,47,'2011-11-01 14:25:51','2011-11-01 21:25:51','<p style=\"text-align: justify\">My wife and I were married in March 2007.  In the months and years leading up to the wedding, one subject was discussed more frequently than money, personality quirks, or food preferences.  Parenting.  We knew that if we weren’t on the same page when it came to parenting a blended family, our relationship both as parents and spouses would suffer.</p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">At the time we were married, my daughters were 11 and 8, and her son was 5.  During the time we were dating, our relationship with the kids was, outside of normal parenting issues, relatively stress free.  However, once we were married, my daughters turned on Charlotte.  All of a sudden she and Jake were permanent members of the family and the girls realized that they would not have Dad all to themselves anymore.</p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">This change in their behavior caught us completely off-guard.  We thought we had prepared them well for this change and included all three children as part of the wedding service to emphasize that this wedding wasn’t just about us, but them as well.</p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">Fortunately Charlotte and I had spent many months talking about parenting styles, expectations, and even discipline standards, which lessened the chaos that ensued following the wedding.  Over the last 4+ years people have asked us for advice about parenting stepchildren and we’ve managed to distill it down into a few simple rules:</p>\n1. Get On The Same Page\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">Nothing will create stress in a marriage than two parents who are not on the same page.  Disagreements over parenting styles, discipline standards, etc., will eventually become full-blown arguments when mixed with the stress of parenting.  Be sure the two of you work out any differences before you decide to get married and become a family.</p>\n2. Stay United\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">Children love to play one parent off the other.  This is often taken to a whole other level when either the parents are divorced or in blended families.  It is vitally important to stay united in the face of the inevitable cries of “You’re not my <em>real</em> Mom/Dad”.</p>\n3. Respect Is Non-Negotiable\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">When parents remarry, children will automatically assume that the new adult is attempting to take the place of the other parent.  This generates a natural level of animosity between stepparent and stepchild(ren).  In our house, I’ve explained this to my girls, telling them that they don’t have to love Charlotte, they don’t even have to like her, but as the other adult in the house, they do have to respect her.</p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"> 4. Avoid Even The Appearance Of Favoritism</p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"> It is only natural that, at times, the stepparent will favor their natural child, even unintentionally.  When these situations arise, be sure to communicate your observations in a non‑confrontational manner.  Whatever you do, <strong>do not discuss this in front of the other child(ren).</strong>  Find a time to discuss the issue later or, if this is impractical, ask the other parent to speak to you behind closed doors.  Just the appearance of favoritism can lead to resentment, not only between the stepchild(ren) and the stepparent, but between husband and wife as well.</p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"></p>\n\n<ol style=\"text-align: justify\">\n	<li>Communicate, Communicate, Communicate</li>\n</ol>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"></p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">Above all else, keep the lines of communication open.  Give the stepchild(ren) a safe place to come and talk, respectfully, about their feelings about the stepparent.  Talk with your spouse often and ask if there’s anything that you need to discuss with your natural children.  But most of all, keep talking to each other and to the children.</p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"></p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">Parenting in a blended family presents its own unique set of challenges.  These five simple rules are not intended to be all-inclusive, and each blended family is unique.  They are simply intended to provide a simple, stable, consistent foundation for developing healthy parent-child and parent-parent relationships.</p>','5 Simple Rules For Parenting Blended Families','','inherit','open','open','','1685-revision','','','2011-11-01 14:25:51','2011-11-01 21:25:51','',1685,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1685-revision/',0,'revision','',0),(1691,51,'2011-11-01 14:52:54','2011-11-01 21:52:54','','Auto Draft','','inherit','open','open','','1690-revision','','','2011-11-01 14:52:54','2011-11-01 21:52:54','',1690,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1690-revision/',0,'revision','',0),(1692,51,'2011-11-01 14:55:13','2011-11-01 21:55:13','','grocery store','','inherit','open','open','','536096926_33a0d39502','','','2011-11-01 14:55:13','2011-11-01 21:55:13','',1690,'http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/536096926_33a0d39502.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1693,51,'2011-11-01 14:54:23','2011-11-01 21:54:23','&nbsp;\n\n&nbsp;\n\nI have a lifetime membership in the “clean your plate club.” My mother coupled guilt and shame when we pushed our dinner around on the plate, trying to make it appear as if we had eaten a great deal more than we had. Dutifully, my mother reminded us: “there are starving children all over Africa and Asia who would be happy to eat what you are turning your noses up at.” We were picky eaters. Our standard menu included: frozen pizza, tacos, pasta, and occasionally some form of fast food. All processed, store bought food filled our plates. Occasionally, the garden salad graced our plates too. Again, we received the admonishment to give thanks despite out distaste for the watery lettuce and bland tomato.\n\n&nbsp;\n\nEven as an adult, my ideology surrounding food remained consistent—be grateful, clean your plate. As a Christian, I believed we must thankful for our food rather than question its origins. The grocery stores piled high all year with tomatoes, apples, meats, cheeses confirmed to us our abundance. God truly blessed us with a bounty of available food but was all this food really a sign of God\'s blessing? Beneath the colorful description of the produce and meats, the signs stated where the food came. Produce delivered from South America. Meats trucked in from large processing plants. What I counted as God\'s gifts were wrecking havoc on the sustainability of our global climate and its resources.\n\n&nbsp;\n\nPerhaps, parenthood jolted me out of my complacency. I no longer had the luxury of making all the food decisions, and these decisions only affecting myself. Two children expected me to make healthier choices for them than they would make for themselves. Healthier choices meant learning about how our food comes to the store. Through my research, I learned two things. First, food should be local sourced. Local food is fresher, and it doesn\'t require the amount of resources expended in bringing food from farther away. Secondly, food should be seasonal. Nothing tastes better than a summer garden tomato. When we learn to eat seasonally, we experience food at its nutritional peak.\n\n&nbsp;\n\nI decided I wanted my children to be picky eaters. Not the kind of picky eater whose diet subsists of chicken nuggets and apple slices. But a generation of eaters focused upon the sustainability of their food and its impact upon the global communities. As a parent, I want to teach my children not simply to be thankful for their food but mindful of the how the food came to their plates. This is not an easy task. When I grow to the grocery store, the fruits and vegetables are beautiful compounded by my children\'s desire to have apples in the winter or tomatoes in the fall. It\'s hard to say no when they are asking for healthy foods, but I use this opportunity to discuss sustainability and eating seasonally. We plant gardens and watch out food grow. Slowly, my children are learning that the food grown in our garden tastes better than store bought. They are becoming picky eaters.','Raising Picky Eaters','','inherit','open','open','','1690-revision-2','','','2011-11-01 14:54:23','2011-11-01 21:54:23','',1690,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1690-revision-2/',0,'revision','',0),(1694,51,'2011-11-01 14:56:00','2011-11-01 21:56:00','&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\nI have a lifetime membership in the “clean your plate club.” My mother coupled guilt and shame when we pushed our dinner around on the plate, trying to make it appear as if we had eaten a great deal more than we had. Dutifully, my mother reminded us: “there are starving children all over Africa and Asia who would be happy to eat what you are turning your noses up at.” We were picky eaters. Our standard menu included: frozen pizza, tacos, pasta, and occasionally some form of fast food. All processed, store bought food filled our plates. Occasionally, the garden salad graced our plates too. Again, we received the admonishment to give thanks despite out distaste for the watery lettuce and bland tomato.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\nEven as an adult, my ideology surrounding food remained consistent—be grateful, clean your plate. As a Christian, I believed we must thankful for our food rather than question its origins. The grocery stores piled high all year with tomatoes, apples, meats, cheeses confirmed to us our abundance. God truly blessed us with a bounty of available food but was all this food really a sign of God\'s blessing? Beneath the colorful description of the produce and meats, the signs stated where the food came. Produce delivered from South America. Meats trucked in from large processing plants. What I counted as God\'s gifts were wrecking havoc on the sustainability of our global climate and its resources.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\nPerhaps, parenthood jolted me out of my complacency. I no longer had the luxury of making all the food decisions, and these decisions only affecting myself. Two children expected me to make healthier choices for them than they would make for themselves. Healthier choices meant learning about how our food comes to the store. Through my research, I learned two things. First, food should be local sourced. Local food is fresher, and it doesn\'t require the amount of resources expended in bringing food from farther away. Secondly, food should be seasonal. Nothing tastes better than a summer garden tomato. When we learn to eat seasonally, we experience food at its nutritional peak.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\nI decided I wanted my children to be picky eaters. Not the kind of picky eater whose diet subsists of chicken nuggets and apple slices. But a generation of eaters focused upon the sustainability of their food and its impact upon the global communities. As a parent, I want to teach my children not simply to be thankful for their food but mindful of the how the food came to their plates. This is not an easy task. When I grow to the grocery store, the fruits and vegetables are beautiful compounded by my children\'s desire to have apples in the winter or tomatoes in the fall. It\'s hard to say no when they are asking for healthy foods, but I use this opportunity to discuss sustainability and eating seasonally. We plant gardens and watch out food grow. Slowly, my children are learning that the food grown in our garden tastes better than store bought. They are becoming picky eaters.','Raising Picky Eaters','','inherit','open','open','','1690-revision-3','','','2011-11-01 14:56:00','2011-11-01 21:56:00','',1690,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1690-revision-3/',0,'revision','',0),(1695,51,'2011-11-01 14:56:14','2011-11-01 21:56:14','&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\nI have a lifetime membership in the “clean your plate club.” My mother coupled guilt and shame when we pushed our dinner around on the plate, trying to make it appear as if we had eaten a great deal more than we had. Dutifully, my mother reminded us: “there are starving children all over Africa and Asia who would be happy to eat what you are turning your noses up at.” We were picky eaters. Our standard menu included: frozen pizza, tacos, pasta, and occasionally some form of fast food. All processed, store bought food filled our plates. Occasionally, the garden salad graced our plates too. Again, we received the admonishment to give thanks despite out distaste for the watery lettuce and bland tomato.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\nEven as an adult, my ideology surrounding food remained consistent—be grateful, clean your plate. As a Christian, I believed we must thankful for our food rather than question its origins. The grocery stores piled high all year with tomatoes, apples, meats, cheeses confirmed to us our abundance. God truly blessed us with a bounty of available food but was all this food really a sign of God\'s blessing? Beneath the colorful description of the produce and meats, the signs stated where the food came. Produce delivered from South America. Meats trucked in from large processing plants. What I counted as God\'s gifts were wrecking havoc on the sustainability of our global climate and its resources.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\nPerhaps, parenthood jolted me out of my complacency. I no longer had the luxury of making all the food decisions, and these decisions only affecting myself. Two children expected me to make healthier choices for them than they would make for themselves. Healthier choices meant learning about how our food comes to the store. Through my research, I learned two things. First, food should be local sourced. Local food is fresher, and it doesn\'t require the amount of resources expended in bringing food from farther away. Secondly, food should be seasonal. Nothing tastes better than a summer garden tomato. When we learn to eat seasonally, we experience food at its nutritional peak.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\nI decided I wanted my children to be picky eaters. Not the kind of picky eater whose diet subsists of chicken nuggets and apple slices. But a generation of eaters focused upon the sustainability of their food and its impact upon the global communities. As a parent, I want to teach my children not simply to be thankful for their food but mindful of the how the food came to their plates. This is not an easy task. When I grow to the grocery store, the fruits and vegetables are beautiful compounded by my children\'s desire to have apples in the winter or tomatoes in the fall. It\'s hard to say no when they are asking for healthy foods, but I use this opportunity to discuss sustainability and eating seasonally. We plant gardens and watch out food grow. Slowly, my children are learning that the food grown in our garden tastes better than store bought. They are becoming picky eaters.','Raising Picky Eaters','','inherit','open','open','','1690-revision-4','','','2011-11-01 14:56:14','2011-11-01 21:56:14','',1690,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1690-revision-4/',0,'revision','',0),(1696,51,'2011-11-01 15:03:50','2011-11-01 22:03:50','<strong>Hello, my name is Sarah, and I\'m a picky eater.</strong>\r\n\r\nI grew up in a family of picky eaters. Our standard menu included: frozen pizza, tacos, pasta, and occasionally some form of fast food. All processed, store bought food filled our plates. Occasionally, the garden salad graced our plates too. We received the admonishment to give thanks despite out distaste for the watery lettuce and bland tomato. My mother coupled guilt and shame when we pushed our dinner around on the plate, trying to make it appear as if we had eaten a great deal more than we had. Dutifully, my mother reminded us: “there are starving children all over Africa and Asia who would be happy to eat what you are turning your noses up at.”\r\n\r\n<strong>Even as an adult, my ideology surrounding food remained consistent—be grateful, clean your plate.</strong>\r\n\r\n<strong></strong> As a Christian, I believed we must thankful for our food rather than question its origins. The grocery stores piled high all year with tomatoes, apples, meats, cheeses confirmed to us our abundance. God truly blessed us with a bounty of available food but was all this food really a sign of God\'s blessing? Beneath the colorful description of the produce and meats, the signs stated where the food came. Produce delivered from South America. Meats trucked in from large processing plants. What I counted as God\'s gifts were wrecking havoc on the sustainability of our global climate and its resources.\r\n\r\n<strong> Perhaps, parenthood jolted me out of my complacency.</strong>\r\n\r\nI no longer had the luxury of making all the food decisions, and these decisions only affecting myself. Two children expected me to make healthier choices for them than they would make for themselves. Healthier choices meant learning about how our food comes to the store. Through my research, I learned two things. First, food should be local sourced. Local food is fresher, and it doesn\'t require the amount of resources expended in bringing food from farther away. Secondly, food should be seasonal. Nothing tastes better than a summer garden tomato. When we learn to eat seasonally, we experience food at its nutritional peak.\r\n\r\n<strong>I decided I wanted my children to be picky eaters.</strong>\r\n\r\nNot the kind of picky eater whose diet subsists of chicken nuggets and apple slices. But a generation of eaters focused upon the sustainability of their food and its impact upon the global communities. As a parent, I want to teach my children not simply to be thankful for their food but mindful of the how the food came to their plates. This is not an easy task. When I grow to the grocery store, the fruits and vegetables are beautiful compounded by my children\'s desire to have apples in the winter or tomatoes in the fall. It\'s hard to say no when they are asking for healthy foods, but I use this opportunity to discuss sustainability and eating seasonally. We plant gardens and watch out food grow. Slowly, my children are learning that the food grown in our garden tastes better than store bought. They are becoming picky eaters.\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://www.flickr.com/photos/j-pf/536096926/sizes/l/in/photostream/\">Photo by: J-P-F</a>','Raising Picky Eaters','','inherit','open','open','','1690-revision-5','','','2011-11-01 15:03:50','2011-11-01 22:03:50','',1690,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1690-revision-5/',0,'revision','',0),(1697,51,'2011-11-01 15:10:41','2011-11-01 22:10:41','<strong>Hello, my name is Sarah, and I\'m a picky eater.</strong>\n\nI grew up in a family of picky eaters. Our standard menu included: frozen pizza, tacos, pasta, and occasionally some form of fast food. All processed, store bought food filled our plates. Occasionally, the garden salad graced our plates too. We received the admonishment to give thanks despite out distaste for the watery lettuce and bland tomato. My mother coupled guilt and shame when we pushed our dinner around on the plate, trying to make it appear as if we had eaten a great deal more than we had. Dutifully, my mother reminded us: “there are starving children all over Africa and Asia who would be happy to eat what you are turning your noses up at.”\n\n<strong>Even as an adult, my ideology surrounding food remained consistent—be grateful, clean your plate.</strong>\n\n<strong></strong> As a Christian, I believed we must thankful for our food. Questioning God\'s provisions stemmed from an ungrateful, thankless heart. Who was I to say the that grocery stores piled high all year with tomatoes, apples, meats, cheeses confirmed to us our abundance. God truly blessed us with a bounty of available food but was all this food really a sign of God\'s blessing? Beneath the colorful description of the produce and meats, the signs stated where the food came. Produce delivered from South America. Meats trucked in from large processing plants. What I counted as God\'s gifts were wrecking havoc on the sustainability of our global climate and its resources.\n\n<strong> Perhaps, parenthood jolted me out of my complacency.</strong>\n\nI no longer had the luxury of making all the food decisions, and these decisions only affecting myself. Two children expected me to make healthier choices for them than they would make for themselves. Healthier choices meant learning about how our food comes to the store. Through my research, I learned two things. First, food should be local sourced. Local food is fresher, and it doesn\'t require the amount of resources expended in bringing food from farther away. Secondly, food should be seasonal. Nothing tastes better than a summer garden tomato. When we learn to eat seasonally, we experience food at its nutritional peak.\n\n<strong>I decided I wanted my children to be picky eaters.</strong>\n\nNot the kind of picky eater whose diet subsists of chicken nuggets and apple slices. But a generation of eaters focused upon the sustainability of their food and its impact upon the global communities. As a parent, I want to teach my children not simply to be thankful for their food but mindful of the how the food came to their plates. This is not an easy task. When I grow to the grocery store, the fruits and vegetables are beautiful compounded by my children\'s desire to have apples in the winter or tomatoes in the fall. It\'s hard to say no when they are asking for healthy foods, but I use this opportunity to discuss sustainability and eating seasonally. We plant gardens and watch out food grow. Slowly, my children are learning that the food grown in our garden tastes better than store bought. They are becoming picky eaters.\n\n<a href=\"http://www.flickr.com/photos/j-pf/536096926/sizes/l/in/photostream/\">Photo by: J-P-F</a>','Raising Picky Eaters','','inherit','open','open','','1690-revision-6','','','2011-11-01 15:10:41','2011-11-01 22:10:41','',1690,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1690-revision-6/',0,'revision','',0),(1698,51,'2011-11-01 15:11:00','2011-11-01 22:11:00','<strong>Hello, my name is Sarah, and I\'m a picky eater.</strong>\r\n\r\nI grew up in a family of picky eaters. Our standard menu included: frozen pizza, tacos, pasta, and occasionally some form of fast food. All processed, store bought food filled our plates. Occasionally, the garden salad graced our plates too. We received the admonishment to give thanks despite out distaste for the watery lettuce and bland tomato. My mother coupled guilt and shame when we pushed our dinner around on the plate, trying to make it appear as if we had eaten a great deal more than we had. Dutifully, my mother reminded us: “there are starving children all over Africa and Asia who would be happy to eat what you are turning your noses up at.”\r\n\r\n<strong>Even as an adult, my ideology surrounding food remained consistent—be grateful, clean your plate.</strong>\r\n\r\n<strong></strong> As a Christian, I believed we must thankful for our food. Questioning God\'s provisions stemmed from an ungrateful, thankless heart. Who was I to say the that grocery stores piled high all year with tomatoes, apples, meats, cheeses wasn\'t how God chose to provide for my needs? God truly blessed us with a bounty of available food but was all this food really a sign of God\'s blessing? Beneath the colorful description of the produce and meats, the signs stated where the food came. Produce delivered from South America. Meats trucked in from large processing plants. What I counted as God\'s gifts were wrecking havoc on the sustainability of our global climate and its resources.\r\n\r\n<strong> Perhaps, parenthood jolted me out of my complacency.</strong>\r\n\r\nI no longer had the luxury of making all the food decisions, and these decisions only affecting myself. Two children expected me to make healthier choices for them than they would make for themselves. Healthier choices meant learning about how our food comes to the store. Through my research, I learned two things. First, food should be local sourced. Local food is fresher, and it doesn\'t require the amount of resources expended in bringing food from farther away. Secondly, food should be seasonal. Nothing tastes better than a summer garden tomato. When we learn to eat seasonally, we experience food at its nutritional peak.\r\n\r\n<strong>I decided I wanted my children to be picky eaters.</strong>\r\n\r\nNot the kind of picky eater whose diet subsists of chicken nuggets and apple slices. But a generation of eaters focused upon the sustainability of their food and its impact upon the global communities. As a parent, I want to teach my children not simply to be thankful for their food but mindful of the how the food came to their plates. This is not an easy task. When I grow to the grocery store, the fruits and vegetables are beautiful compounded by my children\'s desire to have apples in the winter or tomatoes in the fall. It\'s hard to say no when they are asking for healthy foods, but I use this opportunity to discuss sustainability and eating seasonally. We plant gardens and watch out food grow. Slowly, my children are learning that the food grown in our garden tastes better than store bought. They are becoming picky eaters.\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://www.flickr.com/photos/j-pf/536096926/sizes/l/in/photostream/\">Photo by: J-P-F</a>','Raising Picky Eaters','','inherit','open','open','','1690-revision-7','','','2011-11-01 15:11:00','2011-11-01 22:11:00','',1690,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1690-revision-7/',0,'revision','',0),(1699,51,'2011-11-01 15:11:57','2011-11-01 22:11:57','<strong>Hello, my name is Sarah, and I\'m a picky eater.</strong>\r\n\r\nI grew up in a family of picky eaters. Our standard menu included: frozen pizza, tacos, pasta, and occasionally some form of fast food. All processed, store bought food filled our plates. Occasionally, the garden salad graced our plates too. We received the admonishment to give thanks despite out distaste for the watery lettuce and bland tomato. My mother coupled guilt and shame when we pushed our dinner around on the plate, trying to make it appear as if we had eaten a great deal more than we had. Dutifully, my mother reminded us: “there are starving children all over Africa and Asia who would be happy to eat what you are turning your noses up at.”\r\n\r\n<strong>Even as an adult, my ideology surrounding food remained consistent—be grateful, clean your plate.</strong>\r\n\r\n<strong></strong> As a Christian, I believed we must thankful for our food. Questioning God\'s provisions stemmed from an ungrateful, thankless heart. Who was I to say the that grocery stores piled high all year with tomatoes, apples, meats, cheeses wasn\'t how God chose to provide for my needs? God truly blessed us with a bounty of available food but was all this food really a sign of God\'s blessing? Beneath the colorful description of the produce and meats, the signs stated where the food came. Produce delivered from South America. Meats trucked in from large processing plants. What I counted as God\'s gifts were wrecking havoc on the sustainability of our global climate and its resources.\r\n\r\n<strong> Perhaps, parenthood jolted me out of my complacency.</strong>\r\n\r\nI no longer had the luxury of making all the food decisions, and these decisions only affecting myself. Two children expected me to make healthier choices for them than they would make for themselves. Healthier choices meant learning about how our food comes to the store. Through my research, I learned two things. First, food should be local sourced. Local food is fresher, and it doesn\'t require the amount of resources expended in bringing food from farther away. Secondly, food should be seasonal. Nothing tastes better than a summer garden tomato. When we learn to eat seasonally, we experience food at its nutritional peak.\r\n\r\n<strong>I decided I wanted my children to be picky eaters.</strong>\r\n\r\nNot the kind of picky eater whose diet subsists of chicken nuggets and apple slices. But the kind of picky eater focused upon the sustainability of their food and its impact upon the global communities. As a parent, I want to teach my children not simply to be thankful for their food but mindful of the how the food came to their plates. This is not an easy task. When I grow to the grocery store, the fruits and vegetables are beautiful compounded by my children\'s desire to have apples in the winter or tomatoes in the fall. It\'s hard to say no when they are asking for healthy foods, but I use this opportunity to discuss sustainability and eating seasonally. We plant gardens and watch out food grow. Slowly, my children are learning that the food grown in our garden tastes better than store bought. They are becoming picky eaters.\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://www.flickr.com/photos/j-pf/536096926/sizes/l/in/photostream/\">Photo by: J-P-F</a>','Raising Picky Eaters','','inherit','open','open','','1690-revision-8','','','2011-11-01 15:11:57','2011-11-01 22:11:57','',1690,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1690-revision-8/',0,'revision','',0),(1957,1,'2011-11-08 14:47:16','2011-11-08 22:47:16','<script src=\"http://player.espn.com/player.js?pcode=1kNG061cgaoolOncv54OAO1ceO-I&width=500&height=300&externalId=espn:7208965&thruParam_espn-ui[autoPlay]=false&thruParam_espn-ui[playRelatedExternally]=true\"></script>\r\n\r\nDid anyone think the players were EVER going to win?','The NBA Locket Mess Roundup','','publish','open','open','','the-nba-locket-mess-roundup','','','2011-11-08 14:47:31','2011-11-08 22:47:31','',0,'http://provoketive.com/?p=1957',0,'post','',0),(1701,1,'2011-11-01 16:13:47','2011-11-01 23:13:47','I have a confession to make.  I\'ve never liked Christian movies.  They are typically thin on development, very campy, and usually serve to present the Gospel message in some way.  I went to film school, had a movie script produce [badly] and worked in Hollywood for four years under some of the best film houses in the business.  The level of quality that I was able to train under was phenomenal.  In film school we used to lament at how bad Christian movies were and dreamed of changing things.  I left Hollywood to save my own soul [another story] but I sometimes think I left my heart there.\r\n\r\nWhenever a \"Christian\" movie comes out my heart leaps with hope, only to cringe at the final product.  Perhaps I\'m a snob when it comes to movies, but I dare you to name one Christian movie that is anyone\'s top 1,000 list.  And Ben Hur is not a Christian movie.  It\'s an action movie about a man who discovers grace.\r\n\r\nSo when I heard <a href=\"http://www.bluelikejazzthemovie.com\" target=\"_blank\">Blue Like Jazz</a> was coming out, I so wanted it to be good.  Blue Like Jazz, written by Donald Miller, was one of the seminal books for me in my emerging spiritual development.  It came at a time when I was searching for what it meant to be human.  Miller\'s story of working through his own humanity ended up becoming a best seller.  The movie almost didn\'t get made.  It was saved from death by a unique crowd-sourcing campaign and finally put to film.\r\n\r\nThe trailer came out and it looks really good. Here\'s \"hoping\" the movie is as good as the trailer.  No announcement of release dates yet.\r\n\r\n<iframe width=\"500\" height=\"284\" src=\"http://www.youtube.com/embed/e-EEzBTui8w\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen></iframe>','Blue Like Jazz The Movie','','publish','open','open','','blue-like-jazz-the-movie','','','2011-11-01 16:24:56','2011-11-01 23:24:56','',0,'http://provoketive.com/?p=1701',0,'post','',10),(3545,57,'2012-01-03 20:04:28','2012-01-04 04:04:28','','hell-413x250','','inherit','open','open','','hell-413x250','','','2012-01-03 20:04:28','2012-01-04 04:04:28','',3529,'http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/hell-413x250.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(3546,57,'2012-01-03 19:58:28','2012-01-04 03:58:28','2011 will always be remembered as the year of the \"hell debate” because of the explosion of Christian writing that rattled the popular evangelical conception of hell. What has become clear is that it’s not a debate between those \"for\" and \"against\" hell, but rather a debate between different possible hells. The following six questions are my attempt to explore the theological presumptions that explain how we come up with such different hells.\n\n<strong>1) Is God\'s being <em>independent </em>of the universe or is God the <em>source </em>of the universe\'s being?</strong>\n\nThe modern imagination pictures God as another person like we are people. He\'s invisible, omnipotent, and omnipresent but His being is seen as completely independent from ours. This is very different from the ancient Christian view that God was the source of all being, expressed most  succinctly in Colossians 1:17: \"In Him all things hold together.”\n\nIf all things depend on God for existence and hell is eternal separation from God, then hell is the non-existence that results from rejecting the source of our being. The punitive nature of hell becomes literal rather than metaphorical <em>only in modernity</em> when it becomes possible to imagine existence independent of the presence of God.\n\n<strong>2) Is God\'s primary agenda to <em>love </em>creation or defend His <em>glory</em>?</strong>\n\nIf God\'s love is the underlying motive for everything He does, then hell must have a loving purpose such as solidarity or protection for the victims of sin. If God never stops loving the people who suffer in hell, then hell must be the product of their choice to reject God\'s love rather than God\'s rejection of them.\n\nBut if everything God does is out of defense of His glory rather than love, and His glory is not defined in terms of His love, then hell has nothing to do with love. In this conception of hell, God punishes people in hell not because they hurt people He loves but simply because His honor has been offended. If God is invested in His honor rather than in seeking communion, He would be indifferent to whether He is glorified through salvation or damnation.\n\n<strong>3) Is God\'s justice primarily <em>retributive </em>or <em>restorative</em>?</strong>\n\nOur modern capitalist world depends upon the assumption that every debt will be paid in full. Without this assurance, our entire economic order would collapse. I think this is why in modernity we equate justice with retribution. Modern justice concerns itself exclusively with ensuring that criminals \"pay\" fully for their crime, as opposed to restoring the well-being of crime victims or repairing the damage crime does to a community. Restorative justice concerns itself instead with healing, repentance, and reconciliation.\n\nIf hell serves the purpose of retributive justice, it exists simply to make sinners pay for their sins. Under this view of hell, some people might question whether eternal torment is an appropriate retribution for a mildly sinful life. The response is usually to say that God is such a perfectionist that sins we consider to be mild are infinitely offensive to God.\n\nOn the other hand, if hell serves the purpose of restorative justice, then it isn\'t a punishment measured out in proportion to the offensiveness of sin, but the denial of eternal communion to sinners who have refused the means by which God offers to heal and reconcile them with the people hurt by their sin.\n\n<strong>4) Is God\'s holiness an <em>intolerance for imperfection</em> or an <em>intolerable perfection</em>?</strong>\n\nIt\'s a common formulation in pop evangelical speech to say that God\'s holiness means that He “can have no fellowship with sin” and that God has to send people to hell because He can\'t tolerate their imperfection. On the other hand, Jesus did choose to fellowship with sinners without compromising His holiness. His holiness could tolerate sinners, but the sinners could not tolerate His holiness, so they crucified Him.\n\nIf holiness is God\'s intolerance for imperfection, then hell serves the purpose of protecting God from exposure to our sin. If on the other hand, holiness is God\'s intolerable perfection, then hell is the torture experienced by sinners who face God\'s holiness without atonement.\n\n<strong>5) When we escape hell, is it because <em>God changed His mind about us</em> or because <em>we changed our minds about God</em>?</strong>\n\nJesus’ death on the cross is often presented as the reason Jesus’ wrathful Father changes <em>His</em> mind about damning all humanity to hell. The objection to this is to point out that it breaks the Son and Father into two separate gods, rather than one single triune God. If God is truly both Son and Father, then He does not need to be persuaded by His own actions, which would seem to indicate that the cross is supposed to change <em>our</em> minds about God instead.\n\nIf God is the one whose mind needs to be changed, then we experience heaven or hell according to where God chooses to send us. If we are the ones whose minds need to be changed, then God’s attitude toward us is constant, but we experience heaven or hell depending upon whether we receive God’s fiery embrace as love or wrath.\n\n<strong>6) Are we saved <em>by proving something</em> to God or does God save us <em>from having something to prove</em>?</strong>\n\nEvangelical Christianity describes salvation as justification by faith rather than works. This means that we are saved by <em>believing </em>something but not by <em>doing</em> something. But if salvation describes God’s evaluative response to something we have proven about ourselves, then it would seem that whatever proof we have given God is our “works-righteousness,” whether it’s a decision or sinner’s prayer or adherence to the right doctrine. Alternatively, salvation could mean being liberated from the need to prove our worth to God because we trust instead in Jesus’ sacrifice.\n\nIf salvation describes God’s approval of our demonstrated “faith,” then hell is God’s reaction to those whom He disapproves. If on the other hand, salvation describes how God liberates us from thinking that we need to earn His approval, then hell could be our delusional imprisonment to the need to prove our worth to God, which would mean that many evangelicals who think they’re saved are actually suffering through hell.','Six Questions from the Hell Debate','','inherit','open','open','','3529-revision-3','','','2012-01-03 19:58:28','2012-01-04 03:58:28','',3529,'http://provoketive.com/2012/01/03/3529-revision-3/',0,'revision','',0),(1703,1,'2011-11-01 16:03:34','2011-11-01 23:03:34','','blue_like_jazz','','inherit','open','open','','blue_like_jazz','','','2011-11-01 16:03:34','2011-11-01 23:03:34','',1701,'http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/blue_like_jazz.png',0,'attachment','image/png',0),(1704,4,'2011-11-01 16:13:38','2011-11-01 23:13:38','','1176741_68006109','','inherit','open','open','','1176741_68006109','','','2011-11-01 16:13:38','2011-11-01 23:13:38','',0,'http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/1176741_68006109.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1705,1,'2011-11-01 16:13:28','2011-11-01 23:13:28','I have a confession to make.  I\'ve never liked Christian movies.  They are typically thin on development, very campy, and usually serve to present the Gospel message in some way.  I went to film school, had a movie script produce [badly] and worked in Hollywood for four years under some of the best film houses in the business.  The level of quality that I was able to train under was phenomenal.  In film school we used to lament at how bad Christian movies were and dreamed of changing things.  I left Hollywood to save my own soul [another story] but I sometimes think I left my heart there.\n\nWhenever a \"Christian\" movie comes out my heart leaps with hope, only to cringe at the final product.  Perhaps I\'m a snob when it comes to movies, but I dare you to name one Christian movie that is anyone\'s top 1,000 list.  And Ben Hur is not a Christian movie.  It\'s an action movie about a man who discovers grace.\n\nSo when I heard Blue Like Jazz was coming out, I so wanted it to be good.  Blue Like Jazz, written by Donald Miller, was one of the seminal books for me in my emerging spiritual development.  It came at a time when I was searching for what it meant to be human.  Miller\'s story of working through his own humanity ended up becoming a best seller.  The movie almost didn\'t get made.  It was saved from death by a unique crowd-sourcing campaign and finally put to film.\n\nThe trailer came out and it looks really good. Here\'s \"hoping\" the movie is as good as the trailer.  No announcement of release dates yet','Blue Like Jazz The Movie','','inherit','open','open','','1701-revision','','','2011-11-01 16:13:28','2011-11-01 23:13:28','',1701,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1701-revision/',0,'revision','',0),(1706,1,'2011-11-01 16:13:47','2011-11-01 23:13:47','I have a confession to make.  I\'ve never liked Christian movies.  They are typically thin on development, very campy, and usually serve to present the Gospel message in some way.  I went to film school, had a movie script produce [badly] and worked in Hollywood for four years under some of the best film houses in the business.  The level of quality that I was able to train under was phenomenal.  In film school we used to lament at how bad Christian movies were and dreamed of changing things.  I left Hollywood to save my own soul [another story] but I sometimes think I left my heart there.\r\n\r\nWhenever a \"Christian\" movie comes out my heart leaps with hope, only to cringe at the final product.  Perhaps I\'m a snob when it comes to movies, but I dare you to name one Christian movie that is anyone\'s top 1,000 list.  And Ben Hur is not a Christian movie.  It\'s an action movie about a man who discovers grace.\r\n\r\nSo when I heard Blue Like Jazz was coming out, I so wanted it to be good.  Blue Like Jazz, written by Donald Miller, was one of the seminal books for me in my emerging spiritual development.  It came at a time when I was searching for what it meant to be human.  Miller\'s story of working through his own humanity ended up becoming a best seller.  The movie almost didn\'t get made.  It was saved from death by a unique crowd-sourcing campaign and finally put to film.\r\n\r\nThe trailer came out and it looks really good. Here\'s \"hoping\" the movie is as good as the trailer.  No announcement of release dates yet','Blue Like Jazz The Movie','','inherit','open','open','','1701-revision-2','','','2011-11-01 16:13:47','2011-11-01 23:13:47','',1701,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1701-revision-2/',0,'revision','',0),(1707,1,'2011-10-31 19:45:56','2011-11-01 02:45:56','The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life is an ongoing adventure. It’s having a family.\r\n\r\nOf course the normal issues play into this: the time it takes to coordinate schedules, get my daughter ready to go with me to meetings, to squeeze in a meal and a nap somewhere, and still find some quality time with my wife; the need to plan around appointments, learn the ability to Frankenstein a crazy budget when unexpected car trouble finds us, and so on.\r\n\r\nAll of those are concerns, along with a million other new wrinkles in life when one starts a family of his or her own, that make life a rollercoaster ride indeed. But those are problems that, over time, you can get somewhat deft at handling. Each parent finds a way to manage time (some definitely better than others); schedules somehow get coordinated <em>just</em> enough.\r\n\r\nThere are other concerns, moments really, that cannot be mastered. They can only be weathered as each family attempts to find a way to deal with these moments.\r\n\r\nToday, in the bathroom, my daughter told me about God sending people to hell. We’ve never talked about it—she’s only three years old, you see, and frankly, it isn’t an issue of whether I think <em>she’s</em> ready to handle it or not. It’s that <em>I’m</em> not. I am unsettled, to say the least, on this particular issue. I asked her where she had learned that, and here’s where the wrinkle comes in that makes this a truly landmark family issue: “From mom.”\r\n\r\nI didn’t know what to say. You see, one reason that being a part of a family is so hard is because there are at least two different perspectives on nearly everything. And unlike other relationships, this isn’t one that simply agreeing to disagree is always a viable option. A large percentage of the time, those perspectives converge. But what happens when they don’t?\r\n\r\nWhen I myself was around three years old, my mother was going with another lady from our small community church to visit an elderly lady in our very small farm town in Idaho. As my mother talked with the lady, she told my mother that she was in a ‘mixed marriage.’ My mother was pretty amazed at this, because she thought it was pretty radical for a lady of her age, from her era, and from such a small, behind the times town in Idaho to be married to someone from another race. She made mention of this later to the other lady from the church as they were leaving. “Oh, no, she’s not talking about someone from another ethnicity. She’s married to someone from another religion.” On and off since then, I’ve wondered how families navigate these murky and sometimes tumultuous waters.\r\n\r\nLife on one’s own is already a tough balancing act. There are all of the questions about how to live out your faith in public, or if you even should. Who is safe to be open and honest with about doubts? Will people understand my own views that run counter to the seemingly communal beliefs held by my own religious congregation?\r\n\r\nBut when a family is in the mix, especially with children, things can get a little dicey. What if my theological views do not line up, in some areas, with my spouse? How do we have conversations about these things without making each other feel alienated or inferior/superior? And what do we hand on to our children? Is it okay to present two different views, or even all of the potential views, to our children? Or will this lead to unsettling confusion?\r\n\r\nI don’t have a lot of answers for this. All of this is new ground for me. Over time, my views and my wife’s views have indeed converged in a lot of areas, but as with any relationship, there are areas where we simply do not agree or, at the very least, one or both of us are not sure where we actually stand, because one or both of us might still be processing where we are. And of course, nothing is ever really a settled issue, as we both continue to learn and grow.\r\n\r\nUltimately, this is where I’ve found some hope. I know that I am never going to stand on anything like ‘solid ground,’ because I know that the very ground I stand on incorporates things handed on by others down to me as well as my own flawed reasoning. I can only be humbly open, to correction and adjustment, and always be willing to learn, adapt, and change. This, as a parent, is something of a legacy that I would like to pass on to my daughter and her sister that is on the way. I don’t want to raise parrots, but active-questioning-always-learning adults. This means modeling for my children that I value multiple perspectives and lines of reasoning. It means I have to be willing to have open, honest dialogue with my wife about the views we hold that are different from one another, and not hide from them or ignore them. And it also means I have to show the humility to be changed by my wife’s perspectives when (more often than not) she is right.\r\n\r\nWhat about you? What areas have you had disagreement in your family? If you are single or not in a family relationship such as I am, how do you deal with differences with those you are close to? If you have children, what kind of legacy do you want to pass on? Is it okay to offer many different views to a child, or do children benefit (initially) from more concrete explanations?','\"Mommy Said They\'re Going to Hell\"','','inherit','open','open','','1619-revision-4','','','2011-10-31 19:45:56','2011-11-01 02:45:56','',1619,'http://provoketive.com/2011/10/31/1619-revision-4/',0,'revision','',0),(3588,46,'2012-01-04 15:51:18','2012-01-04 23:51:18','I\'m trying to develop a daily Bible reading plan using the Daily Office from the Book of Common Prayer. For my non-liturgical readers, the Daily Office has assigned scripture readings for each day: one from the Old Testament, one from an Epistle, and a Gospel reading.\n\nYesterday, the Old Testament reading was 1 Kings 19:1-8. Ever come across a scripture passage that\'s eerily similar to a situation you\'re current going through? This was definitely the case for me.\n<blockquote><em>\"Now Ahab told Jezebel everything Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, \'May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them.\'</em>\n\n<em>Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. <span style=\"font-weight: bold\">\'I have had enough, LORD,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.\'</span> Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep.\" (1-5a, emphasis mine)</em></blockquote>\nSo here we have Elijah, on the lam from the princess Jezebel after killing off all of the pagan prophets. After a day\'s journey, he finds himself out in the wilderness, alone, tired, and fearing for his life. There\'s nowhere for him to go. Elijah has no other choice but to ask God to kill him.\n<strong>\nAnd if I can be totally honest with you, I\'ve been where Elijah is.</strong>\n\nOkay, so maybe not the part about slaughtering pagan prophets (call me a bleeding heart liberal, but I still cringe at mass killings in the Bible). But during this past year I\'ve asked God several times to kill me. Sometimes when I look ahead of me, all I see is more trouble and more struggles. Nothing ever gets resolved. It\'s all a never-ending cycle of shit. That\'s when I give God hell. <span style=\"font-style: italic\">Is this the \"abundant life\" you promised me? Bullshit! I\'m sick of this. I want out. Why won\'t you let me drink myself into oblivion? That\'s all I want.</span>\n\nBut notice how God answers Elijah\'s prayer:\n<blockquote><em>\"All at once an angel touched him and said, <span style=\"font-weight: bold\">\'Get up and eat.\'</span> He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.</em>\n\n<em>The angel of the LORD came back a second time and touched him and said, <span style=\"font-weight: bold\">\'Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.\'</span> So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God.\" (5b-8, emphasis mine)</em></blockquote>\nGod gives Elijah food and water instead of death. Elijah doesn\'t get his wish; instead, God gives him nourishment for the long journey ahead. And maybe God\'s doing the same with me. Maybe God has better plans for me than instant death. And, here\'s the amazing part, maybe God is actually with me helping me out when the journey gets tough.\n\nWell, guess I gotta stick around to find out.','Praying for Death','','inherit','open','open','','3558-revision-4','','','2012-01-04 15:51:18','2012-01-04 23:51:18','',3558,'http://provoketive.com/2012/01/04/3558-revision-4/',0,'revision','',0),(3562,43,'2012-01-20 08:00:06','2012-01-20 16:00:06','The way we (Christians in particular) talk about relationships with our young people may be sending them mixed messages with unintended consequences.  It isn\'t wrong to encourage morality and purity in our relationships.  On the contrary, that\'s desirable.  I don\'t doubt that this is the goal.  But it may be getting lost in translation.\r\n\r\nSadly, though it may be phrased more politely than the title of this article, far too many women echo the sentiment about our own gender.  We are prepared to blame ourselves for our men folk\'s lack of sexual self-control.  One young man recently told me, \"What girls don\'t get is that if they dress a certain way, guys are going to <em>treat</em> them a certain way.\"  This was something he had heard not from his father or a male leader at church, but from a woman.\r\n\r\nWhat boys and girls are hearing is vastly different from what we think we\'re saying.  They\'re hearing that for girls, their purity is the most precious and important thing about themselves.  They\'re hearing that they are responsible for male behavior.  They are also learning that boys are jerks and not to be trusted.  At the same time, boys are hearing that they should keep their hands to themselves, but that we understand if they are tempted because girls are secretly kind of trashy.\r\n\r\nIs this really the message we want to send?  A friend posted this picture on his Facebook page:\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Men-Can-Stop-Rape.jpg\"><img class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-3568\" src=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Men-Can-Stop-Rape-206x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"206\" height=\"300\" /></a>\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\nI loved it.  I loved the way it made it clear that men and boys are responsible for their own behavior.  It made me wonder what a Christian equivalent might look like.\r\n\r\nWould it be teaching our children to own their actions?  Would it be teaching both boys and girls that modesty is more about how they treat others than what they wear?  Would it be about helping them to understand that their actions should honor God and their fellow humans?\r\n\r\nFor the sake of our young people, we need a better campaign to teach modesty, purity, love, and respect.  I believe we can do this.\r\n\r\n<address>*Note: The title of this article is a quote from the film <a href=\"http://www.tuckermax.com/movie\"><em>I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell</em></a>, a crude movie about the escapades of Tucker Max.  I should note here that I haven\'t seen the film; I found the quote on a blog about rape culture (which, in case there was any question, is not dead—even this many years later).  I stumbled upon this in my search to understand why some conservative churches continue to push the message that women are responsible for the sexual harassment and violence committed against them.</address>','“Your gender is hardwired for whoredom.”','','publish','open','open','','your-gender-is-hardwired-for-whoredom','','','2012-01-16 13:56:24','2012-01-16 21:56:24','',0,'http://provoketive.com/?p=3562',0,'post','',4),(3564,127,'2012-01-08 09:07:56','2012-01-08 17:07:56','The church: it’s a helluva way to run a railroad, but it’s his operation, not mine. It’s difficult to be in favor of the church when the church has let so many people down. The trail of disappointment leads right to our door, because each of us has experienced the failings of the church. Nearly everyone has stories of small-minded, mean-spirited people who use the church as an opportunity to act as if they are God’s gift to Christendom. So forget it. I give up. Jesus and I can hang out together at my house. I can meet him at Starbucks. Or the pub.\r\n\r\nAnd yet . . .\r\n\r\nJesus looked into the centuries and saw a bride. That very image seems to mock the church as we know it today. The scripture makes outrageous statements about the church--so outrageous I’m tempted not to believe them, because I’ve never experienced them. Like parenting, I marvel that Jesus would leave something so important in the hands of people so screwed up. Church Ladies of both sexes love to use Bible verse to beat us over the head:\r\n\r\n\". . . <em>not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing</em>. . . \" (That mouse-click sound you hear is people jumping off the train to some other topic way more fun and way less old-fashioned.)\r\n\r\nBut wait . . .\r\n\r\nCan this blunt instrument of condemnation be redeemed? Is there more to this passage than a club for the small-minded to thump the rest of us? I believe so, because verse 25 does not stand alone, it lives among  a string of “Let Us” statements reaching back to Hebrews 10: 22:\r\n<blockquote>Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. (Hebrews 10: 22-25, there: that’s better!)</blockquote>\r\nInstead of allowing others to beat us over the head with just one verse, let’s consider the larger message of Hebrews 10. Five observations:\r\n\r\nLet us draw near to God (v 22): Jesus has done his part. Now it’s up to us to respond. “Draw near” is the first of the “let us” statements, and “meeting together” comes second to last. Do we see the connection? A word of caution: we should draw near with with a clean heart and a free conscience. Sometimes the criticisms we have of others are compounded by our own darkness and guilt. And not only our hearts: what about the darkness and guilt in others? We are commanded to draw near; we are not commanded to give in to guilt, manipulation or hype of the those who would use church life for their own purposes.\r\n\r\nLet us hold unswervingly to hope (23): Students of Jesus carry hope. We are called to speak words of hope. Imagine coming together with others filled with hope, each on eager to “profess” their hopes out loud. Hope is the real fuel of the church, but too often we are met with hype. It has to start somewhere: are we brave enough to carry hope into the church? The world knows the difference between hope and hype: one attracts, the other repels.\r\n\r\nLet us consider how we may spur one another on towards love and good deeds (v24): What a crazy image comes with the word, “spur.” Imagine a horseback rider giving her heels to the horse. Another translation suggests “provoke one another.” Here’s a crazy-evil Christian meditation: before I head for church I should ask, \"have I plotted some way to provoke others to love and good deeds?\" Conversely, who will be there to spur me on toward my calling to represent the grace of God? Remember, though--I’ve got a clean conscience and I’m not buying guilt, so the only way to provoke me is to demonstrate the real thing.\r\n\r\nLet us not give up meeting together (v25): Apparently there were reasons even back then to give up on the church, which means in our day we haven’t stumbled into some new revelation about jumping off the train. The additional challenge is the word, “meeting.” Church meetings back then may not resemble the form we have, but whatever it looked like it was regular and organized. When people say, “I don’t like organized religion,” what’s the alternative, disorganized religion? Do we think the Holy Spirit is incapable of organizing more than two or three people?\r\n\r\nLet us encourage one another (25): This final suggestion cuts to the heart of the matter--is your church a place of encouragement, or guilt? Does your church move in the vision of God’s awesome future or do they trade in hype that can’t last until Thursday? And of course, there’s the little matter of the word, “us.” Who carries the encouragement? Who has the vision? Do we go to church like we go to WalMart--to pick up inexpensive cheer--or do we go to church as the very vessels of hope and encouragement, ready to spill ourselves all over the place?\r\n\r\nI’d like to suggest that these five points are a call to move beyond blind obedience to a mere Bible verse. They are a call to vision, to move beyond following the rules of the Bible to capturing the heart of Jesus--and extending it to others--and yes, even others in the church. He sees something in the church we do not. Which one of us needs the eye exam?','Forget it, I\'m Going to the Pub','','publish','open','open','','forget-it-im-going-to-the-pub','','','2012-01-08 16:33:07','2012-01-09 00:33:07','',0,'http://provoketive.com/?p=3564',0,'post','',6),(3565,1,'2012-01-04 08:23:49','2012-01-04 16:23:49','<a href=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/DSC_0712-Copy.jpg\"><img class=\"size-full wp-image-3534 alignright\" title=\"DSC_0712 - Copy\" src=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/DSC_0712-Copy.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"100\" height=\"150\" /></a>Today is my fifty-seventh birthday.  My hair is polished silver.  Though I am no longer sleek, I’m sexy and adore my Victoria’s Secret lingerie. I’m not an intellectual, but intelligent and love conversations that engage my brain.  My greatest lessons have been learned from experience, and I’ve earned my wisdom the hard way.  Last year, my first book was published, and I am living my life’s dream at last as a passionate, full-time author.  And my culture considers me insignificant because I’m no longer twenty or thirty-something, nor on the brink of disaster as forty-something.  What the hell do they know, and why don’t they know it?  Not just because young adults say so, but many middle-aged and senior women believe it.\n\nSeven years ago, I wrote this poem for my fiftieth birthday:\n<blockquote>Five-Oh\n\nMy experience is hanging\n\nout of drawers,\n\ngrowing under the bed\n\nin effusive excess,\n\ntwirling from ceiling fans,\n\ndripping from my tears.\n\nI’ve stored it up for years\n\nuntil my birthday\n\ndevalued all I know,\n\nany truth and wisdom\n\ngained only through error\n\nand trial-sized experiments\n\nrendered innocuous\n\nby cultural consensus\n\nthat counts me up to forty-nine\n\nthen subtracts.</blockquote>\nI began coloring my hair in my early twenties, not because I didn’t like what I had, but for fun.  After thirty years of this, I gave myself an early present six months before my fiftieth birthday:  I decided to grow my hair color out, because I hadn’t a clue what was hidden underneath.  I figured that if my natural color sucked, I would disguise it again.  What I discovered was delightful.  Granted, this lovely silver shade came gradually, and the transition might have been dreadful.  But the bottom line was I love how my hair looks today, and will never change it again.\n\nCompliments abounded.  You know who hated it?  <em>Only women</em>.  This one fortyish woman with rabies chewed me out, degrading me for “letting myself go” and being unnecessarily unattractive.  I was appalled, not because I was embarrassed or hurt, but because of how effectively the anti-aging lie had stolen part of her self-esteem.  That slam wasn’t about me; it was her self-evaluation.\n\nAny product labeled “anti-aging” or “age-defying” aren’t for men.  A men’s skin-care product that claimed to make them “look ten years younger” would have a very limited market.  Guys don’t wear make-up.  Why do women?  Do I really have to tell you the answer?\n\nWho buys that stuff?  Who tends to lie about their age?  Who keeps plastic surgeons in business?  If you’re a fifty-plus woman, think about it.  Getting older isn’t a disease; it’s a natural aspect of life.  Have you unconsciously decided birthdays determine your worth?  The current life-expectancy for women in the United States is eighty-one years.  That’s a long time to live as a second-class citizen, increasingly without value or a voice in our society. It’s our choice.\n\nYes, everyone has better-looking bodies when we’re young.  But if my beauty is based on not having wrinkles, I’m screwed.  If I have to look like a Victoria’s Secret model to buy their lingerie, the company better tell the sales clerks, because I tend to buy what I try on and they always take my money.  So why don’t some of their models look like me?  Those girls are going to have to change careers in a few years unless the company changes.  Who has to power to change that?  Us.  All at once?  No.  “Us” means one person at a time.  You have to decide what <em>you</em> want, how <em>you</em> want to live.  Are you really living authentically?\n\nI’m a child of the 60’s, a genuine hippie (still am).  I didn’t wear make-up until I graduated from college and got a job for which I had to wear a suit, pantyhose, and make-up.  Been there/did that for a lot of years, got burned out, and found a job at a ridiculously low wage so I could dump the make-up, etc. and look like myself again.\n\nNow I work at home as a full-time author and can wear a swimsuit and fuzzy bunny slippers to work if I want.  Yet I wore a tiny bit of make-up for my professional photos to look….well, professional, but still 95% like the authentic me.  When I’m asked to speak at a traditional church or conference, I wear slacks instead of jeans, or a dress (albeit bohemian).\n\nBut do you know why I wear no make-up, have silver hair, and dress like I do?  Because that’s the inner me expressed on the outside.  Do you know why I wear slinky lingerie?  Not for Bud, even though he likes it, but because I like how it makes me feel.  I buy really good skin care products, but NEVER anything that degrades who I am, because I’m already beautiful, for that’s how God made me.  My age doesn’t determine my significance.  My abilities don’t define my worth.  And any marketing company, person, or institution who tells me differently, to hell with them.  But not to hell with me.','Anti Anti-Aging','','inherit','open','open','','3533-autosave','','','2012-01-04 08:23:49','2012-01-04 16:23:49','',3533,'http://provoketive.com/2012/01/04/3533-autosave/',0,'revision','',0),(1709,1,'2011-11-01 16:14:09','2011-11-01 23:14:09','I have a confession to make.  I\'ve never liked Christian movies.  They are typically thin on development, very campy, and usually serve to present the Gospel message in some way.  I went to film school, had a movie script produce [badly] and worked in Hollywood for four years under some of the best film houses in the business.  The level of quality that I was able to train under was phenomenal.  In film school we used to lament at how bad Christian movies were and dreamed of changing things.  I left Hollywood to save my own soul [another story] but I sometimes think I left my heart there.\r\n\r\nWhenever a \"Christian\" movie comes out my heart leaps with hope, only to cringe at the final product.  Perhaps I\'m a snob when it comes to movies, but I dare you to name one Christian movie that is anyone\'s top 1,000 list.  And Ben Hur is not a Christian movie.  It\'s an action movie about a man who discovers grace.\r\n\r\nSo when I heard <a href=\"http://www.bluelikejazzthemovie.com\" target=\"_blank\">Blue Like Jazz</a> was coming out, I so wanted it to be good.  Blue Like Jazz, written by Donald Miller, was one of the seminal books for me in my emerging spiritual development.  It came at a time when I was searching for what it meant to be human.  Miller\'s story of working through his own humanity ended up becoming a best seller.  The movie almost didn\'t get made.  It was saved from death by a unique crowd-sourcing campaign and finally put to film.\r\n\r\nThe trailer came out and it looks really good. Here\'s \"hoping\" the movie is as good as the trailer.  No announcement of release dates yet','Blue Like Jazz The Movie','','inherit','open','open','','1701-revision-3','','','2011-11-01 16:14:09','2011-11-01 23:14:09','',1701,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1701-revision-3/',0,'revision','',0),(1710,1,'2011-11-01 16:24:08','2011-11-01 23:24:08','I have a confession to make.  I\'ve never liked Christian movies.  They are typically thin on development, very campy, and usually serve to present the Gospel message in some way.  I went to film school, had a movie script produce [badly] and worked in Hollywood for four years under some of the best film houses in the business.  The level of quality that I was able to train under was phenomenal.  In film school we used to lament at how bad Christian movies were and dreamed of changing things.  I left Hollywood to save my own soul [another story] but I sometimes think I left my heart there.\r\n\r\nWhenever a \"Christian\" movie comes out my heart leaps with hope, only to cringe at the final product.  Perhaps I\'m a snob when it comes to movies, but I dare you to name one Christian movie that is anyone\'s top 1,000 list.  And Ben Hur is not a Christian movie.  It\'s an action movie about a man who discovers grace.\r\n\r\nSo when I heard <a href=\"http://www.bluelikejazzthemovie.com\" target=\"_blank\">Blue Like Jazz</a> was coming out, I so wanted it to be good.  Blue Like Jazz, written by Donald Miller, was one of the seminal books for me in my emerging spiritual development.  It came at a time when I was searching for what it meant to be human.  Miller\'s story of working through his own humanity ended up becoming a best seller.  The movie almost didn\'t get made.  It was saved from death by a unique crowd-sourcing campaign and finally put to film.\r\n\r\nThe trailer came out and it looks really good. Here\'s \"hoping\" the movie is as good as the trailer.  No announcement of release dates yet.\r\n\r\n<iframe width=\"500\" height=\"254\" src=\"http://www.youtube.com/embed/e-EEzBTui8w\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen></iframe>','Blue Like Jazz The Movie','','inherit','open','open','','1701-revision-4','','','2011-11-01 16:24:08','2011-11-01 23:24:08','',1701,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1701-revision-4/',0,'revision','',0),(1712,1,'2011-11-01 01:43:48','2011-11-01 08:43:48','<div>\r\n<div class=\"mceTemp mceIEcenter\">\r\n<div style=\"text-align: left\"><dl><dt> In my faith journey I find my self again at the cross roads. I\'m beginning to see the reality of religions being stuck, bogged down in one big profound mysterious cross-road. And, what makes navigation difficult is the lack of obvious controlled signals for direction; there is heavy traffic;it is getting increasingly noisier as conflicting voices vie for control. This would be the reality of \"faith\" in the 21st century, the new millennium...the threshold of post-modernity is barely visible as we look back.</dt></dl></div>\r\n</div>\r\nMore, and more traffic is backing up here. It\'s like a clogged artery ready to burst, and in it, trying to push their way to the center are the fundamentalist voices of \"religious\" police man. Each trying to direct their commuters forward, or in new directions.\r\n\r\nWe have culture, technology, religion,the environment, and <strong>go</strong>(<strong>d</strong>)ogle..and humanity jammed into this profound mysterious cross-road. Yet, this is where faith finds it self these days. Even so-called atheists engage the noise of religious bickering suggesting there is no God, that we are more in control than some supreme being with his hand on a joy stick. This is where we\'re all living.\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/jesus-versus-google1.jpeg\"><img class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1633\" src=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/jesus-versus-google1.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"450\" height=\"600\" /></a>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\">(Moray Place, Dunedin, New Zealand – Artist unknown)</p>\r\nI would estimate that most of the church hasn\'t even lifted their head, to look around. It\'s like the dazed driver with tunnel vision. They don\'t even acknowledge the intersection. They know everything has come to a stand still, and are content on inching their way forward. But if they really had a good look around they\'d see many have abandoned the vehicle.\r\n\r\nLook around what ever \"church\" vehicle you\'re in. How many passengers under 20-30 are in your vehicle? Then ask yourself why? I suspect most have got tired of waiting in the intersection. They\'ve opted to exit the vehicle and live \" in \" it.\r\n\r\nIs there a way forward?\r\n\r\nI think back into the gospel story, Jesus and the disciples on their way to Caesarea Philippi. Fascinating, that this too was a cross-road. An intersection of trade and commerce, of religion, of philosophy, and culture. And, mysteriously, it\'s at the cross-road Jesus asks, the provocative question, \" Who do people say I am?\"\r\n\r\nProphet, teacher...Messiah. There not really sure. They continue to follow...the \" way \" , could it be beyond  religion, more about \" living \" now?\r\n\r\nAgain, the gospel story. A roof top rendezvous with a pharisee, a religious scholar of the day. Nicodemus is profoundly aware of the intersection. And also he is captivated by imagination, and mystery of what, and who Jesus is. He sees Jesus as away forward, or what may be more true...is a way to live in the intersection. To live in the intersection, one needs to be born of the Spirit...reborn from above.\r\n<blockquote>So don\'t be so surprised when I tell you that you have to be \'born from above\'—out of this world, so to speak. You know well enough how the wind blows this way and that. You hear it rustling through the trees, but you have no idea where it comes from or where it\'s headed next. That\'s the way it is with everyone \'born from above\' by the wind of God, the Spirit of God.\" ( Eugene Peterson\'s, The Message: John 3:7-8 ).</blockquote>\r\nThis is not the wind of any one religion. It\'s a wind that blows around, through, in the midst of all humanity...all creation. Humanity as \" one \" must hoist its collective sail and learn how to navigate together. Could it be, the wind is not controlled by christianity, Islam, Judiaism or any \" religion \". Could it be about something beyond religion embracing all humanity?\r\n\r\nThe following quotes are from <a href=\"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harvey_Cox\">Harvey Cox\'s</a> latest book, \" <a href=\"http://www.amazon.ca/Future-Faith-Harvey-Cox/dp/0061755524/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1263519037&amp;sr=1-1\">The Future of Faith</a>.\" He says...\r\n<blockquote><em>All signs suggest we are poised to enter a new Age of the Spirit and that the future will be a future of faith</em>” (p.224). “<em>Faith is resurgent, while dogma is dying. The spiritual, communal and justice-seeking dimensions of Christianity are now its leading edge as the twenty-first century hurdles forward, and this change is taking place along with similar reformations in other world religions</em>” (p.212).</blockquote>\r\nAgain, the gospel story. Jesus meeting a woman on the extreme fringe of her culture, religion and community. So embedded is her identity in that intersection, she is stuck with no way forward. Interesting the well is central to the story, and the metaphor of religion as being a well. She is convinced her well is the only way forward. There\'s history, family heritage, ritual...and culture. They have always drank from that well. Tradition can become deep ruts, in the intersection, where we just sit and spin our tires.\r\n\r\nBut Jesus convinces her that there is way to live in the intersection. It comes from drinking from another well, where it doesn\'t matter if you worship God on your mountain, or in your temple. What matters, is that you worship in Spirit, and in truth. That is the living, God is looking for, and...that is how you live in the intersection. It is a well beyond religion, it is a well that sustains all humanity, all creation.\r\n<blockquote>\"It\'s who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That\'s the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship. God is sheer being itself—Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration.\"( Eugene Peterson\'s;The Message:John 4:23-24 )</blockquote>\r\nHumanity must move beyond the exclusivity of \" religions \", and again find the spirit that embraces \" all \" humanity...only here will we find life that is hope-filled, and which will sustain all humanity. What has always caught my attention, and my heretic imagination is the profound mystery of the gospels. How the disciples lived out faith in the midst of the cross-road. No where do I find the disciples making a statement of faith...other than Jesus was somehow the way.  Jesus seemed totally unconcerned about reducing faith to doctrine or dogma. Jesus was outside, beyond their religions, beyond the narrative of the prevailing empire. Could the faith Jesus lived, spoke and imagined be far more about the Spirit, of living in that profound incredible divine mystery in the context of the cross-road?\r\n\r\nSo if religion is going to live, and survive in the cross-road...we will really need to think seriously about abandoning our vehicles. And I say that more in a sense of  its exclusive fundamentalism. To live in that cross-road, will in a sense, be to live, more of a profound simplicity of theological structures. In the intersection there is more of a profound sense of mystery. Religions will once again have to learn to engage mystery. It will have to ask the big big question, \" What is it, to live in the age of the Spirit?\"\r\n\r\nI think we will begin to find far more profound mysterious truth in the Jesus story, in the gospels. Especially when we can learn to live out the fullness of its theology and practice. I think with the help of the Spirit , not the Spirit of Christianity, or the spirit any one religion, but the spirit of the origin of all reality and existence, and of \" all \" humanity... we will live and grow in the cross-road. I really think, that is where the future of faith will be found.\r\n\r\n</div>','Finding life beyond religion...is there a way forward.','','inherit','open','open','','1621-revision-5','','','2011-11-01 01:43:48','2011-11-01 08:43:48','',1621,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1621-revision-5/',0,'revision','',0),(1713,1,'2011-11-01 16:52:58','2011-11-01 23:52:58','<div>\r\n<div class=\"mceTemp mceIEcenter\">\r\n<div style=\"text-align: left;\"><dl><dt>In my faith journey I find my self again at the cross roads. I\'m beginning to see the reality of religions being stuck, bogged down in one big profound mysterious cross-road. And, what makes navigation difficult is the lack of obvious controlled signals for direction; there is heavy traffic;it is getting increasingly noisier as conflicting voices vie for control. This would be the reality of \"faith\" in the 21st century, the new millennium...the threshold of post-modernity is barely visible as we look back.</dt></dl></div>\r\n</div>\r\nMore, and more traffic is backing up here. It\'s like a clogged artery ready to burst, and in it, trying to push their way to the center are the fundamentalist voices of \"religious\" police man. Each trying to direct their commuters forward, or in new directions.\r\n\r\nWe have culture, technology, religion,the environment, and <strong>go</strong>(<strong>d</strong>)ogle..and humanity jammed into this profound mysterious cross-road. Yet, this is where faith finds it self these days. Even so-called atheists engage the noise of religious bickering suggesting there is no God, that we are more in control than some supreme being with his hand on a joy stick. This is where we\'re all living.\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/jesus-versus-google1.jpeg\"><img class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1633\" src=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/jesus-versus-google1.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"450\" height=\"600\" /></a>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">(Moray Place, Dunedin, New Zealand – Artist unknown)</p>\r\nI would estimate that most of the church hasn\'t even lifted their head, to look around. It\'s like the dazed driver with tunnel vision. They don\'t even acknowledge the intersection. They know everything has come to a stand still, and are content on inching their way forward. But if they really had a good look around they\'d see many have abandoned the vehicle.\r\n\r\nLook around what ever \"church\" vehicle you\'re in. How many passengers under 20-30 are in your vehicle? Then ask yourself why? I suspect most have got tired of waiting in the intersection. They\'ve opted to exit the vehicle and live \" in \" it.\r\n\r\nIs there a way forward?\r\n\r\nI think back into the gospel story, Jesus and the disciples on their way to Caesarea Philippi. Fascinating, that this too was a cross-road. An intersection of trade and commerce, of religion, of philosophy, and culture. And, mysteriously, it\'s at the cross-road Jesus asks, the provocative question, \" Who do people say I am?\"\r\n\r\nProphet, teacher...Messiah. There not really sure. They continue to follow...the \" way \" , could it be beyond  religion, more about \" living \" now?\r\n\r\nAgain, the gospel story. A roof top rendezvous with a pharisee, a religious scholar of the day. Nicodemus is profoundly aware of the intersection. And also he is captivated by imagination, and mystery of what, and who Jesus is. He sees Jesus as away forward, or what may be more true...is a way to live in the intersection. To live in the intersection, one needs to be born of the Spirit...reborn from above.\r\n<blockquote>So don\'t be so surprised when I tell you that you have to be \'born from above\'—out of this world, so to speak. You know well enough how the wind blows this way and that. You hear it rustling through the trees, but you have no idea where it comes from or where it\'s headed next. That\'s the way it is with everyone \'born from above\' by the wind of God, the Spirit of God.\" ( Eugene Peterson\'s, The Message: John 3:7-8 ).</blockquote>\r\nThis is not the wind of any one religion. It\'s a wind that blows around, through, in the midst of all humanity...all creation. Humanity as \" one \" must hoist its collective sail and learn how to navigate together. Could it be, the wind is not controlled by christianity, Islam, Judaism or any \" religion \". Could it be about something beyond religion embracing all humanity?\r\n\r\nThe following quotes are from <a href=\"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harvey_Cox\">Harvey Cox\'s</a> latest book, \" <a href=\"http://www.amazon.ca/Future-Faith-Harvey-Cox/dp/0061755524/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1263519037&amp;sr=1-1\">The Future of Faith</a>.\" He says...\r\n<blockquote><em>All signs suggest we are poised to enter a new Age of the Spirit and that the future will be a future of faith</em>” (p.224). “<em>Faith is resurgent, while dogma is dying. The spiritual, communal and justice-seeking dimensions of Christianity are now its leading edge as the twenty-first century hurdles forward, and this change is taking place along with similar reformations in other world religions</em>” (p.212).</blockquote>\r\nAgain, the gospel story. Jesus meeting a woman on the extreme fringe of her culture, religion and community. So embedded is her identity in that intersection, she is stuck with no way forward. Interesting the well is central to the story, and the metaphor of religion as being a well. She is convinced her well is the only way forward. There\'s history, family heritage, ritual...and culture. They have always drank from that well. Tradition can become deep ruts, in the intersection, where we just sit and spin our tires.\r\n\r\nBut Jesus convinces her that there is way to live in the intersection. It comes from drinking from another well, where it doesn\'t matter if you worship God on your mountain, or in your temple. What matters, is that you worship in Spirit, and in truth. That is the living, God is looking for, and...that is how you live in the intersection. It is a well beyond religion, it is a well that sustains all humanity, all creation.\r\n<blockquote>\"It\'s who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That\'s the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship. God is sheer being itself—Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration.\"( Eugene Peterson\'s;The Message:John 4:23-24 )</blockquote>\r\nHumanity must move beyond the exclusivity of \" religions \", and again find the spirit that embraces \" all \" humanity...only here will we find life that is hope-filled, and which will sustain all humanity. What has always caught my attention, and my heretic imagination is the profound mystery of the gospels. How the disciples lived out faith in the midst of the cross-road. No where do I find the disciples making a statement of faith...other than Jesus was somehow the way.  Jesus seemed totally unconcerned about reducing faith to doctrine or dogma. Jesus was outside, beyond their religions, beyond the narrative of the prevailing empire. Could the faith Jesus lived, spoke and imagined be far more about the Spirit, of living in that profound incredible divine mystery in the context of the cross-road?\r\n\r\nSo if religion is going to live, and survive in the cross-road...we will really need to think seriously about abandoning our vehicles. And I say that more in a sense of  its exclusive fundamentalism. To live in that cross-road, will in a sense, be to live, more of a profound simplicity of theological structures. In the intersection there is more of a profound sense of mystery. Religions will once again have to learn to engage mystery. It will have to ask the big big question, \" What is it, to live in the age of the Spirit?\"\r\n\r\nI think we will begin to find far more profound mysterious truth in the Jesus story, in the gospels. Especially when we can learn to live out the fullness of its theology and practice. I think with the help of the Spirit , not the Spirit of Christianity, or the spirit any one religion, but the spirit of the origin of all reality and existence, and of \" all \" humanity... we will live and grow in the cross-road. I really think, that is where the future of faith will be found.\r\n\r\n</div>','Finding Life Beyond Religion...Is There A Way Forward','','inherit','open','open','','1621-revision-6','','','2011-11-01 16:52:58','2011-11-01 23:52:58','',1621,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1621-revision-6/',0,'revision','',0),(1714,1,'2011-11-01 16:58:44','2011-11-01 23:58:44','','priest_back','','inherit','open','open','','priest_back','','','2011-11-01 16:58:44','2011-11-01 23:58:44','',1621,'http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/priest_back.png',0,'attachment','image/png',0),(1715,1,'2011-11-01 16:58:13','2011-11-01 23:58:13','<div>\r\n<div class=\"mceTemp mceIEcenter\">\r\n<div style=\"text-align: left;\"><dl><dt>In my faith journey I find my self again at the cross roads. I\'m beginning to see the reality of religions being stuck, bogged down in one big profound mysterious cross-road. And, what makes navigation difficult is the lack of obvious controlled signals for direction; there is heavy traffic;it is getting increasingly noisier as conflicting voices vie for control. This would be the reality of \"faith\" in the 21st century, the new millennium...the threshold of post-modernity is barely visible as we look back.</dt></dl></div>\r\n</div>\r\nMore, and more traffic is backing up here. It\'s like a clogged artery ready to burst, and in it, trying to push their way to the center are the fundamentalist voices of \"religious\" police man. Each trying to direct their commuters forward, or in new directions.\r\n\r\nWe have culture, technology, religion,the environment, and <strong>go</strong>(<strong>d</strong>)ogle..and humanity jammed into this profound mysterious cross-road. Yet, this is where faith finds it self these days. Even so-called atheists engage the noise of religious bickering suggesting there is no God, that we are more in control than some supreme being with his hand on a joy stick. This is where we\'re all living.\r\n\r\n[caption id=\"attachment_1633\" align=\"alignleft\" width=\"241\" caption=\"(Moray Place, Dunedin, New Zealand – Artist unknown)\"]<a href=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/jesus-versus-google1.jpeg\"><img class=\"size-full wp-image-1633 \" src=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/jesus-versus-google1.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"241\" height=\"322\" /></a>[/caption]\r\n\r\nI would estimate that most of the church hasn\'t even lifted their head, to look around. It\'s like the dazed driver with tunnel vision. They don\'t even acknowledge the intersection. They know everything has come to a stand still, and are content on inching their way forward. But if they really had a good look around they\'d see many have abandoned the vehicle.\r\n\r\nLook around what ever \"church\" vehicle you\'re in. How many passengers under 20-30 are in your vehicle? Then ask yourself why? I suspect most have got tired of waiting in the intersection. They\'ve opted to exit the vehicle and live \" in \" it.\r\n\r\nIs there a way forward?\r\n\r\nI think back into the gospel story, Jesus and the disciples on their way to Caesarea Philippi. Fascinating, that this too was a cross-road. An intersection of trade and commerce, of religion, of philosophy, and culture. And, mysteriously, it\'s at the cross-road Jesus asks, the provocative question, \" Who do people say I am?\"\r\n\r\nProphet, teacher...Messiah. There not really sure. They continue to follow...the \" way \" , could it be beyond  religion, more about \" living \" now?\r\n\r\nAgain, the gospel story. A roof top rendezvous with a pharisee, a religious scholar of the day. Nicodemus is profoundly aware of the intersection. And also he is captivated by imagination, and mystery of what, and who Jesus is. He sees Jesus as away forward, or what may be more true...is a way to live in the intersection. To live in the intersection, one needs to be born of the Spirit...reborn from above.\r\n<blockquote>So don\'t be so surprised when I tell you that you have to be \'born from above\'—out of this world, so to speak. You know well enough how the wind blows this way and that. You hear it rustling through the trees, but you have no idea where it comes from or where it\'s headed next. That\'s the way it is with everyone \'born from above\' by the wind of God, the Spirit of God.\" ( Eugene Peterson\'s, The Message: John 3:7-8 ).</blockquote>\r\nThis is not the wind of any one religion. It\'s a wind that blows around, through, in the midst of all humanity...all creation. Humanity as \" one \" must hoist its collective sail and learn how to navigate together. Could it be, the wind is not controlled by christianity, Islam, Judaism or any \" religion \". Could it be about something beyond religion embracing all humanity?\r\n\r\nThe following quotes are from <a href=\"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harvey_Cox\">Harvey Cox\'s</a> latest book, \" <a href=\"http://www.amazon.ca/Future-Faith-Harvey-Cox/dp/0061755524/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1263519037&amp;sr=1-1\">The Future of Faith</a>.\" He says...\r\n<blockquote><em>All signs suggest we are poised to enter a new Age of the Spirit and that the future will be a future of faith</em>” (p.224). “<em>Faith is resurgent, while dogma is dying. The spiritual, communal and justice-seeking dimensions of Christianity are now its leading edge as the twenty-first century hurdles forward, and this change is taking place along with similar reformations in other world religions</em>” (p.212).</blockquote>\r\nAgain, the gospel story. Jesus meeting a woman on the extreme fringe of her culture, religion and community. So embedded is her identity in that intersection, she is stuck with no way forward. Interesting the well is central to the story, and the metaphor of religion as being a well. She is convinced her well is the only way forward. There\'s history, family heritage, ritual...and culture. They have always drank from that well. Tradition can become deep ruts, in the intersection, where we just sit and spin our tires.\r\n\r\nBut Jesus convinces her that there is way to live in the intersection. It comes from drinking from another well, where it doesn\'t matter if you worship God on your mountain, or in your temple. What matters, is that you worship in Spirit, and in truth. That is the living, God is looking for, and...that is how you live in the intersection. It is a well beyond religion, it is a well that sustains all humanity, all creation.\r\n<blockquote>\"It\'s who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That\'s the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship. God is sheer being itself—Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration.\"( Eugene Peterson\'s;The Message:John 4:23-24 )</blockquote>\r\nHumanity must move beyond the exclusivity of \" religions \", and again find the spirit that embraces \" all \" humanity...only here will we find life that is hope-filled, and which will sustain all humanity. What has always caught my attention, and my heretic imagination is the profound mystery of the gospels. How the disciples lived out faith in the midst of the cross-road. No where do I find the disciples making a statement of faith...other than Jesus was somehow the way.  Jesus seemed totally unconcerned about reducing faith to doctrine or dogma. Jesus was outside, beyond their religions, beyond the narrative of the prevailing empire. Could the faith Jesus lived, spoke and imagined be far more about the Spirit, of living in that profound incredible divine mystery in the context of the cross-road?\r\n\r\nSo if religion is going to live, and survive in the cross-road...we will really need to think seriously about abandoning our vehicles. And I say that more in a sense of  its exclusive fundamentalism. To live in that cross-road, will in a sense, be to live, more of a profound simplicity of theological structures. In the intersection there is more of a profound sense of mystery. Religions will once again have to learn to engage mystery. It will have to ask the big big question, \" What is it, to live in the age of the Spirit?\"\r\n\r\nI think we will begin to find far more profound mysterious truth in the Jesus story, in the gospels. Especially when we can learn to live out the fullness of its theology and practice. I think with the help of the Spirit , not the Spirit of Christianity, or the spirit any one religion, but the spirit of the origin of all reality and existence, and of \" all \" humanity... we will live and grow in the cross-road. I really think, that is where the future of faith will be found.\r\n\r\n<em>Photo Credit: mortsan</em>\r\n\r\n</div>','Finding Life Beyond Religion...Is There A Way Forward','','inherit','open','open','','1621-revision-7','','','2011-11-01 16:58:13','2011-11-01 23:58:13','',1621,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1621-revision-7/',0,'revision','',0),(1718,43,'2011-11-01 18:19:28','2011-11-02 01:19:28','When did we develop and idolatrous relationship with work?  Now, don\'t misunderstand me.  I\'m not talking about productivity over laziness.  What I mean is that we tend to place value on people based on how hard we believe they are working.  Besides simply being thinly veiled judgmentalism (and possibly several other -isms as well), we don\'t even seem to agree on a proper definition for \"hard work.\"\n\nIs it earning wages?  Is it a function of the number of hours one puts in?  Is it the kind of work one does?  It seems to have been reduced to \"I know it when I see it.\"  The problem with that is that no one actually operates on that principle.  the number of times my husband or I have heard that teachers earn too much, people on welfare are lazy, or that I ought to think about getting a \"real\" job is rapidly approaching nausea-inducing levels.\n\nAt this point in my life, I\'m still a stay-at-home mom.  For now, that pretty much means that I homeschool our six-year-old (most days), keep the house tidy (more or less), take care of the dishes and the laundry (usually), and make meals (fairly often).  It also means that I have some spare time to blog about our failed science experiments, teach Sunday school, and play with an amateur orchestra.  I also have an unpaid job as Family Chauffeur.  Am I working hard?  That\'s difficult to say.  On a good day (most of them), it doesn\'t even feel like work.  So maybe I\'m just living it up, mooching off my husband\'s salary.  After all, I\'m not contributing to the family income.\n\nI have several friends and family members receiving public benefits.  They may not be working, or working many hours, at a paid job.  But every single one of them is contributing to family and society in a variety of ways.  And each is receiving benefits for different reasons.  When I mention this to the Frown on Welfare Brigade, they are hasty to say, \"Well we don\'t mean <em>them</em>, really.  We\'re talking about those <em>other</em> people.\"  (Incidentally, we get the same answer when we ask if they believe my teacher husband\'s salary should be cut.)  And of course, someone always has to bring in the Big Guns.  Someone always claims to know of someone who uses food stamps to buy nothing but junk, or uses welfare to pay for cable and lets the kids starve.\n\nIs this what we\'re reduced to?  Arguing over whether a person is valuable to society because he or she isn\'t \"working\"?  Work is not what should define us.  It\'s not an ideal to aspire to, in terms of hours logged.  And if it were about actual toil, construction workers and farmers would be at the top, with business managers and technical specialists at the bottom.\n\nInstead of misunderstanding and resenting one another based on something so meaningless as working for work\'s sake, why not put our efforts to better use?  Why not create common goals and labor for those together?','Working Hard or Hardly Working','','inherit','open','open','','1717-revision','','','2011-11-01 18:19:28','2011-11-02 01:19:28','',1717,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1717-revision/',0,'revision','',0),(1720,43,'2011-11-01 19:05:22','2011-11-02 02:05:22','My husband is a teacher.  I appreciate that, because it gives me a window into the world of public education.  Recently, Dear Husband was looking for information on <a href=\"http://www.dianeravitch.com/\">Diane Ravitch</a>.  He came across and excellent <a href=\"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZUDmBZ6Y4s\">speech</a> she gave at Stanford University in August of 2010.  Our favorite moment is when she suggests that No Child Left Behind is a foolish endeavor.  She likens it to the federal government demanding that the police reduce crime to zero percent within 10 to 15 years.  If they are unsuccessful, police officers will be fired and police departments will be closed.\n\nDear Husband found this entertaining enough to start a thread on his Facebook page.  He suggested that perhaps the same principle could be applied to all sorts of professions.  Others have suggested this as well; some examples can be found for <a href=\"http://www.trelease-on-reading.com/no-dentist.html\">No Dentist Left Behind</a>; <a href=\"http://www.janebluestein.com/articles/football.html\">NCLB: Football</a>; and even <a href=\"http://libraryhopper.blogspot.com/2006/09/parody-for-you.html\">No Cow Left Behind</a>.\n\nBear with me, because I\'m about to veer off the topic of public education.\n\nWe ended up with the suggestion that pastors ought to mark their success by whether or not they have a zero percent sin rate.  I suspect that some are already taking that pretty seriously.\n\nOn Halloween, Mark Hall of Casting Crowns posted a picture of <a href=\"http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150463031618793&amp;set=a.432381688792.209583.48842713792&amp;type=1\">himself in an Incredible Hulk Costume</a>.  The end result was miles and miles of comments, attacking Mark for his costume, attacking others for attacking him, and supporting Mark.  I think my favorite response to it was his own, \"Last night, I learned everyone has a whale to save.\"\n\nOur churches are sadly full of people who flip at the sight of a person in a costume on Halloween, but can\'t muster the same attitude over poverty, war, and famine.  There is far too much concern for which holidays we celebrate, the state of someone\'s virginity, and whether or not someone is giving the full ten percent to that particular church.  there isn\'t anywhere near enough concern for wider social issues.\n\n&nbsp;','No Sinner Left Behind','','inherit','open','open','','1719-revision','','','2011-11-01 19:05:22','2011-11-02 02:05:22','',1719,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1719-revision/',0,'revision','',0),(1967,1,'2011-11-09 10:40:08','2011-11-09 18:40:08','Join us for the <a href=\"http://www.organicoutreachconference.com/\" target=\"_blank\">Organic Outreach Conference</a> at Shoreline Community Church in beautiful Monterey California. Do you want to share God’s love naturally with the people in your life? Do you have a desire for people to experience the amazing grace of Jesus? Do you believe that God wants to change our community and world through the ministry of the local church?\r\n\r\nIf you say YES to any of these questions, you will want to join us on November 10-12, 2011 as Pastor Kevin Harney <em>(from Shoreline Community Church in Monterey)</em>, Pastor Dan Kimball <em>(from Vintage Faith Church in Santa Cruz)</em>, and Eric Bryant <em>(from </em><em>Gateway Church in Texas)</em> lead us through a dynamic time of learning about Organic Outreach.\r\n\r\nWhy would you save the evening from Thursday November 10 through lunchtime on Saturday November 12 to attend the Organic Outreach Conference? Here are some of the reasons…\r\n\r\n*Low cost conference\r\n*Speakers include Kevin Harney, Dan Kimball, and Eric Bryant!\r\n*Delicious meals\r\n*FREE ministry resources, including the newest <em>Organic Outreach</em> book by Kevin Harney\r\n*Fun!\r\n*Praise music\r\n*Various breakouts on critical topics for reaching your community\r\n*More fun!\r\n*Learning how to use creative approaches to discuss your faith in attractive ways\r\n*Connecting with other believers\r\n*Did we mention fun?\r\n\r\n<strong> You will leave this conference prepared to share the amazing truth of Jesus with those who still need His grace and mercy!</strong>\r\n\r\n(<a href=\"http://www.organicoutreachconference.com/\" target=\"_blank\">More Information</a>)','Organic Outreach Conference','','publish','open','open','','organic-outreach-conference','','','2011-11-09 10:43:59','2011-11-09 18:43:59','',0,'http://provoketive.com/?p=1967',0,'post','',0),(1722,38,'2011-11-02 08:30:00','2011-11-02 15:30:00','<em>This is the final part in my series about the six reasons why I left the church based off <a href=\"http://www.barna.org/teens-next-gen-articles/528-six-reasons-young-christians-leave-church\" target=\"_blank\">this</a> article by the Barna Group about why young Christians are leaving the church.</em>\r\n\r\n<strong>Reason #6: “Churches seem overprotective.”</strong>\r\n\r\nSometimes I feel like the evangelical church can be like a controlling boyfriend. Over-protectiveness is what permeates my story the most. All four of the other reasons that I’ve talked about already can be directly tied back to this. If they keep the content light they remind us to be good Christians and avoid conflict. If they keep science at bay, they remind us that scientists are out to get us to trick us out of believing the truth. If they entirely block out other religions and denominations we will never have the chance to be converted to their corrupt ways. If they present sexuality as simplistic, we won’t know anything about it and won’t be tempted to try it. And if they put my questions down, they lower the risk of losing other members to my poisonous doubt.\r\n\r\nI was told constantly growing up that the hallmark of the devil was that he made things like secular music, evolution, yoga, other religions, new age philosophies, and non-Christian boys look attractive. “Sin feels good,” they said. So, anything that made me feel good aside from helping the elderly people and reading my Bible was me giving in and made me feel guilty. While I can see where the general principle behind this kind of makes sense, it contorted itself into a skeleton of dark guilt that follows me to this day.\r\n\r\nFor example: if I enjoy the feeling of a fitted shirt, it’s the devil trying to entice me to bring sexy back and make the boys stumble. Another example: the reason it would “feel good” to go to a mega church is because they are telling people what they want to hear. The only reason they could possibly be growing that fast is by telling thinly veiled lies that appeared to be a more fun version of Christianity that doesn’t bother with the cold, hard truth. After all, the devil doesn’t want you to think about hell! He wants you to go someplace that makes you feel good and bubbly so you can feel secure in your lukewarm faith.\r\n\r\nThe guilt that installed itself into the culture became such a part of my identity that it eventually began to suffocate me. Everything was dangerous: cable tv, playing cards, Superbowl commercials, roller rink music, yoga, mega churches, boys, comedians, magazines, The Message, liberals, other teenagers, dancing, beer, movie theatres, backslidden Christians, world religion courses, concerts, non-Christian universities, people like Joel Osteen, and puppies. (Okay, so maybe not the last two.) (It was amazing that I managed to go see King Kong with a group of my friends.) No one could go near any of the above items without being lectured on “the appearance of evil.”\r\n\r\nI’ll explain why this became dangerous for a church culture. We have such a drive as humans to right any dissonance in our brains, the Avoidance of Danger became an elaborate game. And as it is with all games except a <a href=\"http://rackham.artpassions.net/alice3.html\">Caucus race</a>, everyone is keeping score. You knew that you were ahead of Jane on the totem pole because she watched that rated R movie last week. You don’t watch R rated movies (they are an abomination to the lord), so you know right there that you’re a better Christian that her.  This becomes a vicious, cannibalistic cycle because everyone becomes a watch dog. We were always watching for someone to trip up.\r\n\r\nThis is what I liked to call the “Someone is Watching” theory. <em>The</em> reason behind good behavior in my church was that someone is always watching. The implied logic behind this was:\r\n<ul>\r\n	<li>If you do bad things, everyone’s Sin Meters will start going off and they will assign you a mental scarlet letter.</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<ul>\r\n	<li>If you do a good thing or abstain from certain “bad” things, people will wonder why, and in turn, you get the perfect witnessing opportunity and will glean many souls for The Lord.</li>\r\n</ul>\r\nThe only problem: in my experience this kind of system <em>only works inside the church</em>. In most cases, the rest of the world doesn’t operate like this. (Because unless you have a swear jar, the rest of the population isn’t counting.) To test this—at least on an intellectual level—I created a post on the Craigslist forums that said “If I told you I was a Christian and then a few weeks later you saw me in a bar out having some drinks with my friends, would you consider my faith useless?” Aside from the few people that told me my entire problem was being involved in religion in the first place, the overwhelming response was no. Even though, as a good little legalistic girl, I remember going over to a friend’s house and seeing Kahlua in their parent’s pantry and feeling absolute righteous indignation. I even polled my own friends from the church I used to go to see if their results were the same. Most of their responses boiled down to: “It’s just not that simple.”\r\n\r\nI found in my own life that not swearing, not drinking, not telling dirty jokes, and not watching bad movies doesn’t mean anything to other people. It only means something to other Christians. The only thing it did for me was make other people uncomfortable. Those things in themselves don’t make you glowy, sparkly (Edward!) or magnetic to “unbelievers”. Those things by themselves will not “bring others to Christ”. And in fact, this type of attitude actually detracts from the goal because you do not create an environment of love, understanding, or compassion, which is what people desperately need in their lives because you create an environment of judgment. Abstaining from bad things does not make you radical and it does not make you transformational; the only thing it does is make you a snob. Now, I’m not suggesting that you just go and live a life of hedonism because otherwise you’ll make people uncomfortable. There is something to be said about being different, and abstaining can be a good thing in some cases. I think along with your convictions about those things you need to pair them with the scandalous love that Jesus came to earth to share. When Jesus came to earth, he showed radical compassion for the people who had been voted off the island, kicked out of the country club, and knocked to the bottom of the totem pole. We need to abandon the scoring system and show people that there is more to life than that. <em>That</em> is freedom.\r\n\r\nThe other problem with over-protection is that it creates an environment where trust cannot exist. If you treat me like the moment I see a girl in a bikini on TV I’ll go and have mad sex with the next thing with two legs, or if I listen to a group who doesn’t explicitly mention Jesus in their music that I’ll suddenly abandon the faith, it sends me the message that you don’t think that my beliefs are strong enough. It tells me that you think I’m a sponge on a stick and that I’m helpless to defend myself. It’s mothering, but in a bad way. It underestimates the power I have within myself to stand up for what I believe and navigate the waters of life like a competent citizen. Example:\r\n<ul>\r\n	<li>A grandmother of a friend of mine was running a Bible study for a bunch of the seniors. I absolutely loved it, as did my friends who went. My mom mentioned to one of the deacons at the time that she really appreciated the Bible study because of how much I was getting out of it. The response she got was essentially that the church was aware of the Bible study and had not yet decided to shut it down. (What? Never mind the fact that she was a long-time member and a Sunday School teacher.)</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<ul>\r\n	<li>My friend wanted to get a group together to carpool down to Aquire the Fire when it came to our area. She was told that she could not advertise this to the youth group because they didn’t approve of it and couldn’t sanction anyone going to it. (Really? Aquire the Fire is the threat here? You mean the big emotional conference with Rebecca St. James headlining?)</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<ul>\r\n	<li>One of my friends in high school got pregnant. She was immediately ostracized and sent off to live with relatives until late in the pregnancy. When she returned my mom suggested the church hold a baby shower for her so that she could get the things she needed and we could provide some of the essentials for her. Leadership refused because they “didn’t want to condone her actions.” (Hmm… They give pregnant girls stuff… Time to get knocked up!)</li>\r\n</ul>\r\nThis does not create a culture of trust, information sharing, learning from all different people, different forms of worship, or a culture of love that is there to help pick you up when you fall.\r\n\r\nLeaders say that they want to “equip tomorrow’s leaders for Christ.” That does not mean sheltering them from <em>everything</em> to the n-th degree lest the devil kidnap them. This means that you need to give them the tools to use critical thinking in their everyday life so that they can make the right choices when you’re not around. Otherwise, how do you expect them to become informed, educated, competent adults that have the power to navigate whatever will be thrown at them? I’ll use the analogy of a test. As a church, leader, or parent, you don’t want to feed them the right answers to fill in the bubbles (because they’ll just memorize the letter). You want to dialogue and challenge them with the hard and sometimes rhetorical questions so that they have to figure out the answers for themselves (and internalize the information) so they can write the essay in their own situations.','Where the Church Lost Me: Part V: Over-protective','','publish','open','open','','where-the-church-lost-me-part-v-over-protective','','','2011-11-02 07:29:25','2011-11-02 14:29:25','',0,'http://provoketive.com/?p=1722',0,'post','',9),(1723,38,'2011-11-01 20:52:06','2011-11-02 03:52:06','<em>This is the final part in my series about the six reasons why I left the church based off this article by the Barna Group.</em>\n\n<em> Missed the first parts of this series? Read part one, two, three and four.</em>\n\n<strong>Reason #6: “Churches seem overprotective.”</strong>\n\nSometimes I feel like the evangelical church can be like a controlling boyfriend. Overprotectiveness is what permeates my story the most. All four of the other reasons that I’ve talked about already can be directly tied back to this. If they keep the content light they remind us to be good Christians and avoid conflict. If they keep science at bay, they remind us that scientists are out to get us to trick us out of believing the truth. If they entirely block out other religions and denominations we will never have the chance to be converted to their corrupt ways. If they present sexuality as simplistic, we won’t know anything about it and won’t be tempted to try it. And if they put my questions down, they lower the risk of losing other members to my poisonous doubt.\n\nI was told constantly growing up that the hallmark of the devil was that he made things like secular music, evolution, yoga, other religions, new age philosophies, and non-Christian boys look attractive. “Sin feels good,” they said. So, anything that made me feel good aside from helping the elderly people and reading my Bible was me giving in and made me feel guilty. While I can see where the general principle behind this kind of makes sense, it contorted itself into a skeleton of dark guilt that follows me to this day.\n\nFor example: if I enjoy the feeling of a fitted shirt, it’s the devil trying to entice me to bring sexy back and make the boys stumble. Another example: the reason it would “feel good” to go to a mega church is because they are telling people what they want to hear. The only reason they could possibly be growing that fast is by telling thinly-veiled lies that appeared to be a more fun version of Christianity that doesn’t bother with the cold, hard truth. After all, the devil doesn’t want you to think about hell! He wants you to go someplace that makes you feel good and bubbly so you can feel secure in your lukewarm faith.\n\nThe guilt that installed itself into the culture became such a part of my identity that it eventually began to suffocate me. Everything was dangerous: cable tv, playing cards, Superbowl commercials, roller rink music, yoga, mega churches, boys, comedians, magazines, The Message, liberals, other teenagers, dancing, beer, movie theatres, backslidden Christians, world religion courses, concerts, non-Christian universities, people like Joel Osteen, and puppies. (Okay, so maybe not the last two.) (It was amazing that I managed to go see King Kong with a group of my friends.) No one could go near any of the above items without being lectured on “the appearance of evil.”\n\nI’ll explain why this became dangerous for a church culture. We have such a drive as humans to right any dissonance in our brains, the Avoidance of Danger became an elaborate game. And as it is with all games except a <a href=\"http://rackham.artpassions.net/alice3.html\">Caucus race</a>, everyone is keeping score. You knew that you were ahead of Jane on the totem pole because she watched that rated R movie last week. You don’t watch R rated movies (they are an abomination to the lord), so you know right there that you’re a better Christian that her.  This becomes a vicious, cannibalistic cycle because everyone becomes a watch dog. We were always watching for someone to trip up.\n\nThis is what I liked to call the “Someone is Watching” theory. <em>The</em> reason behind good behavior in my church was that someone is always watching. The implied logic behind this was:\n<ul>\n	<li>If you do bad things, everyone’s Sin Meters will start going off and they will assign you a mental scarlet letter.</li>\n</ul>\n<ul>\n	<li>If you do a good thing or abstain from certain “bad” things, people will wonder why, and in turn, you get the perfect witnessing opportunity and will glean many souls for The Lord.</li>\n</ul>\nThe only problem: in my experience this kind of system <em>only works inside the church</em>. In most cases, the rest of the world doesn’t operate like this. (Because unless you have a swear jar, the rest of the population isn’t counting.) To test this—at least on an intellectual level—I created a post on the Craigslist forums that said “If I told you I was a Christian and then a few weeks later you saw me in a bar out having some drinks with my friends, would you consider my faith useless?” Aside from the few people that told me my entire problem was being involved in religion in the first place, the overwhelming response was no. Even though, as a good little legalistic girl, I remember going over to a friend’s house and seeing Kahlua in their parent’s pantry and feeling absolute righteous indignation. I even polled my own friends from the church I used to go to see if their results were the same. Most of their responses boiled down to: “It’s just not that simple.”\n\nI found in my own life that not swearing, not drinking, not telling dirty jokes, and not watching bad movies doesn’t mean anything to other people. It only means something to other Christians. The only thing it did for me was make other people uncomfortable. Those things in themselves don’t make you glowy, sparkly (Edward!) or magnetic to “unbelievers”. Those things by themselves will not “bring others to Christ”. And in fact, this type of attitude actually detracts from the goal because you do not create an environment of love, understanding, or compassion, which is what people desperately need in their lives because you create an environment of judgment. Abstaining from bad things does not make you radical and it does not make you transformational; the only thing it does is make you a snob. Now, I’m not suggesting that you just go and live a life of hedonism because otherwise you’ll make people uncomfortable. There is something to be said about being different, and abstaining can be a good thing in some cases. I think along with your convictions about those things you need to pair them with the scandalous love that Jesus came to earth to share. When Jesus came to earth, he showed radical compassion for the people who had been voted off the island, kicked out of the country club, and knocked to the bottom of the totem pole. We need to abandon the scoring system and show people that there is more to life than that. <em>That</em> is freedom.\n\nThe other problem with overprotection is that it creates an environment where trust cannot exist. If you treat me like the moment I see a girl in a bikini on TV I’ll go and have mad sex with the next thing with two legs, or if I listen to a group who doesn’t explicitly mention Jesus in their music that I’ll suddenly abandon the faith, it sends me the message that you don’t think that my beliefs are strong enough. It tells me that you think I’m a sponge on a stick and that I’m helpless to defend myself. It’s mothering, but in a bad way. It underestimates the power I have within myself to stand up for what I believe and navigate the waters of life like a competent citizen. Example:\n<ul>\n	<li>A grandmother of a friend of mine was running a Bible study for a bunch of the seniors. I absolutely loved it, as did my friends who went. My mom mentioned to one of the deacons at the time that she really appreciated the Bible study because of how much I was getting out of it. The response she got was essentially that the church was aware of the Bible study and had not yet decided to shut it down. (What? Never mind the fact that she was a long-time member and a Sunday School teacher.)</li>\n</ul>\n<ul>\n	<li>My friend wanted to get a group together to carpool down to Aquire the Fire when it came to our area. She was told that she could not advertise this to the youth group because they didn’t approve of it and couldn’t sanction anyone going to it. (Really? Aquire the Fire is the threat here? You mean the big emotional conference with Rebecca St. James headlining?)</li>\n</ul>\n<ul>\n	<li>One of my friends in high school got pregnant. She was immediately ostracized and sent off to live with relatives until late in the pregnancy. When she returned my mom suggested the church hold a baby shower for her so that she could get the things she needed and we could provide some of the essentials for her. Leadership refused because they “didn’t want to condone her actions.” (Hmm… They give pregnant girls stuff… Time to get knocked up!)</li>\n</ul>\nThis does not create a culture of trust, information sharing, learning from all different people, different forms of worship, or a culture of love that is there to help pick you up when you fall.\n\nLeaders say that they want to “equip tomorrow’s leaders for Christ.” That does not mean sheltering them from <em>everything</em> to the n-th degree lest the devil kidnap them. This means that you need to give them the tools to use critical thinking in their everyday life so that they can make the right choices when you’re not around. Otherwise, how do you expect them to become informed, educated, competent adults that have the power to navigate whatever will be thrown at them? I’ll use the analogy of a test. As a church, leader, or parent, you don’t want to feed them the right answers to fill in the bubbles (because they’ll just memorize the letter). You want to dialogue and challenge them with the hard and sometimes rhetorical questions so that they have to figure out the answers for themselves (and internalize the information) so they can write the essay in their own situations.','Where the Church Lost Me: ','','inherit','open','open','','1722-revision','','','2011-11-01 20:52:06','2011-11-02 03:52:06','',1722,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1722-revision/',0,'revision','',0),(1724,38,'2011-11-01 20:52:46','2011-11-02 03:52:46','<em>This is the final part in my series about the six reasons why I left the church based off this article by the Barna Group.</em>\r\n\r\n<strong>Reason #6: “Churches seem overprotective.”</strong>\r\n\r\nSometimes I feel like the evangelical church can be like a controlling boyfriend. Overprotectiveness is what permeates my story the most. All four of the other reasons that I’ve talked about already can be directly tied back to this. If they keep the content light they remind us to be good Christians and avoid conflict. If they keep science at bay, they remind us that scientists are out to get us to trick us out of believing the truth. If they entirely block out other religions and denominations we will never have the chance to be converted to their corrupt ways. If they present sexuality as simplistic, we won’t know anything about it and won’t be tempted to try it. And if they put my questions down, they lower the risk of losing other members to my poisonous doubt.\r\n\r\nI was told constantly growing up that the hallmark of the devil was that he made things like secular music, evolution, yoga, other religions, new age philosophies, and non-Christian boys look attractive. “Sin feels good,” they said. So, anything that made me feel good aside from helping the elderly people and reading my Bible was me giving in and made me feel guilty. While I can see where the general principle behind this kind of makes sense, it contorted itself into a skeleton of dark guilt that follows me to this day.\r\n\r\nFor example: if I enjoy the feeling of a fitted shirt, it’s the devil trying to entice me to bring sexy back and make the boys stumble. Another example: the reason it would “feel good” to go to a mega church is because they are telling people what they want to hear. The only reason they could possibly be growing that fast is by telling thinly-veiled lies that appeared to be a more fun version of Christianity that doesn’t bother with the cold, hard truth. After all, the devil doesn’t want you to think about hell! He wants you to go someplace that makes you feel good and bubbly so you can feel secure in your lukewarm faith.\r\n\r\nThe guilt that installed itself into the culture became such a part of my identity that it eventually began to suffocate me. Everything was dangerous: cable tv, playing cards, Superbowl commercials, roller rink music, yoga, mega churches, boys, comedians, magazines, The Message, liberals, other teenagers, dancing, beer, movie theatres, backslidden Christians, world religion courses, concerts, non-Christian universities, people like Joel Osteen, and puppies. (Okay, so maybe not the last two.) (It was amazing that I managed to go see King Kong with a group of my friends.) No one could go near any of the above items without being lectured on “the appearance of evil.”\r\n\r\nI’ll explain why this became dangerous for a church culture. We have such a drive as humans to right any dissonance in our brains, the Avoidance of Danger became an elaborate game. And as it is with all games except a <a href=\"http://rackham.artpassions.net/alice3.html\">Caucus race</a>, everyone is keeping score. You knew that you were ahead of Jane on the totem pole because she watched that rated R movie last week. You don’t watch R rated movies (they are an abomination to the lord), so you know right there that you’re a better Christian that her.  This becomes a vicious, cannibalistic cycle because everyone becomes a watch dog. We were always watching for someone to trip up.\r\n\r\nThis is what I liked to call the “Someone is Watching” theory. <em>The</em> reason behind good behavior in my church was that someone is always watching. The implied logic behind this was:\r\n<ul>\r\n	<li>If you do bad things, everyone’s Sin Meters will start going off and they will assign you a mental scarlet letter.</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<ul>\r\n	<li>If you do a good thing or abstain from certain “bad” things, people will wonder why, and in turn, you get the perfect witnessing opportunity and will glean many souls for The Lord.</li>\r\n</ul>\r\nThe only problem: in my experience this kind of system <em>only works inside the church</em>. In most cases, the rest of the world doesn’t operate like this. (Because unless you have a swear jar, the rest of the population isn’t counting.) To test this—at least on an intellectual level—I created a post on the Craigslist forums that said “If I told you I was a Christian and then a few weeks later you saw me in a bar out having some drinks with my friends, would you consider my faith useless?” Aside from the few people that told me my entire problem was being involved in religion in the first place, the overwhelming response was no. Even though, as a good little legalistic girl, I remember going over to a friend’s house and seeing Kahlua in their parent’s pantry and feeling absolute righteous indignation. I even polled my own friends from the church I used to go to see if their results were the same. Most of their responses boiled down to: “It’s just not that simple.”\r\n\r\nI found in my own life that not swearing, not drinking, not telling dirty jokes, and not watching bad movies doesn’t mean anything to other people. It only means something to other Christians. The only thing it did for me was make other people uncomfortable. Those things in themselves don’t make you glowy, sparkly (Edward!) or magnetic to “unbelievers”. Those things by themselves will not “bring others to Christ”. And in fact, this type of attitude actually detracts from the goal because you do not create an environment of love, understanding, or compassion, which is what people desperately need in their lives because you create an environment of judgment. Abstaining from bad things does not make you radical and it does not make you transformational; the only thing it does is make you a snob. Now, I’m not suggesting that you just go and live a life of hedonism because otherwise you’ll make people uncomfortable. There is something to be said about being different, and abstaining can be a good thing in some cases. I think along with your convictions about those things you need to pair them with the scandalous love that Jesus came to earth to share. When Jesus came to earth, he showed radical compassion for the people who had been voted off the island, kicked out of the country club, and knocked to the bottom of the totem pole. We need to abandon the scoring system and show people that there is more to life than that. <em>That</em> is freedom.\r\n\r\nThe other problem with overprotection is that it creates an environment where trust cannot exist. If you treat me like the moment I see a girl in a bikini on TV I’ll go and have mad sex with the next thing with two legs, or if I listen to a group who doesn’t explicitly mention Jesus in their music that I’ll suddenly abandon the faith, it sends me the message that you don’t think that my beliefs are strong enough. It tells me that you think I’m a sponge on a stick and that I’m helpless to defend myself. It’s mothering, but in a bad way. It underestimates the power I have within myself to stand up for what I believe and navigate the waters of life like a competent citizen. Example:\r\n<ul>\r\n	<li>A grandmother of a friend of mine was running a Bible study for a bunch of the seniors. I absolutely loved it, as did my friends who went. My mom mentioned to one of the deacons at the time that she really appreciated the Bible study because of how much I was getting out of it. The response she got was essentially that the church was aware of the Bible study and had not yet decided to shut it down. (What? Never mind the fact that she was a long-time member and a Sunday School teacher.)</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<ul>\r\n	<li>My friend wanted to get a group together to carpool down to Aquire the Fire when it came to our area. She was told that she could not advertise this to the youth group because they didn’t approve of it and couldn’t sanction anyone going to it. (Really? Aquire the Fire is the threat here? You mean the big emotional conference with Rebecca St. James headlining?)</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<ul>\r\n	<li>One of my friends in high school got pregnant. She was immediately ostracized and sent off to live with relatives until late in the pregnancy. When she returned my mom suggested the church hold a baby shower for her so that she could get the things she needed and we could provide some of the essentials for her. Leadership refused because they “didn’t want to condone her actions.” (Hmm… They give pregnant girls stuff… Time to get knocked up!)</li>\r\n</ul>\r\nThis does not create a culture of trust, information sharing, learning from all different people, different forms of worship, or a culture of love that is there to help pick you up when you fall.\r\n\r\nLeaders say that they want to “equip tomorrow’s leaders for Christ.” That does not mean sheltering them from <em>everything</em> to the n-th degree lest the devil kidnap them. This means that you need to give them the tools to use critical thinking in their everyday life so that they can make the right choices when you’re not around. Otherwise, how do you expect them to become informed, educated, competent adults that have the power to navigate whatever will be thrown at them? I’ll use the analogy of a test. As a church, leader, or parent, you don’t want to feed them the right answers to fill in the bubbles (because they’ll just memorize the letter). You want to dialogue and challenge them with the hard and sometimes rhetorical questions so that they have to figure out the answers for themselves (and internalize the information) so they can write the essay in their own situations.','Where the Church Lost Me: Part V: Overprotective','','inherit','open','open','','1722-revision-2','','','2011-11-01 20:52:46','2011-11-02 03:52:46','',1722,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1722-revision-2/',0,'revision','',0),(1725,38,'2011-11-01 20:52:59','2011-11-02 03:52:59','<em>This is the final part in my series about the six reasons why I left the church based off this article by the Barna Group.</em>\r\n\r\n<strong>Reason #6: “Churches seem overprotective.”</strong>\r\n\r\nSometimes I feel like the evangelical church can be like a controlling boyfriend. Overprotectiveness is what permeates my story the most. All four of the other reasons that I’ve talked about already can be directly tied back to this. If they keep the content light they remind us to be good Christians and avoid conflict. If they keep science at bay, they remind us that scientists are out to get us to trick us out of believing the truth. If they entirely block out other religions and denominations we will never have the chance to be converted to their corrupt ways. If they present sexuality as simplistic, we won’t know anything about it and won’t be tempted to try it. And if they put my questions down, they lower the risk of losing other members to my poisonous doubt.\r\n\r\nI was told constantly growing up that the hallmark of the devil was that he made things like secular music, evolution, yoga, other religions, new age philosophies, and non-Christian boys look attractive. “Sin feels good,” they said. So, anything that made me feel good aside from helping the elderly people and reading my Bible was me giving in and made me feel guilty. While I can see where the general principle behind this kind of makes sense, it contorted itself into a skeleton of dark guilt that follows me to this day.\r\n\r\nFor example: if I enjoy the feeling of a fitted shirt, it’s the devil trying to entice me to bring sexy back and make the boys stumble. Another example: the reason it would “feel good” to go to a mega church is because they are telling people what they want to hear. The only reason they could possibly be growing that fast is by telling thinly-veiled lies that appeared to be a more fun version of Christianity that doesn’t bother with the cold, hard truth. After all, the devil doesn’t want you to think about hell! He wants you to go someplace that makes you feel good and bubbly so you can feel secure in your lukewarm faith.\r\n\r\nThe guilt that installed itself into the culture became such a part of my identity that it eventually began to suffocate me. Everything was dangerous: cable tv, playing cards, Superbowl commercials, roller rink music, yoga, mega churches, boys, comedians, magazines, The Message, liberals, other teenagers, dancing, beer, movie theatres, backslidden Christians, world religion courses, concerts, non-Christian universities, people like Joel Osteen, and puppies. (Okay, so maybe not the last two.) (It was amazing that I managed to go see King Kong with a group of my friends.) No one could go near any of the above items without being lectured on “the appearance of evil.”\r\n\r\nI’ll explain why this became dangerous for a church culture. We have such a drive as humans to right any dissonance in our brains, the Avoidance of Danger became an elaborate game. And as it is with all games except a <a href=\"http://rackham.artpassions.net/alice3.html\">Caucus race</a>, everyone is keeping score. You knew that you were ahead of Jane on the totem pole because she watched that rated R movie last week. You don’t watch R rated movies (they are an abomination to the lord), so you know right there that you’re a better Christian that her.  This becomes a vicious, cannibalistic cycle because everyone becomes a watch dog. We were always watching for someone to trip up.\r\n\r\nThis is what I liked to call the “Someone is Watching” theory. <em>The</em> reason behind good behavior in my church was that someone is always watching. The implied logic behind this was:\r\n<ul>\r\n	<li>If you do bad things, everyone’s Sin Meters will start going off and they will assign you a mental scarlet letter.</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<ul>\r\n	<li>If you do a good thing or abstain from certain “bad” things, people will wonder why, and in turn, you get the perfect witnessing opportunity and will glean many souls for The Lord.</li>\r\n</ul>\r\nThe only problem: in my experience this kind of system <em>only works inside the church</em>. In most cases, the rest of the world doesn’t operate like this. (Because unless you have a swear jar, the rest of the population isn’t counting.) To test this—at least on an intellectual level—I created a post on the Craigslist forums that said “If I told you I was a Christian and then a few weeks later you saw me in a bar out having some drinks with my friends, would you consider my faith useless?” Aside from the few people that told me my entire problem was being involved in religion in the first place, the overwhelming response was no. Even though, as a good little legalistic girl, I remember going over to a friend’s house and seeing Kahlua in their parent’s pantry and feeling absolute righteous indignation. I even polled my own friends from the church I used to go to see if their results were the same. Most of their responses boiled down to: “It’s just not that simple.”\r\n\r\nI found in my own life that not swearing, not drinking, not telling dirty jokes, and not watching bad movies doesn’t mean anything to other people. It only means something to other Christians. The only thing it did for me was make other people uncomfortable. Those things in themselves don’t make you glowy, sparkly (Edward!) or magnetic to “unbelievers”. Those things by themselves will not “bring others to Christ”. And in fact, this type of attitude actually detracts from the goal because you do not create an environment of love, understanding, or compassion, which is what people desperately need in their lives because you create an environment of judgment. Abstaining from bad things does not make you radical and it does not make you transformational; the only thing it does is make you a snob. Now, I’m not suggesting that you just go and live a life of hedonism because otherwise you’ll make people uncomfortable. There is something to be said about being different, and abstaining can be a good thing in some cases. I think along with your convictions about those things you need to pair them with the scandalous love that Jesus came to earth to share. When Jesus came to earth, he showed radical compassion for the people who had been voted off the island, kicked out of the country club, and knocked to the bottom of the totem pole. We need to abandon the scoring system and show people that there is more to life than that. <em>That</em> is freedom.\r\n\r\nThe other problem with overprotection is that it creates an environment where trust cannot exist. If you treat me like the moment I see a girl in a bikini on TV I’ll go and have mad sex with the next thing with two legs, or if I listen to a group who doesn’t explicitly mention Jesus in their music that I’ll suddenly abandon the faith, it sends me the message that you don’t think that my beliefs are strong enough. It tells me that you think I’m a sponge on a stick and that I’m helpless to defend myself. It’s mothering, but in a bad way. It underestimates the power I have within myself to stand up for what I believe and navigate the waters of life like a competent citizen. Example:\r\n<ul>\r\n	<li>A grandmother of a friend of mine was running a Bible study for a bunch of the seniors. I absolutely loved it, as did my friends who went. My mom mentioned to one of the deacons at the time that she really appreciated the Bible study because of how much I was getting out of it. The response she got was essentially that the church was aware of the Bible study and had not yet decided to shut it down. (What? Never mind the fact that she was a long-time member and a Sunday School teacher.)</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<ul>\r\n	<li>My friend wanted to get a group together to carpool down to Aquire the Fire when it came to our area. She was told that she could not advertise this to the youth group because they didn’t approve of it and couldn’t sanction anyone going to it. (Really? Aquire the Fire is the threat here? You mean the big emotional conference with Rebecca St. James headlining?)</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<ul>\r\n	<li>One of my friends in high school got pregnant. She was immediately ostracized and sent off to live with relatives until late in the pregnancy. When she returned my mom suggested the church hold a baby shower for her so that she could get the things she needed and we could provide some of the essentials for her. Leadership refused because they “didn’t want to condone her actions.” (Hmm… They give pregnant girls stuff… Time to get knocked up!)</li>\r\n</ul>\r\nThis does not create a culture of trust, information sharing, learning from all different people, different forms of worship, or a culture of love that is there to help pick you up when you fall.\r\n\r\nLeaders say that they want to “equip tomorrow’s leaders for Christ.” That does not mean sheltering them from <em>everything</em> to the n-th degree lest the devil kidnap them. This means that you need to give them the tools to use critical thinking in their everyday life so that they can make the right choices when you’re not around. Otherwise, how do you expect them to become informed, educated, competent adults that have the power to navigate whatever will be thrown at them? I’ll use the analogy of a test. As a church, leader, or parent, you don’t want to feed them the right answers to fill in the bubbles (because they’ll just memorize the letter). You want to dialogue and challenge them with the hard and sometimes rhetorical questions so that they have to figure out the answers for themselves (and internalize the information) so they can write the essay in their own situations.','Where the Church Lost Me: Part V: Overprotective','','inherit','open','open','','1722-revision-3','','','2011-11-01 20:52:59','2011-11-02 03:52:59','',1722,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1722-revision-3/',0,'revision','',0),(1726,38,'2011-10-30 14:17:45','2011-10-30 21:17:45','<em>This is part four in my series about the six reasons why I left the church based off of the article <a href=\"http://www.barna.org/teens-next-gen-articles/528-six-reasons-young-christians-leave-church\" target=\"_blank\">\"Six Reasons Young Christians Leave Church\"</a> by the <a href=\"http://www.barna.org/\" target=\"_blank\">Barna Group</a>.</em>\r\n\r\n<strong>Reason #4: \"The church feels unfriendly to those who doubt.\"</strong>\r\n\r\nAfter being frustrated with the <a href=\"http://www.soullikeaspider.com/blog/2011/10/9/where-the-church-lost-me-part-i.html\" target=\"_blank\">lack of challenging content for my age group</a>, realizing how <a href=\"http://www.soullikeaspider.com/blog/2011/10/12/where-the-church-lost-me-part-ii.html\" target=\"_blank\">clueless I was about other religions and their beliefs</a>, and opening my eyes as to the <a href=\"http://www.soullikeaspider.com/blog/2011/10/16/where-the-church-lost-me-part-iii.html\" target=\"_blank\">overly-simplistic nature of sexuality</a> I had been presented with, I began feeling discontent. Each one of these things would have been excusable on their own, but with them all together I began to get a feel of the nature of what I had grown up with. There were rumblings in my bones that I couldn’t ignore anymore.\r\n\r\nThe one thing that finally sent me throttling to the face of disillusionment was when my mother wasn’t allowed to work in the youth group. After going on a youth retreat as a chaperone, she wanted to take the next step and be a regular youth leader. When she spoke to the pastor about this, they said she couldn’t work with the youth without her husband. My father is not a social butterfly by any stretch of the imagination, and my mom is, so it was a little bit crazy to expect my dad to come along to something that she was very clearly suited for and he wasn’t.\r\n\r\nMy mom decided that maybe they would change their minds once they saw her working with the kids so she decided just to start showing up. The second week she came to youth group they had someone standing outside of the door to the youth group guarding to prohibit her from coming in.\r\n\r\nI understand why they would put the couples-only stipulation on youth workers: they want the couples to show kids how to have healthy romantic relationships and be able to go to either adult for advice if need be. I would have been fine with married leaders principle had they followed it. Less than a month after my mother was literally barred from the room, the single son of the events manager of the church showed back and they let him start working immediately with the kids, and he was one of seven other single individuals working in the youth group during this time (most of which were kids of the pastors or deacons).\r\n\r\nHow could they do this to her? They punished her because my father isn’t social-inclined? How could they preach Sunday after Sunday about how they needed people to get into ministry and then <em>physically block</em> her from even entering the room? If someone has the desire and the ability wouldn’t you be tripping over yourself to get them? I want to give the staff the benefit of the doubt that maybe something else was going on behind the scenes that I don’t know about, but it appeared as blatant favoritism.\r\n\r\nBy the time I hit sophomore year of high school I was so desperately craving content I could wrestle with and people who could really get into my head that I made the mistake of opening my mouth. All I wanted was more. I could have bowed out quietly (like smarter people after me did), but I thought that if I started voicing some of my opinions to the right people that they could help me find what I was looking for or find ways to improve what was going on. But instead of seeing my questions and feelings as a desire for something more, it was taken as a <em>personal</em> attack on the staff and the church.\r\n\r\nIt didn’t take long before friends and leaders were each asking me what was wrong, and after I told them each one of them clobbered me. Some lectured me, some got offended, and some chose to yell right over me. I was reminded a few times that \"Pastor John is not Billy Graham.\" I wasn’t expecting Billy Graham. When someone talks for twenty full minutes about how he is going to step on some toes, how he didn’t want to offend anyone, but that he needed to share the truth, I just want there to be something more substantial than telling me to do my devotions.\r\n\r\nMy doubt was perceived as a threat. Even though I was at church every time the doors were open, was actively involved in ministry, worked with the elementary kids in <a href=\"http://awana.org/\" target=\"_blank\">AWANA</a>, was on the worship team, and was very active in Sunday School, the <em>moment</em> I started asking questions and challenging the status quo I was voted off the island. I did everything right by them. I followed all of the rules and expectations put in front of me but once I questioned things I became a black sheep.\r\n\r\nI remember telling the whole story to one of my best friends while working on desserts for the giant Christmas dinner we put on every year. The kitchen refrigerators were already full so we opened all the windows in the children’s classrooms and then shut the doors to create make-shift refrigerators. We were filling crepes when I told him what was going on and that I was considering trying out a different youth group. I remember shivering and the dull smell of confectionary sugar filling my nostrils as he told me how I couldn’t do that because I would be \"divorcing the church\" and that I would practically be breaking a blood contract with the body if I left.\r\n\r\nLater, Mr. Darren, one of the leaders, set aside some time to talk to me to see what was wrong. He had been hearing things but wanted to hear the whole story from me. I felt particularly close to Mr. Darren and his wife; aside from having the mother of all crushes on their son, I spent a lot of time with them at church and outside of church. I would go over to their house occasionally and they always made a point to talk to me when they saw me. They even called me their niece on a couple of occasions.  They made me feel loved and important.\r\n\r\nI skipped out on the last few minutes of youth group one night sat in the small church library across the table from Mr. Darren. He said he could sense something was off about me over the last couple of weeks and wanted to know what was happening. I had kept this information from him mostly because I needed time to figure it out and I didn’t want him and his wife to be disappointed in me. But since he took the time out to ask me, I took it as a sign that he cared and I could be honest with him, so I shared my story.\r\n\r\nHe proceeded to tell me that he had been in youth ministry for twenty years and that this was as good as it got. Pastor John was the best he had ever seen and I wasn\'t going to find anyone better. He told me that my role in the church was changing and that from here on out I would never get anything from church. I would need to start spending all my time making sure <em>other</em> people got \"fed\" at church.\r\n\r\nIn a sense he had a point. I can’t expect to be spoon-fed or fuel my entire spiritual journey on sermons but I was still devastated. Name after name flew by of leaders I had offended and friend after friend crossed me off their lists. I thought Darren and his wife would be the ones who, even if they couldn’t relate, would still love on me and help me through. But instead I was told to just buck up, be content and to stop expecting things. (This was accidentally the last time we ever spoke, which makes me even sadder.)\r\n\r\nI was crushed. I guess more than anything I felt hung out to dry. For years my superiors told me not to just be spoon-fed by the stuff I hear on Sundays but to desire to know more and take learning into my own hands. So, when I tell them that I’m hungry and I want something more, I’m abandoned? If you are going to talk about sparks be prepared for the fire if it catches.\r\n\r\nI was left alone. The leaders weren\'t there for me when I needed them the most. Even if they thought I was just being a bratty teenager, nothing was worse there than them crushing the eager spirit that I thought they wanted to see in me. The message was loud and clear: they wanted fair weather youth, and my questions and I were no longer welcome.\r\n\r\nPeter Rollins talks about how important doubt is in a religious setting in his book <a href=\"http://www.amazon.com/How-Not-Speak-Peter-Rollins/dp/1557255059/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1319866840&amp;sr=8-1\" target=\"_blank\">\"How (Not) to Speak of God\"</a>:\r\n<blockquote>\"For instance, take the example of two people getting married with the firm conviction that the union will last as long as they both live. In this state of obvious delusion no real decision needs to be made. The future is believed to be so certain that the decision to marry requires no decision at all. Yet if two people understand that their relationship will face various hardships, that the future is uncertain and that there are no guarantees, then, far from preventing a decision, this is the very point when a real decision needs to be made. The vows of marriage are not so much affirmations of what one believes will take place but rather the promises that one will work towards ensuring that it will indeed happen. […] A love that requires contracts and absolute assurance in order to act is no love at all.\"</blockquote>\r\nIn the aftermath, there were four people who didn’t toss me out like a dead fashion trend. One was a leader who listened to me and said that he could relate to me a little and then showed me some note-taking tips that helped him extract more meaning out of sermons. The other three were friends who treated me no differently after admitting to my doubt. These are the friends I have carried with me for the last decade and who, even if we grow apart, I will always feel grateful for. They each in their own words said \"You’re not crazy. I don’t feel the exact same way, but you’re definitely not crazy.\"\r\n\r\n<em>The fifth and final installment will be about how the church is over-protective.</em>','Where the Church Lost Me: Part IV','','inherit','open','open','','1376-revision-9','','','2011-10-30 14:17:45','2011-10-30 21:17:45','',1376,'http://provoketive.com/2011/10/30/1376-revision-9/',0,'revision','',0),(1727,1,'2011-11-02 07:28:03','2011-11-02 14:28:03','<em>This is the final part in my series about the six reasons why I left the church based off <a href=\"http://www.barna.org/teens-next-gen-articles/528-six-reasons-young-christians-leave-church\" target=\"_blank\">this</a> article by the Barna Group about why young Christians are leaving the church.</em>\n\n<strong>Reason #6: “Churches seem overprotective.”</strong>\n\nSometimes I feel like the evangelical church can be like a controlling boyfriend. Over-protectiveness is what permeates my story the most. All four of the other reasons that I’ve talked about already can be directly tied back to this. If they keep the content light they remind us to be good Christians and avoid conflict. If they keep science at bay, they remind us that scientists are out to get us to trick us out of believing the truth. If they entirely block out other religions and denominations we will never have the chance to be converted to their corrupt ways. If they present sexuality as simplistic, we won’t know anything about it and won’t be tempted to try it. And if they put my questions down, they lower the risk of losing other members to my poisonous doubt.\n\nI was told constantly growing up that the hallmark of the devil was that he made things like secular music, evolution, yoga, other religions, new age philosophies, and non-Christian boys look attractive. “Sin feels good,” they said. So, anything that made me feel good aside from helping the elderly people and reading my Bible was me giving in and made me feel guilty. While I can see where the general principle behind this kind of makes sense, it contorted itself into a skeleton of dark guilt that follows me to this day.\n\nFor example: if I enjoy the feeling of a fitted shirt, it’s the devil trying to entice me to bring sexy back and make the boys stumble. Another example: the reason it would “feel good” to go to a mega church is because they are telling people what they want to hear. The only reason they could possibly be growing that fast is by telling thinly veiled lies that appeared to be a more fun version of Christianity that doesn’t bother with the cold, hard truth. After all, the devil doesn’t want you to think about hell! He wants you to go someplace that makes you feel good and bubbly so you can feel secure in your lukewarm faith.\n\nThe guilt that installed itself into the culture became such a part of my identity that it eventually began to suffocate me. Everything was dangerous: cable tv, playing cards, Superbowl commercials, roller rink music, yoga, mega churches, boys, comedians, magazines, The Message, liberals, other teenagers, dancing, beer, movie theatres, backslidden Christians, world religion courses, concerts, non-Christian universities, people like Joel Osteen, and puppies. (Okay, so maybe not the last two.) (It was amazing that I managed to go see King Kong with a group of my friends.) No one could go near any of the above items without being lectured on “the appearance of evil.”\n\nI’ll explain why this became dangerous for a church culture. We have such a drive as humans to right any dissonance in our brains, the Avoidance of Danger became an elaborate game. And as it is with all games except a <a href=\"http://rackham.artpassions.net/alice3.html\">Caucus race</a>, everyone is keeping score. You knew that you were ahead of Jane on the totem pole because she watched that rated R movie last week. You don’t watch R rated movies (they are an abomination to the lord), so you know right there that you’re a better Christian that her.  This becomes a vicious, cannibalistic cycle because everyone becomes a watch dog. We were always watching for someone to trip up.\n\nThis is what I liked to call the “Someone is Watching” theory. <em>The</em> reason behind good behavior in my church was that someone is always watching. The implied logic behind this was:\n<ul>\n	<li>If you do bad things, everyone’s Sin Meters will start going off and they will assign you a mental scarlet letter.</li>\n</ul>\n<ul>\n	<li>If you do a good thing or abstain from certain “bad” things, people will wonder why, and in turn, you get the perfect witnessing opportunity and will glean many souls for The Lord.</li>\n</ul>\nThe only problem: in my experience this kind of system <em>only works inside the church</em>. In most cases, the rest of the world doesn’t operate like this. (Because unless you have a swear jar, the rest of the population isn’t counting.) To test this—at least on an intellectual level—I created a post on the Craigslist forums that said “If I told you I was a Christian and then a few weeks later you saw me in a bar out having some drinks with my friends, would you consider my faith useless?” Aside from the few people that told me my entire problem was being involved in religion in the first place, the overwhelming response was no. Even though, as a good little legalistic girl, I remember going over to a friend’s house and seeing Kahlua in their parent’s pantry and feeling absolute righteous indignation. I even polled my own friends from the church I used to go to see if their results were the same. Most of their responses boiled down to: “It’s just not that simple.”\n\nI found in my own life that not swearing, not drinking, not telling dirty jokes, and not watching bad movies doesn’t mean anything to other people. It only means something to other Christians. The only thing it did for me was make other people uncomfortable. Those things in themselves don’t make you glowy, sparkly (Edward!) or magnetic to “unbelievers”. Those things by themselves will not “bring others to Christ”. And in fact, this type of attitude actually detracts from the goal because you do not create an environment of love, understanding, or compassion, which is what people desperately need in their lives because you create an environment of judgment. Abstaining from bad things does not make you radical and it does not make you transformational; the only thing it does is make you a snob. Now, I’m not suggesting that you just go and live a life of hedonism because otherwise you’ll make people uncomfortable. There is something to be said about being different, and abstaining can be a good thing in some cases. I think along with your convictions about those things you need to pair them with the scandalous love that Jesus came to earth to share. When Jesus came to earth, he showed radical compassion for the people who had been voted off the island, kicked out of the country club, and knocked to the bottom of the totem pole. We need to abandon the scoring system and show people that there is more to life than that. <em>That</em> is freedom.\n\nThe other problem with over-protection is that it creates an environment where trust cannot exist. If you treat me like the moment I see a girl in a bikini on TV I’ll go and have mad sex with the next thing with two legs, or if I listen to a group who doesn’t explicitly mention Jesus in their music that I’ll suddenly abandon the faith, it sends me the message that you don’t think that my beliefs are strong enough. It tells me that you think I’m a sponge on a stick and that I’m helpless to defend myself. It’s mothering, but in a bad way. It underestimates the power I have within myself to stand up for what I believe and navigate the waters of life like a competent citizen. Example:\n<ul>\n	<li>A grandmother of a friend of mine was running a Bible study for a bunch of the seniors. I absolutely loved it, as did my friends who went. My mom mentioned to one of the deacons at the time that she really appreciated the Bible study because of how much I was getting out of it. The response she got was essentially that the church was aware of the Bible study and had not yet decided to shut it down. (What? Never mind the fact that she was a long-time member and a Sunday School teacher.)</li>\n</ul>\n<ul>\n	<li>My friend wanted to get a group together to carpool down to Aquire the Fire when it came to our area. She was told that she could not advertise this to the youth group because they didn’t approve of it and couldn’t sanction anyone going to it. (Really? Aquire the Fire is the threat here? You mean the big emotional conference with Rebecca St. James headlining?)</li>\n</ul>\n<ul>\n	<li>One of my friends in high school got pregnant. She was immediately ostracized and sent off to live with relatives until late in the pregnancy. When she returned my mom suggested the church hold a baby shower for her so that she could get the things she needed and we could provide some of the essentials for her. Leadership refused because they “didn’t want to condone her actions.” (Hmm… They give pregnant girls stuff… Time to get knocked up!)</li>\n</ul>\nThis does not create a culture of trust, information sharing, learning from all different people, different forms of worship, or a culture of love that is there to help pick you up when you fall.\n\nLeaders say that they want to “equip tomorrow’s leaders for Christ.” That does not mean sheltering them from <em>everything</em> to the n-th degree lest the devil kidnap them. This means that you need to give them the tools to use critical thinking in their everyday life so that they can make the right choices when you’re not around. Otherwise, how do you expect them to become informed, educated, competent adults that have the power to navigate whatever will be thrown at them? I’ll use the analogy of a test. As a church, leader, or parent, you don’t want to feed them the right answers to fill in the bubbles (because they’ll just memorize the letter). You want to dialogue and challenge them with the hard and sometimes rhetorical questions so that they have to figure out the answers for themselves (and internalize the information) so they can write the essay in their own situations.','Where the Church Lost Me: Part V: Over-protective','','inherit','open','open','','1722-autosave','','','2011-11-02 07:28:03','2011-11-02 14:28:03','',1722,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1722-autosave/',0,'revision','',0),(1728,1,'2011-11-01 20:55:06','2011-11-02 03:55:06','<em>This is the final part in my series about the six reasons why I left the church based off <a href=\"http://www.barna.org/teens-next-gen-articles/528-six-reasons-young-christians-leave-church\" target=\"_blank\">this</a> article by the Barna Group about why young Christians are leaving the church.</em>\r\n\r\n<strong>Reason #6: “Churches seem overprotective.”</strong>\r\n\r\nSometimes I feel like the evangelical church can be like a controlling boyfriend. Overprotectiveness is what permeates my story the most. All four of the other reasons that I’ve talked about already can be directly tied back to this. If they keep the content light they remind us to be good Christians and avoid conflict. If they keep science at bay, they remind us that scientists are out to get us to trick us out of believing the truth. If they entirely block out other religions and denominations we will never have the chance to be converted to their corrupt ways. If they present sexuality as simplistic, we won’t know anything about it and won’t be tempted to try it. And if they put my questions down, they lower the risk of losing other members to my poisonous doubt.\r\n\r\nI was told constantly growing up that the hallmark of the devil was that he made things like secular music, evolution, yoga, other religions, new age philosophies, and non-Christian boys look attractive. “Sin feels good,” they said. So, anything that made me feel good aside from helping the elderly people and reading my Bible was me giving in and made me feel guilty. While I can see where the general principle behind this kind of makes sense, it contorted itself into a skeleton of dark guilt that follows me to this day.\r\n\r\nFor example: if I enjoy the feeling of a fitted shirt, it’s the devil trying to entice me to bring sexy back and make the boys stumble. Another example: the reason it would “feel good” to go to a mega church is because they are telling people what they want to hear. The only reason they could possibly be growing that fast is by telling thinly-veiled lies that appeared to be a more fun version of Christianity that doesn’t bother with the cold, hard truth. After all, the devil doesn’t want you to think about hell! He wants you to go someplace that makes you feel good and bubbly so you can feel secure in your lukewarm faith.\r\n\r\nThe guilt that installed itself into the culture became such a part of my identity that it eventually began to suffocate me. Everything was dangerous: cable tv, playing cards, Superbowl commercials, roller rink music, yoga, mega churches, boys, comedians, magazines, The Message, liberals, other teenagers, dancing, beer, movie theatres, backslidden Christians, world religion courses, concerts, non-Christian universities, people like Joel Osteen, and puppies. (Okay, so maybe not the last two.) (It was amazing that I managed to go see King Kong with a group of my friends.) No one could go near any of the above items without being lectured on “the appearance of evil.”\r\n\r\nI’ll explain why this became dangerous for a church culture. We have such a drive as humans to right any dissonance in our brains, the Avoidance of Danger became an elaborate game. And as it is with all games except a <a href=\"http://rackham.artpassions.net/alice3.html\">Caucus race</a>, everyone is keeping score. You knew that you were ahead of Jane on the totem pole because she watched that rated R movie last week. You don’t watch R rated movies (they are an abomination to the lord), so you know right there that you’re a better Christian that her.  This becomes a vicious, cannibalistic cycle because everyone becomes a watch dog. We were always watching for someone to trip up.\r\n\r\nThis is what I liked to call the “Someone is Watching” theory. <em>The</em> reason behind good behavior in my church was that someone is always watching. The implied logic behind this was:\r\n<ul>\r\n	<li>If you do bad things, everyone’s Sin Meters will start going off and they will assign you a mental scarlet letter.</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<ul>\r\n	<li>If you do a good thing or abstain from certain “bad” things, people will wonder why, and in turn, you get the perfect witnessing opportunity and will glean many souls for The Lord.</li>\r\n</ul>\r\nThe only problem: in my experience this kind of system <em>only works inside the church</em>. In most cases, the rest of the world doesn’t operate like this. (Because unless you have a swear jar, the rest of the population isn’t counting.) To test this—at least on an intellectual level—I created a post on the Craigslist forums that said “If I told you I was a Christian and then a few weeks later you saw me in a bar out having some drinks with my friends, would you consider my faith useless?” Aside from the few people that told me my entire problem was being involved in religion in the first place, the overwhelming response was no. Even though, as a good little legalistic girl, I remember going over to a friend’s house and seeing Kahlua in their parent’s pantry and feeling absolute righteous indignation. I even polled my own friends from the church I used to go to see if their results were the same. Most of their responses boiled down to: “It’s just not that simple.”\r\n\r\nI found in my own life that not swearing, not drinking, not telling dirty jokes, and not watching bad movies doesn’t mean anything to other people. It only means something to other Christians. The only thing it did for me was make other people uncomfortable. Those things in themselves don’t make you glowy, sparkly (Edward!) or magnetic to “unbelievers”. Those things by themselves will not “bring others to Christ”. And in fact, this type of attitude actually detracts from the goal because you do not create an environment of love, understanding, or compassion, which is what people desperately need in their lives because you create an environment of judgment. Abstaining from bad things does not make you radical and it does not make you transformational; the only thing it does is make you a snob. Now, I’m not suggesting that you just go and live a life of hedonism because otherwise you’ll make people uncomfortable. There is something to be said about being different, and abstaining can be a good thing in some cases. I think along with your convictions about those things you need to pair them with the scandalous love that Jesus came to earth to share. When Jesus came to earth, he showed radical compassion for the people who had been voted off the island, kicked out of the country club, and knocked to the bottom of the totem pole. We need to abandon the scoring system and show people that there is more to life than that. <em>That</em> is freedom.\r\n\r\nThe other problem with overprotection is that it creates an environment where trust cannot exist. If you treat me like the moment I see a girl in a bikini on TV I’ll go and have mad sex with the next thing with two legs, or if I listen to a group who doesn’t explicitly mention Jesus in their music that I’ll suddenly abandon the faith, it sends me the message that you don’t think that my beliefs are strong enough. It tells me that you think I’m a sponge on a stick and that I’m helpless to defend myself. It’s mothering, but in a bad way. It underestimates the power I have within myself to stand up for what I believe and navigate the waters of life like a competent citizen. Example:\r\n<ul>\r\n	<li>A grandmother of a friend of mine was running a Bible study for a bunch of the seniors. I absolutely loved it, as did my friends who went. My mom mentioned to one of the deacons at the time that she really appreciated the Bible study because of how much I was getting out of it. The response she got was essentially that the church was aware of the Bible study and had not yet decided to shut it down. (What? Never mind the fact that she was a long-time member and a Sunday School teacher.)</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<ul>\r\n	<li>My friend wanted to get a group together to carpool down to Aquire the Fire when it came to our area. She was told that she could not advertise this to the youth group because they didn’t approve of it and couldn’t sanction anyone going to it. (Really? Aquire the Fire is the threat here? You mean the big emotional conference with Rebecca St. James headlining?)</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<ul>\r\n	<li>One of my friends in high school got pregnant. She was immediately ostracized and sent off to live with relatives until late in the pregnancy. When she returned my mom suggested the church hold a baby shower for her so that she could get the things she needed and we could provide some of the essentials for her. Leadership refused because they “didn’t want to condone her actions.” (Hmm… They give pregnant girls stuff… Time to get knocked up!)</li>\r\n</ul>\r\nThis does not create a culture of trust, information sharing, learning from all different people, different forms of worship, or a culture of love that is there to help pick you up when you fall.\r\n\r\nLeaders say that they want to “equip tomorrow’s leaders for Christ.” That does not mean sheltering them from <em>everything</em> to the n-th degree lest the devil kidnap them. This means that you need to give them the tools to use critical thinking in their everyday life so that they can make the right choices when you’re not around. Otherwise, how do you expect them to become informed, educated, competent adults that have the power to navigate whatever will be thrown at them? I’ll use the analogy of a test. As a church, leader, or parent, you don’t want to feed them the right answers to fill in the bubbles (because they’ll just memorize the letter). You want to dialogue and challenge them with the hard and sometimes rhetorical questions so that they have to figure out the answers for themselves (and internalize the information) so they can write the essay in their own situations.','Where the Church Lost Me: Part V: Overprotective','','inherit','open','open','','1722-revision-4','','','2011-11-01 20:55:06','2011-11-02 03:55:06','',1722,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1722-revision-4/',0,'revision','',0),(3559,46,'2012-01-04 06:26:44','2012-01-04 14:26:44','I\'m trying to develop a daily Bible reading plan using the Daily Office from the Book of Common Prayer. For my non-liturgical readers, the Daily Office has assigned scripture readings for each day: one from the Old Testament, one from an Epistle, and a Gospel reading.\n\nYesterday, the Old Testament reading was 1 Kings 19:1-8. Ever come across a scripture passage that\'s eerily similar to a situation you\'re current going through? This was definitely the case.\n<blockquote><em>\"Now Ahab told Jezebel everything Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, \'May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them.\'</em>\n\nElijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. <span style=\"font-weight: bold\">\'I have had enough, LORD,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.\'</span> Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep.\" (1-5a, emphasis mine)</blockquote>\nSo here we have Elijah, on the lam from the princess Jezebel after killing off all of the pagan prophets. After a day\'s journey, he finds himself out in the wilderness, alone, tired, and fearing for his life. There\'s nowhere for him to go. Elijah has no other choice but to ask God to kill him.\n<span style=\"font-weight: bold\">\nAnd if I can be totally honest with you, I\'ve been where Elijah is.</span>\n\nOkay, so maybe not the part about slaughtering pagan prophets (call me a bleeding heart liberal, but I still cringe at mass killings in the Bible). But during this past year I\'ve asked God several times to kill me. Sometimes when I look ahead of me, all I see is more trouble and more struggles. Nothing ever gets resolved. It\'s all a never-ending cycle of shit. That\'s when I give God hell. <span style=\"font-style: italic\">Is this the \"abundant life\" you promised me? Bullshit! I\'m sick of this. I want out. Why won\'t you let me drink myself into oblivion? That\'s all I want.</span>\n\nBut notice how God answers Elijah\'s prayer:\n<blockquote><em>\"All at once an angel touched him and said, <span style=\"font-weight: bold\">\'Get up and eat.\'</span> He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.</em>\n\nThe angel of the LORD came back a second time and touched him and said, <span style=\"font-weight: bold\">\'Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.\'</span> So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God.\" (5b-8, emphasis mine)</blockquote>\nGod gives Elijah food and water instead of death. Elijah doesn\'t get his wish; instead, God gives him nourishment for the long journey ahead. And maybe God\'s doing the same with me. Maybe God has better plans for me than instant death. And, here\'s the amazing part, maybe God is actually with me helping me out when the journey gets tough.\n\nWell, guess I gotta stick around to find out.','Praying for Death','','inherit','open','open','','3558-revision','','','2012-01-04 06:26:44','2012-01-04 14:26:44','',3558,'http://provoketive.com/2012/01/04/3558-revision/',0,'revision','',0),(3560,46,'2012-01-04 06:28:42','2012-01-04 14:28:42','I\'m trying to develop a daily Bible reading plan using the Daily Office from the Book of Common Prayer. For my non-liturgical readers, the Daily Office has assigned scripture readings for each day: one from the Old Testament, one from an Epistle, and a Gospel reading.\n\nYesterday, the Old Testament reading was 1 Kings 19:1-8. Ever come across a scripture passage that\'s eerily similar to a situation you\'re current going through? This was definitely the case.\n<blockquote><em>\"Now Ahab told Jezebel everything Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, \'May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them.\'</em>\n\n<em>Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. <span style=\"font-weight: bold\">\'I have had enough, LORD,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.\'</span> Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep.\" (1-5a, emphasis mine)</em></blockquote>\nSo here we have Elijah, on the lam from the princess Jezebel after killing off all of the pagan prophets. After a day\'s journey, he finds himself out in the wilderness, alone, tired, and fearing for his life. There\'s nowhere for him to go. Elijah has no other choice but to ask God to kill him.\n<strong>\nAnd if I can be totally honest with you, I\'ve been where Elijah is.</strong>\n\nOkay, so maybe not the part about slaughtering pagan prophets (call me a bleeding heart liberal, but I still cringe at mass killings in the Bible). But during this past year I\'ve asked God several times to kill me. Sometimes when I look ahead of me, all I see is more trouble and more struggles. Nothing ever gets resolved. It\'s all a never-ending cycle of shit. That\'s when I give God hell. <span style=\"font-style: italic\">Is this the \"abundant life\" you promised me? Bullshit! I\'m sick of this. I want out. Why won\'t you let me drink myself into oblivion? That\'s all I want.</span>\n\nBut notice how God answers Elijah\'s prayer:\n<blockquote><em>\"All at once an angel touched him and said, <span style=\"font-weight: bold\">\'Get up and eat.\'</span> He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.</em>\n\n<em>The angel of the LORD came back a second time and touched him and said, <span style=\"font-weight: bold\">\'Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.\'</span> So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God.\" (5b-8, emphasis mine)</em></blockquote>\nGod gives Elijah food and water instead of death. Elijah doesn\'t get his wish; instead, God gives him nourishment for the long journey ahead. And maybe God\'s doing the same with me. Maybe God has better plans for me than instant death. And, here\'s the amazing part, maybe God is actually with me helping me out when the journey gets tough.\n\nWell, guess I gotta stick around to find out.','Praying for Death','','inherit','open','open','','3558-revision-2','','','2012-01-04 06:28:42','2012-01-04 14:28:42','',3558,'http://provoketive.com/2012/01/04/3558-revision-2/',0,'revision','',0),(1730,1,'2011-10-29 15:19:10','2011-10-29 22:19:10','A five-part series exploring the tensions of church life, by <a href=\"../author/deannaogle/\">Deanna Ogle</a>.\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://wp.me/p1CKLQ-gJ\">Where the Church Lost Me: Part 1: Shallow and Antagonistic</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"../2011/10/26/where-the-church-lost-me-part-ii/\">Where the Church Lost Me: Part 2: Exclusivity</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://provoketive.com/2011/10/28/where-the-church-lost-me-part-iii/\">Where the Church Lost Me: Part 3: Simplistic Sexuality</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://provoketive.com/2011/10/29/where-the-church-lost-me-part-iv/\">Where the Church Lost Me: Part 4: Unfriendly to Doubt</a>\r\n\r\nWhere the Church Lost Me: Part 5:','Where The Church Lost Me','','inherit','open','open','','1241-revision-7','','','2011-10-29 15:19:10','2011-10-29 22:19:10','',1241,'http://provoketive.com/2011/10/29/1241-revision-7/',0,'revision','',0),(1734,43,'2011-11-11 08:00:07','2011-11-11 16:00:07','My husband is a teacher.  I appreciate that, because it gives me a window into the world of public education.  Recently, Dear Husband was looking for information on <a href=\"http://www.dianeravitch.com/\">Diane Ravitch</a>.  He came across an excellent <a href=\"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZUDmBZ6Y4s\">speech</a> she gave at Stanford University in August of 2010.  Our favorite moment is when she suggests that No Child Left Behind is a foolish endeavor.  She likens it to the federal government demanding that the police reduce crime to zero percent within 10 to 15 years.  If they are unsuccessful, police officers will be fired and police departments will be closed.\r\n\r\nDear Husband found this entertaining enough to start a thread on his Facebook page.  He suggested that perhaps the same principle could be applied to all sorts of professions.  Others have suggested this as well; some examples can be found for <a href=\"http://www.trelease-on-reading.com/no-dentist.html\">No Dentist Left Behind</a>; <a href=\"http://www.hollandsentinel.com/opinions/x227108199/COLUMN-Teaching-in-America-No-Child-Left-Behind\">No Patient Left Behind</a>; <a href=\"http://www.janebluestein.com/articles/football.html\">NCLB: Football</a>; and even <a href=\"http://libraryhopper.blogspot.com/2006/09/parody-for-you.html\">No Cow Left Behind</a>.  There\'s even a <a href=\"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dAujuqCo7s\">song</a>, the very funny (and piquant) \"Not on the Test\" by Tom Chapin.\r\n\r\nSo far, there is no end in sight to this educational train wreck.  One of the problems is that it\'s a goal it\'s hard to argue with.  When teachers have questioned it, the answer is, \"Well, why <em>wouldn\'t</em> you want your students to succeed?\"  There is no response to that.  Of <em>course</em> teachers want their students to be successful, otherwise they\'d have gone into some other profession.  But at what price?\r\n\r\nThe problem with the demand for all students to pass grade level standards is that there isn\'t a level playing field.  Far too many factors prevent children from reaching their potential.  Several years ago, I had a fascinating conversation with my late brother-in-law\'s girlfriend.  She was working for the state in which she lived, and her committee was discussing the low rates of female college enrollment.  This young woman told me that her colleagues had failed to see the obvious:  If you live someplace where your roads are lousy and your water quality is poor, you probably aren\'t worried about how many women go to college.\r\n\r\nThe same principle applies to NCLB.  The one factor that has been conclusively demonstrated to be important in educational improvement has been parental involvement.  We won\'t see all students succeed until all parents are actively taking part in their children\'s learning.  We won\'t see parent participation until we resolve larger problems related to poverty and family stress.\r\n\r\nIn the meantime, the rest of us may be able to lend a hand.  I had the wonderful opportunity to volunteer in my son\'s classroom recently, something I will be doing bi-weekly throughout the year.  His teacher assigned me to reading conferences.  The kids read a page or two of their books, then discuss it.  At first, I wasn\'t sure whether the kids would warm to having me sit with them and listen to them reading.  I needn\'t have worried.  These kids are so eager to share, so full of joy at having a special grown-up pay attention to them and care about what they like.  I had a list of discussion prompts; I didn\'t need them.\r\n\r\nIf kids\' parents won\'t, or can\'t, be there for them, then <em>we</em> can.  Those of us who are able, who have time or can make time, have the chance to touch these kids\' lives.  We <em>can</em> make a difference.  Let\'s support our kids, our schools, and our teachers by reaching out and loving these children towards success.','The Children Are Not All Right','','publish','open','open','','the-children-are-not-all-right','','','2011-11-10 09:00:00','2011-11-10 17:00:00','',0,'http://provoketive.com/?p=1734',0,'post','',1),(1733,43,'2011-11-02 12:59:15','2011-11-02 19:59:15','My husband is a teacher.  I appreciate that, because it gives me a window into the world of public education.  Recently, Dear Husband was looking for information on <a href=\"http://www.dianeravitch.com/\">Diane Ravitch</a>.  He came across and excellent <a href=\"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZUDmBZ6Y4s\">speech</a> she gave at Stanford University in August of 2010.  Our favorite moment is when she suggests that No Child Left Behind is a foolish endeavor.  She likens it to the federal government demanding that the police reduce crime to zero percent within 10 to 15 years.  If they are unsuccessful, police officers will be fired and police departments will be closed.\n\nDear Husband found this entertaining enough to start a thread on his Facebook page.  He suggested that perhaps the same principle could be applied to all sorts of professions.  Others have suggested this as well; some examples can be found for <a href=\"http://www.trelease-on-reading.com/no-dentist.html\">No Dentist Left Behind</a>; <a href=\"http://www.janebluestein.com/articles/football.html\">NCLB: Football</a>; and even <a href=\"http://libraryhopper.blogspot.com/2006/09/parody-for-you.html\">No Cow Left Behind</a>.\n\n&nbsp;\n\nMy husband, an educator and fierce advocate for students, recently suggested we apply No Child Left Behind principles to other professions.  We ended up jokingly deciding that perhaps pastors should measure their success not by number of congregants but by whether or not they had achieved zero percent sin rate among their membership.  Sadly, some Christians already seem to be taking this idea seriously.\n\nIt never ceases to amaze me the rampant legalism among conservative Christians.  I certainly don\'t doubt their sincerity of belief; but I question whether, for many people, believing means much more than \"not sinning.\"  Too often I hear people trying to equate loving our neighbors as no more than being polite when people irritate us.  Purity (in word and deed) trumps all else as the measure of holiness.  Reaching out is achieved by talking to anyone and everyone about our faith (the hairdresser, the grocery clerk, the nurse in the doctor\'s office).  Helping those in need becomes little other than participating in holiday food and gift basket collections.\n\nNone of those things are bad.  But they fall a little flat.  I wonder if we\'ve forgotten that being a faithful Christian is more than a list of things we\'re no longer supposed to do, a Personal Purity Inventory of sorts.  In order to show the world that you are a true disciple of Christ, you make regular tick marks on your PPI, thus demonstrating how far you\'ve come from your days as a depraved sinner.\n\nThe result of that is a bunch of people who freak out over trick-or-treating, Santa Claus, and sex, (not necessarily in that order), while failing to see the very real horrors all around us.  For example, on Halloween this year, Mark Hall of Casting Crowns posted a picture of <a href=\"http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150463031618793&amp;set=a.432381688792.209583.48842713792&amp;type=1\">himself in an Incredible Hulk Costume</a>.  The end result was miles and miles of comments, attacking Mark for his costume, attacking others for attacking him, and supporting Mark.  I think my favorite response to it was his own: \"Last night, I learned everyone has a whale to save.\"  Why not put that same effort into achieving peace between nations, ending poverty, and preserving our natural world?\n\nMaybe it\'s time all of us put more of ourselves into what really matters.  Because when we do, we will almost certainly achieve No Sinner Left Behind.','No Sinner Left Behind','','inherit','open','open','','1719-revision-2','','','2011-11-02 12:59:15','2011-11-02 19:59:15','',1719,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/02/1719-revision-2/',0,'revision','',0),(1735,43,'2011-11-02 12:59:54','2011-11-02 19:59:54','My husband is a teacher.  I appreciate that, because it gives me a window into the world of public education.  Recently, Dear Husband was looking for information on <a href=\"http://www.dianeravitch.com/\">Diane Ravitch</a>.  He came across and excellent <a href=\"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZUDmBZ6Y4s\">speech</a> she gave at Stanford University in August of 2010.  Our favorite moment is when she suggests that No Child Left Behind is a foolish endeavor.  She likens it to the federal government demanding that the police reduce crime to zero percent within 10 to 15 years.  If they are unsuccessful, police officers will be fired and police departments will be closed.\n\nDear Husband found this entertaining enough to start a thread on his Facebook page.  He suggested that perhaps the same principle could be applied to all sorts of professions.  Others have suggested this as well; some examples can be found for <a href=\"http://www.trelease-on-reading.com/no-dentist.html\">No Dentist Left Behind</a>; <a href=\"http://www.janebluestein.com/articles/football.html\">NCLB: Football</a>; and even <a href=\"http://libraryhopper.blogspot.com/2006/09/parody-for-you.html\">No Cow Left Behind</a>.\n\n&nbsp;','The Children Are Not All Right','','inherit','open','open','','1734-revision','','','2011-11-02 12:59:54','2011-11-02 19:59:54','',1734,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/02/1734-revision/',0,'revision','',0),(1736,43,'2011-11-02 12:59:29','2011-11-02 19:59:29','&nbsp;\r\n\r\nMy husband, an educator and fierce advocate for students, recently suggested we apply No Child Left Behind principles to other professions.  We ended up jokingly deciding that perhaps pastors should measure their success not by number of congregants but by whether or not they had achieved zero percent sin rate among their membership.  Sadly, some Christians already seem to be taking this idea seriously.\r\n\r\nIt never ceases to amaze me the rampant legalism among conservative Christians.  I certainly don\'t doubt their sincerity of belief; but I question whether, for many people, believing means much more than \"not sinning.\"  Too often I hear people trying to equate loving our neighbors as no more than being polite when people irritate us.  Purity (in word and deed) trumps all else as the measure of holiness.  Reaching out is achieved by talking to anyone and everyone about our faith (the hairdresser, the grocery clerk, the nurse in the doctor\'s office).  Helping those in need becomes little other than participating in holiday food and gift basket collections.\r\n\r\nNone of those things are bad.  But they fall a little flat.  I wonder if we\'ve forgotten that being a faithful Christian is more than a list of things we\'re no longer supposed to do, a Personal Purity Inventory of sorts.  In order to show the world that you are a true disciple of Christ, you make regular tick marks on your PPI, thus demonstrating how far you\'ve come from your days as a depraved sinner.\r\n\r\nThe result of that is a bunch of people who freak out over trick-or-treating, Santa Claus, and sex, (not necessarily in that order), while failing to see the very real horrors all around us.  For example, on Halloween this year, Mark Hall of Casting Crowns posted a picture of <a href=\"http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150463031618793&amp;set=a.432381688792.209583.48842713792&amp;type=1\">himself in an Incredible Hulk Costume</a>.  The end result was miles and miles of comments, attacking Mark for his costume, attacking others for attacking him, and supporting Mark.  I think my favorite response to it was his own: \"Last night, I learned everyone has a whale to save.\"  Why not put that same effort into achieving peace between nations, ending poverty, and preserving our natural world?\r\n\r\nMaybe it\'s time all of us put more of ourselves into what really matters.  Because when we do, we will almost certainly achieve No Sinner Left Behind.','No Sinner Left Behind','','inherit','open','open','','1719-revision-3','','','2011-11-02 12:59:29','2011-11-02 19:59:29','',1719,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/02/1719-revision-3/',0,'revision','',0),(1737,43,'2011-11-02 13:05:05','2011-11-02 20:05:05','','58EN_SinnersWelcome-2','','inherit','open','open','','58en_sinnerswelcome-2','','','2011-11-02 13:05:05','2011-11-02 20:05:05','',1719,'http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/58EN_SinnersWelcome-2.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1738,43,'2011-11-02 13:01:16','2011-11-02 20:01:16','My husband, an educator and fierce advocate for students, recently suggested we apply No Child Left Behind principles to other professions.  We ended up jokingly deciding that perhaps pastors should measure their success not by number of congregants but by whether or not they had achieved zero percent sin rate among their membership.  Sadly, some Christians already seem to be taking this idea seriously.\n\nIt never ceases to amaze me the rampant legalism among conservative Christians.  I certainly don\'t doubt their sincerity of belief; but I question whether, for many people, believing means much more than \"not sinning.\"  Too often I hear people trying to equate loving our neighbors as no more than being polite when people irritate us.  Purity (in word and deed) trumps all else as the measure of holiness.  Reaching out is achieved by talking to anyone and everyone about our faith (the hairdresser, the grocery clerk, the nurse in the doctor\'s office).  Helping those in need becomes little other than participating in holiday food and gift basket collections.\n\nNone of those things are bad.  But they fall a little flat.  I wonder if we\'ve forgotten that being a faithful Christian is more than a list of things we\'re no longer supposed to do, a Personal Purity Inventory of sorts.  In order to show the world that you are a true disciple of Christ, you make regular tick marks on your PPI, thus demonstrating how far you\'ve come from your days as a depraved sinner.\n\nThe result of that is a bunch of people who freak out over trick-or-treating, Santa Claus, and sex, (not necessarily in that order), while failing to see the very real horrors all around us.  For example, on Halloween this year, Mark Hall of Casting Crowns posted a picture of <a href=\"http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150463031618793&amp;set=a.432381688792.209583.48842713792&amp;type=1\">himself in an Incredible Hulk Costume</a>.  The end result was miles and miles of comments, attacking Mark for his costume, attacking others for attacking him, and supporting Mark.  I think my favorite response to it was his own: \"Last night, I learned everyone has a whale to save.\"  Why not put that same effort into achieving peace between nations, ending poverty, and preserving our natural world?\n\nMaybe it\'s time all of us put more of ourselves into what really matters.  Because when we do, we will almost certainly achieve No Sinner Left Behind.','No Sinner Left Behind','','inherit','open','open','','1719-revision-4','','','2011-11-02 13:01:16','2011-11-02 20:01:16','',1719,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/02/1719-revision-4/',0,'revision','',0),(1739,43,'2011-11-02 13:05:27','2011-11-02 20:05:27','My husband, an educator and fierce advocate for students, recently suggested we apply No Child Left Behind principles to other professions.  We ended up jokingly deciding that perhaps pastors should measure their success not by number of congregants but by whether or not they had achieved zero percent sin rate among their membership.  Sadly, some Christians already seem to be taking this idea seriously.\r\n\r\nIt never ceases to amaze me the rampant legalism among conservative Christians.  I certainly don\'t doubt their sincerity of belief; but I question whether, for many people, believing means much more than \"not sinning.\"  Too often I hear people trying to equate loving our neighbors as no more than being polite when people irritate us.  Purity (in word and deed) trumps all else as the measure of holiness.  Reaching out is achieved by talking to anyone and everyone about our faith (the hairdresser, the grocery clerk, the nurse in the doctor\'s office).  Helping those in need becomes little other than participating in holiday food and gift basket collections.\r\n\r\nNone of those things are bad.  But they fall a little flat.  I wonder if we\'ve forgotten that being a faithful Christian is more than a list of things we\'re no longer supposed to do, a Personal Purity Inventory of sorts.  In order to show the world that you are a true disciple of Christ, you make regular tick marks on your PPI, thus demonstrating how far you\'ve come from your days as a depraved sinner.\r\n\r\nThe result of that is a bunch of people who freak out over trick-or-treating, Santa Claus, and sex, (not necessarily in that order), while failing to see the very real horrors all around us.  For example, on Halloween this year, Mark Hall of Casting Crowns posted a picture of <a href=\"http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150463031618793&amp;set=a.432381688792.209583.48842713792&amp;type=1\">himself in an Incredible Hulk Costume</a>.  The end result was miles and miles of comments, attacking Mark for his costume, attacking others for attacking him, and supporting Mark.  I think my favorite response to it was his own: \"Last night, I learned everyone has a whale to save.\"  Why not put that same effort into achieving peace between nations, ending poverty, and preserving our natural world?\r\n\r\nMaybe it\'s time all of us put more of ourselves into what really matters.  Because when we do, we will almost certainly achieve No Sinner Left Behind.','No Sinner Left Behind','','inherit','open','open','','1719-revision-5','','','2011-11-02 13:05:27','2011-11-02 20:05:27','',1719,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/02/1719-revision-5/',0,'revision','',0),(1740,43,'2011-11-02 13:09:30','2011-11-02 20:09:30','When did we develop and idolatrous relationship with work?  Now, don\'t misunderstand me.  I\'m not talking about productivity over laziness.  What I mean is that we tend to place value on people based on how hard we believe they are working.  Besides simply being thinly veiled judgmentalism (and possibly several other -isms as well), we don\'t even seem to agree on a proper definition for \"hard work.\"\r\n\r\nIs it earning wages?  Is it a function of the number of hours one puts in?  Is it the kind of work one does?  It seems to have been reduced to \"I know it when I see it.\"  The problem with that is that no one actually operates on that principle.  the number of times my husband or I have heard that teachers earn too much, people on welfare are lazy, or that I ought to think about getting a \"real\" job is rapidly approaching nausea-inducing levels.\r\n\r\nAt this point in my life, I\'m still a stay-at-home mom.  For now, that pretty much means that I homeschool our six-year-old (most days), keep the house tidy (more or less), take care of the dishes and the laundry (usually), and make meals (fairly often).  It also means that I have some spare time to blog about our failed science experiments, teach Sunday school, and play with an amateur orchestra.  I also have an unpaid job as Family Chauffeur.  Am I working hard?  That\'s difficult to say.  On a good day (most of them), it doesn\'t even feel like work.  So maybe I\'m just living it up, mooching off my husband\'s salary.  After all, I\'m not contributing to the family income.\r\n\r\nI have several friends and family members receiving public benefits.  They may not be working, or working many hours, at a paid job.  But every single one of them is contributing to family and society in a variety of ways.  And each is receiving benefits for different reasons.  When I mention this to the Frown on Welfare Brigade, they are hasty to say, \"Well we don\'t mean <em>them</em>, really.  We\'re talking about those <em>other</em> people.\"  (Incidentally, we get the same answer when we ask if they believe my teacher husband\'s salary should be cut.)  And of course, someone always has to bring in the Big Guns.  Someone always claims to know of someone who uses food stamps to buy nothing but junk, or uses welfare to pay for cable and lets the kids starve.\r\n\r\nIs this what we\'re reduced to?  Arguing over whether a person is valuable to society because he or she isn\'t \"working\"?  Work is not what should define us.  It\'s not an ideal to aspire to, in terms of hours logged.  And if it were about actual toil, construction workers and farmers would be at the top, with business managers and technical specialists at the bottom.\r\n\r\nInstead of misunderstanding and resenting one another based on something so meaningless as working for work\'s sake, why not put our efforts to better use?  Why not create common goals and labor for those together?','Working Hard or Hardly Working','','inherit','open','open','','1717-autosave','','','2011-11-02 13:09:30','2011-11-02 20:09:30','',1717,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/02/1717-autosave/',0,'revision','',0),(1741,43,'2011-11-02 13:09:10','2011-11-02 20:09:10','','working stiffs','','inherit','open','open','','working-stiffs','','','2011-11-02 13:09:10','2011-11-02 20:09:10','',1717,'http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/working-stiffs.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1742,43,'2011-11-01 18:20:01','2011-11-02 01:20:01','When did we develop and idolatrous relationship with work?  Now, don\'t misunderstand me.  I\'m not talking about productivity over laziness.  What I mean is that we tend to place value on people based on how hard we believe they are working.  Besides simply being thinly veiled judgmentalism (and possibly several other -isms as well), we don\'t even seem to agree on a proper definition for \"hard work.\"\r\n\r\nIs it earning wages?  Is it a function of the number of hours one puts in?  Is it the kind of work one does?  It seems to have been reduced to \"I know it when I see it.\"  The problem with that is that no one actually operates on that principle.  the number of times my husband or I have heard that teachers earn too much, people on welfare are lazy, or that I ought to think about getting a \"real\" job is rapidly approaching nausea-inducing levels.\r\n\r\nAt this point in my life, I\'m still a stay-at-home mom.  For now, that pretty much means that I homeschool our six-year-old (most days), keep the house tidy (more or less), take care of the dishes and the laundry (usually), and make meals (fairly often).  It also means that I have some spare time to blog about our failed science experiments, teach Sunday school, and play with an amateur orchestra.  I also have an unpaid job as Family Chauffeur.  Am I working hard?  That\'s difficult to say.  On a good day (most of them), it doesn\'t even feel like work.  So maybe I\'m just living it up, mooching off my husband\'s salary.  After all, I\'m not contributing to the family income.\r\n\r\nI have several friends and family members receiving public benefits.  They may not be working, or working many hours, at a paid job.  But every single one of them is contributing to family and society in a variety of ways.  And each is receiving benefits for different reasons.  When I mention this to the Frown on Welfare Brigade, they are hasty to say, \"Well we don\'t mean <em>them</em>, really.  We\'re talking about those <em>other</em> people.\"  (Incidentally, we get the same answer when we ask if they believe my teacher husband\'s salary should be cut.)  And of course, someone always has to bring in the Big Guns.  Someone always claims to know of someone who uses food stamps to buy nothing but junk, or uses welfare to pay for cable and lets the kids starve.\r\n\r\nIs this what we\'re reduced to?  Arguing over whether a person is valuable to society because he or she isn\'t \"working\"?  Work is not what should define us.  It\'s not an ideal to aspire to, in terms of hours logged.  And if it were about actual toil, construction workers and farmers would be at the top, with business managers and technical specialists at the bottom.\r\n\r\nInstead of misunderstanding and resenting one another based on something so meaningless as working for work\'s sake, why not put our efforts to better use?  Why not create common goals and labor for those together?','Working Hard or Hardly Working','','inherit','open','open','','1717-revision-2','','','2011-11-01 18:20:01','2011-11-02 01:20:01','',1717,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1717-revision-2/',0,'revision','',0),(1743,43,'2011-11-02 13:13:56','2011-11-02 20:13:56','My husband is a teacher.  I appreciate that, because it gives me a window into the world of public education.  Recently, Dear Husband was looking for information on <a href=\"http://www.dianeravitch.com/\">Diane Ravitch</a>.  He came across an excellent <a href=\"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZUDmBZ6Y4s\">speech</a> she gave at Stanford University in August of 2010.  Our favorite moment is when she suggests that No Child Left Behind is a foolish endeavor.  She likens it to the federal government demanding that the police reduce crime to zero percent within 10 to 15 years.  If they are unsuccessful, police officers will be fired and police departments will be closed.\n\nDear Husband found this entertaining enough to start a thread on his Facebook page.  He suggested that perhaps the same principle could be applied to all sorts of professions.  Others have suggested this as well; some examples can be found for <a href=\"http://www.trelease-on-reading.com/no-dentist.html\">No Dentist Left Behind</a>; No Patient Left Behind; <a href=\"http://www.janebluestein.com/articles/football.html\">NCLB: Football</a>; and even <a href=\"http://libraryhopper.blogspot.com/2006/09/parody-for-you.html\">No Cow Left Behind</a>.\n\n&nbsp;','The Children Are Not All Right','','inherit','open','open','','1734-revision-2','','','2011-11-02 13:13:56','2011-11-02 20:13:56','',1734,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/02/1734-revision-2/',0,'revision','',0),(1745,0,'2011-11-02 17:36:51','2011-11-03 00:36:51','faith\n<!--more-->\nAUTHOR: Travis Mamone\nAUTHOR EMAIL: travismamone83@gmail.com\nAUTHOR URL: http://www.travismamone.net\nSUBJECT: Provoketive Magazine Writing For Provoketive\nIP: 69.2.182.113\nArray\n(\n    [Name] =&gt; Travis Mamone\n    [Email] =&gt; travismamone83@gmail.com\n    [Existing Blog or Website] =&gt; http://www.travismamone.net\n    [List the topic you are interested writing about] =&gt; faith\n    [Current or New WordPress Login Name (We\'ll send you a password.)] =&gt; travismamone83\n)\n','Travis Mamone - 2011-11-02 17:36:51','','publish','open','open','','f637224c24558335d41cd5d3e1762dad','','','2011-11-02 17:36:51','2011-11-03 00:36:51','',358,'http://provoketive.com/?post_type=feedback&p=1745',0,'feedback','',0),(1744,43,'2011-11-02 13:37:16','2011-11-02 20:37:16','My husband is a teacher.  I appreciate that, because it gives me a window into the world of public education.  Recently, Dear Husband was looking for information on <a href=\"http://www.dianeravitch.com/\">Diane Ravitch</a>.  He came across an excellent <a href=\"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZUDmBZ6Y4s\">speech</a> she gave at Stanford University in August of 2010.  Our favorite moment is when she suggests that No Child Left Behind is a foolish endeavor.  She likens it to the federal government demanding that the police reduce crime to zero percent within 10 to 15 years.  If they are unsuccessful, police officers will be fired and police departments will be closed.\n\nDear Husband found this entertaining enough to start a thread on his Facebook page.  He suggested that perhaps the same principle could be applied to all sorts of professions.  Others have suggested this as well; some examples can be found for <a href=\"http://www.trelease-on-reading.com/no-dentist.html\">No Dentist Left Behind</a>; <a href=\"http://www.hollandsentinel.com/opinions/x227108199/COLUMN-Teaching-in-America-No-Child-Left-Behind\">No Patient Left Behind</a>; <a href=\"http://www.janebluestein.com/articles/football.html\">NCLB: Football</a>; and even <a href=\"http://libraryhopper.blogspot.com/2006/09/parody-for-you.html\">No Cow Left Behind</a>.  There\'s even a <a href=\"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dAujuqCo7s\">song</a>, the very funny (and piquant) \"Not on the Test\" by Tom Chapin.\n\nWhile I\'m glad to see the back of No Child Left Behind, more or less, I still wonder what\'s in the future for our children.  Last week, my son\'s teacher informed us that if she makes any modifications to a child\'s testing environment without an Individualized Education Program or 504 plan (Americans with Disabilities Act), she could lose her job and cause serious problems for the school.  And so far, there is no end in sight to the budget cuts which have largely reduced education to math and reading, with a little physical education thrown in to keep kids from getting fat(ter).\n\nInstead of children learning a wide variety of skills at school, everything\n\n&nbsp;','The Children Are Not All Right','','inherit','open','open','','1734-revision-3','','','2011-11-02 13:37:16','2011-11-02 20:37:16','',1734,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/02/1734-revision-3/',0,'revision','',0),(3556,20,'2012-03-24 13:53:54','2012-03-24 20:53:54','We want . . .\n\nto be a church that weighs deeply the suffering of the world; that mourns it, contemplates it, and takes responsibility for it by contributing in some way and somehow to systemic change – politically, economically, and culturally – both locally and globally.\n\nto be a church that extends healing and forgiveness by first recognizing our own need for healing and forgiveness.\n\nto be a church that confesses individual sins and constantly calls for repentance; but in recognition of the costliness of social and structural sin, does not overemphasis or reduce sin to the personal-“private” level.\n\nto be a church that is constantly journeying on the path of discipleship and transformation while inviting others into the same journey.\n\nto be a church that honors both the revelation <em>and</em> mystery of God, guarding against the idolatrous distractions of human-centeredness and otherworldliness respectively.\n\nto be a church that does not hesitate to profess that Jesus is Lord, but that, in faith, humbly prepares a place at the table for the non-Christian and religious other and consistently articulates eschatological hope for everyone.\n\nto be a church that does not fear – fear the consequences of prophetic action, speaking truth to power, or the risks that come from making real material sacrifices for the cause of God’s justice.\n\nto be a church that does not take itself too seriously and spends time resting, laughing and enjoying the simple pleasures and gifts of life.\n\nto be a church that does not worry about money – not because it doesn\'t matter or isn\'t needed, but because we do not organize and establish ourselves in such a way that requires utter dependence on it.\n\nto be a church that is structured to actually direct a sacrificial portion of its resources <em>not</em> toward its own institutional preservation and vertical growth but toward the needs of others.\n\nto be a church that is led by the work of the people, where leadership is both democratized and earned and where the reproduction and training of new leaders is not outsourced to higher education professionals.\n\nto be a church that proclaims the gospel but does not try to control it, where theological authority is shared and open, marked by generous and deep orthodoxy.<em></em>\n\nto be a church that is intentional, patient, and unbusy; that does not over-plan or compete with other churches to attract new members, but that at the same time strives to live contagiously and make disciples.\n\nto be a church that reaches out relationally and focus on true friendship; that builds trust with neighbors and works together with community partners to better society.\n\nto be a church that does not mistake the meaning of counter-culturalism with culture warfare, and that instead seeks to subvert the status quo by implementing revolutionary social practices.\n\nto be a church that loves God and worships out of an authentic place of awe and appreciation for who God is – a God who has given us good news; who is righteous, just, gracious, sovereign, and desires redemption for all.\n\nIn sum, we want to be a church that loves, and that in doing so, participates passionately and faithfully in the Holy Spirit’s already-enacted mission and ministry of reconciliation for the coming of the Kingdom of God.\n\nIn a sense, this is just my list.  But I didn\'t write it alone, and I want it to be <em>ours</em>.  Maybe you can relate, have concerns, or other hopes and prayers.','The Church in 2012 and Beyond','','inherit','open','open','','3551-autosave','','','2012-03-24 13:53:54','2012-03-24 20:53:54','',3551,'http://provoketive.com/2012/01/03/3551-autosave/',0,'revision','',0),(3721,20,'2012-01-07 09:21:43','2012-01-07 17:21:43','We want . . .\r\n\r\nto be a church that weighs deeply the suffering of the world; that mourns it, contemplates it, and takes responsibility for it by contributing in some way and somehow to systemic change – politically, economically, and culturally – both locally and globally.\r\n\r\nto be a church that extends healing and forgiveness by first recognizing our own need for healing and forgiveness.\r\n\r\nto be a church that confesses individual sins and constantly calls for repentance; but in recognition of the costliness of social and structural sin, does not overemphasis or reduce sin to the personal-“private” level.\r\n\r\nto be a church that is constantly journeying on the path of discipleship and transformation while inviting others into the same journey.\r\n\r\nto be a church that honors both the revelation <em>and</em> mystery of God, guarding against the idolatrous distractions of human-centeredness and otherworldliness respectively.\r\n\r\nto be a church that does not hesitate to profess that Jesus is Lord, but that, in faith, humbly prepares a place at the table for the non-Christian and religious other and consistently articulates eschatological hope for everyone.\r\n\r\nto be a church that does not fear – fear the consequences of prophetic action, speaking truth to power, or the risks that come from making real material sacrifices for the cause of God’s justice.\r\n\r\nto be a church that does not take itself too seriously and spends time resting, laughing and enjoying the simple pleasure and gifts of life.\r\n\r\nto be a church that does not worry about money – not because it doesn\'t matter or isn\'t needed, but because we do not organize and establish ourselves in such a way that requires utter dependence on it.\r\n\r\nto be a church that is structured to actually direct a sacrificial portion of its resources <em>not</em> toward its own institutional preservation and vertical growth but toward the needs of others.\r\n\r\nto be a church that is led by the work of the people, where leadership is both democratized and earned and where the reproduction and training of new leaders is not outsourced to higher education professionals.\r\n\r\nto be a church that proclaims the gospel but does not try to control it, where theological authority is shared and open, marked by generous and deep orthodoxy, as well as a vigorous ortho<em>praxy</em>\r\n\r\nto be a church that is intentional, patient, and unbusy; that does not over-plan or compete with other churches to attract new members, but that at the same time strives to live contagiously and make disciples.\r\n\r\nto be a church that reaches out relationally and focus on true friendship; that builds trust with neighbors and works together with community partners to better society.\r\n\r\nto be a church that does not mistake the meaning of counter-culturalism with culture warfare, and that instead seeks to subvert the status quo by implementing revolutionary social practices.\r\n\r\nto be a church that loves God and worships out of an authentic place of awe and appreciation for who God is – a God who has given us good news; who is righteous, just, gracious, sovereign, and desires redemption for all.\r\n\r\nIn sum, we want to be a church that loves, and that in doing so, participates passionately and faithfully in the Holy Spirit’s already-enacted mission and ministry of reconciliation for the coming of the Kingdom of God.\r\n\r\nIn a sense, this is just my list, but I didn\'t write it alone, and I want it to be <em>ours</em>.  Maybe you can relate, have concerns, or others hopes and prayers.','The Church In 2012 And Beyond','','inherit','open','open','','3551-revision-7','','','2012-01-07 09:21:43','2012-01-07 17:21:43','',3551,'http://provoketive.com/2012/01/07/3551-revision-7/',0,'revision','',0),(3558,46,'2012-01-09 09:00:35','2012-01-09 17:00:35','My friend <a href=\"http://www.margaretfeinberg.com/\">Margaret Feinberg</a> wrote a book a few years ago called <a href=\"http://www.amazon.com/Sacred-Echo-Margaret-Feinberg/dp/0310274176/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1325731085&amp;sr=8-1\">The Sacred Echo</a> about those moments in life when God\'s trying to tell you something. But He doesn\'t just say once; He repeats the same message over and over again. I guess that\'s the only way He can get our attention sometimes.\r\n\r\nI\'m trying to develop a daily Bible reading plan using the Daily Office from the Book of Common Prayer. For my non-liturgical readers, the Daily Office has assigned scripture readings for each day: one from the Old Testament, one from an Epistle, and a Gospel reading. A few days ago, the Old Testament reading was 1 Kings 19:1-8:\r\n<blockquote><em>\"Now Ahab told Jezebel everything Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, \'May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them.\'</em>\r\n\r\n<em>Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">\'I have had enough, LORD,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.\'</span> Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep.\" (1-5a, emphasis mine)</em></blockquote>\r\nSo here we have Elijah, on the lam from the princess Jezebel after killing off all of the pagan prophets. After a day\'s journey, he finds himself out in the wilderness, alone, tired, and fearing for his life. There\'s nowhere for him to go. Elijah has no other choice but to ask God to kill him.\r\n\r\nAnd if I can be totally honest with you, I\'ve been where Elijah is.\r\n\r\nOkay, so maybe not the part about slaughtering pagan prophets (call me a bleeding heart liberal, but I still cringe at mass killings in the Bible). But during this past year I\'ve asked God several times to kill me. Sometimes when I look ahead of me, all I see is more trouble and more struggles. Nothing ever gets resolved. It\'s all a never-ending cycle of shit. That\'s when I give God hell. <span style=\"font-style: italic;\">Is this the \"abundant life\" you promised me? Bullshit! I\'m sick of this. I want out. Why won\'t you let me drink myself into oblivion? That\'s all I want.</span>\r\n\r\nBut God answers Elijah\'s prayer in an usual manner:\r\n<blockquote><em>\"All at once an angel touched him and said, <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">\'Get up and eat.\'</span> He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.</em>\r\n\r\n<em>The angel of the LORD came back a second time and touched him and said, <span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">\'Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.\'</span> So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God.\" (5b-8, emphasis mine)</em></blockquote>\r\nGod gives Elijah food and water instead of death. Elijah doesn\'t get his wish; instead, God gives him nourishment for the long journey ahead. And when I read that, I wondered if maybe God\'s doing the same with me. Maybe God has better plans for me than instant death. And--here\'s the amazing part--maybe God is actually with me helping me out when the journey gets tough.\r\n\r\nI guess I have to stick around a bit to find out.','Praying for Death','','publish','open','open','','praying-for-death','','','2012-01-08 08:27:19','2012-01-08 16:27:19','',0,'http://provoketive.com/?p=3558',0,'post','',1),(1748,38,'2011-11-02 21:30:26','2011-11-03 04:30:26','For those of you who don’t live with gamers or who have not heard of <a href=\"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mass_effect_2\" target=\"_blank\">Mass Effect 2</a>, it’s an action role-playing space epic video game. As any good space epic goes, there is a species that is the cause of full colonies disappearing overnight. Commander Shepherd, the main character, is tasked with stopping this relatively unknown destructive force by taking his eclectic team planet-hopping to save the galaxy. The graphics in the game are absolutely stunning, the dialogue between species is thoughtful and well done (probably prompted by my childhood love of the Redwall books), and your in-game actions and dialogue choices impact the characters around you and your relationships with them (and even carry through into the next game).  Some of you might even recognize one of the characters as Yvonne Strahovski, who plays Sarah Walker in the TV show “Chuck”.\n\nSo, now that I’ve outed myself as a nerd, or at the very least the wife of a gamer, what does this have anything to do with blame?\n\nOne of Shepherd’s team members is a woman named Jack. Jack was experimented on as a child by an elitist organization called Cerebus. She somehow managed to escape and ever since has been a very hard individual. She keeps to her quarters away from the main traffic areas of the ship. She is suspicious the moment anyone asks anything close to a personal question.\n\nFor those of you who might play the game, I don’t want spoil anything so I won’t tell you how this situation arises, but at some point in the game Jack runs into a friend, Aresh, who was another child who had been experimented during same time she was. They talk for a minute, re-establishing a connection and they start to talk about what happens when the conversation gets weird. As the conversation continues, Aresh reveals that he is trying to <em>rebuild</em> the set of experiments that were performed on him.\n\nWait, what? That’s crazy. Why would anyone try to duplicate the awful experimentation performed on him as an innocent, defenseless child?\n\n“I’m rebuilding [the experiments]. What they were looking for… It must have been important. So I’m going to try to find it myself. They must have had good reasons for what they did!”\n\nI was only half paying attention to what was happening on the TV screen until this moment. It struck me: what a fascinating take on how people process traumatic events. Aresh wasn’t trying to harm other people; he was only trying to find meaning in what happened.\n\nYou see two people who experienced the same situation growing up and it produced two different effects. One is inked from head to toe, is a loner out in the universe and keeps to herself. Another, haunted by what happened, seeks to try to find the good intentions from the perpetrators, even if they are buried deep. There must have been a good reason that they found it okay to experiment on kids. It must have been a case of sacrificing for the greater good. He was trying to discover the greater good so he could finally put his past to bed.\n\nI am aware that this is a very extreme analogy for people like you and me. We aren’t on a spaceship bringing justice to the universe, but the one thing we all have in common is that bad things happen to us and we all have to find a way to deal with it.\n\nSome people (like me) shove it way down into a jar inside and shut the lid. They keep filling the jar until it explodes. Some people deal with it head on and are abrasive to everyone around them until they can work it out. Some people give the past its space but keep everyone at a distance for the rest of their lives. Some people, like in the case of Aresh, go back to the scene of the crime and try to find evidence of a heart or conscience somewhere—anywhere!—even if there are only tiny scraps of it left.\n\nFrom the outside we all can see that Aresh has a few screws loose, but he can’t see that. To him, having lived through that, the only way he can come to terms with what happened is if he suffered for a greater cause. He is dealing with his lifelong pain the only way he knows how.\n\nWhat about you? Do you have a coping mechanism that you go back to in times of need? How does that mechanism affect you and the people around you in the long run? How do you come to terms with your memories?\n\nA lot of people I know would tell me to “give it to God.” But what does that really mean? How do I actually just give it to God? There is a measure of pain I need to work through on my own. Giving it to someone else so it can magically disappear feels like I’m giving up and letting the other party win. It feels like a cop out and like I’m not strong enough to slay my own dragons. Sometimes I can’t tell if that’s a pride thing or a human thing.\n\nI can identify with Aresh on a level because I like to think that people carry around the same heart and brain that I do. So when people commit crimes without batting an eyelash or, as one of my friends said, “sit over their Wheaties in the morning trying to figure out ways to screw people,” I have no way of processing it. It’s outside of my understanding of how the universe is supposed to work.\n\nThankfully, there is no right or wrong way to handle grief or pain. Can you identify with Aresh? How do you process painful events? How do you put your past to rest and find peace?','Mass Effect 2 and the Blame Game','','inherit','open','open','','1747-revision','','','2011-11-02 21:30:26','2011-11-03 04:30:26','',1747,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/02/1747-revision/',0,'revision','',0),(1749,38,'2011-11-02 21:41:04','2011-11-03 04:41:04','','jack-mass-effect-2','','inherit','open','open','','jack-mass-effect-2','','','2011-11-02 21:41:04','2011-11-03 04:41:04','',1747,'http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/jack-mass-effect-2.png',0,'attachment','image/png',0),(1750,38,'2011-11-02 21:32:43','2011-11-03 04:32:43','For those of you who don’t live with gamers or who have not heard of <a href=\"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mass_effect_2\" target=\"_blank\">Mass Effect 2</a>, it’s an action role-playing space epic video game. As any good space epic goes, there is a species that is the cause of full colonies disappearing overnight. Commander Shepherd, the main character, is tasked with stopping this relatively unknown destructive force by taking his eclectic team planet-hopping to save the galaxy. The graphics in the game are absolutely stunning, the dialogue between species is thoughtful and well done (probably prompted by my childhood love of the Redwall books), and your in-game actions and dialogue choices impact the characters around you and your relationships with them (and even carry through into the next game).  Some of you might even recognize one of the characters as Yvonne Strahovski, who plays Sarah Walker in the TV show “Chuck”.\n\nSo, now that I’ve outed myself as a nerd, or at the very least the wife of a gamer, what does this have anything to do with blame?\n\nOne of Shepherd’s team members is a woman named Jack. Jack was experimented on as a child by an elitist organization called Cerebus. She somehow managed to escape and ever since has been a very hard individual. She keeps to her quarters away from the main traffic areas of the ship. She is suspicious the moment anyone asks anything close to a personal question.\n\nFor those of you who might play the game, I don’t want spoil anything so I won’t tell you how this situation arises, but at some point in the game Jack runs into a friend, Aresh, who was another child who had been experimented during same time she was. They talk for a minute, re-establishing a connection and they start to talk about what happens when the conversation gets weird. As the conversation continues, Aresh reveals that he is trying to <em>rebuild</em> the set of experiments that were performed on him.\n\nWait, what? That’s crazy. Why would anyone try to duplicate the awful experimentation performed on him as an innocent, defenseless child?\n\n“I’m rebuilding [the experiments]. What they were looking for… It must have been important. So I’m going to try to find it myself. They must have had good reasons for what they did!”\n\nI was only half paying attention to what was happening on the TV screen until this moment. It struck me: what a fascinating take on how people process traumatic events. Aresh wasn’t trying to harm other people; he was only trying to find meaning in what happened.\n\nYou see two people who experienced the same situation growing up and it produced two different effects. One is inked from head to toe, is a loner out in the universe and keeps to herself. Another, haunted by what happened, seeks to try to find the good intentions from the perpetrators, even if they are buried deep. There must have been a good reason that they found it okay to experiment on kids. It must have been a case of sacrificing for the greater good. He was trying to discover the greater good so he could finally put his past to bed.\n\nI am aware that this is a very extreme analogy for people like you and me. We aren’t on a spaceship bringing justice to the universe, but the one thing we all have in common is that bad things happen to us and we all have to find a way to deal with it.\n\nSome people (like me) shove it way down into a jar inside and shut the lid. They keep filling the jar until it explodes. Some people deal with it head on and are abrasive to everyone around them until they can work it out. Some people give the past its space but keep everyone at a distance for the rest of their lives. Some people, like in the case of Aresh, go back to the scene of the crime and try to find evidence of a heart or conscience somewhere—anywhere!—even if there are only tiny scraps of it left.\n\nFrom the outside we all can see that Aresh has a few screws loose, but he can’t see that. To him, having lived through that, the only way he can come to terms with what happened is if he suffered for a greater cause. He is dealing with his lifelong pain the only way he knows how.\n\nWhat about you? Do you have a coping mechanism that you go back to in times of need? How does that mechanism affect you and the people around you in the long run? How do you come to terms with your memories?\n\nA lot of people I know would tell me to “give it to God.” But what does that really mean? How do I actually just give it to God? There is a measure of pain I need to work through on my own. Giving it to someone else so it can magically disappear feels like I’m giving up and letting the other party win. It feels like a cop out and like I’m not strong enough to slay my own dragons. Sometimes I can’t tell if that’s a pride thing or a human thing.\n\nI can identify with Aresh on a level because I like to think that people carry around the same heart and brain that I do. So when people commit crimes without batting an eyelash or, as one of my friends said, “sit over their Wheaties in the morning trying to figure out ways to screw people,” I have no way of processing it. It’s outside of my understanding of how the universe is supposed to work.\n\nThankfully, there is no right or wrong way to handle grief or pain. Can you identify with Aresh? How do you process painful events? How do you put your past to rest and find peace?','Mass Effect 2 and the Blame Game','','inherit','open','open','','1747-revision-2','','','2011-11-02 21:32:43','2011-11-03 04:32:43','',1747,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/02/1747-revision-2/',0,'revision','',0),(1751,38,'2011-11-02 21:43:17','2011-11-03 04:43:17','For those of you who don’t live with gamers or who have not heard of <a href=\"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mass_effect_2\" target=\"_blank\">Mass Effect 2</a>, it’s an action role-playing space epic video game. As any good space epic goes, there is a species that is the cause of full colonies disappearing overnight. Commander Shepherd, the main character, is tasked with stopping this relatively unknown destructive force by taking his eclectic team planet-hopping to save the galaxy. The graphics in the game are absolutely stunning, the dialogue between species is thoughtful and well done (probably prompted by my childhood love of the Redwall books), and your in-game actions and dialogue choices impact the characters around you and your relationships with them (and even carry through into the next game).  Some of you might even recognize one of the characters as Yvonne Strahovski, who plays Sarah Walker in the TV show “Chuck”.\n\nSo, now that I’ve outed myself as a nerd, or at the very least the wife of a gamer, what does this have anything to do with blame?\n\nOne of Shepherd’s team members is a woman named Jack. Jack was experimented on as a child by an elitist organization called Cerebus. She somehow managed to escape and ever since has been a very hard individual. She keeps to her quarters away from the main traffic areas of the ship. She is suspicious the moment anyone asks anything close to a personal question.\n\nFor those of you who might play the game, I don’t want spoil anything so I won’t tell you how this situation arises, but at some point in the game Jack runs into a friend, Aresh, who was another child who had been experimented during same time she was. They talk for a minute, re-establishing a connection and they start to talk about what happens when the conversation gets weird. As the conversation continues, Aresh reveals that he is trying to <em>rebuild</em> the set of experiments that were performed on him.\n\nWait, what? That’s crazy. Why would anyone try to duplicate the awful experimentation performed on him as an innocent, defenseless child?\n\n“I’m rebuilding [the experiments]. What they were looking for… It must have been important. So I’m going to try to find it myself. They must have had good reasons for what they did!”\n\nI was only half paying attention to what was happening on the TV screen until this moment. It struck me: what a fascinating take on how people process traumatic events. Aresh wasn’t trying to harm other people; he was only trying to find meaning in what happened.\n\nYou see two people who experienced the same situation growing up and it produced two different effects. One is inked from head to toe, is a loner out in the universe and keeps to herself. Another, haunted by what happened, seeks to try to find the good intentions from the perpetrators, even if they are buried deep. There must have been a good reason that they found it okay to experiment on kids. It must have been a case of sacrificing for the greater good. He was trying to discover the greater good so he could finally put his past to bed.\n\nI am aware that this is a very extreme analogy for people like you and me. We aren’t on a spaceship bringing justice to the universe, but the one thing we all have in common is that bad things happen to us and we all have to find a way to deal with it.\n\nSome people (like me) shove it way down into a jar inside and shut the lid. They keep filling the jar until it explodes. Some people deal with it head on and are abrasive to everyone around them until they can work it out. Some people give the past its space but keep everyone at a distance for the rest of their lives. Some people, like in the case of Aresh, go back to the scene of the crime and try to find evidence of a heart or conscience somewhere—anywhere!—even if there are only tiny scraps of it left.\n\nFrom the outside we all can see that Aresh has a few screws loose, but he can’t see that. To him, having lived through that, the only way he can come to terms with what happened is if he suffered for a greater cause. He is dealing with his lifelong pain the only way he knows how.\n\nWhat about you? Do you have a coping mechanism that you go back to in times of need? How does that mechanism affect you and the people around you in the long run? How do you come to terms with your memories?\n\nA lot of people I know would tell me to “give it to God.” But what does that really mean? How do I actually just give it to God? There is a measure of pain I need to work through on my own. Giving it to someone else so it can magically disappear feels like I’m giving up and letting the other party win. It feels like a cop out and like I’m not strong enough to slay my own dragons. Sometimes I can’t tell if that’s a pride thing or a human thing.\n\nI can identify with Aresh on a level because I like to think that people carry around the same heart and brain that I do. So when people commit crimes without batting an eyelash or, as one of my friends said, “sit over their Wheaties in the morning trying to figure out ways to screw people,” I have no way of processing it. It’s outside of my understanding of how the universe is supposed to work.\n\nThankfully, there is no right or wrong way to handle grief or pain. Can you identify with Aresh? How do you process painful events? How do you put your past to rest and find peace?\n\n<em>Photo credit: <a href=\"http://www.flickr.com/photos/annakie/4431762093/\" target=\"_blank\">Annakie</a></em>','Mass Effect 2 and the Blame Game','','inherit','open','open','','1747-revision-3','','','2011-11-02 21:43:17','2011-11-03 04:43:17','',1747,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/02/1747-revision-3/',0,'revision','',0),(1752,38,'2011-11-02 21:43:52','2011-11-03 04:43:52','For those of you who don’t live with gamers or who have not heard of <a href=\"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mass_effect_2\" target=\"_blank\">Mass Effect 2</a>, it’s an action role-playing space epic video game. As any good space epic goes, there is a species that is the cause of full colonies disappearing overnight. Commander Shepherd, the main character, is tasked with stopping this relatively unknown destructive force by taking his eclectic team planet-hopping to save the galaxy. The graphics in the game are absolutely stunning, the dialogue between species is thoughtful and well done (which I learned to appreciate from my love of the <a href=\"http://www.amazon.com/Redwall-Book-1-Brian-Jacques/dp/0142302376/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1320295383&amp;sr=8-1\" target=\"_blank\">Redwall</a> books growing up), and your in-game actions and dialogue choices impact the characters around you and your relationships with them (and even carry through into the next game).  Some of you might even recognize one of the characters as Yvonne Strahovski, who plays Sarah Walker in the TV show “Chuck”.\r\n\r\nSo, now that I’ve outed myself as a nerd, or at the very least the wife of a gamer, what does this have anything to do with blame?\r\n\r\nOne of Shepherd’s team members is a woman named Jack. Jack was experimented on as a child by an elitist organization called Cerebus. She somehow managed to escape and ever since has been a very hard individual. She keeps to her quarters away from the main traffic areas of the ship. She is suspicious the moment anyone asks anything close to a personal question.\r\n\r\nFor those of you who might play the game, I don’t want spoil anything so I won’t tell you how this situation arises, but at some point in the game Jack runs into a friend, Aresh, who was another child who had been experimented during same time she was. They talk for a minute, re-establishing a connection and they start to talk about what happens when the conversation gets weird. As the conversation continues, Aresh reveals that he is trying to <em>rebuild</em> the set of experiments that were performed on him.\r\n\r\nWait, what? That’s crazy. Why would anyone try to duplicate the awful experimentation performed on him as an innocent, defenseless child?\r\n\r\n“I’m rebuilding [the experiments]. What they were looking for… It must have been important. So I’m going to try to find it myself. They must have had good reasons for what they did!”\r\n\r\nI was only half paying attention to what was happening on the TV screen until this moment. It struck me: what a fascinating take on how people process traumatic events. Aresh wasn’t trying to harm other people; he was only trying to find meaning in what happened.\r\n\r\nYou see two people who experienced the same situation growing up and it produced two different effects. One is inked from head to toe, is a loner out in the universe and keeps to herself. Another, haunted by what happened, seeks to try to find the good intentions from the perpetrators, even if they are buried deep. There must have been a good reason that they found it okay to experiment on kids. It must have been a case of sacrificing for the greater good. He was trying to discover the greater good so he could finally put his past to bed.\r\n\r\nI am aware that this is a very extreme analogy for people like you and me. We aren’t on a spaceship bringing justice to the universe, but the one thing we all have in common is that bad things happen to us and we all have to find a way to deal with it.\r\n\r\nSome people (like me) shove it way down into a jar inside and shut the lid. They keep filling the jar until it explodes. Some people deal with it head on and are abrasive to everyone around them until they can work it out. Some people give the past its space but keep everyone at a distance for the rest of their lives. Some people, like in the case of Aresh, go back to the scene of the crime and try to find evidence of a heart or conscience somewhere—anywhere!—even if there are only tiny scraps of it left.\r\n\r\nFrom the outside we all can see that Aresh has a few screws loose, but he can’t see that. To him, having lived through that, the only way he can come to terms with what happened is if he suffered for a greater cause. He is dealing with his lifelong pain the only way he knows how.\r\n\r\nWhat about you? Do you have a coping mechanism that you go back to in times of need? How does that mechanism affect you and the people around you in the long run? How do you come to terms with your memories?\r\n\r\nA lot of people I know would tell me to “give it to God.” But what does that really mean? How do I actually just give it to God? There is a measure of pain I need to work through on my own. Giving it to someone else so it can magically disappear feels like I’m giving up and letting the other party win. It feels like a cop out and like I’m not strong enough to slay my own dragons. Sometimes I can’t tell if that’s a pride thing or a human thing.\r\n\r\nI can identify with Aresh on a level because I like to think that people carry around the same heart and brain that I do. So when people commit crimes without batting an eyelash or, as one of my friends said, “sit over their Wheaties in the morning trying to figure out ways to screw people,” I have no way of processing it. It’s outside of my understanding of how the universe is supposed to work.\r\n\r\nThankfully, there is no right or wrong way to handle grief or pain. Can you identify with Aresh? How do you process painful events? How do you put your past to rest and find peace?\r\n\r\n<em>Photo credit: <a href=\"http://www.flickr.com/photos/annakie/4431762093/\" target=\"_blank\">Annakie</a></em>','Mass Effect 2 and the Blame Game','','inherit','open','open','','1747-revision-4','','','2011-11-02 21:43:52','2011-11-03 04:43:52','',1747,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/02/1747-revision-4/',0,'revision','',0),(1753,38,'2011-11-02 21:44:29','2011-11-03 04:44:29','For those of you who don’t live with gamers or who have not heard of <a href=\"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mass_effect_2\" target=\"_blank\">Mass Effect 2</a>, it’s an action role-playing space epic video game. As any good space epic goes, there is a species that is the cause of full colonies disappearing overnight. Commander Shepherd, the main character, is tasked with stopping this relatively unknown destructive force by taking his eclectic team planet-hopping to save the galaxy. The graphics in the game are absolutely stunning, the dialogue between species is thoughtful and well done (which I learned to appreciate from my love of the <a href=\"http://www.amazon.com/Redwall-Book-1-Brian-Jacques/dp/0142302376/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1320295383&amp;sr=8-1\" target=\"_blank\">Redwall</a> books growing up), and your in-game actions and dialogue choices impact the characters around you and your relationships with them (and even carry through into the next game).  Some of you might even recognize one of the characters as Yvonne Strahovski, who plays Sarah Walker in the TV show “Chuck”.\r\n\r\nSo, now that I’ve outed myself as a nerd, or at the very least the wife of a gamer, what does this have anything to do with blame?\r\n\r\nOne of Shepherd’s team members is a woman named Jack. Jack was experimented on as a child by an elitist organization called Cerebus. She somehow managed to escape and ever since has been a very hard individual. She keeps to her quarters away from the main traffic areas of the ship. She is suspicious the moment anyone asks anything close to a personal question.\r\n\r\nFor those of you who might play the game, I don’t want spoil anything so I won’t tell you how this situation arises, but at some point in the game Jack runs into a friend, Aresh, who was another child who had been experimented during same time she was. They talk for a minute, re-establishing a connection and they start to talk about what happens when the conversation gets weird. As the conversation continues, Aresh reveals that he is trying to <em>rebuild</em> the set of experiments that were performed on him.\r\n\r\nWait, what? That’s crazy. Why would anyone try to duplicate the awful experimentation performed on him as an innocent, defenseless child?\r\n\r\n“I’m rebuilding [the experiments]. What they were looking for… It must have been important. So I’m going to try to find it myself. They must have had good reasons for what they did!”\r\n\r\nI was only half paying attention to what was happening on the TV screen until this moment. It struck me: what a fascinating take on how people process traumatic events. Aresh wasn’t trying to harm other people; he was only trying to find meaning in what happened.\r\n\r\nYou see two people who experienced the same situation growing up and it produced two different effects. One is inked from head to toe, is a loner out in the universe and keeps to herself. Another, haunted by what happened, seeks to try to find the good intentions from the perpetrators, even if they are buried deep. There must have been a good reason that they found it okay to experiment on kids. It must have been a case of sacrificing for the greater good. He was trying to discover the greater good so he could finally put his past to bed.\r\n\r\nI am aware that this is a very extreme analogy for people like you and me. We aren’t on a spaceship bringing justice to the universe, but the one thing we all have in common is that bad things happen to us and we all have to find a way to deal with it.\r\n\r\nSome people (like me) shove it way down into a jar inside and shut the lid. They keep filling the jar until it explodes. Some people deal with it head on and are abrasive to everyone around them until they can work it out. Some people give the past its space but keep everyone at a distance for the rest of their lives. Some people, like in the case of Aresh, go back to the scene of the crime and try to find evidence of a heart or conscience somewhere—anywhere!—even if there are only tiny scraps of it left.\r\n\r\nFrom the outside we all can see that Aresh has a few screws loose, but he can’t see that. To him, having lived through that, the only way he can come to terms with what happened is if he suffered for a greater cause. He is dealing with his lifelong pain the only way he knows how.\r\n\r\nWhat about you? Do you have a coping mechanism that you go back to in times of need? How does that mechanism affect you and the people around you in the long run? How do you come to terms with your memories?\r\n\r\nA lot of people I know would tell me to “give it to God.” But what does that really mean? How do I actually just give it to God? There is a measure of pain I need to work through on my own. Giving it to someone else so it can magically disappear feels like I’m giving up and letting the other party win. It feels like a cop-out and like I’m not strong enough to slay my own dragons. Sometimes I can’t tell if that’s a pride thing or a human thing.\r\n\r\nI can identify with Aresh on a level because I like to think that people carry around the same heart and brain that I do. So when people commit crimes without batting an eyelash or, as one of my friends said, “sit over their Wheaties in the morning trying to figure out ways to screw people,” I have no way of processing it. It’s outside of my understanding of how the universe is supposed to work.\r\n\r\nThankfully, there is no right or wrong way to handle grief or pain. Can you identify with Aresh? How do you process painful events? How do you put your past to rest and find peace?\r\n\r\n<em>Photo credit: <a href=\"http://www.flickr.com/photos/annakie/4431762093/\" target=\"_blank\">Annakie</a></em>','Mass Effect 2 and the Blame Game','','inherit','open','open','','1747-revision-5','','','2011-11-02 21:44:29','2011-11-03 04:44:29','',1747,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/02/1747-revision-5/',0,'revision','',0),(1754,0,'2011-11-02 21:44:45','2011-11-03 04:44:45','Faith\r\nInterfaith Dialogue\r\nDeconstructing and Rebuilding Faith\n<!--more-->\nAUTHOR: Terry Smith\nAUTHOR EMAIL: Tsmith0095@gmail.com\nAUTHOR URL: http://Tsmith0095.wordpress.com\nSUBJECT: Provoketive Magazine Writing For Provoketive\nIP: 72.152.119.80\nArray\n(\n    [Name] =&gt; Terry Smith\n    [Email] =&gt; Tsmith0095@gmail.com\n    [Existing Blog or Website] =&gt; Tsmith0095.wordpress.com\n    [List the topic you are interested writing about] =&gt; Faith\r\nInterfaith Dialogue\r\nDeconstructing and Rebuilding Faith\r\n\n    [Current or New WordPress Login Name (We\'ll send you a password.)] =&gt; Tsmith0095\n)\n','Terry Smith - 2011-11-02 21:44:45','','publish','open','open','','2fcaa61fbbacae599b5138e106757e4e','','','2011-11-02 21:44:45','2011-11-03 04:44:45','',358,'http://provoketive.com/?post_type=feedback&p=1754',0,'feedback','',0),(1755,38,'2011-11-02 21:44:41','2011-11-03 04:44:41','For those of you who don’t live with gamers or who have not heard of <a href=\"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mass_effect_2\" target=\"_blank\">Mass Effect 2</a>, it’s an action role-playing space epic video game. As any good space epic goes, there is a species that is the cause of full colonies disappearing overnight. Commander Shepherd, the main character, is tasked with stopping this relatively unknown destructive force by taking his eclectic team planet-hopping to save the galaxy. The graphics in the game are absolutely stunning, the dialogue between species is thoughtful and well done (which I learned to appreciate from my love of the <a href=\"http://www.amazon.com/Redwall-Book-1-Brian-Jacques/dp/0142302376/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1320295383&amp;sr=8-1\" target=\"_blank\">Redwall</a> books growing up), and your in-game actions and dialogue choices impact the characters around you and your relationships with them (and even carry through into the next game).  Some of you might even recognize one of the characters as Yvonne Strahovski, who plays Sarah Walker in the TV show “Chuck”.\r\n\r\nSo, now that I’ve outed myself as a nerd, or at the very least the wife of a gamer, what does this have anything to do with blame?\r\n\r\nOne of Shepherd’s team members is a woman named Jack. Jack was experimented on as a child by an elitist organization called Cerebus. She somehow managed to escape and ever since has been a very hard individual. She keeps to her quarters away from the main traffic areas of the ship. She is suspicious the moment anyone asks anything close to a personal question.\r\n\r\nFor those of you who might play the game, I don’t want spoil anything so I won’t tell you how this situation arises, but at some point in the game Jack runs into a friend, Aresh, who was another child who had been experimented during same time she was. They talk for a minute, re-establishing a connection and they start to talk about what happens when the conversation gets weird. As the conversation continues, Aresh reveals that he is trying to <em>rebuild</em> the set of experiments that were performed on him.\r\n\r\nWait, what? That’s crazy. Why would anyone try to duplicate the awful experimentation performed on him as an innocent, defenseless child?\r\n\r\n“I’m rebuilding [the experiments]. What they were looking for… It must have been important. So I’m going to try to find it myself. They must have had good reasons for what they did!”\r\n\r\nI was only half paying attention to what was happening on the TV screen until this moment. It struck me: what a fascinating take on how people process traumatic events. Aresh wasn’t trying to harm other people; he was only trying to find meaning in what happened.\r\n\r\nYou see two people who experienced the same situation growing up and it produced two different effects. One is inked from head to toe, is a loner out in the universe and keeps to herself. Another, haunted by what happened, seeks to try to find the good intentions from the perpetrators, even if they are buried deep. There must have been a good reason that they found it okay to experiment on kids. It must have been a case of sacrificing for the greater good. He was trying to discover the greater good so he could finally put his past to bed.\r\n\r\nI am aware that this is a very extreme analogy for people like you and me. We aren’t on a spaceship bringing justice to the universe, but the one thing we all have in common is that bad things happen to us and we all have to find a way to deal with it.\r\n\r\nSome people (like me) shove it way down into a jar inside and shut the lid. They keep filling the jar until it explodes. Some people deal with it head on and are abrasive to everyone around them until they can work it out. Some people give the past its space but keep everyone at a distance for the rest of their lives. Some people, like in the case of Aresh, go back to the scene of the crime and try to find evidence of a heart or conscience somewhere—anywhere!—even if there are only tiny scraps of it left.\r\n\r\nFrom the outside we all can see that Aresh has a few screws loose, but he can’t see that. To him, having lived through that, the only way he can come to terms with what happened is if he suffered for a greater cause. He is dealing with his lifelong pain the only way he knows how.\r\n\r\nWhat about you? Do you have a coping mechanism that you go back to in times of need? How does that mechanism affect you and the people around you in the long run? How do you come to terms with your memories?\r\n\r\nA lot of people I know would tell me to “give it to God.” But what does that really mean? How do I actually just give it to God? There is a measure of pain I need to work through on my own. Giving it to someone else so it can magically disappear feels like I’m giving up and letting the other party win. It feels like a cop-out and like I’m not strong enough to slay my own dragons. Sometimes I can’t tell if that’s a pride thing or a human thing.\r\n\r\nI can identify with Aresh on a level because I like to think that people carry around the same heart and brain that I do. So when people commit crimes without batting an eyelash or, as one of my friends said, “sit over their Wheaties in the morning trying to figure out ways to screw people,” I have no way of processing it. It’s outside of my understanding of how the universe is supposed to work.\r\n\r\nThankfully, there is no right or wrong way to handle grief or pain. Can you identify with Aresh? How do you process painful events? How do you put your past to rest and find peace?\r\n\r\n<em>Photo credit: <a href=\"http://www.flickr.com/photos/annakie/4431762093/\" target=\"_blank\">Annakie</a></em>','Mass Effect 2 and the Blame Game','','inherit','open','open','','1747-revision-6','','','2011-11-02 21:44:41','2011-11-03 04:44:41','',1747,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/02/1747-revision-6/',0,'revision','',0),(1756,38,'2011-11-02 21:45:14','2011-11-03 04:45:14','For those of you who don’t live with gamers or who have not heard of <a href=\"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mass_effect_2\" target=\"_blank\">Mass Effect 2</a>, it’s an action role-playing space epic video game. As any good space epic goes, there is a species that is the cause of full colonies disappearing overnight. Commander Shepherd, the main character, is tasked with stopping this relatively unknown destructive force by taking his eclectic team planet-hopping to save the galaxy. The graphics in the game are absolutely stunning, the dialogue between species is thoughtful and well done (which I learned to appreciate from my love of the <a href=\"http://www.amazon.com/Redwall-Book-1-Brian-Jacques/dp/0142302376/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1320295383&amp;sr=8-1\" target=\"_blank\">Redwall</a> books growing up), and your in-game actions and dialogue choices impact the characters around you and your relationships with them (and even carry through into the next game).  Some of you might even recognize one of the characters as Yvonne Strahovski, who plays Sarah Walker in the TV show “Chuck”.\r\n\r\nSo, now that I’ve outed myself as a nerd, or at the very least the wife of a gamer, what does this have anything to do with blame?\r\n\r\nOne of Shepherd’s team members is a woman named Jack. Jack was experimented on as a child by an elitist organization called Cerebus. She somehow managed to escape and ever since has been a very hard individual. She keeps to her quarters away from the main traffic areas of the ship. She is suspicious the moment anyone asks anything close to a personal question.\r\n\r\nFor those of you who might play the game, I don’t want spoil anything so I won’t tell you how this situation arises, but at some point in the game Jack runs into a friend, Aresh, who was another child who had been experimented during same time she was. They talk for a minute, re-establishing a connection and they start to talk about what happens when the conversation gets weird. As the conversation continues, Aresh reveals that he is trying to <em>rebuild</em> the set of experiments that were performed on him.\r\n\r\nWait, what? That’s crazy. Why would anyone try to duplicate the awful experimentation performed on him as an innocent, defenseless child?\r\n\r\n“I’m rebuilding [the experiments]. What they were looking for… It must have been important. So I’m going to try to find it myself. They must have had good reasons for what they did!”\r\n\r\nI was only half paying attention to what was happening on the TV screen until this moment. It struck me: what a fascinating take on how people process traumatic events. Aresh wasn’t trying to harm other people; he was only trying to find meaning in what happened.\r\n\r\nYou see two people who experienced the same situation growing up and it produced two different effects. One is inked from head to toe, is a loner out in the universe and keeps to herself. Another, haunted by what happened, seeks to try to find the good intentions from the perpetrators, even if they are buried deep. There must have been a good reason that they found it okay to experiment on kids. It must have been a case of sacrificing for the greater good. He was trying to discover the greater good so he could finally put his past to bed.\r\n\r\nI am aware that this is a very extreme analogy for people like you and me. We aren’t on a spaceship bringing justice to the universe, but the one thing we all have in common is that bad things happen to us and we all have to find a way to deal with it.\r\n\r\nSome people (like me) shove it way down into a jar inside and shut the lid. They keep filling the jar until it explodes. Some people deal with it head on and are abrasive to everyone around them until they can work it out. Some people give the past its space but keep everyone at a distance for the rest of their lives. Some people, like in the case of Aresh, go back to the scene of the crime and try to find evidence of a heart or conscience somewhere—anywhere!—even if there are only tiny scraps of it left.\r\n\r\nFrom the outside we all can see that Aresh has a few screws loose, but he can’t see that. To him, having lived through that, the only way he can come to terms with what happened is if he suffered for a greater cause. He is dealing with his lifelong pain the only way he knows how.\r\n\r\nWhat about you? Do you have a coping mechanism that you go back to in times of need? How does that mechanism affect you and the people around you in the long run? How do you come to terms with your memories?\r\n\r\nA lot of people I know would tell me to “give it to God.” But what does that really mean? How do I actually just give it to God? There is a measure of pain I need to work through on my own. Giving it to someone else so it can magically disappear feels like I’m giving up and letting the other party win. It feels like a cop-out and like I’m not strong enough to slay my own dragons. Sometimes I can’t tell if that’s a pride thing or a human thing.\r\n\r\nI can identify with Aresh on a level because I like to think that people carry around the same heart and brain that I do. So when people commit crimes without batting an eyelash or, as one of my friends said, “sit over their Wheaties in the morning trying to figure out ways to screw people,” I have no way of processing it. It’s outside of my understanding of how the universe is supposed to work.\r\n\r\nThankfully, there is no right or wrong way to handle grief or pain. Can you identify with Aresh? How do you process painful events? How do you put your past to rest and find peace?\r\n\r\n<em>Photo credit: <a href=\"http://www.flickr.com/photos/annakie/4431762093/\" target=\"_blank\">Annakie</a></em>','Mass Effect 2 and the Blame Game','','inherit','open','open','','1747-revision-7','','','2011-11-02 21:45:14','2011-11-03 04:45:14','',1747,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/02/1747-revision-7/',0,'revision','',0),(1757,38,'2011-11-02 21:46:23','2011-11-03 04:46:23','For those of you who don’t live with gamers or who have not heard of <a href=\"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mass_effect_2\" target=\"_blank\">Mass Effect 2</a>, it’s an action role-playing space epic video game. As any good space epic goes, there is a species that is the cause of full colonies disappearing overnight. Commander Shepherd, the main character, is tasked with stopping this relatively unknown destructive force by taking his eclectic team planet-hopping to save the galaxy. The graphics in the game are absolutely stunning, the dialogue between species is thoughtful and well done (which I learned to appreciate from my love of the <a href=\"http://www.amazon.com/Redwall-Book-1-Brian-Jacques/dp/0142302376/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1320295383&amp;sr=8-1\" target=\"_blank\">Redwall</a> books growing up), and your in-game actions and dialogue choices impact the characters around you and your relationships with them (and even carry through into the next game).  Some of you might even recognize one of the characters as Yvonne Strahovski, who plays Sarah Walker in the TV show “Chuck”.\r\n\r\nSo, now that I’ve outed myself as a nerd, or at the very least the wife of a gamer, what does this have anything to do with blame?\r\n\r\nOne of Shepherd’s team members is a woman named Jack. Jack was experimented on as a child by an elitist organization called Cerebus. She somehow managed to escape and ever since has been a very hard individual. She keeps to her quarters away from the main traffic areas of the ship. She is suspicious the moment anyone asks anything close to a personal question.\r\n\r\nFor those of you who might play the game, I don’t want spoil anything so I won’t tell you how this situation arises, but at some point in the game Jack runs into a friend, Aresh, who was another child who had been experimented during same time she was. They talk for a minute, re-establishing a connection and they start to talk about what happens when the conversation gets weird. As the conversation continues, Aresh reveals that he is trying to <em>rebuild</em> the set of experiments that were performed on him.\r\n\r\nWait, what? That’s crazy. Why would anyone try to duplicate the awful experimentation performed on him as an innocent, defenseless child?\r\n\r\n“I’m rebuilding [the experiments]. What they were looking for… It must have been important. So I’m going to try to find it myself. They must have had good reasons for what they did!”\r\n\r\nI was only half paying attention to what was happening on the TV screen until this moment. It struck me: what a fascinating take on how people process traumatic events. Aresh wasn’t trying to harm other people; he was only trying to find meaning in what happened.\r\n\r\nYou see two people who experienced the same situation growing up and it produced two different effects. One is inked from head to toe, is a loner out in the universe and keeps to herself. Another, haunted by what happened, seeks to try to find the good intentions from the perpetrators, even if they are buried deep. There must have been a good reason that they found it okay to experiment on kids. It must have been a case of sacrificing for the greater good. He was trying to discover the greater good so he could finally put his past to bed.\r\n\r\nI am aware that this is a very extreme analogy for people like you and me. We aren’t on a spaceship bringing justice to the universe, but the one thing we all have in common is that bad things happen to us and we all have to find a way to deal with it.\r\n\r\nSome people (like me) shove it way down into a jar inside and shut the lid. They keep filling the jar until it explodes. Some people deal with it head on and are abrasive to everyone around them until they can work it out. Some people give the past its space but keep everyone at a distance for the rest of their lives. Some people, like in the case of Aresh, go back to the scene of the crime and try to find evidence of a heart or conscience somewhere—anywhere!—even if there are only tiny scraps of it left.\r\n\r\nFrom the outside we all can see that Aresh has a few screws loose, but he can’t see that. To him, having lived through that, the only way he can come to terms with what happened is if he suffered for a greater cause. He is dealing with his lifelong pain the only way he knows how.\r\n\r\nWhat about you? Do you have a coping mechanism that you go back to in times of need? How does that mechanism affect you and the people around you in the long run? How do you come to terms with your memories?\r\n\r\nA lot of people I know would tell me to “give it to God.” But what does that really mean? How do I actually just give it to God? There is a measure of pain I need to work through on my own. Giving it to someone else so it can magically disappear feels like I’m giving up and letting the other party win. It feels like a cop-out and like I’m not strong enough to slay my own dragons. Sometimes I can’t tell if that’s a pride thing or a human thing.\r\n\r\nI can identify with Aresh on a level because I like to think that people carry around the same heart and brain that I do. So when people commit crimes without batting an eyelash or, as one of my friends said, “sit over their Wheaties in the morning trying to figure out ways to screw people,” I have no way of processing it. It’s outside of my understanding of how the universe is supposed to work.\r\n\r\nThankfully, there is no right or wrong way to handle grief or pain. Can you identify with Aresh? How do you process painful events? How do you put your past to rest and find peace?\r\n\r\n<em>Photo credit: <a href=\"http://www.flickr.com/photos/annakie/4431762093/\" target=\"_blank\">Annakie</a></em>','The Blame Game and Mass Effect','','inherit','open','open','','1747-revision-8','','','2011-11-02 21:46:23','2011-11-03 04:46:23','',1747,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/02/1747-revision-8/',0,'revision','',0),(1759,38,'2011-11-02 21:46:46','2011-11-03 04:46:46','For those of you who don’t live with gamers or who have not heard of <a href=\"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mass_effect_2\" target=\"_blank\">Mass Effect 2</a>, it’s an action role-playing space epic video game. As any good space epic goes, there is a species that is the cause of full colonies disappearing overnight. Commander Shepherd, the main character, is tasked with stopping this relatively unknown destructive force by taking his eclectic team planet-hopping to save the galaxy. The graphics in the game are absolutely stunning, the dialogue between species is thoughtful and well done (which I learned to appreciate from my love of the <a href=\"http://www.amazon.com/Redwall-Book-1-Brian-Jacques/dp/0142302376/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1320295383&amp;sr=8-1\" target=\"_blank\">Redwall</a> books growing up), and your in-game actions and dialogue choices impact the characters around you and your relationships with them (and even carry through into the next game).  Some of you might even recognize one of the characters as Yvonne Strahovski, who plays Sarah Walker in the TV show “Chuck”.\r\n\r\nSo, now that I’ve outed myself as a nerd, or at the very least the wife of a gamer, what does this have anything to do with blame?\r\n\r\nOne of Shepherd’s team members is a woman named Jack. Jack was experimented on as a child by an elitist organization called Cerebus. She somehow managed to escape and ever since has been a very hard individual. She keeps to her quarters away from the main traffic areas of the ship. She is suspicious the moment anyone asks anything close to a personal question.\r\n\r\nFor those of you who might play the game, I don’t want spoil anything so I won’t tell you how this situation arises, but at some point in the game Jack runs into a friend, Aresh, who was another child who had been experimented during same time she was. They talk for a minute, re-establishing a connection and they start to talk about what happens when the conversation gets weird. As the conversation continues, Aresh reveals that he is trying to <em>rebuild</em> the set of experiments that were performed on him.\r\n\r\nWait, what? That’s crazy. Why would anyone try to duplicate the awful experimentation performed on him as an innocent, defenseless child?\r\n\r\n“I’m rebuilding [the experiments]. What they were looking for… It must have been important. So I’m going to try to find it myself. They must have had good reasons for what they did!”\r\n\r\nI was only half paying attention to what was happening on the TV screen until this moment. It struck me: what a fascinating take on how people process traumatic events. Aresh wasn’t trying to harm other people; he was only trying to find meaning in what happened.\r\n\r\nYou see two people who experienced the same situation growing up and it produced two different effects. One is inked from head to toe, is a loner out in the universe and keeps to herself. Another, haunted by what happened, seeks to try to find the good intentions from the perpetrators, even if they are buried deep. There must have been a good reason that they found it okay to experiment on kids. It must have been a case of sacrificing for the greater good. He was trying to discover the greater good so he could finally put his past to bed.\r\n\r\nI am aware that this is a very extreme analogy for people like you and me. We aren’t on a spaceship bringing justice to the universe, but the one thing we all have in common is that bad things happen to us and we all have to find a way to deal with it.\r\n\r\nSome people (like me) shove it way down into a jar inside and shut the lid. They keep filling the jar until it explodes. Some people deal with it head on and are abrasive to everyone around them until they can work it out. Some people give the past its space but keep everyone at a distance for the rest of their lives. Some people, like in the case of Aresh, go back to the scene of the crime and try to find evidence of a heart or conscience somewhere—anywhere!—even if there are only tiny scraps of it left.\r\n\r\nFrom the outside we all can see that Aresh has a few screws loose, but he can’t see that. To him, having lived through that, the only way he can come to terms with what happened is if he suffered for a greater cause. He is dealing with his lifelong pain the only way he knows how.\r\n\r\nWhat about you? Do you have a coping mechanism that you go back to in times of need? How does that mechanism affect you and the people around you in the long run? How do you come to terms with your memories?\r\n\r\nA lot of people I know would tell me to “give it to God.” But what does that really mean? How do I actually just give it to God? There is a measure of pain I need to work through on my own. Giving it to someone else so it can magically disappear feels like I’m giving up and letting the other party win. It feels like a cop-out and like I’m not strong enough to slay my own dragons. Sometimes I can’t tell if that’s a pride thing or a human thing.\r\n\r\nI can identify with Aresh on a level because I like to think that people carry around the same heart and brain that I do. So when people commit crimes without batting an eyelash or, as one of my friends said, “sit over their Wheaties in the morning trying to figure out ways to screw people,” I have no way of processing it. It’s outside of my understanding of how the universe is supposed to work.\r\n\r\nThankfully, there is no right or wrong way to handle grief or pain. Can you identify with Aresh? How do you process painful events? How do you put your past to rest and find peace?\r\n\r\n<em>Photo credit: <a href=\"http://www.flickr.com/photos/annakie/4431762093/\" target=\"_blank\">Annakie</a></em>','The Blame Game and Mass Effect','','inherit','open','open','','1747-revision-10','','','2011-11-02 21:46:46','2011-11-03 04:46:46','',1747,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/02/1747-revision-10/',0,'revision','',0),(1758,38,'2011-11-02 21:46:35','2011-11-03 04:46:35','For those of you who don’t live with gamers or who have not heard of <a href=\"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mass_effect_2\" target=\"_blank\">Mass Effect 2</a>, it’s an action role-playing space epic video game. As any good space epic goes, there is a species that is the cause of full colonies disappearing overnight. Commander Shepherd, the main character, is tasked with stopping this relatively unknown destructive force by taking his eclectic team planet-hopping to save the galaxy. The graphics in the game are absolutely stunning, the dialogue between species is thoughtful and well done (which I learned to appreciate from my love of the <a href=\"http://www.amazon.com/Redwall-Book-1-Brian-Jacques/dp/0142302376/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1320295383&amp;sr=8-1\" target=\"_blank\">Redwall</a> books growing up), and your in-game actions and dialogue choices impact the characters around you and your relationships with them (and even carry through into the next game).  Some of you might even recognize one of the characters as Yvonne Strahovski, who plays Sarah Walker in the TV show “Chuck”.\r\n\r\nSo, now that I’ve outed myself as a nerd, or at the very least the wife of a gamer, what does this have anything to do with blame?\r\n\r\nOne of Shepherd’s team members is a woman named Jack. Jack was experimented on as a child by an elitist organization called Cerebus. She somehow managed to escape and ever since has been a very hard individual. She keeps to her quarters away from the main traffic areas of the ship. She is suspicious the moment anyone asks anything close to a personal question.\r\n\r\nFor those of you who might play the game, I don’t want spoil anything so I won’t tell you how this situation arises, but at some point in the game Jack runs into a friend, Aresh, who was another child who had been experimented during same time she was. They talk for a minute, re-establishing a connection and they start to talk about what happens when the conversation gets weird. As the conversation continues, Aresh reveals that he is trying to <em>rebuild</em> the set of experiments that were performed on him.\r\n\r\nWait, what? That’s crazy. Why would anyone try to duplicate the awful experimentation performed on him as an innocent, defenseless child?\r\n\r\n“I’m rebuilding [the experiments]. What they were looking for… It must have been important. So I’m going to try to find it myself. They must have had good reasons for what they did!”\r\n\r\nI was only half paying attention to what was happening on the TV screen until this moment. It struck me: what a fascinating take on how people process traumatic events. Aresh wasn’t trying to harm other people; he was only trying to find meaning in what happened.\r\n\r\nYou see two people who experienced the same situation growing up and it produced two different effects. One is inked from head to toe, is a loner out in the universe and keeps to herself. Another, haunted by what happened, seeks to try to find the good intentions from the perpetrators, even if they are buried deep. There must have been a good reason that they found it okay to experiment on kids. It must have been a case of sacrificing for the greater good. He was trying to discover the greater good so he could finally put his past to bed.\r\n\r\nI am aware that this is a very extreme analogy for people like you and me. We aren’t on a spaceship bringing justice to the universe, but the one thing we all have in common is that bad things happen to us and we all have to find a way to deal with it.\r\n\r\nSome people (like me) shove it way down into a jar inside and shut the lid. They keep filling the jar until it explodes. Some people deal with it head on and are abrasive to everyone around them until they can work it out. Some people give the past its space but keep everyone at a distance for the rest of their lives. Some people, like in the case of Aresh, go back to the scene of the crime and try to find evidence of a heart or conscience somewhere—anywhere!—even if there are only tiny scraps of it left.\r\n\r\nFrom the outside we all can see that Aresh has a few screws loose, but he can’t see that. To him, having lived through that, the only way he can come to terms with what happened is if he suffered for a greater cause. He is dealing with his lifelong pain the only way he knows how.\r\n\r\nWhat about you? Do you have a coping mechanism that you go back to in times of need? How does that mechanism affect you and the people around you in the long run? How do you come to terms with your memories?\r\n\r\nA lot of people I know would tell me to “give it to God.” But what does that really mean? How do I actually just give it to God? There is a measure of pain I need to work through on my own. Giving it to someone else so it can magically disappear feels like I’m giving up and letting the other party win. It feels like a cop-out and like I’m not strong enough to slay my own dragons. Sometimes I can’t tell if that’s a pride thing or a human thing.\r\n\r\nI can identify with Aresh on a level because I like to think that people carry around the same heart and brain that I do. So when people commit crimes without batting an eyelash or, as one of my friends said, “sit over their Wheaties in the morning trying to figure out ways to screw people,” I have no way of processing it. It’s outside of my understanding of how the universe is supposed to work.\r\n\r\nThankfully, there is no right or wrong way to handle grief or pain. Can you identify with Aresh? How do you process painful events? How do you put your past to rest and find peace?\r\n\r\n<em>Photo credit: <a href=\"http://www.flickr.com/photos/annakie/4431762093/\" target=\"_blank\">Annakie</a></em>','The Blame Game &amp; Mass Effect','','inherit','open','open','','1747-revision-9','','','2011-11-02 21:46:35','2011-11-03 04:46:35','',1747,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/02/1747-revision-9/',0,'revision','',0),(1761,35,'2011-11-03 07:43:46','2011-11-03 14:43:46','','Crucifixion','','inherit','open','open','','crucifixion','','','2011-11-03 07:43:46','2011-11-03 14:43:46','',1760,'http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Crucifixion.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1762,35,'2011-11-03 07:41:23','2011-11-03 14:41:23','<strong><span style=\"font-size: small\"><span style=\"font-family: Calibri\">What If Jesus Didn’t Die For Me?</span></span></strong>\n\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">by Joy Wilson</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\"> </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">He sat in a red chair and watched while I was raped.  I was only four, but I knew who he was.  Jesus didn’t do anything but speak into my mind, over and over, “I’m right here.  I’m not going anywhere.  You’re going to be OK.”  And I believed him as I slid into darkness from pain and suffocation.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\"> </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">The incest went on for years, and Jesus stayed with me, more like a stray dog than God.  He followed me into bars and hotel rooms with strangers, in and out of church, through three divorce hearings, into alcoholic blackouts.  Sometimes I appreciated his company; sometimes I just wished he would leave me alone.  Often I took him for granted, but I always knew he was there, as real as I was.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\"> </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">Along the way, our relationship got messed up when church told me that Jesus <em>did</em> things for those who believed, for those who asked in faith, for those who followed him.  I couldn’t figure out the “follow” part because we always traveled side by side.  But what about “faith”?  I had believed Jesus from the very beginning.  He did what he said he’d do:  never leave.  But what about everything else in my life?  He hadn’t stopped the rapes, kept me out of trouble, helped me get sober.  Whose fault was that?  Apparently mine.  I didn’t have enough faith or pray right or behave enough or or or.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\"> </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">Then I heard that “All things are possible with God.”  Except for me.  It seemed like my Stray Dog God shrugged his shoulders as if to say, “Sure, I can do anything, but for you?”  Silence.  I knew I could never go to All Saints Academy.  If I got into heaven, which was questionable, my crown would come from Burger King with painted paper jewels.  And the crucifixion story – all that gore and torture made me shudder.  I’d had too much abuse for too long.  Instead of making me feel connected with a fellow sufferer, I fled in revulsion.  If being “washed in the blood of the Lamb” was required for salvation, well…..I couldn’t do that or go there.  I was already lost.  Now I had to stay lost.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\"> </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">So what did that make Jesus for me?  A partner in crime, like the guy at the wheel in the getaway car while I robbed the bank?  Or was he my little friend who let me play with his toys until it was time for him to go home to his Daddy?  Was Jesus on loan to me until I died and went…….where?  I didn’t know, but I was getting really pissed off.  I had a useless God on my hands whom I loved and hated at the same time, and I didn’t know what to do with him.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\"> </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">The day came when my years of compressed pain and anger erupted all over Jesus.  I screamed at him, wanting to hurt him as badly as I hurt, and to my complete shock, he screamed back – his love.  And that’s how I learned to pray.  We began talking, and I let him have it, trying to be as blasphemous as possible, and he just laughed and said, “Finally!  You’re being honest with me.  Come on, let’s get in the mud and fight dirty.  I love to wrestle.”  And we did, and I didn’t always win, but I always wanted another round.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\"> </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">You see, he wouldn’t give up on me.  What I didn’t realize was I hadn’t ever given up on him, either.  No matter what had gone wrong in my life, I was never alone, never abandoned by my God like so many other people had.  I discovered I couldn’t offend him – he hadn’t ever run off screaming or struck me by lightening, right?  And come to think of it, Jesus <em>had</em> done a lot for me.  I wasn’t in prison from killing someone while driving drunk.  I wasn’t dead, though I should have been.  Jesus had been working his <em>ass</em> off protecting me.  Why?  Because he loved me just as I was.  In fact, he made me just like I was, knowing how I’d turn out, which is totally insane.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\"> </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">And then lightening really <em>did</em> strike – in my brain:  Jesus had been saving me all my life.  I didn’t have to <em>get</em> saved – I already <em>was.</em>  We shared a deep, personal relationship like I had with no one else.  I was loved and accepted unconditionally, which meant I didn’t have to pray right, have enough faith, act like Mother Teresa, or be someone I wasn’t.  Then lightening struck twice, and I realized it had been awhile since I’d done something self-destructive.  I was getting better at telling the truth, being kind, stuff like that.  I was starting to act like…..him.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\"> </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">Last night we were talking outside in the carport, and I said, “I love you so much.  But what about the crucifixion?”  And Jesus said, “Don’t worry about it.  I’ve got you covered.”</span>\n\n&nbsp;','What If Jesus Didn\'t Die For Me?','','inherit','open','open','','1760-revision','','','2011-11-03 07:41:23','2011-11-03 14:41:23','',1760,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/03/1760-revision/',0,'revision','',0),(1763,35,'2011-11-03 07:44:43','2011-11-03 14:44:43','<strong><span style=\"font-size: small\"><span style=\"font-family: Calibri\">What If Jesus Didn’t Die For Me?</span></span></strong>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">by Joy Wilson</span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\"> </span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">He sat in a red chair and watched while I was raped.  I was only four, but I knew who he was.  Jesus didn’t do anything but speak into my mind, over and over, “I’m right here.  I’m not going anywhere.  You’re going to be OK.”  And I believed him as I slid into darkness from pain and suffocation.</span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\"> </span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">The incest went on for years, and Jesus stayed with me, more like a stray dog than God.  He followed me into bars and hotel rooms with strangers, in and out of church, through three divorce hearings, into alcoholic blackouts.  Sometimes I appreciated his company; sometimes I just wished he would leave me alone.  Often I took him for granted, but I always knew he was there, as real as I was.</span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\"> </span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">Along the way, our relationship got messed up when church told me that Jesus <em>did</em> things for those who believed, for those who asked in faith, for those who followed him.  I couldn’t figure out the “follow” part because we always traveled side by side.  But what about “faith”?  I had believed Jesus from the very beginning.  He did what he said he’d do:  never leave.  But what about everything else in my life?  He hadn’t stopped the rapes, kept me out of trouble, helped me get sober.  Whose fault was that?  Apparently mine.  I didn’t have enough faith or pray right or behave enough or or or.</span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\"> </span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">Then I heard that “All things are possible with God.”  Except for me.  It seemed like my Stray Dog God shrugged his shoulders as if to say, “Sure, I can do anything, but for you?”  Silence.  I knew I could never go to All Saints Academy.  If I got into heaven, which was questionable, my crown would come from Burger King with painted paper jewels.  And the crucifixion story – all that gore and torture made me shudder.  I’d had too much abuse for too long.  Instead of making me feel connected with a fellow sufferer, I fled in revulsion.  If being “washed in the blood of the Lamb” was required for salvation, well…..I couldn’t do that or go there.  I was already lost.  Now I had to stay lost.</span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\"> </span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">So what did that make Jesus for me?  A partner in crime, like the guy at the wheel in the getaway car while I robbed the bank?  Or was he my little friend who let me play with his toys until it was time for him to go home to his Daddy?  Was Jesus on loan to me until I died and went…….where?  I didn’t know, but I was getting really pissed off.  I had a useless God on my hands whom I loved and hated at the same time, and I didn’t know what to do with him.</span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\"> </span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">The day came when my years of compressed pain and anger erupted all over Jesus.  I screamed at him, wanting to hurt him as badly as I hurt, and to my complete shock, he screamed back – his love.  And that’s how I learned to pray.  We began talking, and I let him have it, trying to be as blasphemous as possible, and he just laughed and said, “Finally!  You’re being honest with me.  Come on, let’s get in the mud and fight dirty.  I love to wrestle.”  And we did, and I didn’t always win, but I always wanted another round.</span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\"> </span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">You see, he wouldn’t give up on me.  What I didn’t realize was I hadn’t ever given up on him, either.  No matter what had gone wrong in my life, I was never alone, never abandoned by my God like so many other people had.  I discovered I couldn’t offend him – he hadn’t ever run off screaming or struck me by lightening, right?  And come to think of it, Jesus <em>had</em> done a lot for me.  I wasn’t in prison from killing someone while driving drunk.  I wasn’t dead, though I should have been.  Jesus had been working his <em>ass</em> off protecting me.  Why?  Because he loved me just as I was.  In fact, he made me just like I was, knowing how I’d turn out, which is totally insane.</span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\"> </span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">And then lightening really <em>did</em> strike – in my brain:  Jesus had been saving me all my life.  I didn’t have to <em>get</em> saved – I already <em>was.</em>  We shared a deep, personal relationship like I had with no one else.  I was loved and accepted unconditionally, which meant I didn’t have to pray right, have enough faith, act like Mother Teresa, or be someone I wasn’t.  Then lightening struck twice, and I realized it had been awhile since I’d done something self-destructive.  I was getting better at telling the truth, being kind, stuff like that.  I was starting to act like…..him.</span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\"> </span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">Last night we were talking outside in the carport, and I said, “I love you so much.  But what about the crucifixion?”  And Jesus said, “Don’t worry about it.  I’ve got you covered.”</span>\r\n\r\n&nbsp;','What If Jesus Didn\'t Die For Me?','','inherit','open','open','','1760-revision-2','','','2011-11-03 07:44:43','2011-11-03 14:44:43','',1760,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/03/1760-revision-2/',0,'revision','',0),(1782,1,'2011-11-03 15:09:08','2011-11-03 22:09:08','&nbsp;\r\n\r\nby Joy Wilson\r\n\r\nHe sat in a red chair and watched while I was raped.  I was only four, but I knew who he was.  Jesus didn’t do anything but speak into my mind, over and over, “I’m right here.  I’m not going anywhere.  You’re going to be OK.”  And I believed him as I slid into darkness from pain and suffocation.\r\n\r\nThe incest went on for years, and Jesus stayed with me, more like a stray dog than God.  He followed me into bars and hotel rooms with strangers, in and out of church, through three divorce hearings, into alcoholic blackouts.  Sometimes I appreciated his company; sometimes I just wished he would leave me alone.  Often I took him for granted, but I always knew he was there, as real as I was.\r\n\r\nAlong the way, our relationship got messed up when church told me that Jesus did things for those who believed, for those who asked in faith, for those who followed him.  I couldn’t figure out the “follow” part because we always traveled side by side.  But what about “faith”?  I had believed Jesus from the very beginning.  He did what he said he’d do:  never leave.  But what about everything else in my life?  He hadn’t stopped the rapes, kept me out of trouble, helped me get sober.  Whose fault was that?  Apparently mine.  I didn’t have enough faith or pray right or behave enough or or or.\r\n\r\nThen I heard that “All things are possible with God.”  Except for me.  It seemed like my Stray Dog God shrugged his shoulders as if to say, “Sure, I can do anything, but for you?”  Silence.  I knew I could never go to All Saints Academy.  If I got into heaven, which was questionable, my crown would come from Burger King with painted paper jewels.  And the crucifixion story – all that gore and torture made me shudder.  I’d had too much abuse for too long.  Instead of making me feel connected with a fellow sufferer, I fled in revulsion.  If being “washed in the blood of the Lamb” was required for salvation, well…..I couldn’t do that or go there.  I was already lost.  Now I had to stay lost.\r\n\r\nSo what did that make Jesus for me?  A partner in crime, like the guy at the wheel in the getaway car while I robbed the bank?  Or was he my little friend who let me play with his toys until it was time for him to go home to his Daddy?  Was Jesus on loan to me until I died and went…….where?  I didn’t know, but I was getting really pissed off.  I had a useless God on my hands whom I loved and hated at the same time, and I didn’t know what to do with him.\r\n\r\nThe day came when my years of compressed pain and anger erupted all over Jesus.  I screamed at him, wanting to hurt him as badly as I hurt, and to my complete shock, he screamed back – his love.  And that’s how I learned to pray.  We began talking, and I let him have it, trying to be as blasphemous as possible, and he just laughed and said, “Finally!  You’re being honest with me.  Come on, let’s get in the mud and fight dirty.  I love to wrestle.”  And we did, and I didn’t always win, but I always wanted another round.\r\n\r\nYou see, he wouldn’t give up on me.  What I didn’t realize was I hadn’t ever given up on him, either.  No matter what had gone wrong in my life, I was never alone, never abandoned by my God like so many other people had.  I discovered I couldn’t offend him – he hadn’t ever run off screaming or struck me by lightening, right?  And come to think of it, Jesus had done a lot for me.  I wasn’t in prison from killing someone while driving drunk.  I wasn’t dead, though I should have been.  Jesus had been working his ass off protecting me.  Why?  Because he loved me just as I was.  In fact, he made me just like I was, knowing how I’d turn out, which is totally insane.\r\n\r\nAnd then lightening really did strike – in my brain:  Jesus had been saving me all my life.  I didn’t have to get saved – I already was.  We shared a deep, personal relationship like I had with no one else.  I was loved and accepted unconditionally, which meant I didn’t have to pray right, have enough faith, act like Mother Teresa, or be someone I wasn’t.  Then lightening struck twice, and I realized it had been awhile since I’d done something self-destructive.  I was getting better at telling the truth, being kind, stuff like that.  I was starting to act like…..him.\r\n\r\nLast night we were talking outside in the carport, and I said, “I love you so much.  But what about the crucifixion?”  And Jesus said, “Don’t worry about it.  I’ve got you covered.”','What If Jesus Didn\'t Die For Me?','','inherit','open','open','','1760-revision-4','','','2011-11-03 15:09:08','2011-11-03 22:09:08','',1760,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/03/1760-revision-4/',0,'revision','',0),(1764,1,'2011-11-03 15:08:02','2011-11-03 22:08:02','&nbsp;\n\nby Joy Wilson\n\nHe sat in a red chair and watched while I was raped.  I was only four, but I knew who he was.  Jesus didn’t do anything but speak into my mind, over and over, “I’m right here.  I’m not going anywhere.  You’re going to be OK.”  And I believed him as I slid into darkness from pain and suffocation.\n\nThe incest went on for years, and Jesus stayed with me, more like a stray dog than God.  He followed me into bars and hotel rooms with strangers, in and out of church, through three divorce hearings, into alcoholic blackouts.  Sometimes I appreciated his company; sometimes I just wished he would leave me alone.  Often I took him for granted, but I always knew he was there, as real as I was.\n\nAlong the way, our relationship got messed up when church told me that Jesus did things for those who believed, for those who asked in faith, for those who followed him.  I couldn’t figure out the “follow” part because we always traveled side by side.  But what about “faith”?  I had believed Jesus from the very beginning.  He did what he said he’d do:  never leave.  But what about everything else in my life?  He hadn’t stopped the rapes, kept me out of trouble, helped me get sober.  Whose fault was that?  Apparently mine.  I didn’t have enough faith or pray right or behave enough or or or.\n\nThen I heard that “All things are possible with God.”  Except for me.  It seemed like my Stray Dog God shrugged his shoulders as if to say, “Sure, I can do anything, but for you?”  Silence.  I knew I could never go to All Saints Academy.  If I got into heaven, which was questionable, my crown would come from Burger King with painted paper jewels.  And the crucifixion story – all that gore and torture made me shudder.  I’d had too much abuse for too long.  Instead of making me feel connected with a fellow sufferer, I fled in revulsion.  If being “washed in the blood of the Lamb” was required for salvation, well…..I couldn’t do that or go there.  I was already lost.  Now I had to stay lost.\n\nSo what did that make Jesus for me?  A partner in crime, like the guy at the wheel in the getaway car while I robbed the bank?  Or was he my little friend who let me play with his toys until it was time for him to go home to his Daddy?  Was Jesus on loan to me until I died and went…….where?  I didn’t know, but I was getting really pissed off.  I had a useless God on my hands whom I loved and hated at the same time, and I didn’t know what to do with him.\n\nThe day came when my years of compressed pain and anger erupted all over Jesus.  I screamed at him, wanting to hurt him as badly as I hurt, and to my complete shock, he screamed back – his love.  And that’s how I learned to pray.  We began talking, and I let him have it, trying to be as blasphemous as possible, and he just laughed and said, “Finally!  You’re being honest with me.  Come on, let’s get in the mud and fight dirty.  I love to wrestle.”  And we did, and I didn’t always win, but I always wanted another round.\n\nYou see, he wouldn’t give up on me.  What I didn’t realize was I hadn’t ever given up on him, either.  No matter what had gone wrong in my life, I was never alone, never abandoned by my God like so many other people had.  I discovered I couldn’t offend him – he hadn’t ever run off screaming or struck me by lightening, right?  And come to think of it, Jesus had done a lot for me.  I wasn’t in prison from killing someone while driving drunk.  I wasn’t dead, though I should have been.  Jesus had been working his ass off protecting me.  Why?  Because he loved me just as I was.  In fact, he made me just like I was, knowing how I’d turn out, which is totally insane.\n\nAnd then lightening really did strike – in my brain:  Jesus had been saving me all my life.  I didn’t have to get saved – I already was.  We shared a deep, personal relationship like I had with no one else.  I was loved and accepted unconditionally, which meant I didn’t have to pray right, have enough faith, act like Mother Teresa, or be someone I wasn’t.  Then lightening struck twice, and I realized it had been awhile since I’d done something self-destructive.  I was getting better at telling the truth, being kind, stuff like that.  I was starting to act like…..him.\n\nLast night we were talking outside in the carport, and I said, “I love you so much.  But what about the crucifixion?”  And Jesus said, “Don’t worry about it.  I’ve got you covered.”','What If Jesus Didn\'t Die For Me?','','inherit','open','open','','1760-autosave','','','2011-11-03 15:08:02','2011-11-03 22:08:02','',1760,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/03/1760-autosave/',0,'revision','',0),(1781,1,'2011-11-03 07:46:27','2011-11-03 14:46:27','<strong><span style=\"font-size: small\"><span style=\"font-family: Calibri\">What If Jesus Didn’t Die For Me?</span></span></strong>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">by Joy Wilson</span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\"> </span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">He sat in a red chair and watched while I was raped.  I was only four, but I knew who he was.  Jesus didn’t do anything but speak into my mind, over and over, “I’m right here.  I’m not going anywhere.  You’re going to be OK.”  And I believed him as I slid into darkness from pain and suffocation.</span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\"> </span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">The incest went on for years, and Jesus stayed with me, more like a stray dog than God.  He followed me into bars and hotel rooms with strangers, in and out of church, through three divorce hearings, into alcoholic blackouts.  Sometimes I appreciated his company; sometimes I just wished he would leave me alone.  Often I took him for granted, but I always knew he was there, as real as I was.</span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\"> </span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">Along the way, our relationship got messed up when church told me that Jesus <em>did</em> things for those who believed, for those who asked in faith, for those who followed him.  I couldn’t figure out the “follow” part because we always traveled side by side.  But what about “faith”?  I had believed Jesus from the very beginning.  He did what he said he’d do:  never leave.  But what about everything else in my life?  He hadn’t stopped the rapes, kept me out of trouble, helped me get sober.  Whose fault was that?  Apparently mine.  I didn’t have enough faith or pray right or behave enough or or or.</span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\"> </span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">Then I heard that “All things are possible with God.”  Except for me.  It seemed like my Stray Dog God shrugged his shoulders as if to say, “Sure, I can do anything, but for you?”  Silence.  I knew I could never go to All Saints Academy.  If I got into heaven, which was questionable, my crown would come from Burger King with painted paper jewels.  And the crucifixion story – all that gore and torture made me shudder.  I’d had too much abuse for too long.  Instead of making me feel connected with a fellow sufferer, I fled in revulsion.  If being “washed in the blood of the Lamb” was required for salvation, well…..I couldn’t do that or go there.  I was already lost.  Now I had to stay lost.</span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\"> </span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">So what did that make Jesus for me?  A partner in crime, like the guy at the wheel in the getaway car while I robbed the bank?  Or was he my little friend who let me play with his toys until it was time for him to go home to his Daddy?  Was Jesus on loan to me until I died and went…….where?  I didn’t know, but I was getting really pissed off.  I had a useless God on my hands whom I loved and hated at the same time, and I didn’t know what to do with him.</span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\"> </span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">The day came when my years of compressed pain and anger erupted all over Jesus.  I screamed at him, wanting to hurt him as badly as I hurt, and to my complete shock, he screamed back – his love.  And that’s how I learned to pray.  We began talking, and I let him have it, trying to be as blasphemous as possible, and he just laughed and said, “Finally!  You’re being honest with me.  Come on, let’s get in the mud and fight dirty.  I love to wrestle.”  And we did, and I didn’t always win, but I always wanted another round.</span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\"> </span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">You see, he wouldn’t give up on me.  What I didn’t realize was I hadn’t ever given up on him, either.  No matter what had gone wrong in my life, I was never alone, never abandoned by my God like so many other people had.  I discovered I couldn’t offend him – he hadn’t ever run off screaming or struck me by lightening, right?  And come to think of it, Jesus <em>had</em> done a lot for me.  I wasn’t in prison from killing someone while driving drunk.  I wasn’t dead, though I should have been.  Jesus had been working his <em>ass</em> off protecting me.  Why?  Because he loved me just as I was.  In fact, he made me just like I was, knowing how I’d turn out, which is totally insane.</span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\"> </span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">And then lightening really <em>did</em> strike – in my brain:  Jesus had been saving me all my life.  I didn’t have to <em>get</em> saved – I already <em>was.</em>  We shared a deep, personal relationship like I had with no one else.  I was loved and accepted unconditionally, which meant I didn’t have to pray right, have enough faith, act like Mother Teresa, or be someone I wasn’t.  Then lightening struck twice, and I realized it had been awhile since I’d done something self-destructive.  I was getting better at telling the truth, being kind, stuff like that.  I was starting to act like…..him.</span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\"> </span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Calibri;font-size: small\">Last night we were talking outside in the carport, and I said, “I love you so much.  But what about the crucifixion?”  And Jesus said, “Don’t worry about it.  I’ve got you covered.”</span>\r\n\r\n&nbsp;','What If Jesus Didn\'t Die For Me?','','inherit','open','open','','1760-revision-3','','','2011-11-03 07:46:27','2011-11-03 14:46:27','',1760,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/03/1760-revision-3/',0,'revision','',0),(1765,1,'2011-11-01 13:30:06','2011-11-01 20:30:06','In some way, we\'ve all been on one side or another of that phrase.  Chances are good that you\'ve said it to your parents at some point in your life.  And, if you\'re a parent, chances are even better that it\'s been said to you.  Most of the time, we use it to blow-off someone we\'re tired of dealing with, a nice way of saying \"I\'m tired of wasting my time trying to convince someone as thick as you, so I\'m done\".  Trust me, I\'m not trying to blow anyone off, here.  I said it because, in the case of the Occupy protests, it fits.  I\'m sure you\'re wondering, \"Is he talking about me?\"  Maybe, it depends on who you are.  If you\'re a young adult burdened with excessive college debt, a former home owner who got burned in the collapse of the housing bubble, an unemployed (or under-employed) individual who\'s struggling to make ends meet, or any other person whose situation has been adversely affected by the current economy, no, I\'m not talking about you. You most certainly <em>get it.</em>  If you\'re younger, say under 30, and make extensive use of social media, I\'m probably not talking about you, either.  If, however, you\'re an older person, especially my generation (I\'m 50), still own your own home, have a little money in the bank, a retirement account, maybe even have enough extra to invest, I <em>am</em> talking about you.  All too many people my age don\'t get what\'s going on with the Occupy protests.  Even though most of us are at least old enough to remember the counterculture movement of the 60\'s, this new thing is different.  It freaks us out and we just want it to go away.\r\n\r\nIt\'s different because it hits in that most vulnerable spot: the pocketbook.  In 1968, we had nothing invested in the system, so changing it didn\'t really bother us.  That\'s not that the case anymore.  Like our parents and grandparents forty-three years ago, we\'re the ones benefitting from the status quo.  Because of that, most of my peer group has had less than good things to say about the phenomenon occurring on Wall Street and across the country.  Most seem to think the protesters are clueless rich kids sitting around bitching about capitalism on their iPhones and computers; things produced by the very thing they\'re against.  Just a few days ago, in my Sunday school class, someone said the protesters weren\'t poor because they didn\'t have jobs, yet they were equipped with all sorts of electronics and such.  Someone else suggested if they really wanted to help the poor, they should go volunteer in a shelter or something.  They just didn\'t get it.  The fact is these protests aren\'t about hand outs for poor people; which, let\'s face it, are band aids at best.  They\'re about fixing a broken economic system so hand outs won\'t be necessary.  Evidently, that\'s a hard concept to grasp when your job is relatively secure, your bills are caught up and you\'re not on the ragged edge of foreclosure.\r\n\r\nFor some reason, whether it\'s fear, loathing or apathy, too many Americans don\'t understand what\'s happening all over America.  Fear because, if this catches on, we might not be able to keep all our money.  Apathy because fixing something as big and broken as the economy is hard and it\'s so much easier to ignore it.  Loathing because people seem to think the protesters are a collection of wannabe hippies, commies, anarchists and general nut jobs that want our stuff.  They\'re right about the first two; it is going to be hard to fix this broken, corrupt system and, yes, it\'s going to require some sacrifice on our part.  As for who\'s doing the protesting, listen to what Bill Maher said on his show, <em>Real Time</em>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"These people down there, they\'re not the counter-culture.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"They\'re the culture.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"They don\'t want free love, they want paid employment.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"They don\'t hate capitalism, they hate what\'s been done to it.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"And they resent the Republican mantra that the market perfectly rewards the hardworking and punishes the lazy.  And the poor are just jealous moochers who want a hand out.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><em>\"Yeah, cuz if there\'s one group of people who hate hand outs it\'s Wall Street.\"</em></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left\"> Now, there\'s someone who <em>gets it</em>.</p>','You Just Don\'t Understand','','inherit','open','open','','1476-revision-16','','','2011-11-01 13:30:06','2011-11-01 20:30:06','',1476,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1476-revision-16/',0,'revision','',0),(1766,1,'2011-11-03 08:33:32','2011-11-03 15:33:32','','205056_7001','','inherit','open','open','','205056_7001','','','2011-11-03 08:33:32','2011-11-03 15:33:32','',1627,'http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/205056_7001.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1767,1,'2011-10-31 19:41:26','2011-11-01 02:41:26','I was just listening to an interview with <a href=\"http://dougpagitt.com/\" target=\"_blank\">Doug Pagitt</a> on the <a href=\"http://homebrewedchristianity.com\" target=\"_blank\">Homebrewed Christianity podcast</a>, and he was talking about how the dominant narrative for Christendom prior to recent decades was one of moving from “being lost” to “being found.”  This is illustrated well by the extensive familiarly you find in the West with songs like “Amazing Grace”… “I once was blind by now I see.”  This idea was, and for many perhaps still is, the dominant thinking about religion in general and Christianity in particular.  What Pagitt suggests is that in today\'s cultural climate, which he calls “the inventive age” (see his latest books with this phrase in the title <a href=\"http://www.amazon.com/Church-Inventive-Age-Christianity-Now/dp/1451400853/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1320097483&amp;sr=1-1\" target=\"_blank\">here</a>), people in North America are more likely to have conversions for “aha” to “uh-oh” than from “I don’t know” to “aha.”  Pagitt is not saying, however, that these people are all saying goodbye to their Christian faith.  He makes a distinction between the current context as a post-Christian era vs. post-Church era, arguing for the latter more so than the former.\r\n\r\nIn many ways, I find this to be true in my own experience.  It’s not a new story; I hear it frequently.  Like Pagitt, my faith background is largely that of conservative evangelicalism.  For those who can relate, what’s funny about the way this story usually goes for people is that we started singing “Amazing Grace” so early, it\'s hard to remember a time when we were ever “lost.”  I didn\'t have time to get lost!  By my baptism at age ten, I don’t even know how many times I had already prayed for Jesus to come into my heart.  During high school and most of college, if I did any reading related to difficult theological questions, it was usually to seek out confirmation for what were already my solidified doctrinal presuppositions.  After college and partly during seminary though, I went through a challenging season of having many of my assumptions questioned . . . in some ways I may have been too open-minded for my own good.  Nonetheless, I experienced what I guess could be called a second-conversion – a conversion to <em>not</em> knowing.  It\'s a conversion to a place of frustration with preconceived boundaries and filters.  I don’t think I would ever have called myself agnostic; nor would I fit into the popular category of “spiritual but not religious.”  But a fundamental paradigm shift definitely took place, and it has deeply affected my worldview.  It wasn\'t just about the creeds of orthodoxy.  My transformation touched the political, economic and cultural.  Nor was it about left and right - while there may have been implication there.  The product is unfinished, and there’s a combined sense of both liberty and estrangement as a result.  In some respects I still confess the faith of my upbringing, but its significance for me has evolved substantially.  I sometimes wonder how this fits into the rubric for discipleship.  Maybe I’m off course a bit? Maybe I’ve learned how to be a little more honest and gracious toward myself and other people.  Most importantly perhaps, the journey doesn’t have to end at this point, and having conversation with others about it might be the doorway to the next chapter.\r\n\r\nDespite my resonance with Pagitt’s thesis, I do have some doubts about its soundness insofar as it’s superimposed on American culture writ large.  To what extent do others really relate to this, and to what extent is it more of a sub-cultural, Bible-belt phenomenon as a result of things like the information revolution, hipster Christian trends, and environmental changes in the bourgeoning stages of young adulthood?  In addition, this narrative might also just nicely follow the typical stages of faith development - rules, doctrine, doubt, mature belief (or second naivete) - but for some reason I\'m not sure.  Maybe I just want to feel more special than that :)  The <a href=\"http://www.emergentvillage.com/\" target=\"_blank\">Emergent Church movement</a> (with which Pagitt is associated) has sometimes been accused of being too ethnically and culturally insular, of being composed primarily of middle-class folks.  Whether this is fair, would it necessarily take away from the legitimacy of this testimony for a portion of North American Christians like myself?\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://peterrollins.net/\" target=\"_blank\">Peter Rollins </a>talks a lot about a <a href=\"http://www.amazon.com/Fidelity-Betrayal-Towards-Church-Beyond/dp/1557255601\" target=\"_blank\">church “beyond belief”</a>.  We have our differences, but what Pete proposes seems to me to be striking a chord with a lot disenchanted would-be Jesus followers.  In order to do or be much of anything, a community certainly needs belief.  Going beyond belief doesn’t mean doing away with it or even changing it – though change might happen.  Moving beyond belief means changing <em>how</em> we believe.  Do we believe primarily with epistemology (knowledge) or ontology (being)? Do we lead with confession or action?  Do our beliefs first comfort or direct us?  Which kind of belief did Jesus embrace?  Maybe it\'s not always either/or.  Dark days require consolation.  But what does belief look like for privileged citizens in the land of plenty and power?  This is one of the main questions I hope to explore here, especially with regard to the responsibility that churches have in light of this belief.','From \"aha\" to \"uh-oh,\" and then what?','','inherit','open','open','','1627-revision-8','','','2011-10-31 19:41:26','2011-11-01 02:41:26','',1627,'http://provoketive.com/2011/10/31/1627-revision-8/',0,'revision','',0),(1771,1,'2011-11-01 14:29:59','2011-11-01 21:29:59','<p style=\"text-align: justify\">My wife and I were married in March 2007.  In the months and years leading up to the wedding, one subject was discussed more frequently than money, personality quirks, or food preferences.  Parenting.  We knew that if we weren’t on the same page when it came to parenting a blended family, our relationship both as parents and spouses would suffer.</p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">At the time we were married, my daughters were 11 and 8, and her son was 5.  During the time we were dating, our relationship with the kids was, outside of normal parenting issues, relatively stress free.  However, once we were married, my daughters turned on Charlotte.  All of a sudden she and Jake were permanent members of the family and the girls realized that they would not have Dad all to themselves anymore.</p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">This change in their behavior caught us completely off-guard.  We thought we had prepared them well for this change and included all three children as part of the wedding service to emphasize that this wedding wasn’t just about us, but them as well.</p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">Fortunately, Charlotte and I had spent many months talking about parenting styles, expectations, and even discipline standards, which lessened the chaos that ensued following the wedding.  Over the last 4+ years people have asked us for advice about parenting stepchildren and we’ve managed to distill it down into a few simple rules:</p>\r\n1. Get On The Same Page\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">Nothing will create stress in a marriage than two parents who are not on the same page.  Disagreements over parenting styles, discipline standards, etc., will eventually become full-blown arguments when mixed with the stress of parenting.  Be sure the two of you work out any differences before you decide to get married and become a family.</p>\r\n2. Stay United\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">Children love to play one parent off the other.  This is often taken to a whole other level when either the parents are divorced or in blended families.  It is vitally important to stay united in the face of the inevitable cries of “You’re not my <em>real</em> Mom/Dad”.</p>\r\n3. Respect Is Non-Negotiable\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">When parents remarry, children will automatically assume that the new adult is attempting to take the place of the other parent.  This generates a natural level of animosity between stepparent and stepchild(ren).  In our house, I’ve explained this to my girls, telling them that they don’t have to love Charlotte, they don’t even have to like her, but as the other adult in the house, they do have to respect her.</p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"> 4. Avoid Even The Appearance Of Favoritism</p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\"> It is only natural that, at times, the stepparent will favor their natural child, even unintentionally.  When these situations arise, be sure to communicate your observations in a non‑confrontational manner.  Whatever you do, <strong>do not discuss this in front of the other child(ren).</strong>  Find a time to discuss the issue later or, if this is impractical, ask the other parent to speak to you behind closed doors.  Just the appearance of favoritism can lead to resentment, not only between the stepchild(ren) and the stepparent, but between husband and wife as well.</p>\r\n5. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">Above all else, keep the lines of communication open.  Give the stepchild(ren) a safe place to come and talk, respectfully, about their feelings about the stepparent.  Talk with your spouse often and ask if there’s anything that you need to discuss with your natural children.  But most of all, keep talking to each other and to the children.</p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify\">Parenting in a blended family presents its own unique set of challenges.  These five simple rules are not intended to be all-inclusive, and each blended family is unique.  They are simply intended to provide a simple, stable, consistent foundation for developing healthy parent-child and parent-parent relationships.</p>','5 Simple Rules For Parenting Blended Families','','inherit','open','open','','1685-revision-3','','','2011-11-01 14:29:59','2011-11-01 21:29:59','',1685,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/01/1685-revision-3/',0,'revision','',0),(1772,1,'2011-11-03 08:39:34','2011-11-03 15:39:34','I have conversations with my 12 year old that I\'m sure most dads don\'t have with theirs.\r\n\r\nAbigail, my 12 year old, tells me almost everything. I feel blessed about that, too. I\'m sure one day, she will probably keep certain things to herself, but right now, she tells me every little tidbit - from her homework to her circle of friends and even her girly stuff. I love it all.\r\n\r\nRight now, she\'s a daddy\'s girl and I\'m very happy. It hasn\'t been easy on her, I\'m sure, being a kid in a divorced family, but she\'s amazingly resilient.\r\n\r\nLast night, she opened up to me about one of her friends at school she was having problems with. Her friend \"Talia\" and her had made several \"deals\" over the past few weeks. Abigail and Talia had agreed to swap items on several occasions. Abigail had kept up her end of the bargain, but Talia had not. I walked into Abigail\'s room and she was feverishly texting Talia about keeping up her end of the bargain. She was on the verge of tears.\r\n\r\n\"What\'s going on, sweetheart?\" I asked.\r\n\r\n\"I gave Talia a little ring I had and she was supposed to swap me for a bracelet she owned. She never gave it to me. It\'s been over a week and she keeps putting me off. It\'s not the first time either,\" Abigail explained as she texted.\r\n\r\nI know Talia pretty well. She\'s had some rough life issues over the past couple of years and she and and Abigail have become close. Abigail has been good for her and Talia has been good for Abigail.\r\n\r\n\"Why do you think that is?\" I asked Abigail.\r\n\r\nAbigail sent the text to Talia explaining that she expected Talia to give her the bracelet soon. \"I don\'t know, Daddy. It makes me feel bad. It makes me feel like she\'s using me.\"\r\n\r\nI sat next to Abigail on her bed, struggling for the right words to say, as parents often do. \"That may be the case sweetheart, from the way you see it. She\'s done it more than once, right?\"\r\n\r\nShe started crying some. \"Yes, it\'s so frustrating. She\'s taken things of mine but never held up her end of the bargain. I try to be so nice to her.\"\r\n\r\n\"Abigail, it\'s possible that Talia doesn\'t know that she\'s using you. She may be doing this and not be aware that it\'s a problem for her. She may not know how bad it hurts you.\"\r\n\r\n\"How can she not know? It does hurt!\" Abigail said hugging me.\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/daddau.jpg\"><img class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-1654\" style=\"margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px;\" src=\"http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/daddau-300x205.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"205\" /></a>\"Sweetie, all of us have things we do that we may not know irritate other people. It\'s strange. We all have behaviors that bother people and until we get called out on it, we aren\'t aware.\"\r\n\r\n\"What do you mean?\" she asked.\r\n\r\n\"Well, I\'m really sarcastic sometimes and I\'m not aware of it. Some people think I\'m being mean, but it\'s just my personality. Until someone says something I don\'t even know I\'m doing it,\" I said.\r\n\r\n\"Oh, yeah,\" Abigail said. \"That\'s for sure.\"\r\n\r\n\"You know what though?\" I said. \"Talia is a good friend isn\'t she?\"\r\n\r\n\"Yeah,\" she said.\r\n\r\n\"Jesus loves us despite our problems. He looks at us, despite our faults and loves us completely. Good friends are hard to find. The best thing you can do is to love your friend despite her fault.\"\r\n\r\n\"But Daddy, that\'s hard to do,\" Abigail said. \"I really just want to go to school tomorrow and be mad at her. I want to ignore her and not talk to her. Do you know what that\'s like?\"\r\n\r\n\"Oh boy, do I,\" I said. I thought for a moment. A long moment. \"That bracelet that Talia has, how much is it?\"\r\n\r\n\"Oh, it\'s $15,\" she said.\r\n\r\nMy mind went to my checkbook for a moment. This economy stinks. For everyone. Times are tough for me like they\'re tough for everyone. But just as soon as my mind went to my checkbook, it went to Matthew 5 - \"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.\" I went to my drawer to my emergency cash. And there wasn\'t much there. I took out a $20 bill and gave it to Abigail.\r\n\r\nI said, \"Listen, this is for you to buy one of those bracelets. Talia is a great friend. And part of being a friend is looking past their faults. Maybe being a friend to Talia is that you shouldn\'t make deals with her anymore. Tomorrow, when you go to school, make it a new day. Don\'t worry about the deals you\'ve made in the past. Just be her friend, okay?\"\r\n\r\nThe tears had stopped. Not because she had become $20 richer, but because she didn\'t have to worry about the burden of the bracelet anymore.\r\n\r\n\"Oh, Daddy, thank you,\" she said as she hugged me. \"You\'re right. She is my friend. We all have things we do that we need to look over. I won\'t make deals with her anymore. I\'m not even going to mention anything about it to her again.\"\r\n\r\nI hugged her back, \"That\'s what daddies do. They fix things.\"\r\n\r\nAnd that\'s what Jesus does. He fixes us, looks past our faults, loves us for who we are, removes the barriers and takes away the pain.','Preteens, Peacemaking and Parenting','','inherit','open','open','','1652-revision-3','','','2011-11-03 08:39:34','2011-11-03 15:39:34','',1652,'http://provoketive.com/2011/11/03/1652-revision-3/',0,'revision','',0),