<em>(Click here to read <a title="Friendship Between the Genders: Sacred Friendship Gathering (Part 1)" href="http://provoketive.com/2012/05/01/friendship-between-the-genders-sacred-friendship-gathering-part-1/" target="_blank">part 1</a> and <a title="Friendship Between the Genders: Sacred Friendship Gathering (Part 2)" href="http://provoketive.com/2012/05/02/friendship-between-the-genders-sacred-friendship-gathering-part-2/" target="_blank">part 2</a>)</em>

Before we broke for lunch, Forrest and Vanessa Horn spoke to us about their journey as a married couple dealing with a cross-gender friendship. Often we hear from the people who are in the friendship, but it is more rare to hear from the spouse of the person friend. This courageous couple shared not only the beauty of a close friendship between a man and woman, but also some of the struggles that can happen between a husband and wife as a result of that friendship. Forrest had to deal with his feelings of being not enough for his wife. In one of the most touching parts of their presentation, he talked about receiving a call from Vanessa's friend and spending an hour on the phone with him.

<a href="http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/sacred-friendship.jpg"><img class="alignleft size-full wp-image-6405" src="http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/sacred-friendship.jpg" alt="" width="180" height="157" /></a>They are still working through learning how to have a cross-gender friendship in their marriage, but their contribution to the weekend was a powerful reminder that we can learn, even through difficulty, how to make this happen.

After lunch, <a title="Jim Henderson" href="http://sacredfriendshipgathering.com/speakers/jim-henderson/" target="_blank">Jim Henderson</a>, author of <a title="The Resignation of Eve by Jim Henderson" href="http://www.amazon.com/Resignation-Eve-Willing-Churchs-Backbone/dp/1414337302/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1324679289&amp;sr=1-1" target="_blank">The Resignation of Eve</a>, gave his presentation. The title of his piece was "The Only Reason Jesus Gives Us Power is to Give It Away." Jim focused on how the issue of power plays into that of cross-gender friendships. He reminded us that we all have some level of power afforded to us because of various life circumstances, and we must be wise with how we use that power. Aside from the fear myth, one of the biggest reasons that cross-gender friendships are so taboo is because of inequity between the sexes, especially in the church. We have accepted that inequality for too long and if we want to move forward with friendship, we need to have a better understanding of how we approach power in friendship.

Following Jim's talk, <a title="Kathy Escobar" href="http://sacredfriendshipgathering.com/speakers/kathy-escobar/" target="_blank">Kathy Escobar</a>, author of <a title="Down We Go by Kathy Escobar" href="http://store.civitaspress.com/books/35" target="_blank">Down We Go</a>, shared with us the power of healing in cross-gender friendships. Kathy said, "I don't wake up thinking about cross-gender friendships, but I do think about ways we can all be set free." Kathy co-pastors at <a title="The Refuge" href="http://kathyescobar.com/the-refuge/" target="_blank">The Refuge</a> with a man, and as a result, she has found that cross-gender friendships can absolutely bring healing. She said that we know how to live under and over people, but working along-side people is something that we are still learning, and her work with her male co-pastor has taught her more about the along-side work to be done.

Kathy addressed the question of "need" in friendship. She suggested that need is completely acceptable, because we all have needs. However, it's important that we be honest about our needs and be in touch with our brokenness. Friendship can heal brokenness, but only if we know where the hurt is and are intentional those relationships. She said that we may live in the fallen world of Genesis 3, but we can taste the beauty of Genesis 1, and friendship is a part of that process.

There was a final panel discussion before we ended our time. One question asked was: Is it imperative that we have cross-gender friendships?

Some responses included:

<strong>Sheila Brennan</strong>: Is "love one another" an imperative?

<strong>Jennifer Ould</strong>: Reconciliation between the genders is an imperative. And I don’t know how you do reconciliation without friendship.

<strong>Kathy Escobar</strong>: We assume that whatever the current system is, is somehow right. I don’t have an agenda, but I want to be a voice into the possibility that maybe the way we’re doing it isn’t right.

There was also a question about the language used. Is cross-gender friendship setting up potential walls? Should we speak in terms of family relationships (brother and sister) since that's more acceptable to others.

Jennifer suggested that family language has been okay as long as men and women are still separated. It still doesn't do anything to bridge the gap.

Meredith Efkin stated that because that language has been used so regularly in the