<em>This is the last post in a my series about <a href="http://www.allyspotts.com/sex1">physical boundaries</a>. The post went out in my newsletter last week but several of you missed it so I'm being nice and giving you a second opportunity to read it here. </em>

If you think that you can entertain lust in a dating relationship (or as a single person) and stop when you get married you’re in line for a rude awakening. Lust does not have a light switch.

Some of you know this. Your trigger response is lust and you’ve tried to turn it off and it hasn’t worked.

<em>You’re addicted to porn. </em>

<em>You’ve tried to stop hooking up with guys but it hasn’t worked.</em>

<em>You can’t fall asleep without masturbating.</em>

<em>You can’t keep your hands out of your girlfriend/boyfriend’s pants.</em>

You think this will go away when you get married? It won’t. There is not a magic button that turns lust off when you walk down the aisle. If you want to get rid of your lustful thoughts and feelings you have to decide you’re going to do it now.
<h4><strong>Wouldn’t you rather get rid of these thoughts and feelings before you get married?</strong></h4>
You have a choice. Do you want to get rid of lust <em>now</em> or <em>later</em>? What if I told you that the faster you got rid of your lustful thoughts the more quickly you would have a really satisfying sex life with your spouse? What then?

Don’t try to manage your lust or moderate it. Lust is not manageable. You can’t “sort of” get rid of lust. You have to decide to kill it completely.

If you don’t kill lust, lust will kill you.

<em>I promise. </em>

I once had a friend tell me that whatever you feed lives and whatever you starve dies. Do not feed your lust. Kill it.

Looking at pornography <em>feeds</em> your lust. Masturbating <em>feeds</em> your lust. Silently ranking guys or girls you see on the street, or undressing them with your eyes, or messing around with them outside of a married relationship feeds your lust.

Pushing the boundaries with your boyfriend or girlfriend feeds your lust.

Lust is incredibly self-serving. It is also self-destructive.
<h4><strong>If you’re asking yourself “how far can we go?” your giving lust room to grow.</strong></h4>
Wouldn’t you rather kill lust now, while you’re dating, so that you can have a really satisfying sex life in marriage? Wouldn’t you rather kill lust now?

<strong>There’s a difference between lust and sexual passion.</strong>

Sexual passion should exist in your relationship - even if you’re only dating. If you don’t feel passion in a sexual way toward your significant other you should ask yourself if you’re really interested in marrying that person.

Sexual passion is not a bad thing. Sex is a gift from God. Sexuality is healthy. The difference between lust and sexual passion is that you have control over your sexuality.

That’s why it says in Song of Solomon: “Do not arouse or awaken love before it is time.”

You get to decide when to arouse sexual passions and when to put them to sleep. That’s now what it’s like with lust. You’ve been controlled by your lust but when you put lust to sleep, you control your sexuality. It does not control you!

<em>Did you catch that?</em>
<h4><strong>You control your sexual desire. It does not control you. </strong></h4>
It’s like a craving for good food. Your body craves food and that’s a good thing. If you never got hungry you’d wonder if something was wrong with you.

But when you get hungry you get to choose when you eat and when you don’t. You make decisions about what kind of food to put in your body.

Are you going to choose good food? Don’t satisfy yourself with a McDonald’s cheeseburger when there is a gourmet dinner waiting for you just around the corner. Stop asking yourself, “how far can I go” to manage your hunger.

<em>Let yourself be hungry. Hunger is a good thing. The gourmet dinner will taste even better. </em>