<p style="text-align: justify;">My wife and I were married in March 2007.  In the months and years leading up to the wedding, one subject was discussed more frequently than money, personality quirks, or food preferences.  Parenting.  We knew that if we weren’t on the same page when it came to parenting a blended family, our relationship both as parents and spouses would suffer.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">At the time we were married, my daughters were 11 and 8, and her son was 5.  During the time we were dating, our relationship with the kids was, outside of normal parenting issues, relatively stress free.  However, once we were married, my daughters turned on Charlotte.  All of a sudden she and Jake were permanent members of the family and the girls realized that they would not have Dad all to themselves anymore.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">This change in their behavior caught us completely off-guard.  We thought we had prepared them well for this change and included all three children as part of the wedding service to emphasize that this wedding wasn’t just about us, but them as well.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Fortunately, Charlotte and I had spent many months talking about parenting styles, expectations, and even discipline standards, which lessened the chaos that ensued following the wedding.  Over the last 4+ years people have asked us for advice about parenting stepchildren and we’ve managed to distill it down into a few simple rules:</p>
1. Get On The Same Page
<p style="text-align: justify;">Nothing will create stress in a marriage than two parents who are not on the same page.  Disagreements over parenting styles, discipline standards, etc., will eventually become full-blown arguments when mixed with the stress of parenting.  Be sure the two of you work out any differences before you decide to get married and become a family.</p>
2. Stay United
<p style="text-align: justify;">Children love to play one parent off the other.  This is often taken to a whole other level when either the parents are divorced or in blended families.  It is vitally important to stay united in the face of the inevitable cries of “You’re not my <em>real</em> Mom/Dad”.</p>
3. Respect Is Non-Negotiable
<p style="text-align: justify;">When parents remarry, children will automatically assume that the new adult is attempting to take the place of the other parent.  This generates a natural level of animosity between stepparent and stepchild(ren).  In our house, I’ve explained this to my girls, telling them that they don’t have to love Charlotte, they don’t even have to like her, but as the other adult in the house, they do have to respect her.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;"> 4. Avoid Even The Appearance Of Favoritism</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;"> It is only natural that, at times, the stepparent will favor their natural child, even unintentionally.  When these situations arise, be sure to communicate your observations in a non‑confrontational manner.  Whatever you do, <strong>do not discuss this in front of the other child(ren).</strong>  Find a time to discuss the issue later or, if this is impractical, ask the other parent to speak to you behind closed doors.  Just the appearance of favoritism can lead to resentment, not only between the stepchild(ren) and the stepparent, but between husband and wife as well.</p>
5. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
<p style="text-align: justify;">Above all else, keep the lines of communication open.  Give the stepchild(ren) a safe place to come and talk, respectfully, about their feelings about the stepparent.  Talk with your spouse often and ask if there’s anything that you need to discuss with your natural children.  But most of all, keep talking to each other and to the children.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Parenting in a blended family presents its own unique set of challenges.  These five simple rules are not intended to be all-inclusive, and each blended family is unique.  They are simply intended to provide a simple, stable, consistent foundation for developing healthy parent-child and parent-parent relationships.</p>