It really is sad how common this situation is, isn't it? Glad to hear you and your friend are both out from your respective situations. Especially your friend-- wow! 

Your analogy works well with how cults and non-cults, as well as spiritual abuse, works more on a continuum, rather than a pure 'black' and 'white' mentality. I think that ministries and churches can start out at the lower end and then slowly inch their way towards the other end -- or take leaps and bounds-- if left unchecked. The trouble is finding someone whom the ministry will listen to and willing allow to speak into the situation.