Victim.

Consider that word for a moment. Victim. What does it bring to mind? Do you picture someone who has been attacked or abused or otherwise harmed-- someone who compels you to compassion and concern? Or does the word “victim” bring to mind a weak, whiny, and wretched example of a human being-- someone who blames everyone else for their misery?

If you found yourself in the latter camp, you are not alone. Victim blaming seems to be the prevailing mind-set in many circles. It happens every day in business and politics: those with power fear losing it, and some strive to keep it at all costs. Any voice crying of injustice or dissent is a threat to their power that must be hushed up. So, how is that done? It's simple: spin the facts so as to push the blame on the victim. And if that can’t be done, then bully or coerce them into silence.

This doesn’t just happen in politics and the business world—sadly, it’s just as rampant in the Church. If we hurt a fellow brother or sister in Christ and that person calls us out on it, do we sincerely apologize? Or, do we give them the hallow "I'm sorry you took offense” apology, which is not really an apology at all. It’s an accusation. If the offender happens to be a minister or in Church leadership, the victim is often instructed to suppress their complaint, because speaking out against leadership is seen as a sign of rebellion and submission issues, as well as the big no-no: "touching the Lord's anointed." I'd like to note that, while this idea about not touching the Lord’s anointed comes from 1 Samuel, it is taken completely out of context to support this odd doctrine of silence. Here David isn’t saying that he shouldn’t speak out against the wrong that Saul has done, but rather that he cannot <em>physically</em> harm Saul (1 Samuel 24: 4-7; 26: 9-11). In fact, directly after both incidences where David states he will not touch the Lord’s anointed, he goes on to immediately, and publicly, rebuke Saul (1 Samuel<span style="color: #000000"> 24: 8-13; 26:17-20).  </span>

Recently one congregation, Beaverton Grace Bible Church (BGBC) in Beaverton, Oregon, even went so far as to sue former disgruntled members for defamation, in order to further enforce the code of silence. The focus of the suit, as well as the publicity surrounding it, seemed to center on Julie Anne Smith, who blogs about her experience with spiritual abuse and BGBC at <a href="http://bgbcsurvivors.blogspot.com/">BCBG Survivors</a>. On her blog, Julie Anne states that she created it after her negative Google reviews of BGBC were repeatedly deleted. It was at least in part because of the negative online reviews and Julie Anne's personal blog that the church brought about the defamation suit against her and four other former church members. However, while churches may try to silence their flocks within church walls, apparently they can't continue to do so when the sheep decide to leave the fold; the judge dismissed the case on all counts, and even ordered BGBC to pay the defendants' court fees. Since gaining notoriety from the defamation suit, Julie Anne’s blog has now moved beyond a space simply to discuss her experiences at BGBC, into a platform to discuss spiritual abuse in the Church at large, as well as a community for those trying to heal from similar experiences.

I too, experienced silencing tactics and victim blaming during my time at a rather dictatorial ministry, which I wrote about in "<a href="http://provoketive.com/2012/01/16/the-c-word/">The C Word</a>.” I regularly witnessed the head of the ministry mocking wounded and hurting people for their "victim mentality", both behind closed doors and in front of the pulpit. It didn’t matter how legitimate the pain or hurt, you were simply told to "get over it". Furthermore, those who left the ministry and dared tell anyone about their bad experiences were labeled as having an "offended spirit", or worse, being demon-possessed or down-right crazy. They regularly taught that speaking out against leadership was rebellious, relying heavily on the clobber verses in 1 Samuel that I mentioned previously. It was as though ministers were untouchable, accountable to God alone.

Not surprisingly, my former ministry leader was not terribly happy to stumble upon my article. But, my point in writing it was certainly not to damage him or the ministry. That is why I never named the ministry in the article. Furthermore, the ministry’s name is not listed in my author biography, nor is it on the public profiles of any of my other social media site profiles. I even took great pains to try to remove any associations that could come up via web searches. My point was not to harm them, but to tell my story , and for good or ill (and despite my greatest attempts at erasing my history with them from my web presence), my experience there will always be a part of my story.

In the words of one of my favorite Christian writers, Anne Lamott, "You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should've behaved better."  Telling your story can bring healing to yourself and to others who have suffered similarly. Regardless, you own it; it’s your story to tell. Don’t let them silence your voice. Tell it bravely, and tell it with grace.

What bothers me the most about victim-silencing and blaming is that it has become such a normal occurrence in the world and, more distressingly, in the Church. Is this really Christ's response to the wounded and victimized? To silence their voices and pat the backs of the oppressor? Hardly! Christ didn't tell the wounded to “get over it". He healed them. Christ didn't tell the oppressed and victimized to be quiet. Instead, it was the harsh and hypocritical religious leaders of the day, the Pharisees, whom he rebuked. Victim blaming and silencing tactics have nothing to do with Christ.

This is not to say that there are not times when pain both parties are to blame. And yes, even those who have been greatly harmed may hold some responsibility in their pain. At the very least, we all have the responsibility to forgive. But at this point in time, I believe the pendulum has swung too far in one direction; by and large we seem much quicker to side with the abuser than the victim. I mean, it’s easier to blame the victim, isn't it? There's no mess to clean up and no work for us to do if they just need to get over it. But the real work of love is found in comforting those who are in pain and seeking justice where there is none. In the end, is that not what God requires: to “do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8 NASB)?

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