As far as dismantling goes, I would start with this:

"I think when women try to be men, they miss the beauty of what it means to be feminine. The women I know who try to compete with men inevitably miss their own humanity." 

i don't personally know any women who want to be men - unless you are referring to transgender people.  This argument is deeply annoying - where are these women who are trying to be men, exactly?  I've never met one - and I know women who are pastors, engineers, and construction workers and in other male-dominated professions.  They all seem to still be fully human to me (although they may or may not fulfill your personal definition of acceptable gender roles.)  

Women want the same opportunities as men - we do not want to BE men.  (For confirmation of this fact, feel free to read almost every single bit of feminist theory and theology written in the last twenty years.)  If your question is "How do we lift women up in the church while simultaneously barring them from positions of power?", the answer is "You can't."  Until you are ready to let go of the notion of Deity-approved gender discrimination, "working together in harmony and congruence" ain't going to happen.