While I understand your sentiment, I don't think people many times are asking the wrong question. I think people are getting the wrong answer. I don't think the question underneath "Can we dry hump?" and "What if I orgasm?" is "How much can we do without feeling guilty?" I think the actual question is "Where is the line?"

Think about it. While most people know very well not to insert the P into the V, there are no other distinct lines for anyone. Some strict families and sects believe that any touching before marriage is sinful. Others say that basically if you don't put tab A into slot B, you're fine. 

How do people determine the answer? I think generally, people WANT lines, want to obey, and want to uphold the principles they say they have in their lives. But in this case, when there are so many varying answers, how do you determine the line? I don't think it's a matter of people just trying to get around sticking to the principle, I think it's a matter of what it actually means, when you're alone with someone, to actually stick to the principle.

Does it just "feel wrong"? Do you wait to feel "convicted"? Do you avoid anything that makes you "want more"? Because frankly, there is nothing wrong with wanting more. Our bodies are wired for sex. It's biological, natural, and beautiful to want to be sexually engaged with another person. For me, just being across the room from a guy made me want more than just sitting across the room. So should I never be around guys? Should I only safely hold hands and get pecks on the cheek?

For me, growing up, I always wanted to follow that principle. Just show me the line and I'll stay behind it, God! But the fact of the matter is that there are not really any lines given. So how does one determine the line? Is the line, in all actuality, different for different couples? Or different people? Do you "just know"?

My point: people want to follow the rule, but first you have to tell the what the rule is!

This is different that something like "Thou shalt not murder." Don't kill people. Got it. Even contemplating is very shady and almost the same thing. Those are concrete, measurable items. "Don't have sex before marriage." Okay... So are all types of sex out? If yes, then how far does it go before it leaves the realm of making out or kissing and becoming sex? That's the question.

I know this is getting long, but this is really a sore point for me and something I'm rather passionate about.

The next thing is: so you don't have sex. I understand why the principle is there. It's to bond two people together and to have that special thing be the glue of the marriage that you only share with one person. That's all fine and good.

But what about being unprepared? When I got married I was TERRIFIED of having sex. I was told for so long that it's bad, that when it finally came time to do the deed, I couldn't even let go to enjoy myself even though I had fulfilled the marriage requirement.

I'm still wrestling with the questions and the feelings I had in the days before my wedding as a virgin: "Why would God want me to be scared and unprepared? Would he want it to hurt? Does he want me to be miserable for the foreseeable future because I wouldn't know what I want or how to fulfill the needs of my partner, and that my partner doesn't know those things either? I know sex isn't supposed to be good on the first go, but seriously, it just didn't seem like the end could justify the means."

I had a lot of friends who grew up in the same legalistic church I did. They stayed even purer than I did, and the struggles they had with this made them miserable and nearly broke their marriages. I'm not suggesting the "take the car for a drive before you buy it" thing necessarily. I'm also not saying that I think it should all be perfect and mind-blowing the moment you get married. But is the initial miserableness just the cost for the goodness later? Is that the point?

Maybe the solution is better sexual education and an encouragement for people to understand and not be afraid of their own bodies. That's the only way I can see this working. Otherwise, future pure couples are going to be in for a huge, unpleasant surprise when they find out movie-caliber sex doesn't just happen. 

Those questions really bother me, and because of those questions, sometimes I wish I hadn't waited. I might change my mind in the future, but for right now, this is what I know. I don't know. I wish I had better answers.

I look forward to the next part of your series! You've got me hooked, obviously. :-D