Because you didn't close your letter with a name I'll assume your name is ironically, Joy.
As someone who has struggled with depression or sometimes a lack of happiness, perhaps, you'd allow me to share my 'answers' so far? Perhaps, the 'how' could be something as simple as identifying meaning behind your word choice and/or a transition in vocabulary (it works for me sometimes)? I've found doubt or unknowing a necessary ingredient of any journey i'm willing to fully experience. I've found doubt or mystery essential and inherent in a life of following God. I've found there is a slight but important difference between Doubt and Fear. I've found Faith less about Knowing or having Answers and more about Trusting and discovering Beauty. I've found when I used the word Doubt when I really mean Fear i'm not Trusting and I lose Joy. 
     _Sincerely,
                   A.j

p.s. I look forward to hearing your further thoughts.