<span style="font-size: small">Ten years ago, on June 20, 2001, Andrea Yates drowned her five children in the bathtub, then laid them side by side on the bed.  She had been suffering for a long time from severe postpartum depression and postpartum psychosis.  Her conviction of capital murder and sentence to life in prison was overturned on appeal in 2006 by a jury that found her not guilty by reason of insanity.</span>

<span style="font-size: small">Is what she did wrong?  Yes.  Is what she had wrong?  No.  No one chooses to have severe depression, and I’m not here to argue the validity of “not guilty by reason of insanity”.  But I know what it feels like to go under in pain and despair.  I remember days when I was so depleted and burned out from living all day with three pre-schoolers that I wished I didn’t have them, wanted to leave, was dying for relief I couldn’t find.</span>

<span style="font-size: small">Even in those times, I couldn’t imagine killing my children, but sometimes when depression swallowed me alive I wished I could give them back to God.  In that way, I have sympathy for  </span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">Andrea Yates, June 20, 2001</span>

<span style="font-family: Times New Roman"> </span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">She was the first one to drown,</span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">married alive in a tub of tears,</span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">buried by babies that dominoed</span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">in a row laid out on the bed.</span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">It was said postpartum depression was to blame – </span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">another name for sleep deprivation </span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">while driving drunk on endless screams </span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">for more of something sapped from her </span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">without a break from giving</span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">until the well was empty, </span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">the tub was full of children </span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">that needed her no more.</span>

<span style="font-family: Times New Roman"> </span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">And I understand</span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">she got what she wanted – </span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">the sweet little blessings</span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">that she adored,</span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">the husband, the house</span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">and the home-school room</span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">where she learned the limits</span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">of never enough</span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">for a good-mom-wannabe</span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">trying to fill the bottomless cup</span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">with sweat and blood.</span>

<span style="font-family: Times New Roman"> </span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">No one had taught her</span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">that having it all</span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">means kisses and cat puke,</span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">measles times three.</span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">She felt betrayed</span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">by loving and loathing,</span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">felt her sanity drain away </span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">until the day she did</span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">what I've dreamed</span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">and gave her children</span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">back to God in a literal way</span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">that stopped her serving</span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">family and home</span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">as she started serving</span>

<span style="font-family: Calibri">time.</span>

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