(<a title="Friendship Between the Genders: Sacred Friendship Gathering (Part 1)" href="http://provoketive.com/2012/05/01/friendship-between-the-genders-sacred-friendship-gathering-part-1/">Click here</a> to read about day one of the event)

Day two of the Sacred Friendship Gathering opened with an interview of <a title="Dan Brennan" href="http://sacredfriendshipgathering.com/speakers/dan-brennan/" target="_blank">Dan Brennan</a>, Jennifer Ould and Susanne Osborne. Dan and Jennifer have been friends for ten years, and Dan and Susanne have been friends for four years. This was an opportunity for us to hear some about the relationships that were the basis for <a title="Sacred Unions, Sacred Passions" href="http://www.amazon.com/Sacred-Unions-Passions-Engaging-Friendship/dp/0982580703/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1335925425&amp;sr=8-1" target="_blank">Dan's book</a>.<a href="http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/sacred-friendship.jpg"><img class="alignright size-full wp-image-6405" src="http://provoketive.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/sacred-friendship.jpg" alt="" width="180" height="157" /></a>

Jennifer had grown up in an Independent Fundamentalist Baptist congregation. After stumbling upon Brian McLaren's book <a title="A New Kind of Christian" href="http://www.amazon.com/New-Kind-Christian-Jossey-Bass-Leadership/dp/0470248408/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1335959624&amp;sr=1-1" target="_blank">A New Kind of Christian</a>, she found that resonated with her more deeply that what she had been taught growing up, and she joined an online discussion group for the book where she met Dan. They were later asked to be part of a sub-group that was sharing their stories in a more complete way, and during that time, they began a friendship based in healing prayer. It began as regular phone calls, and later progressed to meeting in person.

To emphasize that the friendship was always something that was disclosed with his wife, Dan told us that the first time Jennifer called, Sheila answered the phone and recognized Jennifer from the conversation that she and Dan had. <strong>Honesty was the cornerstone of this friendship, which allowed it to be pursued safely.</strong>

Susanne's story was a bit different. She had been friends with Jennifer in school, and saw the burgeoning friendship between her and Dan. She had read Josh Harris's <a title="I Kissed Dating Goodbye" href="http://www.amazon.com/Kissed-Dating-Goodbye-Joshua-Harris/dp/1590521358/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1335959664&amp;sr=1-1" target="_blank">I Kissed Dating Goodbye</a> and had always treated men in one of two ways. Either they were a potential romantic partner, or they were someone to be avoided for fear of giving away her heart to someone who wasn't her husband. But as she worked in a counseling office, she saw that men and women needed one another as a part of that healing. Men needed women to speak into their lives, and women, particularly those who had been abused, needed a safe male voice to speak into theirs. And as she neared her 30's as an unmarried woman, she realized that she needed a new way to relate to men. Because she was familiar with Jennifer and Dan's story, she saw Dan as a safe person to seek as a friend, so they also began meeting for prayer.

One of the key ideas that was discussed between the three of them was that of being intentional. During different stages of their friendship, there were changes that needed to be made to accommodate the growth and changes taking place.

Unfortunately, they did encounter negative feedback to their cross-gender friendship, particularly Jennifer and Dan. Jennifer was praying with a female who offered to be her prayer partner. When Jennifer explained that she already had a friend with whom she prayed regularly, the woman suggested that it was not safe and that Jennifer should only pray with other women. As a result of that conversation, Dan was called on the carpet and told that he was playing with fire and that he "needed to mature." Having a close female friend was a mark of immaturity.

Both could have submitted to the shame being brought upon their friendship, but instead, they chose to continue the path that they had chosen and continued to pour into one another as friends.

Susanne has encountered less negative feedback regarding her friendship with Dan. She shared, "I was the main person that I needed to overcome in our friendship." Because of her past interactions with men, she needed to beat back her own negative thoughts about cross-gender friendship to be fully engaged in their relationship.

During a Q &amp; A, the panel was asked about emotional adultery. Jennifer shared that when this topic comes up, she asks the person if the would agree that emotional infidelity is a fair substitute for adultery. If they agree to this, she points out that infidelity is being unfaithful. "So (emotional infidelity) is not defined by what is happening in the friendship, but what is NOT happening in your marriage."

Susanne suggested that <strong>friendships always need to be lived in the light of community</strong>. She shared that when she was protecting herself from men before, but that learning to have a close friendship with a man without it being romantic has actually better protected any future marriage.

Dan shared that he wanted to experience "a wide range of emotional intimacy." We are not called to love people with part of our hearts, we're called to love with all of our hearts across the board. We're often taught emotional exclusivity with our spouses, but we never suggest that one should love their child with "part" of their heart. Why should we love our friends with only part of our heart? We can give a close friend our whole heart and still value and honor our spouses.

When asked why they care about the topic of cross-gender friendship, Dan replied, "Love. I have received Christ’s love through Jennifer and Susanne. They have healed parts of me. I have seen their love towards me as extremely virtuous. It’s a part of the kingdom of ‘love one another'. Part of love is that friendship is a school of love. <strong>I have been schooled and educated in a deep, moral way through friendship with Jennifer and Susanne.</strong>"

Susanne responded, "Our calling is to learn how to love someone of the opposite gender and the same gender beyond any attraction. There’s a more thorough healing that can happen so we can love one another deeply. Women and men need one another to minister to each other."

And Jennifer shared, "<strong>The lost apologetic is to love one another.</strong> That is missing between men and women. What would it say to the world if they could see men and women loving one another. This is a brokenness that is in many cultures. We can start breaking through those barriers."

<em>(come by tomorrow for part 3)</em>