John, that's interesting. I know what you mean about a split-personality though. I think I realized I was having a problem at church (and it's occurred a few times in varying degrees) was when I was putting on a game face and affirming certain things in church and affirming different things in my own life. I think that's what eventually prompted me to leave my various places... It created too much of a dissonance for me to sit in a pew and nod my head to a black-and-white view of theology and talk about how much I disliked people who were like that in my own life.

And yes, that is a lot of pressure to put on a teenager. It was like someone said to me about my husband's bachelor party before we got married: "I was so happy we didn't pray. If people had seen us pray and then all the guys guzzle down their alcoholic drinks it would have made our faith look useless." While that was the attitude I grew up with, my gut reaction was "Mmm... I don't think so. No one is watching you."

It's frustrating. It adds a hell of a lot of paranoia to teenagers. I didn't realize that until much later when I had to dismantle a lot of that leftover paranoia. I considered hiding some of my R rated movies, books like "Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs", and wine bottles when certain people came to my house. But I knew that would only encourage the double-life that was so crippling to wanting to live an honest and open life.

Good thoughts, John. I'm with you. :)