I want to live in a world where hope is the norm, where we are free to dream for things that seem impossible. I want to be able to stretch my mind open and see things that are beyond what my practical or logical self is able to envision.

But I sometimes have an uneasy relationship with hope. Despite what I want to see, I am frequently afraid to hope.

I’m not afraid to share my opinion, even if it’s controversial. I’m not afraid to ask difficult questions, even if it means that I may not find a satisfactory answer. I’m not even afraid of spiders, and those things have eight legs and like a million eyes!

But hope? That one throws me.

For much of my adult life, I have tried to learn contentment. To see what I have as enough. To accept that I am sufficient. To avoid striving. To avoid beating myself up. To avoid looking down on my circumstances.

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I want to believe that hope is good, but it often feels bad. What if I hope for something and it doesn’t happen? Isn’t disappointment a regular companion to hope? Isn't the point of hope that the thing hoped for is somewhat unattainable? How do I live with hope that is unfulfilled?