It has been said that divorce is like a death in the family. I would submit that this is not a fair comparison. When a member of your family passes away, loved ones flock to the funeral. Your friends stand by you at the cemetery and watch as the deceased is lowered into the ground. Friends and family descend upon your house with gifts of food and companionship. I can remember when my mother passed away. My closest friends in the world traveled great distances just to sit with me. We stayed up late that night telling stories about my mother.

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During my divorce, however, I was alone.

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I was partially to blame for my isolation. Although my marriage had long been in trouble, I was too ashamed to tell others. Rather than confront the issue head-on, I chose to withdraw into solitude. I pursued activities that I could enjoy alone. Cycling, hiking, writing, and even Bible study became reasons to avoid my marital woes. The marriage was over before anyone even attempted to save it. No counseling. No conversation. Like an old dog, it simply died.

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I was a leader in my local church. I taught small groups and volunteered for nearly every opportunity to serve. Many people assumed I would follow in the pastor’s footsteps. Maybe that’s why I didn’t have the courage to tell them my marriage had failed. As a Christian, I had suffered the loss of more than just my marriage. I had lost standing in my church. I had lost a way of life. I felt as if I had let everyone in my church down.  So I withdrew into my shell. For weeks I isolated myself from my friends. It was easier to avoid my church friends than face their criticism and disappointment.

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Little did I know I was playing right into the enemy’s hands.

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Satan wants to keep us in the dark. Just a few short weeks after my marriage ended, I looked out the window to see my friend and pastor pulling into the driveway. Positive he was there to chastise me for my mistakes, I hurried to turn out the lights and hid behind some furniture. My friend knocked on the door a few times while I remained in my hiding place. There I was, a grown man, crouched in the dark like a common thief. God had thrown me a lifeline in the form of my friend and I <em>chose</em> to remain in the dark – right where the enemy wanted me.

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The Word makes it clear that things are easier to deal with once they are in the light. Christ Himself said, “I have come <em>as</em> Light into the world, so that everyone who believes in Me will not remain in darkness” (John 12:46 NASB). The darkness Christ spoke of was a metaphorical one. It was a darkness denoted by wickedness and ignorance of the Divine. The end result of the darkness Christ spoke of is a miserable, hellish existence. As I crouched behind furniture in my darkened living room, I was creating the kind of hellish existence that Christ hoped I would avoid.

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Nearly a month would pass before I agreed to meet my friend at a local coffee shop. He revealed to me that he had known I was in the house that night. He had watched from the outside as my lights turned off one by one. He explained to me that he had come to apologize for failing as my pastor. He blamed himself for not catching the warning signs that my marriage was in trouble. While he acknowledged that the church might judge me harshly for my divorce, he assured me that he simply wanted to be there for me and offer support. His support helped set me on the path to healing. Knowing that I had just one Christian friend who loved me unconditionally helped reconcile me with God. His example was one that I desperately needed.

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Ironically, I could have enjoyed his support much earlier had I just opened my front door when he came to my house. Light would have entered into the darkness of my situation.

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If you have experienced the pain of divorce, you may be tempted to hide yourself in the darkness. For fear of judgment and ridicule you may avoid your church and Christian friends. You may be tempted to withdraw from God, however, the Word reveals how futile such a strategy is:

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<sup>7</sup> Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
<sup>8</sup> If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.
<sup>9</sup> If I take the wings of the dawn,
If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
<sup>10</sup> Even there Your hand will lead me,
And Your right hand will lay hold of me.
<sup>11</sup> If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,
And the light around me will be night,”
<sup>12</sup> Even the darkness is not dark to You,
And the night is as bright as the day.
Darkness and light are alike <em>to You</em>. – Psalm 139:7-12 NASB

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There is no retreating from a God who loves you. There is nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. Rather than crouch in the darkness, seek out Christian friends and family who can help shed God’s light on your situation.