The title of this article is a quote from the film <a href="http://www.tuckermax.com/movie"><em>I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell</em></a>, a crude movie about the escapades of Tucker Max.  I should note here that I haven't seen the film; I found the quote on a blog about rape culture.  I stumbled upon this in my search to understand why some conservative churches continue to push the message that women are responsible for sexual harassment and violence committed against them.  Sadly, though it may be phrased more politely, far too many women echo the sentiment of the quote about our own gender.  We are prepared to blame ourselves for our men folk's lack of sexual self-control.  One young man recently told me, "What girls don't get is that if they dress a certain way, guys are going to <em>treat</em> them a certain way."  This was something he had heard not from his father or a male leader at church, but from a woman.

Over the last couple of weeks, I've received multiple emails from well-meaning friends.  Every single one is about the call to feminine modesty, in one way or another.  It's as though we, as women, have absorbed the sentiments of rape culture and taken it on ourselves to resolve the issue.  This is particularly distressing because it's cleverly disguised as "Christian sex education."  While I applaud the efforts to encourage modest dress, I don't believe this should be done in the context of telling young women we're responsible for keeping men from hurting us.

In fact, I don't believe this is the way most men and boys actually think.  The vast majority of men (and young men) that I know treat their wives, girlfriends, and friends with far more dignity than that.  The way that "real life," so to speak, plays out is not merely a drama of trashy women being preyed upon by leering men.  I'm not denying the reality of violence and sexual assault against women.  But it's unfair to characterize an entire gender based on the actions of some people.  Count me refreshed, then, having seen this photo on a friend's Facebook page:

<a href="http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Men-Can-Stop-Rape.jpg"><img class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-3568" src="http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Men-Can-Stop-Rape-206x300.jpg" alt="" width="206" height="300" /></a>

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Yes, men and boys, you <em>do </em>have the power to treat women and girls right, no matter the circumstances.  I want to see much more of this kind of thing taught to our sons <em>and our daughters</em>.  We need to teach our young people that both women and men have responsibilities.  I want to see women empowered to stand up for themselves, but with the understanding that they don't have to fight alone.  Everyone has the right to be treated respectfully in relationships.