Victim.

Think about that word for a minute. What does it bring to mind? Do you picture someone who has been attacked or brutalized or otherwise harmed? Does it bring about feelings of empathy or compassion, or a drive to help them? Or does the word “victim” make you think of someone who blames everyone else for their hardships, a weak, whiny pathetic example of a human being? Do you feel irritation and apathy, rather than empathy?
If you think the latter, you may have been a victim yourself- an unknowing victim of a “spin”, that is. It happens every day in business and politics: those with power fear losing it, and any voice crying of injustice or dissent is a threat to that power that must be silenced. So, how is that done? Simple: spin the facts so as to push the blame on the victim. And if that can’t be done, then bully or coerce them into silence.
This doesn’t just happen in politics and the business world—sadly, it’s just as rampant in the Church and the Body of Christ. If we hurt a fellow brother or sister in Christ and that person cries out, do we sincerely apologize? Or, do we give them the hallow: "I'm sorry you took offense”, which, come one, that’s not an apology; it’s an accusation. Never mind (quote about not giving offense unnecessarily). If the offender or abuser happens to be a minister or in Church leadership, the victim is often instructed to be silent even if their hurt is obviously legitimate, because speaking out against leadership is not only a sign of rebellion and authority issues, but it’s also the big no-no: "touching the Lord's anointed." This teaching about not touching the Lord’s anointed comes from 1 Samuel, where David is referring to King Saul, but it is completely taken out of context to support this doctrine of silence. David isn’t saying that he shouldn’t speak out against the wrong that Saul has done, but rather that he cannot physically harm Saul (see 1 Samuel 24: 4-7; 26: 9-11). In fact, in both of those instances, David immediately goes on to publically rebuke Saul (see 24:8-13; 26:17-20).
Recently one church, Beaverton Grace Bible Church (BGBC) in Beaverton, Oregon, even went so far as to sue former disgruntled members for defamation, in order to further enforce the code of silence. The focus of the suit, as well as the publicity surrounding it, seemed to center on Julie Anne Smith, who blogs about her experience with spiritual abuse and BGBC at BCBG Survivors. On her blog, Julie Anne states that she created it after her negative Google reviews of BGBC were repeatedly deleted. It was at least in part because of the negative online reviews and Julie Anne's personal blog that the church brought about the defamation suit against her and four other former church members. However, while churches may try to silence their flocks, apparently they can't continue to do so when they decide to leave the fold; the judge dismissed the case on all counts, and even ordered BGBC to pay the defendants' court fees. Since gaining notoriety from the defamation suit, Julie Anne’s blog has now moved beyond a space simply to discuss her experiences at BGBC, into a platform to discuss spiritual abuse in the Church at large, as well as a community for those trying to heal from similar experiences.
During my time at a rather authoritarian ministry, which I wrote about in "The C Word", I regularly witnessed the head of the ministry openly mocking wounded and hurting people for their "victim mentality". It didn’t matter how legitimate the pain or hurt, you were simply told to "get over it". Furthermore, those who left the ministry and dared tell anyone about their bad experience were labeled as being in sin or having an offended spirit, or worse, being demon-possessed or down-right crazy. They regularly taught that speaking out against leadership was rebellious, and they relied heavily on the clobber verses in 1 Samuel that I mentioned previously. It was as though ministers were untouchable, accountable to God alone.
Apparently my former minister was more than a little miffed when he stumbled across my article about his ministry and some of my experiences there. But, my point in writing that article was not to damage him or the ministry. I never named the ministry in the article, the ministry’s name is not listed in my author biography, nor is it on the public profiles of any of my other social media site profiles. I even took great pains to try to remove any associations that could come up via web searches. My point was not to harm them, but to tell my story, and for good or ill (and despite my greatest attempts at erasing my history with them from my web presence), my experience there will always be a part of my story.
In the words of one of my favorite Christian writers, Anne Lamott, "You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should've behaved better." Telling your story can bring healing to yourself and to others who have suffered similarly. But also? You own it; it’s your story to tell. So tell it bravely, and tell it with grace.
What bothers me the most about victim-silencing and blaming is that it has become such a normal occurrence in the world and, more distressingly, in the Church. Is this really Christ's response to the wounded and victimized? To silence their voices and pat the backs of the oppressive church leadership? Hardly! Christ didn't tell the wounded to “get over it". He healed them. Christ didn't tell the oppressed and victimized to be quiet. Instead, he regularly confronted the oppressive Pharisees, the religious leaders who held the power. In fact, was it not the Pharisees that Jesus was the hardest on? And yet, who are we the hardest on?
This is not to say that there are times when pain both parties are to blame for things. And yes, even those who have been greatly harmed may possibly hold some responsibility in their pain. And we all have the responsibility to forgive. But at this point in time, the pendulum has swung too far; we are much quicker to side with the abuser than the victim. I mean, it’s easier to blame the victim, isn't it? There's no mess to clean up and no work for us to do, if they just need to get over it. But to comfort those who have been harmed and to seek justice where there is none? That is where the real work of love is. And in the end, is that not what God requires: to “do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8 NASB)?