<em>This is the third post in the Series: Why Are Christians Saving Sex For Marriage.</em>
<h3>I’ve interviewed hundreds of married couples over the past 12 months.</h3>
They say the same thing about marriage: “Friendship is the most important aspect of our relationship. Don’t marry someone unless they are your best friend.”

Sex creates passion and romance in a relationship but when sex enters the picture friendship takes second best. And for good reason.
<h4><strong><img class="alignleft" src="http://www.allyspotts.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Screen-shot-2011-10-11-at-12.37.27-PM-200x300.png" alt="" width="200" height="300" />Sex is fun. It was designed that way. We’re supposed to enjoy it.</strong></h4>
Sex in addition to friendship creates a really lasting bond in a relationship - one that is hard to break. Sex without friendship is fragile and explosive. It’s like an expensive vase set on an unsteady table. Just give it the slightest bump and it will tumble and break.

<strong>Don’t just disagree with me. Think about it.</strong>

Remember the last one night stand that you had? Even if it wasn’t sex? What did you feel when you “hooked up” with someone outside of relationship? Secure and steady? Or uncomfortable and confused?

Strong boundaries create security in relationship - not chaos.

Friendship takes time to build. But dating gives you space to do it. Stop wasting energy asking yourself “how far is too far?” and use that energy to create space to grow friendship in your relationship.
<h4><strong>The bigger space you create the faster friendship grows. And the sooner you can get to the good stuff.</strong></h4>
<em>Kidding. Kind of.</em>

<em>Friends</em> laugh together and play.

<em>Friends</em> talk about things that matter to them. Fears and frustrations. The things that make them hopeful and excited.

<em>Friends</em> communicate with each other even when they're angry. They work through difficult conflict.

<em>Friends</em> assume the best about each other.

<em>Friends</em> learn about each other through shared experiences. They celebrate accomplishments.

<em>Friends</em> know the best and the worst parts of each other. They demonstrate love even when it's difficult.

<em>Friends</em> <a title="It Builds Trust: Why Are Christians Waiting for Marriage for Sex? Part 2 of 6" href="http://www.allyspotts.com/waiting-for-marriage-2">trust one another</a>.
<h4>Friendship like this takes work to build.</h4>
Can you think of any friends you have like this? Give yourself time and space to build this kind of friendship. You'll be glad you did.

If you’re having a hard time redirecting your sexual energy don’t be discouraged. That’s a good thing. That means you’re human and you like each other. And when you’ve gone to a certain place physically it’s really hard not to go back.

<strong>But don’t try to be a super hero. No one is expecting you to be that strong. Create boundaries will help you to accomplish your objective.</strong>

Hang out in groups. Go out on dates. Don’t stay in. Ask people to hold you accountable and ask you hard questions. Don’t try to manage your actions or justify them. Admit you were wrong and ask for help.

Laugh. Talk. Play games.

Be friends first.